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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female "Friends      Home login  
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 *UltimateHeartSurgeon*
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 1
If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female "Friends"?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I have a question for the women here. I've heard a few women talk about this amongst themselves and I've also have a few discussions with women I know about the issue.

If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female "Friends" Over The Weight Loss?

I.E. Did some of your friends treat you differently? Did they blackball you out of the "group"? Did some treat you better? Did some stop being friends with you period? Was there a marked difference between your thin friends and your heavier friends in their responses? Did you see this happen to another person around you before (i.e. an acquaintance or coworker who lost a lot of weight) and what happened to them? Any interesting personal stories to share?

( I think this is a good topic. I know how men behave when a woman loses a lot of weight, I'm not always so sure how women behave to each other, especially in a group dynamic. )

Thanks in advance for sharing.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 2
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If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/15/2007 12:35:40 PM
Well I can tell you that I have never dumped a friend because she lost weight, if anything I was very happy for her if this was something she wanted. This seems to be one of those urban legends that everyone has a friend of a friend that this happened to at some point. I can only speculate as to why this might happen and that may because the fat friend gets a little more attention and a little more egotistical so she is no longer the same person she was when she was 50lbs heavier.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 3
If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/15/2007 12:48:22 PM
I'd like to see how this thread goes...I can't claim I lost a lot of weight, because I was always thin. After 30 when I started to gain weight, I quickly jumped into working out and changed my diet, so I never went into a size 7, but was looking at one before I took action.

I have had friends (and family, I am the thinnest in my family, always was) make comments to me about how I don't need to work out, don't need to diet, don't need to worry, how I'm being fanatical...maybe because they are a lot heavier than me and it makes them feel really bad not to do those things at a higher weight?

I always tell people they have to do what they feel makes them happy. Then I tell them what makes ME happy is not to end up in anything bigger than a size 6. That's just my personal goal. If they are a size 14 I have nothing to say about it unless they complain about health, dating, finding clothes, etc (those are the things that tend to be problems at a higher weight from what my friends tell me). If they are truly happy with themselves that's all I care about.
 cktoronto
Joined: 5/8/2007
Msg: 4
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If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/15/2007 12:53:29 PM

I got the last laugh though by getting three promotions in a row which means I am now not only my peers' superior but I am the superior of my former boss.
I don't doubt it for a second.

This summer I was diagnosed with GERD (Gastro-esophagael reflux disease) and I can no longer eat (at all) after 9pm. The hard part is I really want to eat late at night when I'm out with friends and most of them don't understand that its not the type of food I eat but the time of day I eat it.

I can only imagine how masculine I sound discussing my eating issues but I'm sure any of the women I've dated on this site will have a chuckle.
 brandiw
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 5
If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/15/2007 1:15:17 PM

If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female "Friends" Over The Weight Loss?


Depends on what you'd call a lot of weight :)

I only lost one friend, but the weight loss wasn't the direct cause... as least I'm not sure it was. I did notice that there was a shift in dynamics with our group when I lost it. The girls who were the most outgoing and used to the most attention got a little catty when I started getting it instead. While I was losing, I got plenty of opinions they thought were "for my own good". A couple also accused me of thinking I was "better" than they were.

I have felt like I'm not as close to most of the others as I once was. I stopped calling a couple of them for a while because I kept getting negative comments from them. I don't think they realized they were even doing it. Comments about my breast size vs. theirs. How my butt wasn't as "shapely" as theirs, how they filled out their clothing better and then suddenly I was "scrawny", anorexic, unable to lift anything because I was so weak. If I skipped eating with them (I lost the weight by portion control, lots of exercise and only eating when actually hungry instead of set meals), they would laugh and make jokes.

Of the one friend I don't hang out with at all anymore, we were at a house party and she was nagging at me the whole night. When a man I was interested in showed up, she humiliated me in front of everyone present. The others think it's because she was jealous that he paid attention to me (he even made a comment about how great I looked), it could have just been that she was interested in him herself and he wouldn't give her the time of day. I haven't even bothered to ask her..... I don't need "friends" like that.

And yes, I've noticed it with other women too. When a relative of mine and I both lost weight, there were cracks in the family about how we starved ourselves... how we had lost a whole person between us, and plenty of cracks about how we were setting a "bad example" for our daughters.

Oh and in our group we have nicknames for each other. I was the smart one, someone else was the cool one, another the angelic one. Since then I've been designated the "skinny" one instead. I didn't realize weight loss meant loss of brain cells... oh well.
 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 6
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If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/15/2007 1:56:04 PM
This is a good question I have lost a lot of weight 180 lbs by changing the way I eat and working out.

I did not lose any friends in fact I have more friends now then I did. I think this may be because I am a much happier person with more self confident then when I was big. All my old friends couldn't be happier for me and the new friends seem to enjoy my company also. Mel
 grayloc
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 7
If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/15/2007 2:04:26 PM

If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female "Friends" Over The Weight Loss?


i can only speak for myself but... yes i have lost friends over the weight loss issue.

it was my own decision to start herbal magic and re-educate myself about food. i've been over weight pretty much my whole life... it's something i've fought with for a very long time. next year i'm going to be hitting the big 30 and i didn't want to continue down the same 'fast food' path that i was so i spent the money and joined a program that would work for me. it takes a lot of dedication and stubbornness to change one's lifestyle but that's exactly what i'm doing. i want to be healthy but deep down i just wanted to feel better about myself.

so far i've lost over 30 pounds and it feels great but i have noticed that my girl friends are no longer around as much as they used to be. when i do see them they mention the weight loss and act like they're proud of me but i can tell they'd rather not deal with me. my best friend has pretty much cut all contact with me because she can't handle the fact that i've decided to make a lifestyle change while she's still suffering from being over weight. it's a jealousy thing really... and it's quite sad. i never realized i'd have to deal with this sort of reaction from my friends... but in a way i do understand it.

i made the choice to loose weight and be healthy... i've put a lot of time and effort into it and i'd never go back to the way things were before... not even to get my friends back. they're upset because once upon a time i was the 'fat friend'. now they are and they can't deal with that... so instead of using me as an example to be healthier... they've just decided to talk behind my back and cut me out of the circle.
 JazzFan333
Joined: 11/1/2007
Msg: 8
If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/15/2007 2:16:45 PM
This issue hasn't happened between me and my friends. Yet I know some women who have ended friendships with other women because of this. The woman who loses weight starts getting more attention from men. That raises her ego and she becomes more arrogant, high maintenance, and self centered. Some of her friends become jealous of the attention that she is getting from men or jealous of the fact that she lost weight ( and looks much better ) and they didn't lose any weight.
 single_lookin850
Joined: 8/20/2007
Msg: 9
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If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:28:13 PM
I have lost the 30 lbs I gained after my thyroid shut down. This took over a year to do it and I could not have done it without my friends. They all respect the diet changes and exercise, rest, stress reduction, all of it. Drives a few of them nuts but they keep me non the less! My best friend even made me go shopping(which I absolutly hate doing) and get clothes that actually fit me. I walked in wearing a size 8 and out in a size 4, I was the one shocked. I feel very blessed and lucky to have such wonderful people in my life.
 Luv Karla
Joined: 9/29/2007
Msg: 10
If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:54:19 PM
If a female friend decided to not be my friend because I lost weight,then she was
never a true friend to begin with.

Sadly,some women feel they have to be in competition with their friends in regards to dating,and that shouldn't be the case.

If I had a female friend who lost a ton of weight,I would be happy for her.
 whenyer_strange
Joined: 4/10/2006
Msg: 11
If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/15/2007 8:36:11 PM
What I have noticed is that there are certain types of people who want to hang out with me when I look bad, dumpy, or don't feel great. As soon as I'm feeling better again, confidence is back and I'm looking better, those types go away, and a different type hang out with me. Some only want a person that can help them around them, and so they either want me on my confident side to make their life better in some way, or the ones that hang out when I'm dumpy I think just want the "ugly" friend to look good next to. Either way, it comes down to something they are looking for, and I don't really like being used in any respect.

The ones that end up my best friends can handle it when I'm a bit down and dumpy and when I'm on top of the world and looking better. As I've gotten older, I've gotten better at picking out a more consistent personality to hang out with. I'm the same way with my friends. I'm there for all times and am not concerned if they look amazing or like they sat in front of the TV eating Oreos.

Those that behave in a catty fashion towards other women have some deep rooted mental issues.
 thatchickfromvan
Joined: 10/19/2007
Msg: 12
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If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/15/2007 8:37:15 PM
I agree with the "never really a friend anyway" I have one friend that is down right ****y to me now that I've lost weight. She said "well, you were the pretty one, why do you have to be thin too" um, because it's healthy? Not worth the drama.

I have found that some of my heavier girlfriends tend to try to get me to eat junk food now. I'm not interested. I think it's likely subconscious on some level with them.. but I've never been offered so many cakes/cookies/etc.
 holon
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 13
If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/15/2007 11:59:13 PM
Man these are some messed up stories. It's like in a group of girls there's only so much self esteem to go around and to feel better about yourself you have to take it from someone else. Makes me glad to be a guy. I don't think I could handle that kind of social complexity.
 Fun FL girl
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 14
If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/16/2007 2:24:26 PM
My friends give me unconditional love, so if I lost or gained weight, it wouldn't matter to anyone of them.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 15
If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/16/2007 3:00:20 PM
Personally I would love it if all my friends wanted to lose weight, I'd have people who would eat healthy and hit the gym with me. And I'd be more than happy for them, and hope they get more attention than they used to. It's great for the self esteem and keeps you motivated!

So far only one of my friends joined my gym, and our schedules suck so we're never there at the same time. But we talk about workouts, diet and motivate each other on the phone so that's cool.
 debb1110
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 16
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If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/16/2007 3:21:51 PM
Same here betty,all my nurse friends have started my diet and joined curves after seeing my weight loss.Its been great.Motivation does work!!!!
 cupatea2010
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 17
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If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/16/2007 5:00:49 PM
No, they just offered to share their popcorn, hershey's kisses, homemade cookies..etc..
Like an alcoholic..other alcholics will tempt their friends to join them so they don't feel so alone..
 BelleArgent
Joined: 10/5/2007
Msg: 18
If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/16/2007 5:11:26 PM
I lost 152 pounds. I've yet to lose a friend. Frankly, anyone who would ditch a friendship based on the loss - or the gain, for that matter - of any amount of weight wouldn't qualify as a friend in the first place.

P~
 Rhett1
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 19
If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/16/2007 5:57:11 PM
Although I'm losing weight, I'm not at enough of a loss yet to alienate other women, but I'll use my sister's example:

She lost 80 pounds and looks amazing...she's had at least 3 of her close friends snub her. There hasn't been anything else that has occurred to alienate them. She runs, cycles to work as often as possible (it's a 12 km ride each way) and she feels and looks amazing.
Of the 3 friends, one has a weight problem herself and I think there is a pretty clear case of jealousy. As for the other two, I think they see her now as "competition", so want nothing to do with her.
 Thundercloud111
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 20
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If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/16/2007 7:27:03 PM
I don't notice weight but people notice my weight, age, and looks. Men will ask me what I'm doing to look so good at 40+? Do I have kids? (Yes, I do) Like longtime friends or childhood friends will say, why don't you get fat? I think the biggest compliment I received are from two young models at a party this year when I overheard the one remark, "I want to look like her when I'm older." I was extremely flattered by it as embarrassed as these girls, both models, were by the comment slipping out at a party. When other people heard and saw I took no offense to it at all, I got lots of how do you stay thin? Do you work out? Skin, hair, makeup, dress? etc...It was great. I actually made friends. For the record, I don't work out or wear much makeup, do my own hair the way I like it, and make my own party dresses because the "designers" never fit me right. I'm a diabetic. No sugar, no starch, and nothing white.
 Elle83
Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 21
If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/17/2007 12:19:31 AM
I have lost a bit of weight before and have never been dropped by friends because of it. Actually, many of my friends have been the ones to help me lose it. Mind you, I've been blessed to have beautiful friends :)
 Baber.
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 22
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If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/17/2007 3:19:50 AM
I know girls that drastically lost weight and whose love lives simply jump started as a result. Men are really about looks more than anything, it's what initially drives them to chase after a woman, even though some of you may not like to heart that.

But I think it's possible for everyone to get to that perfect body shape, as everyone deserves and is meant to have. Men can build themselves a great body and women can keep that weight off... How I'd leave to programs such as Curves as people have excuses to their bodies being this or that... But it's even easier when you have someone to join you at those gym trips...

Nothing is more exciting that seeing the one you passionately love and care about turn into a supermodel.


Then you're like hello !
 2 girls short of a 3some
Joined: 7/10/2007
Msg: 23
If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/17/2007 3:28:17 AM
This is a very good question by the OP - a social issue often not discussed
 Pasquel
Joined: 9/9/2006
Msg: 24
If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/17/2007 4:36:40 AM
If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female "Friends" Over The Weight Loss?


Great question. I've been in pretty good shape all my life, but I had a good friend who was quite overweight and lost ALOT of it after she was diagnosed with a number of medical conditions which were exaspereted by the extra pounds. ( I was so proud of her. )

Previous to loosing the weight she really didn't participate in many of our activities unless we were at a friends house or somewhere that wasn't a very crowded social environment. She always said she didn't like crowds. As the weight started to come off she joined us more and more. She seemed to blossom! Previous to the weight loss our group of friends knew what a wonderful person she was, but in public she seemed mutted. I am sad to say that I was so use to her like this that I didn't realise just how uncomfortable she was around strangers due to her appearance. I thought she was gorgeous and a bit shy.

Anyhow, after the weight loss I do know of one friend that stopped hanging out with her, but the rest of us loved it because now she went everywere we did and talked to more people.

It was amazing just how many people, who treated her like dirt when she was overweight, suddenly wanted to be a part of her life. She realy gained an eye for shallow people and I certaily took her word for it when I would talk to a guy and then later she'd fill me in as to just how shallow he actaully was.
 dawn1114
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 25
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If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/17/2007 9:06:47 AM
/\ /\ /\
Come on. It's not a matter of the guys "treating her like dirt" before. If she was muted, uncomfortable and shy when she was heavy, and blossomed and "talked to more people" once she lost the weight, it has nothing to do with the men being "shallow" now that they notice her. It's because she's inviting and friendly now, instead of unapproachable. Geeze.

Anyway, On Topic: I've never lost a lot of weight, but between ages 30 and 40 I managed to gain about 20 pounds that I didn't care for, so I changed a few lifestyle things and lost it. In the meantime, quite of few of the women I worked with (not really close friends - I only have a couple of those) in the same age range and facing the same mid-life weight gain, continued to gain. They didn't so much "snub" me, but did pull the eye-rolling, "Oh, live a little!" routine if I said I was going to the gym after work instead of joining them for beer and greasy food. At the same time, I'd get comments about being "lucky" that I didn't gain weight. Um, luck has nothing to do with it.

So, no, I didn't lose a lot of female friends. But female acquaintences acted different and silly.
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