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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Can you miss someone you have never met?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 IThought UWereAHandpuppet
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 7
Can you miss someone you have never met?Page 1 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
You can miss the illusion you have created when it does not come to pass.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 11
Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/9/2007 2:41:05 PM
Yes, you can miss someone whom you have never met.

Sometimes, there is such a meeting of minds, hearts, and souls that two people become intricately connected. Perhaps that person is the elusive soulmate. For some reason, though, life and distance intervene and you cannot meet.

I know because I conversed with someone from POF, and for several reasons, we did not meet in person. The intensity has waned, of course, but I still miss him, think of him often, and wonder how he is doing. Circumstances will not ever bring us together, but I will always think of him.

The memory does not keep me from moving forward, though, in eagerness and in pleasant anticipation to meet my next partner.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 12
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Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/9/2007 2:41:49 PM
Yes Cassandra, you can miss someone you never met...You don't have to have some romantic notion either...

I have made long distant friends on the net, and have talked to them for over 6 yrs... (Actually going on 7) When I don't hear from this friend I miss him... I miss knowing that he is ok, and how his life is going... I miss being able to share crazy stuff in my life, sharing how our kids are doing.

TO often people get the idea that just because you haven't met a person then there isn't a real relationship... Truth is, it is just different, because of the age of communication we have.

Have you considered learning to astral travel????

And yes you can fall in love long distance... Back in the good ol days of WWII, men and women would write strangers and communicate back and forth, and meet and get married after communicating through letters for a couple years...
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 24
Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/9/2007 3:59:40 PM
Rule Number 2. TABULA RASA.

Men! You should pay me for this information.

I am not going to say that what you are doing is wrong. Or that it will lead to disaster. But this is what it always happens. And that is that until your first meet, LIVE anything that happens before is out the window. TABULA RASA. The problem is that, before the first meet, you begin to fall in love with an illusion you have formed in your head of that person and that person's words. Now, remember that when a person writes or expresses him/her self, they are about 60 percent themselves, and 40 percent a projection of what ought to be them. So you are meeting the assumed persona that that person has. They are not lying to you. You are not lying to them. But since here, you can be, whoever you want to be, you inject your real self with that persona. When you meet in person that assume persona has to float in it's own coat of reality, face the eye contact, survive the instant respond or question. So it cracks. Besides, women and men, can read a person in less than one minute. So assumed personas no longer float. What makes it worse is this. All the stories that this person said, let's say they are all true. But now on the meet, guess what, you've already heard them. They are Old news to you!!! Told by some incredible person that lives in your head. Not this person in front of you.

So, I wish you luck. I wish that you pass from one to the other, instead of being the usual casualty of war that you see so much in these forums.
 niciroush
Joined: 8/11/2006
Msg: 29
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Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/9/2007 4:46:50 PM
So strange to see this question posed, as I was thinking along same lines today. Am currently reading Ann Rule's new book, TOO LATE TO SAY GOODBYE. The victim in it had "fallen in love" with a person she had never met but had a quite intense communication via online. The woman ended up being killed with the final straw for her husband being the online "affair". The hell of it was is that the man that the woman is in love with turns out to be a female posing as a man.

I had a similar situation when, while first online I met someone. I went out with the guy (actually met him). I was mildly interested but because I wasn't quite out of my emotional attachment with my ex, was overwhelmed by this new man's interest. I decided, later, that I wanted to get to know the guy, but being burnt, he was no longer interested. I found myself thinking about him, imagining what he was like etc. I never thought I loved him but realized later that I had given him all of these attributes that I had/have no idea if he possessed. This "attachment" went on for a year. I wrote to him what I now consider to be, inappropriately familiar things, got made at his non response etc. I can only now say that, like the girl in the novel, I was very lonely, unhappy, and as so many of us are, somehow turned on by his rejection! I wanted what I couldn't have.

I think it is very easy to imagine that someone you only know online is Mr., or Ms Right. Just as it is to overlook alot of stuff when you first actually meet someone or excuse it, online "romances" can go wherever your mind takes you. I have had men just read my profile and then feel like they KNOW ME. Then, because He knows ME so well, get mad when I don't respond immediately! Such is the life of an internet dater!!
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 39
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Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/9/2007 6:12:56 PM
i think we can miss the connection, sometimes, as much as or more than, the actual person. we look forward to that interaction and think throughout the day 'i have to tell so-and-so about this.'

like anything else, we feel the lack of something we had at one point and no longer do. but when we lose touch with someone, we need to remember that everyone enters our lives to teach us something. or we need to teach them something. then we move on.
 zoomer63
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 43
Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/9/2007 6:41:07 PM
Outofmind,you hit the nail on the head with that one!!!!!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 48
Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/9/2007 7:06:00 PM

When we met I was in love. Dumped her straight after the meet - I realised I'd gone way over the top. Made me feel too vulnerable too soon so it did.


I should do research on this site. The trivial stuff people say seems like crap to many people, but they are nuggets of gold into the human condition. Like this, dude. I understand where you are coming from. You fell in love with the idea in your head of her. Not her. The two became different people. The one on your head won. End of story.
 NFPexec
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 53
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Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/9/2007 8:40:57 PM
Absolutely weird as it seems. I am currently struggling with this issue. I have been communicating with someone on another site for several months. We live in different parts of the country but he seemed nice and he was attractive. Lately we had some disagreements over some (in retrospect) insignificant issues. I didn't think I took him too seriously since it seemed unlikely we would meet, so I told him about some possible up coming dates. I was frustrated by his lack of support and told him so. After the last email I checked to see if he had a response and I saw that he canceled his account. There was no way to communicate off the site and now I am sorry that our last communication was a bit unpleasant. I regret saying what I said and I would like to apologize and open myself up to the possibility of meeting someone from out of town. I was surprised by how empty I felt after realizing he was out of reach and if there is any way possible for him to get in touch PLEASE do. I really would love to communicate again.
 Strmn7
Joined: 11/5/2006
Msg: 54
Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/9/2007 8:49:37 PM
its like falling in Love with Love
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 58
Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/9/2007 10:50:05 PM

Think about how many posts have been done in the various forums describing how people who were great long distance chat pals until the met in person. Then the emails slow down, the chat stops, the text messages stop......


May happen to some, though I don't recall *great* numbers of posts on the subject. . . . My own experience has been wholly other. I've been on a political blog for four years now. Have met a great number of the peeps I blog with. And they've been exactly who they said they were, and we felt about each other in the meat world just like we do in the virtual world. And that goes for a romantic relationship generated from the same source. We blogged together for a year; emailed for four months; met. And were virtually living together from the first meeting. When he was in ICU, another "blog-friend" joined me in Ft Worth and stayed with me through the memorial service. Others were volunteering to leave their lives and come, too. I cannot discount the *reality* of what happens, or can happen, online.

What we get when we "meet" is a couple of new senses activated: touch, smell, vision. The rest is available online. And makes up a much larger part of our personalities/personas. My brain is a much bigger sense organ than my nose or my eyes. My soul, a much better gauge of who this person should be to me than my fingertips. I'm gonna trust my mind/soul.


 justme1124
Joined: 4/5/2007
Msg: 61
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Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/10/2007 6:59:21 AM
yes,Ive had that happen to me,,I started to feel something before I even met them, rediculous, never again, most people are game players on the net and on dating sites,I don't believe in emails,too cold and impersonal,if someone offers there email,instead of their number,thats like saying i'm not interested enough to actually talk to you,but i might read something you type me,how lame is that I ask you,,im's aren't a good idea,it seems to dilute interest,they 'find out enough',and don't have to bother meeting you, so keep it brief on the phone and set up a coffee date, you need to telegraph to them you find them interesting and that your only mildy interested,but your busy person with a life,keep your first call to 20 min max,it lets them know your the real deal ,and you can't be messed with easily,thats usually when theres 'someone at the door' they realise their not going to get anywhere messing with you,on the other hand,if they 're real,they 'll respect that and agree to a coffee date.
the phone should never be used for 'getting to know someone',big mistake if you do, I use it to build mystery if anything,never giving direct answeres,best to keep it light "just learning to make excellent nachoes here,whats going on with you" something superficial and interesting is better,and poke a little fun at them too,don't try to impress.I've even got on a girl for asking me boring questions,"so what do you like to do for fun",jeese,how original,its lazy phone etiquette,she realised she had to work a little to keep my interest,some will,some won't.it has to be to keep game playing to a min.,thats my 2 cents darlin
 cowtrucker
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 63
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Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/10/2007 8:09:29 AM
OP, I've experienced something similar. It's not the fact that you really Miss them per say, its more of the fact that your mind is convinced of certain things and expectations, and its that false reality that one is missing. Don't get me wrong here, its NOT a bad thing, we all do it.

Emails, IM's, phone conversations, etc. We put aside time and space in our lives, and become dependent upon it just like our morning coffee, and when that email, IM, or call is not there, we are lost and looking for it.

Like I said, it's Not a bad thing, it's human nature. The bad part comes when the individuals finally DO meet, and are not up to the expectations one has created. He/She doesn't look like the pictures, He/She isn't as attractive as their voice on the phone, He/She doesn't have that magic chemistry, or an abundance of other reasons.

I'm sure there are a lot of us who do miss people we haven't met, so don't feel like you are the only one...

CowTrucker
Chapman, Kansas
 Who.Me
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 64
Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/10/2007 9:47:02 AM
I agee you can miss someone you've never met in person. I've had this happen a time or two, I still miss them....
 Jersey101
Joined: 10/25/2005
Msg: 77
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Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/11/2007 6:45:38 PM

it can be simply said as missing their essence


How can you know their essence when you can only know what they want you to know. You're only missing what they have presented to you within the bounds of however you have been talking. You could potentially be missing a figment of the persons imagination. So in closing you're not missing the person you are missing the things.
 darklord666
Joined: 12/6/2007
Msg: 80
Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/11/2007 11:46:23 PM
Well everyone is different but I find it impossible to miss or have strong feelings for anyone I have never met. I just don't see how that works. I need to meet some one and feel their vibe and presence to be able to get feelings for them.
 Seavoyage
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 81
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Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/12/2007 12:30:47 AM
Cassandra, you are communicating with people. If you met a person in person, not on-line, you would miss them generally more than for the sex they give you, but for who they are, right? So it's their spirit or your view of who you think you are that attracts you to that person. One of my female friends from another country (not romantic friend) tells me she misses me and my smile. We have no romantic interest for each other, and it is 100% genuine. She thinks I am a great person and I think the same about her... That's it. I can miss her and worry about her.
 Jersey101
Joined: 10/25/2005
Msg: 83
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Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/12/2007 12:35:18 PM

I beg to differ. If you mean things such as the talks, the laughs, the intimate discussions, the evoked feelings and emotions, the friendship, the simple shared happenings of each other's day, all that jazz - absolutely, but "they" had a part in it. The "things", without the person are meaningless - I miss them (the person).


I differ on this. you simply can't be missing the person, you miss the things the person says or does. In your mind you have a visual on who the person is you are speaking to, you miss the visual you have of that person. But until you really meet them I do not think you can truely miss them. I think its the same thing as puppy love vs true love etc.
 Jersey101
Joined: 10/25/2005
Msg: 87
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Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/12/2007 3:33:53 PM
Trapped,

I think I am just saying you can't fully miss what you don't fully know.
I can say myself that I have been lost in someone I had never met but to me it's fantasy land and you must bring your self to reality, will you ever actually meet? That's in the case of online love. And if we are talking friendship between two people that have never shared the same air then I think once again you miss the contact between the two. Not the physical. For me anyways.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 98
Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/14/2007 6:48:42 PM
I had feelings for my SO before we ever met and he had feelings for me. We didn't miss each other too much as we had pretty much daily contact, even if it mostly emails with liberal trans-Atlantic phone calls tossed in.

When we did meet, it was like meeting someone you'd always known. Can't really describe it but we were immediately at ease and comfortable with each other.

But from the start, we were both our true genuine selves. We were both just what the other had expected, with the physical element added.

If you do get to know the "true" person, and not an online persona then that's the person you develop feelings for. If it's something staged or put on then it would be odd not to feel let down or disappointed and that obviously does happen sometimes. But sometimes it doesn't and you discover they're just as wonderful and natural in person as the one you had gotten to know virtually.
 Ignoble
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 110
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Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/30/2007 10:28:39 PM
RE: First post.

I kinda get what you mean. But for me its not that I miss THEM per se, since we've never really met, but rather I'm sad about what I could be missing out on. Like some fantastic relationship. Cause you can just totally vibe with a girl online or long distance through letters and what not, but its still not really a relationship in my opinion. I just miss what coudl be. Ya, thats it.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 116
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Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 2/8/2008 10:23:56 AM
Yes... there have been posters who I never spoke to who have disappeared and I miss them and their p.o.v.

There are posters - of both genders - who I speak with and if they left I would miss them... and would hope they would say good bye.

I have friends who live in other cities, and our friendship is as important to me as the ones I see weekly. So, being IN your life physically does not make it more or less real.

My bf goes out of town for three days and I miss him. Before he and I met IRL we had developed real feelings for each other on-line. If it hadn't worked out once we met, it wouldn't have made that experience any different - although I would imagine we would have interpreted the experience of it differently with hindsight.
 Julzky
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 123
Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 2/22/2008 9:30:43 PM
I agree with message #4...I've been that route 2 times...and I think we know just from online dating, you can talk till your blue in the face...it's all in the meet!...but as far as missing someone you've never met....you bet!...it happens...they are filling a void for real life...sounds harsh I know and I'm not belittleing the feelings for each other...and it it were truly serious, you'd meet and nothing would stop you...just my 2 cents worth too...life is one big crap shoot...good luck to everyone in what you are looking for.
 justme1124
Joined: 4/5/2007
Msg: 124
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Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 2/22/2008 9:55:59 PM
yea,I let that happened to me once about 8 yrs ago when I was very nieve about talking to people online,basically you start to build it up in your mind,it starts to get filled in by what you want in someone,nothing to do with the reality of it ,HUGE mistake,it was such a silly thing to do,its kind of an elaborate version of wishful thinking really ,your letting your mind create an illusion of this phantom person and you start creating feelings toward that illusion.eventually it falls apart of its own volition.anyway, a very amateur thing to be doing really, by the way,anyone who wants an email, thats classic moves for someone who has no intention of meeting you,if he or she were interested,you'd share phone numbers ,make a coffee date and meet,the real world,thats all that counts.no jiberrish texting,emails,ims,get on the phone and hear their voice,make a date,and meet,thats how it goes when it's real,the rest is just intellectual horseshit,bye
 Mirage111
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 129
Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 4/4/2008 1:17:32 PM
People build attatchments. People build bonds with those they have met. There is a difference between attatchments and a deeper bond.

You become attached to the idea of a person but to form a bond you have to be with the person.

So yes I can believe you feel like you are missing the person but it is not a complete picture.
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