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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Dinner Date - Who Pays?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Internetdatingpariah
Joined: 10/17/2004
Msg: 5
Dinner Date - Who Pays?Page 1 of 38    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38)
If you invite her you should pay. If she insists more than once, "let" her pay the tip.
 JazzFan333
Joined: 11/1/2007
Msg: 17
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 9:30:59 AM
I could care less about who invited the other person. I think a woman should at least offer to pay her half of the bill. Why should a man feel like he has to pay the entire bill especially if there isn't mutual interest after the date? Many years ago, a lot of women didn't work. That's why men were always expected to pay. Today a lot of women have good paying jobs. I don't think that women should expect a man to pay the bill.
 shellibean17
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 18
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 9:34:43 AM
You're 'really quite keen on' her? Cough it up buddy - this is not the time to tighten the purse strings! Enjoy your evening!
 charliemcsd
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 26
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Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 9:56:19 AM

What do you folks think?


Dont go to an expensive place. It is far too early for spending lots of money.
 charliemcsd
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 28
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Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 9:58:24 AM

Sheesh, I hope none of my dates have ever been on a site asking for opinions on who picks up the tab on something they invited me to? I didn't realize men had such a hard time with this part of the equation. All the best to both of you.


If any gender has difficulty with this issue it is definitely women.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 41
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Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 10:36:19 AM
If I invite a woman to go out to dinner, I will pay, and if she invites me, she can pay.....

Many times when I am doing activities with another, I am inclined to get the bills because that is how it was when I was young and before all of this equality and internet dating frenzy. What I look for is equality in our relationship in some way shape or form.

If my date is suggesting places to go, things to see and do, and others to have fun with, but expects me to pay for all the suggestions each and every time, then I will have a problem with it, and we will have a discussion about what needs to be done to have the both of us feel that we are participating in this equally.

It seems to me that this becomes more of a problem or situation when one person is much more financially secure then the other. There have been many times, that I pay for all because I can without it affecting my wallet much, and would affect my female companions much more. If for some reason, my date made as much as I do, or more, then I would expect more on her side to be offered and presented when out and about.

Just my opinion.......
 dsj34
Joined: 11/1/2007
Msg: 45
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 10:49:59 AM
I disagree with the notion that whoever asked the other person out should pay. 80%-90% of the time, it's the man who asks a woman out so the man would end up paying almost all the time. A few times a woman has asked me out and I NEVER expected her to pay the entire bill. I have always offered to pay my portion of the bill.
 IThought UWereAHandpuppet
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 50
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 11:03:58 AM
RedCassandra says
In fact, if I think that there will be no next date I insist on paying.
Hmmm ... guess that is the tip off!
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 55
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 11:08:06 AM

The way I see it, everyone has had some bad luck with the whole dating thing, so I just look at it as doing something nice for someone and hope she appreciates it. But then again, I have also bought flowers for random girls on the street, for no other reason then I thought she could use something to brighten her day.

Damn! Young enough to be my son and lives in Colorado! Curses! Foiled again!

OT;
Why is this so difficult?? You invited,the restaurant is of YOUR choosing, be prepared to pay. She may be cognizant that who pays has become something of an issue in dating philosophy and OFFER to chip in or pay the tip. I have to agree that if she INSISTS on Dutch, you are in the friend zone, which I gather is NOT where you want to be. I think, given the changing attitudes about dating etiquette, that on the other hand, she simply sits back and lets you continue to fund everything, without making some attempt to reciprocate( and no, I don't mean sex)you ,may be dealing with an entitlement princess or a sponger.
JMHO
Cindy O
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 70
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 1:44:52 PM
I agree women don't ask men out as much--but when *I* do, *I* expect to pay. I make it clear that I will, too, so there's no "bill shuffle dance" when it comes time (that's just awkward and a buzz-kill).

BUT GUESS WHAT??? I have to practically FORCE the guy to NOT pay. So do NOT insist *only* women feel men should have to pay--MEN also feel THEY should pay for the privilege of being with me. My date once said he doesn't feel like he's the man if I pay (and I told him he could feel like the man later that night).

Quite frankly, though, if it's THIS big an issue with you after THREE dates, I think you're cheap, and being cheap with money probably means you're cheap with affection and self-centered and all sorts of bad personality things. It's basically a test of and reflection on your character.
 brock11
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 95
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 6:53:04 PM
I agree with the posts that say - you're both basically just getting to know each other - so you both should contribute regardless of who does the asking. Dinner is a good way to spend a few hours face-to-face. When the woman suggested dinner, I still have paid the whole bill. Don't women hate double standards. The person who brought up the point about going out with friends for a beer...exactly... my friends wouldn't expect me to pay for any/all of their drinks. So why does the man have to pay on a date automatically?



Amazing how "independent" rarely comes into play when time to pay the bill...


I agree with these statements. If some of my male friends ask me to go out to eat with them, I don't expect them to pay for the entire bill. I would be more willing to pay the entire bill if I was going out with friends, relatives, or a serious girlfriend. Not a woman that I don't know that well. bill I think the sentiment that "whoever asks should pay" is a way for some women to avoid paying since most of the time, men ask women to go out. Even when the woman does ask a man out, I doubt that many women are willing to pay the entire bill. A few times a woman asked me out and I still ended up paying all or most of the bill. I also think that some women should stop using outdated "Etiquette" such as the men should always pay. This is 2007, not 1957. If women want to be treated equally, then they should at least offer to pay a portion of the bill.
 brock11
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 101
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 7:41:17 PM

I never thought it would become this petty and shallow.



You cheapers.....WHY would you invite a woman out to dinner if you know you have issues about paying.......That is the question I have been trying to get out of all this.


I think that a woman is being shallow and cheap if she expects a man to pay for a date. I would never go out anywhere and expect the other person to pay for me just because they invited me to go someplace.
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 104
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Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 7:55:35 PM
If you like her, don't you have an urge to treat her to a nice dinner just to be nice? If you don't, maybe you shouldn't be dating her. If you don't ever have that urge, maybe you shouldn't be dating at all. This is a very bad sign. If you don't feel like doing nice things for her at this early a stage, how would it be if you actually had a long term relationship with her?
 Witchypoo
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 110
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 9:07:40 PM
Come on now op..... if she offers to pay half the bill, you'd be silly not to accept. Especially if that is what you'd prefer anyway. If that's some kind of stupid test she's putting you through to find out if you're some kind of cheapskate, than you really don't need a girl like that in the first place at all. Why then...... you'd need a WOMAN!!! One who is willing to be giving as well.

It's the new millenium and last time I looked, things were getting awful expensive and well, most peoples pay is not matching the inflation level in the least. Accept the offer graciously.

I have no problem paying for half, as a matter of fact I've split the cost on many occasions as well as taking turns paying. It's really no big deal. Only Princess's and Diva's expect to have their way paid in full. Who wants to put up with that crap???

:))
Witchy
 TitusBreast
Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 112
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 9:41:04 PM
Tell her you'll pay this time and next time, it's her turn. You won't be disappointed. I really hope you slip her some tongue, too. Love, Titus
 cookinggal111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Msg: 143
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/27/2007 2:33:38 PM
If a man invites me to go some place and he wants to pay the entire bill, then that's fine. But I certainly wouldn't expect him to pay the entire bill. I always offer to pay my part of the bill and if he accepts then I wouldn't think any less of him. Just because some people do things a certain way, you can't expect other people to have the same viewpoints.
 Lfsabch
Joined: 4/27/2007
Msg: 189
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Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/27/2007 8:36:44 PM
the gentlemen always pay
 dsj34
Joined: 11/1/2007
Msg: 200
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/28/2007 6:17:24 AM
For the record, I always offer to help pay and if he accepts there is no 2nd date. A gentleman always pays.


This is the attitude that some men were complaining about. A lot of men don't mind paying the entire bill. However a woman should not have a sense of entitlement that a man should always pay the entire bill. A woman should NOT offer to pay as a "test to judge a man's character". I think that says more about the women who use this tactic than the man who accepts her offer. The rule that "whoever asks should pay" seems only to apply one way. There were a few times when a woman asked me out. I always ended up paying half, most, or all of the bill. BTW there was a somewhat similiar thread not that long ago which ended up being deleted. The majority of people ( men and women ) on that thread stated that people should split the bill on the first and second dates. Although there were some women who felt that a man should always pay the entire bill regardless of who asked whom or any other cirumstances.
 SparkintheDark
Joined: 8/2/2006
Msg: 219
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/28/2007 5:31:42 PM
Goodness. Are you kidding me here? You're having a good experience with a nice woman, and you're sweating about something like who is going to pay? Shame on you. You asked her... you picked the place... you pay. It's a date, not a meeting with a co-worker.

Sheesh.
 JazzFan333
Joined: 11/1/2007
Msg: 225
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/28/2007 8:47:43 PM
It is not a test, but it certainly let's me know right away that he will not fit into my lifestyle.
I don't want to waste his time or mine.


How you would know that? That's like a man stating that a woman wouldn't fit into his lifestyle because she didn't offer to pay. There are plenty of people who think the first date should be 50/50. Spliting the bill doesn't necessary mean the man is cheap or not a gentleman in that situation. There are also plenty of people who think the man should pay the entire bill on the first date. A man paying for dinner doesn't necessary mean the woman is a golddigger in that situation. People can have different viewpoints without resorting to some of the name calling that I have seen on this thread.
 dsj34
Joined: 11/1/2007
Msg: 228
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/28/2007 9:50:17 PM
The type of men I date don't make an issue of paying.


The type of women that I date don't have a sense of entitlement. I will pay because I WANT to pay. Not because some woman EXPECTS me to pay.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 233
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/28/2007 11:45:52 PM
I did most of my dating in grad school, and nobody ever had any money. We got pretty inventive ~~ dinner his place, my place, museums, happy hour at the local bar, talking, walking, frizbee. Never had any problems. But I'd go for: if you actually ask someone out: to a movie, or dinner, or whatnot, you pay. Whether you is da girl or da boy.

 IThought UWereAHandpuppet
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 238
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/29/2007 4:21:24 AM
Oh, for fok's sake ... just send me the bill!!!

Seriously, if you have to ask who pays, don't go!

Interesting responses from "ask a Guy"
who pays for the date?
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts7053379.aspx
Msg 6: Both being asked out on a "date" and having her insist on paying would be a combo to end the relationship in my book.
Msg 12: If two people can't decide on something so simple as who pays for what, how can they expect to have any understanding about something so complex as a relationship if it applies? kenny
 IThought UWereAHandpuppet
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 240
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/29/2007 4:59:38 AM
I insist on paying my half, then I make an excuse to go back to the table as we are leaving (forgot my glasses) and help myself to the tip!
 brock11
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 242
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/29/2007 5:48:21 AM
The first and second dates should be relatively cheap regardless of who asked whom or who should pay. That way no one has to spend a lot of time and money with a person that they might not be interested. If there is mutual interest after a few dates, then go out to a more expensive place on future dates. I'm sure that most men would have no problem paying the entire bill for a date with a woman they really like and care about. I don't think that a relationship should be judged based on who pays for the date. It doesn't matter if it is 50/50, the man pays for the first few dates, or the person who asked the other person out pays for the first few dates. The most important thing is the actual date itself. Not who paid for the date.
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