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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Lack of eye contact on a first date      Home login  
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 word nurd
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 1
Lack of eye contact on a first datePage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I searched the archives and found plenty of threads about eye contact, but none about the lack thereof, especially on a first date. I understand that an initial meeting can be nerve-wracking. I also understand that some people are simply shy, whether by nature or due to circumstance.

For me, eye contact is essential. Conversely, when someone is staring off into space, I interpret that as not being "present".

I've been told I have a "penetrating" gaze that can be rather intense, and most people aren't comfortable with "soul searching" eyes. But I don't know how to turn that to the "off" position, short of looking away, and I certainly am not trying to make my date uncomfortable.

So I'm wondering: is there a happy medium? Any suggestions?
 drewwlf
Joined: 5/24/2007
Msg: 2
Lack of eye contact on a first date
Posted: 10/17/2007 5:23:37 PM
good one goomba2. On first meetings especially, you can have to much eye contact. So what do you do? Look away from time to time? Then they think you are checking out the girl behind the Tim Horton's counter. Can't win... but that is another thread.

OP., I searched for a happy medium, they are out there. It is in the venue selected.
An example, for a first meeting try something that does not require constant eye contact. One that works for me, a walk in a park. ( I do it to see if she can keep up with me on a four mile hike, if not, she is not for me.) Back to the point... It gives you a chance to look or look away. Did you see that bird, deer, etc.? Do you like nature, exersice, blah,blah blah. Well you get my point.

Then if it goes well, you can sit on a picnic table and do the eye to eye thing, without being distracted by the hottie behind the Tim Horton's counter. Find something similar that you both like to do.

drewwlf
 word nurd
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 3
Lack of eye contact on a first date
Posted: 10/17/2007 6:02:52 PM
^^ Arrrrrrrrrrrrr!! Finally some useful advice! Thanks, matey! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!
 JWA
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 4
Lack of eye contact on a first date
Posted: 10/17/2007 6:14:22 PM
A few things come to mind here..................

While a USMC trainee we were specifically NEVER to "eyeball" a superior officer simply because we were not worthy to do so---part of the training process. As we became better trained and eventually full-fledged Marines looking someone straight in the eyes was almost mandatory---we were then equals at least as far as that went. When newly releaased I too had an intense gaze that some found interesting, others found frightening, still others found it downright troubling and thought me to be somewhat insane. Those who knew me before the military said there was a different look but most couldn't describe it---except one girl I'd known. She described it as a "mile away look" but when pressed about it I began to think she meant "thousand yard stare" where you appear to be looking "through" someone. I've learned to temper that a bit and seek eye contact but not to the point of it becoming uncomfortable for another. You simply need to relax a bit and not be so intent upon looking at them constantly.

I agree that over thinking this eye contact thing is self defeating especially if you put too much importance upon it. Like already stated there is no one "right" way this happens so please don't try to make so much of it. If assessing someone was this easy it would be great---but we really don't begin to know someone until we've spent more time with them. Only then can we start to interpret what eye contact and even body language is "saying".
 Boricua Papi
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 5
Lack of eye contact on a first date
Posted: 10/17/2007 6:21:40 PM
Eyes contact could be a double edge razor. Too much eyes contact might be rude and instead of showing you have interest might be showing you are just for the looks and maybe sex. Try to be yourself, even if you don't look at the person's eyes, as long as you keep with the conversation and keep her/him interested in you, eyes contact is not big thing.
 AppleGeek
Joined: 9/26/2006
Msg: 6
Lack of eye contact on a first date
Posted: 10/17/2007 7:01:53 PM
I have a hard time keeping my vision focused on anything not matter how green her eyes happened to be. I do make eye contact just not staring.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 7
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Lack of eye contact on a first date
Posted: 3/14/2008 4:31:52 AM
I think too much eye contact is a sign of aggression. Best to limit it to a few seconds at a time. No one likes to be stared down.
 Mirage111
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 8
Lack of eye contact on a first date
Posted: 3/14/2008 8:38:07 AM
Hi

too much eye contact may be viewed as leering. A penetrating gaze could be viewed as intrusive. A happy medium would be to be aware of your date and culturaly difference/upbringing also comes into play concerning eye contact.
 studplayrico
Joined: 12/9/2005
Msg: 9
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History
Lack of eye contact on a first date
Posted: 3/16/2008 2:32:07 PM
I don't keep eye contact unless I know is reciprocated. I am of a little shy nature. I believe eye contact is key though, but not a gaze since it may send the wrong message to her or him. Like I said,it all start with a look and aceptance of both partners, then I believe a simple Hi.
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