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Show ALL Forums  > California  > How do you let someone down easy?      Home login  
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 kittybiscuit
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 10
How do you let someone down easy?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Tell him you found a man with a bigger penis.

Ok, maybe not

Seriously, it sucks, but you have to just let him know you do not see it working. You can always just blame yourself (eg "I am too independent/need space) or you can just tell him up front that he really embarassed you and you don't think he will fit well into your social circle and you need a man who does.

At least if you tell him he embarassed you, he will ask why, and you can fill him in so that he doesn't repeat his errors. For some reason, some people think it is cool to be shitty to waitstaff and be unimpressed by everything when dining out. They think it makes them look sophisticated when in reality it makes them look like jerks.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 12
How do you let someone down easy?
Posted: 12/6/2007 9:16:19 PM
I would ordinarily vote for your usual charming and eloquently honest way of not holding back, and giving it to him with both barrels, but this guy's behavior is most frightening. I do suggest letting him go as soon as possible. As Kittybiscuit said, you should let him know how you felt about being embarassed in the restaurant and that there will be no further dates.
 RUFOREAL
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 28
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How do you let someone down easy?
Posted: 12/7/2007 9:52:22 AM
hmmm....
Momi have you thought of having your cousin Guido deliver some meatballs wrapped in newspaper with a "Dear Meatball" letter attached.. explaining to him that although you enjoyed the "magical moments" that you both shared, that you are allergic to meatballs and meatball freaks???
 RUFOREAL
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 37
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How do you let someone down easy?
Posted: 12/7/2007 4:07:51 PM

I wrote an carefully worded e-mail following the suggestion of Karen5. We will see what explodes.
Yeah, I guess your right, after all if you buy him a load of meatballs, he may never go away.... (and end up send you two dozen roses in appreciation of your thoughtful gift)
 RUFOREAL
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 39
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How do you let someone down easy?
Posted: 12/7/2007 4:19:14 PM

I would like to make ground meat out of his...


ummm lemme guess.. his meatballs??
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 43
How do you let someone down easy?
Posted: 12/7/2007 6:35:02 PM

Where is that video of the lady that crushes beer cans with her breasts when you need it?

Then there's that Japanese one with someone breaking chop sticks between their butt cheeks.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 44
How do you let someone down easy?
Posted: 12/7/2007 6:48:02 PM
^^You never know unless you try and you should probably try it while home alone. This is because if you look like an ass (both literally and figuritively) no one will ever need to know.

On topic, I don't know if this skill would be a turn on or a turn off for getting rid of unwanted attention or not.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 54
How do you let someone down easy?
Posted: 12/9/2007 7:04:47 PM
thread update - Well I tried a wooden spoon, a popsicle stick, a bamboo skewer, and a toothpick and sadly, I couldn't break one by squeezing my cheeks

Perhaps those Buns of Steel workout tapes from the early '90's are in order. But I really commend you for making the effort and taking one for the team in experimentation.


excuse me....I would like to hear more about the ping pong balls...

Part of me wants to know and yet another does not want to know. With Trix, I have a feeling that the paddle may be part of the grand finale.
 AceOfSpace
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 56
How do you let someone down easy?
Posted: 12/9/2007 11:03:43 PM
^^^ There you go, making our jobs all the harder -- er, more difficult!

Really, Mom, you are a handful!

Now, about that questionnaire ...
 windowshopping04
Joined: 3/10/2006
Msg: 58
How do you let someone down easy?
Posted: 12/10/2007 10:51:23 PM
hmmmm....
no ping pong balls here, either... only cat toys (bells and all) - just doesn't seem the same... besides, the cats don't take it well when I crush their toys - no matter by what method...

c'mon Momi... do tell... inquiring minds wanna know!

OT (sorta') - The "it's not you, it's me" path usually spares feelings and gets the message across. On the other hand, there has been at least one occasion which called for displays of serious clinical psychoses (and even then, he was reluctant to turn loose... <<Sigh>>).
 AceOfSpace
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 59
How do you let someone down easy?
Posted: 12/11/2007 12:23:40 AM

there has been at least one occasion which called for displays of serious clinical psychoses


Some guys really like that!
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 66
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How do you let someone down easy?
Posted: 12/11/2007 4:00:48 PM
Tell him..."You are very sweet and wonderful - but just not for me."
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 67
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How do you let someone down easy?
Posted: 12/11/2007 4:42:44 PM
I just had another brilliant idea! Take him to your local karaoke bar and sign up for and sing "The Big Black Horse & The Cherry Tree" by KT Tunstall. When you get to the part where you sing.... "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, no...you're not the one for me!" .......... Look directly into his eyes!!!!
 PurrrrrfectAnna
Joined: 10/22/2006
Msg: 68
How do you let someone down easy?
Posted: 12/11/2007 8:57:40 PM
Momi,

Where are you? Are you ok? lol Please.... How did things go with StalkerMan from Match?
Do tell!!!!

PA
 AceOfSpace
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 71
How do you let someone down easy?
Posted: 12/13/2007 7:27:29 PM
Take him to your local karaoke bar ...


That alone should be enough, Fancy! Why do I get the feeling you've done this before?
 Pete73052
Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 73
How do you let someone down easy?
Posted: 12/13/2007 8:56:56 PM

I know if a man took me to a kareoke bar, it would make me not want to date him anymore...


That was YOU?
 ItsaKelticthing
Joined: 6/8/2006
Msg: 74
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How do you let someone down easy?
Posted: 12/14/2007 2:12:44 AM

oh no!!! What happens if you get a splinter?

I have tweezers and I know how to use them.
 Pete73052
Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 76
How do you let someone down easy?
Posted: 12/14/2007 6:20:27 PM
Well, it's not good to leave him hanging... but on the other hand, you can't just drop him - well you can, but it doesn't always produce the clean break you would hope for. Even when you've decided to end it, dumping a guy is not that easy - and there's always a chance it could get messy. But in the end, when you're finally at the end of your rope, all you can do is cut him loose and hope he goes quietly instead of kicking and screaming.
 windowshopping04
Joined: 3/10/2006
Msg: 77
How do you let someone down easy?
Posted: 12/14/2007 6:38:02 PM
^^^ awww, geeze, Pete!! Gallows humor?!? If I weren't laughing so hard, I'd probably chastise you (but then again, you might enjoy that!) :::shaking head and giggling, still:::

OOTP - (thank goodness for abbreviations)
Y'know - O4 was right - there is no "easy" when it comes to rejection... not on the giving side and not on the receiving side...
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 81
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How do you let someone down easy?
Posted: 7/24/2010 5:14:49 PM
a difficult ... "let someone down easy" when you're dealing with someone who's a little frightening ... is to convince them that THEY are dumping YOU!! ...

you convince them that YOU are not meeting THEIR expectations ... that you have somehow disappointed them ... that they need and deserve someone better ... you apologize but say you feel it's time for you to let them move on with their lives as you can see that you're somehow NOT WHO THEY want ...

they rarely get angry ... or stalk you ... if they think they dumped you ...

it's dicey, tho, cuz sometimes the person will later call you back saying he can't remember how things went wrong between you ... and you have to say something like, "I think you just moved on with your life because I wasn't who you were looking for ... I wasn't nurturing enough!" ... or something ...

I know this falls into the "gamesmanship" category ... but it's easier ... and safer ... when they're frightening people ... I don't CARE what they think of me as long as they go away ...
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 83
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How do you let someone down easy?
Posted: 7/30/2010 6:53:32 PM
of even more interest to ME are the ways men have DUMPED ME!!

a couple, after a 1st or 2nd date, have just not bothered to call again ... that's easy ... for them ... cuz, unless we're on a very comfortable footing well into a relationship, I'm not about to call them ... so there's no confrontation at all ... no "good-bye" drama ... but I do wonder what went wrong ...

one man just disappeared from the face of the earth ... that's probably more difficult to accomplish ... I mean ... I'd routinely bumped into him at the grocery store, church, sporting goods stores, various clubs for years ... this is a small town! and he suddenly disappeared ... should I have put out an APB? we weren't in a relationship, just casually dating occasionally ... but maybe he's dead in a ditch ... could be ... it's a mystery ...

one man I casually dated off and on for ten years called to tell me he wanted to go to dinner with me in two weeks, set the time and date ... then moved to Arizona ... I discovered he'd moved to Arizona when I saw an advertisement for one of his books several years later! he'd added a "Ph.D." to his name so the book would sell better ... I wonder if that book did sell better than the others without the "Ph.D." ...

it's not like I'm a stalker type ... it's not like I'm a hysterical ninny who would cry if they said they were no longer interested ... it's not like we were all involved ...

it's just that I HATE not knowing the end of the story ... it's like I've been reading this book and suddenly discover someone tore out the last few pages ...

 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 85
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How do you let someone down easy?
Posted: 8/19/2010 2:15:52 PM
Football Mom, way back in January 2006, posted "ways to turn down unwanted men" in the HUMOUR section of these forums ... people still comment ... it's on the top page ...

check it out for a giggle ...
 AscendedMaster
Joined: 9/24/2010
Msg: 88
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How do you let someone down easy?
Posted: 11/11/2010 6:37:42 AM
If it didn't feel right the first time, why did it take a third time to reconfirm what you already knew? When were you planning to get smart and cut the train loose?

A way to let him down easy you have two choices the direct way or the indirect way. If you're courageous enough meet him somewhere in public be confident, casual, and cool. Speak clearly and look him directly in the eye. Let him know you're not interested. Period. Say nothing after that. Should he ask you for a reason, give him one sufficient enough to not leave him wondering. Hopefully you can brainstorm and come up with a few prior to being asked that question.

The indirect way... just start distancing yourself, not immediately returning phone calls, staying very busy and out of sight. This could cause him to call you more and possibly show up but if he's smart he won't tolerate such behavior and be on his way without much fuss.

Both methods depend on which feels safer to you.


The Septemberman
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