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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Loyalty.... to a cheater....      Home login  
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 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 1
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Loyalty.... to a cheater....Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I was having a conversation the other day with this girl I know... anyway.... she and I were talking about a male friend she has... she was saying how he dates several women... they all think they are the only one... he is usually having sex with the women...

she went on to say... how she knows several of the women... hangs out with... chats with... etc... I was confused.... how can you hang out with the women... knowing that the man is dating several women... and these women all think they are the only one... her comment was... well you know... he is a man... that is how they are... they should know that...

so my other thought was... thinking she needs bad dating karma for participating in his madness... how can you be friends with someone who you know uses others... deceives others.... and plays women.... she again was like... well he is a man....

I asked her if she ever says anything to him about this or feels bad that she has the info that the women need... and she said no... it isn't her place...

so... I am confused... I couldn't befriend the women... if I knew that my friend who was the man was cheating on them... any more than I could befriend the boyfriend of a female friend if I knew she was cheating on him...

have are expectations of people only become about how they treat us?? and has nothing to do with their overall character???
 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 2
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Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/27/2007 3:32:20 PM
Thanks... I agree... that it seems odd to me... that she plays the game with him... it is one thing to not have it brought around you... but to be friend the women... hang out with them... just makes them believe him more when he tells them they are the only one... it is like an accomplice... I don't know... it just seemed sad that she thought his behavior is ok... basically because it wasn't happening to her...
 Witchypoo
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 3
Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/27/2007 3:35:31 PM
OK I'll ask this question...... has he committed to exclusivity with any of these women???

:))
Witchy
 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 4
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Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/27/2007 3:36:40 PM
They think they are in a commited relationship... from what I understand... they all say he is their boyfriend... and he says he loves them to them... so yes...Result: The Letter M

but the bigger question is... could you call a man who treats women this way a friend???
 Witchypoo
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 5
Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/27/2007 3:40:29 PM
Well than... I would call him a player, but we all have our own karma and our own lessons to learn. He'll get caught in his own game eventually. The good news is.... all men aren't like that but shockingly, enough of them are. I hope he is at least using protection and if he isn't I hope at least the ladies in question are. Bad ju ju if not.

:))
Witchy
 nycrickette
Joined: 9/9/2007
Msg: 6
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Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/27/2007 4:13:23 PM
BDRT....
It's kind of like they're still in HS....part of some sort of popular clique but with a demented behavior. Those little cliques love to look down their noses and believe their way is the popular or ...well, sometimes, most shocking and attention getting way. You know you're above it, and I hope you don't give it much thought anymore. They're not worth YOUR attention.

As for the original OP, I doubt I could be friends with anyone as callous as that. I can't condone anyone who treats other people, whether men or women, with disrespect, and let's face it, sleeping with more than one person is disrespectful IMO unless ALL parties are aware and can deal with it. Condoning her male friend's atrocities, and yes, she is condoning if she isn't giving these female friends a heads up, is no better than what he is doing in the first place. The "other women" are not her friends. And I wouldn't want to be her friend, either.

Perhaps your friend thinks that when the shyt hits the fan, she'll have him to herself? Ha ha, joke's on her if that's the case. She gets to be one of the stable of women who "doesn't know".

"If you're the mistress, he leaves his wife for you, you marry the guy, all you have done is created a job opening."

 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 7
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Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/27/2007 9:14:16 PM
mahogany... I know and agree about the moral compass... and that is why I wrote this... I guess I figured people on here would let me know if I was crazy....

I guess in my old age... I am less accepting of people who condone poor behavior... as though it would never happen to them... like they would see if their dude was dating others... I just don't get how you can look women in the eye... and befriend them... knowing that you are befriending several "girlfriends".... to me... doing that makes you equally as deceptive...
 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 8
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Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/28/2007 7:42:38 AM
I can understand why she wouldn't say anything to the women.... but I also asked if she ever said anything to him.... and she hadn't... I just don't know how someone can just over look behavior...

I am always amazed at how much people accept so they don't make waves...
 IThought UWereAHandpuppet
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 9
Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/28/2007 8:09:15 AM
hahaha
True freindship is one of those things about accepting people for their faults.
What a load of crap!!! Does this mean I should be "friends" with dopers, murderers, thieves? Hell, maybe I am, but I just don't know it.

True friendship means being a friend to yourself, FIRST ... choose people who elevate/ support you, your dreams and goals. Normally, one would select people who share a similar perspective on values, interests, lifestyle, etc. If friends make a mistake, one should support them in sorting things out ... but, someone who is chronically involved in a lifestyle that is illegal, predatory or so self-involved that they would use others with no regard for their feelings is not someone that I would consider "friend" material!
 Lfsabch
Joined: 4/27/2007
Msg: 10
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Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/29/2007 9:40:45 PM
if i was in the other situation i would want someone to tell me if i was being played, in my mind its the decent thing to do. my loyalty only follows the path that is most honest
 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 11
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Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/30/2007 6:24:03 AM
to coffee...

well... the difference would be in your situation is that the women know... and they would be making a decision based on all information... and if they chose to be one of 2 or 3... then that is on them... but to be lead to believe that you are the only one and not be is an issue....
 cncgandolf
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 12
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Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 12/1/2007 6:11:09 AM
"think they are in a commited relationship... from what I understand... they all say he is their boyfriend... and he says he loves them to them... so yes...Result: "

I think the women are being self delusional. Many people say "I love you" without meaning for it to mean an exclusive relationship. Until he expressly says and proves by his actions that it is a committed relationship than it isn't.

She knows he is a player and she is playing with a player. I don't see that as any more loyalty to him or others as his behaviors has anything to do with loyalty. I could have missed a post establishing that he had explicitely promised and demonstrated exclusivity ... but I don't think so.

I know people who think booty calls are fine and who will say "I love you" to their booty call. I call the acquaintances but not friends.
.
 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 13
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Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 12/1/2007 2:18:40 PM
WOW CNC... I don't follow that... I don't get the idea that you can't believe when someone says they love you... if you are having sex and saying I love you... my hope would be that it wouldn't be a booty call scenario.... and yes he calls them girlfriends to his friends... but I guess in your though regimen that doesn't mean anything either.. because when you start throwing the love word around... I would hope it means more to most people then I just love sexing you...
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