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 AUTHOR
 gpwgyrene
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 8
The rebound guyPage 1 of 1    
Reply To WAYWARD SEEKER:

Thank God that someone addresses such absolute "Rubbish!"-Talk about "Big Brother" personified! Who the hell do some people think they are?
 gpwgyrene
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 9
The rebound guy
Posted: 10/28/2007 5:00:26 AM
Reply To Keeneyesandrakay:

Thank you dear lady! One gets tired of overt feminist generalizations! Rather than single out men try a bit of self-search!
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 10
The rebound guy
Posted: 10/28/2007 8:07:40 PM
There are a lot of people that recommend dating as a way to get over another person. It usually doesn't work and people do tend to get hurt. However, if you feel the need to complain, I prefer to complain about people looking for someone before they are even out of a relationship because they haven't got the courage to just leave and can't be alone.
 innocentantic
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 12
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History
The rebound guy
Posted: 10/28/2007 9:07:37 PM
Why is everyone focusing on OP's semantics rather than the context of which she is trying to communicate? OP is expressing an observation about sex and dating, about human behavior, and about experiences many might share with her as being members of this site. I think her post is valid, even if she made genaralizations. Should people date on the rebound? It depends on their situation, I suppose, but the accepted social definition of "on the rebound" is someone emotionally disadvantaged and troubled over a previous relationship. So, I wouldn't want to comfort someone in that state, but you can't always pick the time in the life you'll meet someone who you'll click with. My reaction would be to tell the person that our relationship isn't going to be of a certain type until they're well and together. I'm not into supplicating, but I am empathetic, so I'm not going to avoid a good person because her heart is broken.
 JWA
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 13
The rebound guy
Posted: 10/29/2007 5:09:37 AM

I continue to be amazed at the whacky categorical judgments and generalizations I read here. Separated means living apart, nothing more. Legally separated, at least in the state where I live, means there is a written separation agreement and you are headed for divorce. I have met ladies that are not yet divorced that are past the rebound stage. I have also met ladies who are divorced that are still enmeshed with their ex-husband. These are things to explore right from the start when you meet someone new, not something to make snap conclusions about.


There's not a single post here that can NOT be characterized as wacky or judgmental or just plain crazy------depending purely upon the one viewing it. This post is no different and not to bash or blame but this thread began taking a slight left turn at Msg #3. We started on "rebound" guys and veered into guys who have "separated" listed as their status.

Those who are recently separated are probably the very worst potentials for anything other than "hanging out". If they're seeking comfort and don't disclose this or the one they "target" is foolish enough to become involved then there are bound to be hurt feelings. If they've been separated for years upon years and still haven't finalized a marriage that's also quite risky since it does suggest unresolved issues that if present will drag someone else into it all. This has been my experience with such people.

"Rebound" guys AND women who seek comfort are sometimes looking to replace the newly departed partner and hope against all reason someone new will help them heal or maybe even be the perfect replacement----or at least a suitable substitution. Sometimes they're just hoping if they focus on another person somehow their pain will lessen or disappear. This, of course, never happens.

When I first started online and this dating thing was new it seemed I attracted nothing but women JUST out of something and were looking to either go wild or score their first encounter. After discovering this with a few and one horrendous brief "relationship" I began asking the question "how long since your last serious relationship?" Anything less than two years after a marriage is finalized via divorce or I wasn't their first date since a break up then I'd simply decline their company. I based this entirely upon my own personal experiences with a divorce in 1996 as well as other LTR's in my life---so far it's worked very very well for me.

While it's tempting to think we can be helpful to those who are hurting we put ourselves into being the rebound person without knowing. Once we've been helpful and they're healed, ready to move onward and start living life again we're remembered fondly but not very often seen as a good future partner rather we become the very best friend they had, they couldn't have "made it" with us and are wished the best of luck in our own searches! LOL

Being on the rebound or trying to make someone our rebound relationship person almost never works out, more often than not with a lot of hurt feelings all around.
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