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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Are Today's relationship nothing more the a business transaction?      Home login  
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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 5
Are Today's relationship nothing more the a business transaction?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I don't know about others, but maybe to me it's a business transaction in the sense that the relationship shouldn't affect the finances. To me love and money just don't mix, nor should they, because relationships are hard enough without having financial differences...and since a lot of people don't match in the financial department, the solution is that all should keep their crap separate. Most will anyway if they live separately, but there are those who feel they have to co-habitate. For those people I think keeping their stuff separate makes more sense.

Personally if a man is in debt or makes less than me I don't have a problem with it unless it affects my finances in some way. I would imagine men wouldn't want to date a woman with a huge amount of debt or who doesn't make much or doesn't work IF it's going to have some effect on his bank account; I mean why would a man want that when he can find a woman who's not a financial strain?

I have heard men are more understanding and will support a woman, whereas few women will support a man...question to the men is...why burden yourselves?

P.S. I don't have a problem with a man who has kids...I'd rather he did. Men who have kids won't want me to have any...works better for me. Also, a man with kids has to spend alone time with them, which frees me to do my own thing, whereas a man without kids might want to spend all that extra time with me.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 13
Are Today's relationship nothing more the a business transaction?
Posted: 10/24/2007 1:51:01 PM
Mesg 2,
and YOU are here because...??

Look, it sucks; but "love conquers all" might be great for a couple of 22yr old kids just starting out, and neither one of them has a pot to p*ss in or a window to throw it out of.
Bottom line, if you are a mature adult and your income is low, that is gonna go against you. Doesn't mean "give up", but for Pete's sake, GET REAL.
Cindy O
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 21
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Are Today's relationship nothing more the a business transaction?
Posted: 10/24/2007 3:31:53 PM
OP - good thread, it raises some thought provoking questions as well as answers. I think one thing that complicates relationships is we're living in an information hungry society. Another thing, is roles have changed. Women are less financially dependent upon a man than 50+ years ago.

I am 51 years young and was raised on the notion "go to school, get married, have kids, and live happily ever after". Thankfully, I had the smarts to go to college, get my degree and learn a great skill (Tax Law), where I could sustain myself if the marriage didn't work out. Guess what? The marriage crapped out when I reached 31 years of age. I am older, wiser, and know that I, personally, am responsible for MY own well being. At my age, I want to make wise, informed, decisions about the man who I may spend the rest of my life with. I want to know that he and I are on the same page in life, common goals, interests, and values. I don't feel that I have the stomach for the Poor House, god forbid if I lose my knickers in another divorce. If being informed, asking questions, and going into a relationship with eyes & ears wide open is known as a "business transaction", than so be it.
 IThought UWereAHandpuppet
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 31
Are Today'$ relation$hip$ nothing more than a bu$ine$$ tran$action?
Posted: 12/1/2007 10:42:42 AM
I$ thi$ an i$$ue?
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 41
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Are Today's relationship nothing more the a business transaction?
Posted: 12/3/2007 2:26:02 PM
The way I see it:

Relationship = business transaction + companionship + friendship + sex + love.

Thing is: you can lose the friendship, and it's still a relationship.
The sex becomes part of the business transaction.
The companionship also becomes part of the business transaction.
That leaves:

Relationship = business transaction + love.

The only problem is that people have given up on love. Love makes the world go around. Not sex. Not good looks. Love.
 ForeverLong
Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 42
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Are Today's relationship nothing more the a business transaction?
Posted: 12/3/2007 3:47:16 PM
It's more than a business transaction, but it is about $$$.
Women: business, ($$$ matter) before pleasure or longterm relationship, if he qualifies. Show me the $$$. SHOW ME $$$!!!
Men: pleasure is more important than talking business deals, man will consider a business contract later if she qualifies in the pleasure department and feels she is not in it for the $$$.
This disagreement prevents a lot of transactions from happening.

Only love, real love does not depend on money, money is not the dealbreaker in most case, if it is real love.
 sydneyleigh
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 48
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Are Today's relationship nothing more the a business transaction?
Posted: 12/10/2008 10:40:36 AM

Most people online are dating rejects - either they don't have time, or they have kids, or ugly, smokers/druggies, are damaged goods, or only need the ego's stroked.


so which category are you placing yourself in, dear?

I've had pretty good luck on POF, not the luck I want, but well.... enough that I'm still here.

All relationships are business transactions in some form. It just depends on who has what to bring to the table. It's a merger, and then a building of a business (life) together.

The love, sex, companionship, etc - are all parts of the merger negotiations.

(reducing a relationship to the LCD for certain, but that doesn't make it less true.

sydney
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 54
Are Today's relationship nothing more the a business transaction?
Posted: 12/13/2008 8:00:36 PM
If you really buy into the title of your post, then I'm gonna have to go ahead and assume that you're doing 'relationships' wrong.. or something.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 55
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Are Today's relationship nothing more the a business transaction?
Posted: 12/13/2008 9:50:01 PM
I was born in 1951, my mother was born in 1928, so we lived through most of these 'wonderful' times people like to drone on about, when marriage was sacred and people didn't divorce, and they only dated one person...ever. I was telling her tonight how many posts are on message board about the good old days and how people use to have so much respect and you know, all that fantasy stuff you see in old movies and TV shows. We both had a good knowing none of that is true, never was in all of history and never will be.

Are today's relationships nothing more than a business transaction? No more and no less that any other time in history, but probably a lot less considering women now have rights and can support themselves, so they are more likely to be romantic and less likely to be business transactions. I guess the bigger question is, why are so many people so uneducated about the history of relationships/marriage/dating and aren't the least bit embarrassed to ramble on about things that aren't true.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 56
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Are Today's relationship nothing more the a business transaction?
Posted: 12/13/2008 10:21:09 PM
everybody is different. most of the men i have met on pof are far from wealthy. in fact, few of the women friends i have made are wealthy. some have gone into debt from ex's and clearly some are seeking fancy dinners and/or sexual favors (or so i'm told). i think if you state your personal "truth", you will attract those who complement you and eventually will find your match. if you get too general, you may indeed meet the people you describe, because you haven't filtered them out in the first place. i've met way more people with my "criteria" than i did when i put forth a people pleasing profile to appeal to the general public. i think on pof, you have to find your "market segment". for me, it's not about money--but i am able to pay my bills. others may be needing to share more of the basics. however, the free ride seeker is still another story. i haven't met anyone like that. if you are open to any income level and parenting, then state that. however, i do think you should also state what differentiates you from others, as well as interests, lifestyle or whatever sets you apart as opposed to wanting to meet just anyone.

i guess for me, it's about communication, the heart, interests and finding my best friend, as well as my final intimate partner. it's also about love. it will take some innate understanding which i choose to call "intelligence" or very clear signs of life!
 sydneyleigh
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 58
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Are Today's relationship nothing more the a business transaction?
Posted: 12/16/2008 1:13:51 PM

You guess wrong. I make six figures. I actually went to school for something hard, like computer science, unlike women who take something "spiritually fulfilling", because they "value other things over money in a job" (because they intend on getting money from MEN)


Wow.... i think it may be a good thing you aren't looking to date.
Smart, insightful choice for you.

There are plenty of women who aren't intent on getting money from men (just as there are plenty that are) and some of us girls even went to school to study something hard like computer science too. (though I really didn't find it "hard" - go figure)

I actually FIND programming to be "spiritually fulfilling" at times... maybe you should look into another line of work if you are just in it for the money. When you love what you do, you tend to actually make MORE money at it.

If we could all collectively manage to take care of our own sh!t, it wouldn't be an issue - don't matter the gender, orientation or whathaveyou. But we can't, so we have to be selective and careful in the choice of partners. And that requires negotiation sometimes, and occasionally the whole things does resemble a business transaction. It's sad, but it's true.

Bikeerscum, since you can't help but bait us all with the same hook, at least you have the courtesy to stay out of the pond. Thanks!

 compleat_man
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 65
Are Today's relationship nothing more the a business transaction?
Posted: 1/14/2009 11:57:42 AM
I'm not sure that what the OP describes is exactly "new" and applies only to "today"..

been around a while..haven't there always been mothers advising (and daughters taking the advice) to 'marry up'..'marry a nice doctor', etc.

"it's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man, as a poor man"..
 starrymidnight
Joined: 11/1/2007
Msg: 66
Are Today's relationship nothing more the a business transaction?
Posted: 1/14/2009 3:57:17 PM
DEar OP, i'm sorry to hear that. Yes, you are right in many cases.
It cost money to eat, to have a bed to sleep on, to have a roof over your head, Gas for your car, car insurance, water, electricity, All necessary, you understand?

HOwever, With all due respect, If money is not that big of a deal to you why don't you just send yours away to the starving children in the poor country so they can have food and an education. If other people want to make love a business transaction its not really YOUR problem. they have the right to live their life as they wish. As well as eat plenty of Mcdonalds and sue the company for millions of dollars for their obesity or have lots of babies from many different men and get welfare for it.FINe Their life, their entitled to live it they way they want.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 74
Are Today's relationship nothing more the a business transaction?
Posted: 4/29/2009 1:39:28 PM
People in the U.S. are extremely poor judges of character. Money power and looks is what we care about; eye candy and rich people to show off to friends and family to make us look better to ourselves.

I see so many posters on this site and I'm sure others, that are terrible at choosing people. They either think they are so great and want a clone of themselves, or stick their nose in the air after making mistake after mistake not taking responsibility for them, but saying "everything happens for a reason" or " I dont' regret anything".

Well some things happen and the reason is we make crappy decisions.

People care more also about words; and our communication skills with the internet generation especially are pathetic at best. Some people avoid confrontation and communication at all costs.

There are countless posts on "how do you think he feels about me" or "does he love me" and so many others like it. That's a lack of communication.

Love is action; if someone tells someone they love them but cheats, lies, and doesnt' respect them; well they don't love them.

The divorce rate in the U.S. is 53% and the breakup rate of those that live together within 3 years is 91%. thats' awful.

The divorce rate in Spain is 18%.

I think the girls gone wild generation has changed things greatly; Instead of being the better sex, they now are just as sleazy as men are. People change partners and cheat like putting on a new shirt. It's amazing the lack of class and character.

Marriage is awesome; My family has one divorce on EACH side of the family in the last 50 years. But people have to choose correctly or they will be hurt, be a single parent, or even get an STD.

Remember, it's not just about what you get; it's what you have to give that's just as important. Americans are terrible at relationships as a whole. I wish we were secure enough to realize it and fix it. "but I guess everything happens for a reason" LOL
 bt99340
Joined: 8/26/2008
Msg: 76
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Are Today's relationship nothing more the a business transaction?
Posted: 4/29/2009 3:38:28 PM
I don't know where it all changed or when but I would have to say yes. A business transaction involves a contract and unfortunatly , thats how a marriage starts out, with that piece of ownership. I have always believed that marriages can work but today, there is too much distraction. Someone always seems to feel that they are getting the short end of the stick in business or in life. I think that most men and women have lost the ability to feel with just the heart. All things seem to go in cycles so maybe in time it will change but as for now being divorced I have no choice to keep that business transaction in the back of my mind.
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