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 littlephishy
Joined: 1/1/2007
Msg: 1
Phone calls??????Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I'm confused. But then that's nothing new....Here's what I'm confused about. Why is there such a fear with people, women and I'm sure men too, with talking to someone on the phone? People say they want to get to know someone before they give out their phone number. How better of a way to weed through the email BS and find out what the other person is really all about? Within the age of cell phones today there really isn't much to worry about with someone having your cell phone number, if someone was hell bent on stalking you it really isn't going to matter if they have your cell number or your email address so that's a fairly lame excuse, especially when you post a photo and a profile about yourself on the internet. (yes it does happen, nut cases everywhere, but rarely)
Why are people afraid to talk on the phone? especially if you're looking to meet people? I personally think it's mainly one of 2 reasons. 1) People are just shy and afraid to take that step. 2) People are just playing games and are just addicted to the whole internet email/dating site game and wouldn't be able to seperate themselves from the computer if they did find someone, so they don't take the risk........LOL....
Comments......................
 racer92
Joined: 7/23/2007
Msg: 2
Phone calls??????
Posted: 11/1/2007 2:59:02 PM
I have often wondered the same thing. As a man, you want the woman to feel comfortable with you and you don't want her to feel vulnerable but on the other hand you don't want to spend weeks sending emails back and forth.
Personally, I prefer talking in person or on the phone as soon as the woman feels comfortable but I would never pressure her or take it as being rude if she didn't. I can understand women being cautious.
I presume when someone puts their profile on this site they are trying to meet people. I think emailing is a great first step in that process but it has its own flaws. Without voice inflection or body language it is sometimes easy to misunderstand the meaning of someone's words. It would be interesting to see what other reasons people have for not wanting to talk on the phone or to meet in a public place. There are probably logical reasons I haven't thought of before.
 TheUnXpected
Joined: 9/27/2007
Msg: 3
Phone calls??????
Posted: 11/1/2007 3:10:50 PM
I totally agree with your #2 reason. I have several male friends that are on different sites and they are experiencing this problem. Personally, I like to talk to someone instead of emailing them because you can get a better feel of the person, and if its IN
PERSON, all the better. What's the point in delaying things. A person can come across great in writing, but when you meet them there is no attraction at all or you don't feel right with them, so why go through the whole virtual romance just to be let
down in the end. Even phone voices are deceiving. The problem is that many of these women are HOOKED on the whole romance emailing affair, to the point where they will tell these guys that they are in love with them or falling in love with them without ever even having been in their presence.

I think they prefer the VIRTUAL romance as opposed to the real life experience. It's pretty sad. My suggestion is MOVE ON if it becomes a mission. There are plenty of fish in this sea and if these women are afraid of real life and want to hide and play games, let them find someone else to cater to them.
 itsmetigress1
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 4
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Phone calls??????
Posted: 11/1/2007 4:06:42 PM
I happen to be one of the people in favor of waiting....now if it takes a few weeks of emailing somebody and I don't feel comfortable giving them my number then I know that something isn't right. Usually about a week is enough to make sure you are actually interested in the person and that it has potential to go farther. And hopefully by then you can tell he isn't some clingy cyber stalker Sometimes it doesn't even take a week before you get that comfortable...YES I am shy and tend to be a little more reserved, but the main reason is I can't just change my cell number because somebody turned out to be a crazy that is the only way for anybody to get in touch with me i.e. my daughters father, her school, my job. It doesn't really have anything to do with pyhsical stalking but more with harrassment that is just something I try and avoid dealing with...normally a few emails in you can get a better feel for a person rather just saying "Here I don't care what kind of a person you are, give me a call and I will deal with it later"
 Nephilim
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 5
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Phone calls??????
Posted: 11/1/2007 6:32:16 PM
I thought that was what caller-ID and call blocking was for. If it weren't for caller-ID I would still have to talk to bill collectors and my boss.

I thought the point in all that profile writing and poll taking was so that we would all know each other better. If it isn't enough, perhaps we need more exhaustive profiles.

Also, you know if you call someone *67 they don't have your number. I don't know that you can learn all that much on the phone that you can't through instant message. I mean my last few girlfriends sounded hot on the phone.
 littlephishy
Joined: 1/1/2007
Msg: 6
Phone calls??????
Posted: 11/2/2007 3:10:05 PM

normally a few emails in you can get a better feel for a person rather just saying "Here I don't care what kind of a person you are, give me a call and I will deal with it later"

A few emails is ok. A few emails a day for a week is ridiculous....Each email is what? 2 minutes of phone conversation? One can pack 2 weeks worth of emails in a 15 minute phone conversation. So what's going to give you an idea of the other person better?
Like the guy said, *67 and call them, call block, caller ID, all the tools provided to thwart the stalkers......I've played that waiting game, 2 weeks of emails, oh and all the things in common, only to find out she sounds like a 5 pack a day smoker and talks like a truck driver....Hell no, no more......LOL.....
 Deceased~
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 7
Phone calls??????
Posted: 11/29/2007 5:24:42 PM
So, OP, I take it you have never been in a men's public rest room where some guy has written the phone number of a woman he doesn't like (or she doesn't like him) on the wall?

Perhaps you have never gotten a call from some establishment where a person passed a bad check and gave your phone number as a reference?
 Cajun3149
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 8
Phone calls??????
Posted: 11/29/2007 6:15:47 PM
I think those are extreme cases and not the norm. I once was told that I talked too much on the phone to a lady because she had problems holding the phone to her ear. That's a good excuse to me. When we met, we did talk for some time and I believe her when she said the phone was bad for her. Of course, there are people who are shy and afraid of failure and people who are playing games. I do believe that if you are serious about POF and actually want to find that other person in your life, you have to go out on a limb and talk. I talked with my other half not only by mail on POF, but, on the phone for 3 months before we actually met.
 dancinglight
Joined: 4/18/2007
Msg: 9
Phone calls??????
Posted: 11/29/2007 8:28:42 PM
fear... its all about fear. . thats the problem maker.. thought.. attachment to thought.. takes you out of the moment.. its all good.. just go with the flow
 realblonde7
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 10
Phone calls??????
Posted: 11/29/2007 8:49:01 PM
I absolutely do call people I am interested in once I am comfortable that they are not some weirdo. It takes a few emails to get to that point.

Bet your arse I am careful. I have been stalked big time. All kinds of crap over my life time and I was even being careful then. You just never know. So you have to take reasonable precautions which include emailing a while and making sure you feel comfortable enough to call.

Yes, I believe there are all kinds of people playing all kinds of games on any internet site. Just like in meeting people one on one it's up to you to sort 'em out.
 littlephishy
Joined: 1/1/2007
Msg: 11
Phone calls??????
Posted: 11/29/2007 9:26:01 PM

So, OP, I take it you have never been in a men's public rest room where some guy has written the phone number of a woman he doesn't like (or she doesn't like him) on the wall?
Perhaps you have never gotten a call from some establishment where a person passed a bad check and gave your phone number as a reference?


That has to be the most far fetched scenario ever written. Someone used your phone number for a bad check? If it wasn't you , so freakin' what....Someone put your number on a restroom wall??? Ya I've seen them. Like people write the number down and call? I'm sure some do, as a joke.....But what are the odds? Sure whackos exist. Do we live our lives in a bubble because of them? No.....Better not drive down I-95, you might get in a wreck or killed, certainly the odds are better that that will happen than your phone number will end up on a restroom wall or someone using your phone number on a bad check...Geesh
 qtcuban
Joined: 6/15/2007
Msg: 12
Phone calls??????
Posted: 11/30/2007 1:39:01 PM
Well I for one opt to go directly to the phone than sit and wait for an email or waste hours online chatting away. I am sure it has happen to all of us, the people we are chatting/emailing with write absolute prose…yet when they get on the phone – nada – way too shy! That is such a turn off – so if you are so shy why on God’s good green earth are you online??

Secondly – I am sure this scenario has happened to many of you as well: The profile indicated a “non-smoker” then you get them on the line and they are hacking up a lung or are stoked out and admit they do smoke a little – or smoke weed!

It so much easier and quicker to weed people out on the phone!

Go for the phone – stop wasting your time with emails – don’t be afraid!!!
Phone calls??????
Posted: 12/1/2007 10:59:58 AM
I believe it is a process - email/instant message to phone call to meeting to date to the rest of our life. What we are discussing is how long is an appropriate amount of time to spend at each stage of the process.

I've always been attracted to very strong, assertive women so for me, the faster they want to move through the process the better it is, but that is simply what I prefer and does not make a slower process wrong for others. If slow or fast doesn't work for you then you likely were not a match anyway. Move on and keep fishin.
 Sweet J-me Baby
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 14
Phone calls??????
Posted: 12/29/2007 9:45:39 PM
I'm typically not one to spend a lot of time on the phone with personal calls. I'm on the phone a lot doing interviews for work, so I tend not to make many calls at home. However, I do love those little calls where they call you right before bedtime just to say sweet dreams and ask how your day was. I do still have a problem with giving my number out to guys on here. It is not about being shy, it's about being cautious. I will give it out to some people I meet, but certainly am not handing it out to everybody I meet on here. I can count on one hand the number of men on here who have my number.

I got one phone call yesterday from one of these men who I have known on here for quite some time. He's from the the east and we have never met in person, have been good friends on here and that has been the extent of it.

Hearing his accent on the phone, his laughter, his voice made my entire day!!! When he said, "I wanna take ya to Fenway Pawk", I melted!! I made him repeat it three times and I smiled each time!

The call made me feel like I was getting to know him just a little bit better and it truly did make my day. Now, I think maybe taking the risk is well worth the effort!!
 KenFTL
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 15
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Phone calls??????
Posted: 1/1/2008 7:32:22 AM
For me dating has come to a new level! No expectations or limitations. Live in the present and be accepting. We all have GOD's gift of intelligence. Use it and be sincere~ Is that so hard?
 shipoker55
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 16
Phone calls??????
Posted: 1/1/2008 1:42:10 PM
my experience has been...all the more, on POF, that you can e-mail til the cows come home. But the moment you give a woman your phone number...you never hear from them again........................................... JMO
 blondblueyed
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 17
Phone calls??????
Posted: 1/2/2008 2:56:31 PM
I am just not a big phone chatter, never have been. I much prefer to be face to face with people in conversation and don't have much issue with meeting someone in public after getting the initial question and answer session out of the way. You can tell so much more in person than any amount of email, chat or phone calls and usually in much less time.
 Ravinn4550
Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 18
Phone calls??????
Posted: 1/2/2008 3:11:39 PM
I was thinking the same thing.
 GreenOlivesYum
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 19
Phone calls??????
Posted: 1/3/2008 7:44:36 AM
I would never give out my phone number to someone until Im comfortable with them. This means...that I intend on chatting with them online BEFORE moving to the phone. Who wants to sit on the phone with someone who you have absolutely nothing to say to or who are just a waste of your time? It's much easier to get a feel for someone by their words, initially...plus, you can learn alot just by typing (literacy levels, belief system, opinions etc.)

If I simply wanted to talk on the phone, I'd call one of those phone dating services...but we have the ability to chat online, since this is an online dating site.

Plus, there IS a danger element in giving out your number and yes, even your cell number to totaly strangers. I don't think many people are aware that you CAN get someone's information off the internet (if you pay for it) from their cell number. If the police are able to get it, then Im sure its not so difficult for civilians either. Another point would be that I don't want my cell phone ringing and being texted by men that I have no interest in knowing.

Well, this is my take on it, I dont think it has anything to do with "fear" of talking on the phone.
 Sherlock101
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 20
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Phone calls??????
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:45:28 AM
I read a study last year about online romance and it seems many more women get addicted to Virtual Romance than men do.
One thing that irks me is many "pay dating sites," give women free access, they get more emails of interests then men do and tend to get hooked on younger men romancing them in chat rooms.
I once met a girl through a friend that gave me her email and picture. She was also given my picture and stated she would like to meet me. I just happened to find her on a dating site and noticed she was constantly on there after work in the chat rooms till very late at night.
I was also emailing her a little trying to get to know her and set up a date. She kept her responses short letting me know she was interested but very busy with extras at work and such. She was close to my age and I just watched her getting chatted up by younger guys for a few weeks and just stopped emailing her. I had only emailed her a handful of time's anyway. I visited the site a few months later and there she was still chatting away. When someone asked her if she had a real date off the site yet she replied she hadn't. This may have a little to do with why some don't talk on the phone much. Also a response to an earlier post...
 littlephishy
Joined: 1/1/2007
Msg: 21
Phone calls??????
Posted: 1/4/2008 12:55:06 PM
I would never give out my phone number to someone until Im comfortable with them. This means...that I intend on chatting with them online BEFORE moving to the phone


I was also emailing her a little trying to get to know her and set up a date. She kept her responses short letting me know she was interested but very busy with extras at work and such


The first statement above is a given.....But how long one chats with that person online is the question. Just my opinion but I think that after the initial contact, reading the profile and a few days of online chat would be sufficient to make that decision to give out a number for me. I never ask for womans number, I just give them mine. Some call, some say they'll call and don't and some just disappear. I'm sorry but weeks or months of emails kinda affirms the post above, they have no intention of coming out from behind their computer screen to actually go from the cyber world to reality.
 Bellydanza
Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 22
Phone calls??????
Posted: 1/9/2008 4:16:58 PM
I find that men will give out their phone number at the drop of the hat. They will sometimes on the very first email. I'm sorry but that creeps me out. I don't know who they are or what they are all about, nor do they know anything about me. I prefer emails here, then move to an instant messaging service...I weed out many men that way. Because as soon as they get on the IM they start asking for ''photos'' , when i point out the eight on my profile they go on to say ''sexier photos'' which then gets them ignored, and doesn't take up any minutes on my phone nor his.
 taz in love
Joined: 12/11/2007
Msg: 23
Phone calls??????
Posted: 1/12/2008 3:58:04 PM
Hmmmm,,,interesting thread. Personally, when I do find someone that I can relate to and communicate online with, I would prefer to talk to them sooner than later. Only because you can find out if there is even more of a connection via the phone, or even less connection.

I've talked to some BORING guys on the phone. They can't talk about much at all and that is important for me to find out soon! Why waste so much time online to find out someone you think you can talk to is really only a good typer? You can tell a lot about someone by talking to them.

Then from there, you have the date. Even then you can find that you meet and they just aren't what you pictured. They could have horrible breathe, there pictures were from when they were younger, they are too "hands on" for a first date,,,or whatever. I'm looking for a certain spark when talking to or meetiong someone. If it's not there, I wont settle. I am not desperate.

Dating is not an easy thing and internet dating is even that much harder if you ask me. That's why I gave up looking and am having fun in the forums! Cheers!

 shipoker55
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 24
Phone calls??????
Posted: 1/13/2008 9:36:20 AM
I believe that most people on POF and other dating sites are here for the thrill of the chase and it ends there. Once things start to turn serious, they move on. As I said in an earlier post..the best way to end a relationship on POF is to give your phone number.

In another free dating site, I belong to, people actually talk back and forth in the forums and carry on conversations. People here don't respond sometimes for days at a time. There can be several days before a post since the last.

With only one exception, I don't see any of the people that were here the last time I was on this site. I just don't think people here are serious about dating. As one poster said, I am not looking, just here for the forums. The one person I recognize from my past afilliation with POF is also involved with someone, and just here for the forums.

Isn't a dating site for dating???.......................... JMO
 taz in love
Joined: 12/11/2007
Msg: 25
Phone calls??????
Posted: 1/13/2008 7:24:34 PM
So does that mean that most people enjoy the online interaction and flirting? What about trying to meet someone so that you can both leave this site and be together instead of being on here? I want hugs and kisses,,,not one liners and such.

If I give a guy my number and he doesn't call,,,,I get turned off and confused. I dont have time to play the chat for weeks things just to find out he sounds like an ubergeek on the phone,,,,

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