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 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 10
falling out of lovePage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
if you fall out of love while in a relationship- you break up with the person.

if you fall out of love after a relationship - they broke up with you.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 11
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falling out of love
Posted: 12/25/2010 8:08:52 AM
Love is so complicated and varied, and usually involves so much more than just sexual contact and saying nice things to each other.
The greatest challenge at the end of an important relationship, is that one must tear down and rebuild one's entire imagined future. Everything we planned to be, everywhere we planned to go, every milestone we expected to pass together has to be re-examined, and re envisioned. That's why it hurts so much, because it hurts anew for every future picture we have to cut the other person out of.
It also often requires a restructuring of our own appreciation of our own self worth. Loss of love from either side, calls into question our perceptions, and our ability to judge people, and so in turn, our own belief in ourselves. It can easily cause us to fear that if THAT relationship could fail, that the idea of love itself might be false, and that we've completely gotten wrong our entire concept of life itself.
We ARE getting closer all the time, to being able to take a pill and at least ward off the horrible emotional tumults. Xanax for the panic, anti-depressants for the down time, vitamin boosts for the exhaustion. The only problem is, that even if you deflect ALL of the pain, the questions will remain, or even be distorted to the point that you fail to appreciate that they are there, and your life will just be delayed and diluted.
 AlphonseO
Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 12
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falling out of love
Posted: 12/25/2010 8:23:25 AM
Merry Christmas All!
How sad that we are here didsucing lost love on Christmas morning.
Womaninblack,
Thank you for your insight, and how very true. It has been a dificult holiday since I parted with what I felt was my true and only love. But to much fighting her ego was always in the way. LOve her very much with my heart but the brain finally engaged and said enough!!!! Now comes the hard part of picking up the pieces of my life and moving on. I need to focus on me, and when I alow my self to reflect i must remember how the bad over shadowed the great.

Thank you all,

Now get off the computer and have a Merry Christmas!!!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 14
falling out of love
Posted: 12/25/2010 1:19:07 PM
I didn't have a problem with "falling out of love." When my ex took off without warning and then moved in with another guy, it was easy to fall out of love.
Especially when I found the guy she shacked up with is married and has four very young kids that he abandoned to be with her.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 16
falling out of love
Posted: 12/27/2010 1:44:23 AM
No, as for myself,when a relationship ended, I would come to see her for who she really was at that time. Yes of course I would still love her but, I would not be in love with her anymore.
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 17
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falling out of love
Posted: 12/27/2010 5:38:42 AM
If you are able to turn those feelings off and eventually say that you no longer feel anything for someone, then you never really "loved" them to begin with.

maybe the whole "being in madly in love" feelings fade, but I believe that if you truly love someone, then it is forever
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 18
falling out of love
Posted: 12/27/2010 6:12:04 AM

If you are able to turn those feelings off and eventually say that you no longer feel anything for someone, then you never really "loved" them to begin with.

maybe the whole "being in madly in love" feelings fade, but I believe that if you truly love someone, then it is forever


This is right out of a fairy tale or a nursery rhyme. Of course you can "fall outta love" with someone. You'll more than likely have a few feelings left after it's all said and done but, I wouldn't define those feelings as "being in love" with that person from the past.

Usually if my heart was really hurting from a breakup/splitup, I would go and find something to take my mind off of my broken heart. Sooooooooo, what I have found to work the best if finding a gun and shooting myself in the left foot. Magically my past doesn't really matter much anymore.
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 19
falling out of love
Posted: 12/28/2010 3:48:16 AM

If you are able to turn those feelings off and eventually say that you no longer feel anything for someone, then you never really "loved" them to begin with.

I couldn't agree more. If you truly love someone you will always love them and want the best for them, even if you aren't part of their life anymore.

It isn't a bad thing, and it doesn't mean putting your life on hold, and it doesn't mean you can't go on to love another person. It is possible to have love for more than one.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 21
falling out of love
Posted: 12/28/2010 5:29:48 AM

How many of you have been in love, and when the relationship ended you have trouble falling out of loving that person?

I had a wretched time after leaving the romantic love of my life. Took me couple of years to even entertain the thought of "moving on" or even letting go of the love I still felt for so long. My marriage however, entirely different thing. I was out of love LONG before the separation/divorce. Different relationships, different men, different reasons for the unfortunate endings.

I know it seems unusual, most relationships end on a bad note and its easy to let go.

Some end badly, I've been lucky in that the majority of my relationships have not ended with anger, hostility, or even dislike ~ simply two people moving in opposite directions. I don't know if that makes it easier or not, but I don't seem to harbor the ill-will many speak of when discussing an ex.

But have you ever had to figure out how to stop loving someone?

I did. And I finally did figure it out ~ well ~ time figured it out for me. As time passed, hte love I had for him just became a "thankfulness" for having known him. I was a better person for knowing him and I embraced that and eventually began to be open to other people. I still speak to him (6 years later now) and I still have fond memories and feelings, and I'm happy he's happy again. I guess figuring out how to stop loving him was to let the love run it's course rather than to try to stop it. JMO
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 22
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falling out of love
Posted: 12/28/2010 6:28:56 AM
Love is a gift - it's something you give...no takebacks.

Every man I have ever truly loved, I still carry some love for in my heart - after the pain or hurt or anger of the ended relationship, I look back and remember why I loved them...and truly wish them well. I'm thankful for the time we had, and the good memories, and the personal growth and realizations, about life, about myself, that they inspired in me. I'm happy to think of the things I faciliated in their lives, on their paths.

Love is definitely a gift.
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 25
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falling out of love
Posted: 12/29/2010 6:39:35 AM
LMAO - who says I don't already?
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