Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Explosive Joe
Joined: 11/12/2006
Msg: 2
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?Page 1 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
I don't think there's anything wrong with looking for exactly what you want. It's not just women but men as well. Personally, I feel the opposite happens allot. People "settle" for someone who isn't really who they want but it's convienent and safe. Settling for something you don't really want is far worse then looking for what you think is perfect...
 Lixiette
Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 7
view profile
History
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/11/2007 6:07:42 PM
Some girls believe they are all that, and so they'd like to look for all that.

Most of the time when people say looks don't matter--they are lying. Everybody has a certain criteria for their own "perfect" one.

Plus, many people have different definitions of the perfect man. Mine would know how to cook--but not necessarily a handy-man; he shouldn't look like an Adonis either, because that's boring. Just a couple of examples of how each person's "perfect man" might not be all that perfect.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 19
view profile
History
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/11/2007 8:48:51 PM
Most women ask for the moon, and accept Keith Moon. But they would rather Keith Moon, than Keith Chegwin.

Thing is, they are usually only presented with the crew of Red Dwarf. They would rather have Lister, the funny, beer-chugging, curry-eating, horndog, than Rimmer, the pumped up, officious, useless, spineless, pain in the a** of a smeghead.

Get any episode of "Red Dwarf" out on video.
Rimmer is the man women never want to date.
Lister is the average guy, that most women will date.

"Ace" is another character. He is the man women love to date. The perfect Alpha Male.
Funny thing is, Ace is a version of Rimmer, from a parallel dimension, and eventually Rimmer becomes Ace!
Rent "Dimension Jump" (Season 4, Episode 5) to see what Ace is like.
Rent "Stoke Me a Clipper" (Season 7, Episode 2) to see how Rimmer becomes Ace.

You can be Rimmer, Lister, or even Ace.

I know these are all UK characters. But this is what came to me. Really cool though, and absolutely hilarious.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 21
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 4:45:59 AM
Just writing from a male perspective (I'm sure women can supply a female's pov), I found "most" women (avoiding the dreaded "don't paint the entire gender with one brush" tag) are looking for the Prince Charming-type; a guy to pursue and sweep them off their feet. Women will of course deny such things and swear up and down on stack of bibles all they're looking for is a decent, normal, honest man with a job and that lives responsibly, but my experience tells me otherwise. (I actually just recently read a woman's profile that said "I'm not asking for much, just a man to fly me to Cancun for dinner and maybe Paris for dessert"....I'm sure she was joking, but the mere fact she even made the remark tells me volumes.)

Ladies, there are plenty of normal, decent men out here, as I'm sure there are women, so I don't buy the argument that your only choices are creeps, druggies, losers, and skid row bums. If, however, you're looking for a guy to worship you like a Princess or Queen, has no faults, idiosyncrasies, and vices, and possesses a mindset that is both ambitious and aggressive yet humble, you're simply deluding yourself. Vain, narcissistic, driven, go-getters that look like male models are usually not shallowless, sensitive, modest types. They're demanding, venal, egotistic demigods and are usually very emotionally high maintenance (everything revolves around "them", not you). You will NOT get what you may regard as "good" attributes without the bad.

If you're looking for a fairytale romance and Mr Perfect-For-You, rent a Disney movie. I'll be living in reality.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 23
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 8:14:31 AM
I believe I'm an example of one of the "normal" people we're talking about here.

Regarding my general "fitness" to attract the opposite sex in dating/relationships.....

My Pluses

I don't think of myself as God's Gift. I'm average looking, and like most possess physical and personality imperfections.

I have no vices—never smoked, did drugs, or gambled. I drink socially, meaning about once every two or three weeks, but have gone months without so much as a beer. I've never been a physical or psychological abuser.

I earn a modest income and live within my means, and keep up on the normal loan debt (mortgage and vehicle) and utility payments most do. I pay off my credit card charges every month, nothing carries over.

I believe I'm reasonably intelligent and down-to-earth. I'm no Einstein, but not the Village Idiot, either.

I don't sleep around nor have multiple sex partners. Once in a relationship, I'm strictly monogamous.

My Minuses

I've analyzed my short-comings, and my biggest negatives with the women I seem to be attracted to are....

Not ambitiously aggressive enough, meaning: I refuse to play the pursuit game. (To explain further: I will not worship at the feet of any woman nor bend over backwards to earn their trust, respect, and affection -- I believe any relationship should be shared "equally" and "fairly". I will not put up with drama queens, status seekers, or materialism freaks.)

Not rich and materialistic enough. (goes with above)

I'm a loner (but can be fine in crowds and social functions if need be).

That's really about it? Maybe what's needed is all my exes answer a lenghty questionnaire to expand further, but obviously that's not gonna happen…lol.

As far as dating choices, I'm not geographically-challenged, meaning I live in a huge metro area and not in the middle of nowhere, so choices "should" not be a problem.

But I find myself single. Maybe some women can sympathize because their circumstances are similar, I don't know.

I've found once you strip away all the fancy idealism and feel-good talk from people that say they're only looking for "normal" and truly think they're being realistic about what they want, you find a huge disconnect with the reality of their actual dating/relationship "behavior". This goes to both genders, I suppose, but I'm sick of the disingenuousness I always hear from too many women.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 24
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 8:44:25 AM
What I was trying to get at, Red_n_Blue, is you'll never get everything on your checklist, but only a close "approximation" of what you want. I can understand dealbreakers like alcoholics, druggies, abusers, no job/huge debt, etc, but I've seen women reject because they didn't like the way the guy parted his hair or because be liked to sleep in (obviously being facetious to prove a point about frivolous rejection), then turn around and say they just can't seem to find anyone normal?

There's obvious denial going on that most people just don't seem to be self-aware of?

Mo
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 29
view profile
History
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 10:06:13 AM
One of the things I have learned in life is that expectations are disappointment seeds. The more expectations you carry around, the more likely one of them is going to sprout into disappointment.

I have known both men and women who carry this dream scenario around with them almost like a screenplay. They are looking for the person to cast into that lead role. They "know" in advance how this person will react when they say something and "know" exactly how the relationship will go. Sometimes these people have an entire interaction chain of events thought out in advance, again, like a screenplay. They are going to say X, and the other person is going to say or do A, then they Y and the other person will say B and they say Z and the other person says C ... problem comes when they say X and the other person says or does L,N,Q, or F ... they have a mind of their own. Then the person who had the grand scenario gets disappointed and possibly even tries to "direct" the other individual back "into character". Resentment, anger, disappointment ... all because someone wouldn't allow things to just be what they are. They had to go way down the path in their minds and paint this fairy tale picture and then when their prince arrives he doesn't behave exactly according to the story line and they are upset.

Don't get caught up in the perfect scenario. Chances are it exists only in your own head. Allow people to be who they are. Allow relationships to become what they will and love them for what they are. Don't exert a lot of effort into trying to make them be this or that. It is like trying to rope the wind.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 31
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 10:50:28 AM
Look, there's nothing wrong with wanting whatever version of perfection you're seeking in a partner, and that can include (depending on gender) looking for a woman that's supermodel gorgeous or a man oozing charm, money, and status. Just be totally honest and SAY so upfront; don't hide behind empty rhetoric. That's the gist of my argument at least, and what all this is really about, right? I've found most people won't come clean and say what they're "really" looking for because they think it might make them look shallow and unrealistic, but are found out rather quickly once the relationship is initiated. It's the wasted time and effort because of this initial dishonesty that I'm rebelling against. I put myself out there without sugarcoating a damn thing (you know my views and exactly what you're getting), and I expect the same.

Getting back to the definition of normal, there could also subtle differences between what you would think of as "normal" and what you're ultimately attracted to, and they're not necessarily mutually reinforcing or complimentary. Maybe a lot of us are attracted to people that have dysfunctions that other people can dispassionately see as abnormal flaws? Obviously, one person's definition of normal behavior could be the object of your desire's dealbreaker?

Mo
 exarmy30
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 33
view profile
History
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 11:53:45 AM
I think so. Maybe thats the whole problem with dating sites...they attract people that are too picky because of all the info available at one glance..i dont know...maybe...just a thought...I must admit to be truthfull, i find myself doing this sometimes.
 exarmy30
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 36
view profile
History
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 3:56:42 PM
Diana 619 I really liked and respect your opinion. I agree whole heartedly with that statement.
 in_trance7007
Joined: 1/12/2007
Msg: 39
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 6:03:01 PM
I think you're right. I can see if you wanted someone that "has it all" when you we're obviously not a good match. But I don't see a problem in looking for someone who "has it all" if you also have whatever that "all" means to you.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 42
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/13/2007 5:29:03 AM
Kind of like men that think the perfect woman is one that acts like Betty Crocker out of bed and Pamela Anderson in it.



___
//\\\\\\ ` \`..(@) '
: \\\\ (@)(@) / /(@) ,
\ ~L~ )\\\\ \ \ '\(__``',.. '
/\_~ / |||| \ , | ~~~--/__ `
////| |//// // / ^\\\\
||||^ ~~~~~~--------~/ / x) //
/ ( ( _____---~~~~~\| < @) SPLAT!
( )| / / / /( |
\^\ \____/ / \ / ~~~\ \ _ _ __
\ \/ \ \ |\\|) |~~ ~~\_ /^\/^\ \
)) ) ' ~ \__/\ / / \ \| | |
| | ` , \ \/ /- \ \ / /
|______| \ / \ \ /-/ /
| || | , ` ~~ /~~~~~~)`--''
( || | ' / / /
\ | | , < < <
\| / , \ __\\__\
/_^|| /~___|~___| W<
.
Side Note Image: The Perfect Rejection...lol

 exarmy30
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 43
view profile
History
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/13/2007 8:08:52 AM
Light house lady...whats the big deal about the call when you say you will call, and always answer your phone?...I struggle with this requirement I must admit. But I dont see what the big deal is about it.
 exarmy30
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 61
view profile
History
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/13/2007 7:01:35 PM
yes but thats assuming he has no morals...Just because he good looking and good job "got it all" (whatever that is) Doesnt mean he is going to be an immoral person....So Im not sure that assumption of him being a fool is true.
 cuspofgemini
Joined: 10/29/2005
Msg: 64
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/13/2007 8:22:53 PM
There is no such thing as the "Perfect Man."
 Change Of Pace
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 67
view profile
History
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/13/2007 10:42:31 PM
Forgive if this has been said already...I didn't read every post.

I read your profile and you're quite clear on what you're looking for. Are women looking for perfect men any more than you're looking for a perfect woman?

I'm 45 and I won't 'settle'...I know what I'm attracted to and what I want from the rest of my life. I've been looking for the man who is perfect FOR ME...not everyone else. I like tall men...tend to shy away from bald men...want someone who is financially stable...need someone who can carry on a conversation beyond the weather. I know what I want and if that makes me looking for perfection...so be it. I also know that if I meet someone who is none of what I want and I fall madly in love...I'll be the first to go with it.
 northeast25
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 71
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 8:05:27 AM
Some women ( and some men as well ) are looking for the perfect person. High expectations aren't necessary the same thing as unrealistic expectations. Suppose woman A is slender/fit, non-smoker, has a good job and has no kids. Woman B is obese, smokes, has a low income job and is a single mother with 3 kids. Both women have the same high expectations. Both women are looking for a man that is athletic/fit, has a good job, no kids, among other things. Yet only woman B has unrealistic expectations because she isn't able to match what she is looking for in a man. Sometimes people will state "I know what I want and I'm not settling". Sometimes what a person wants isn't what a person is realistically able to get. It is okay NOT to settle or lower your expectations ONLY when you have realistic expectations.



I too have looked at hundreds of women’s profiles and also find very, very few that list unreasonable expectations or demands in a partner.


I disagree. I have seen plenty of profiles where a woman wants a man to be 6 ft tall even though she is only 5' 4". The 6 ft tall requirement eliminates 80% of men. Some women have a narrow age range. Therefore her perfect match could be a year older or younger than that age range. Yet he can't contact her because of her restrictions.
 northeast25
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 74
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 9:45:52 AM
If its what she wants then its what she wants. Complaining about it, isn't going to change things. If it eliminates 80% of men then it will be her problem if she waits till almost forever for the wish list to be filled. Not your problem.


I wasn't complaining. Another poster stated that he didn't see too many women with unrealistic expectations. I disagreed and gave some examples. Many times, it's the women with the unrealistic expectations who end up complaining about not finding a man. I wouldn't want to a date a woman with a long list of unrealistic requirements even I met all of them. Chances are she has a sense of entitlement and she is picky about other things in life. Not just who she chooses to date.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 78
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 11:43:18 AM
Ealey, the standard argument I hear is people aren't looking for THE Perfect Partner, just one that is perfect for THEM. Yeah right, whatever.

Even with this redefinition people aren't going to find it. If one is holding out for the perfect match, you will NEVER have everything on your checklist. You may indeed find the man or woman of your dreams that also thinks you devine, but they'll also possess traits (controlling, cheating, lying, arrogance) or personality disorders (alcoholics, druggies, gamblers) or incompatible life circumstances (rich-poor, famous-anonymous, smoker-nonsmoker) that may ultimately break the deal.

But keep trying. You have all the time in the world not to "settle". I mean, it's not like life is finite and your time on this planet is short???

Mo
 northeast25
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 79
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 12:37:26 PM
I agreed to a1st meet with someone I have been corresponding for a while. The person mentioned that he had met some women who shall we say have more weight than their pics/profiles indicate, which seemed to be a big deal for this person. And so, we meet in person -and what do I see? He himself has somewhat of a beer belly. So who isn't having realistic expectations here?


He's not complaining about the women being overweight. He's complaining about women who lie about their weight. Big difference.
 svj
Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 83
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 3:25:30 PM
POF is possibly the best place in the world dis-prove the old addage:

"Beggars can't be choosy."


(BTW, that's not a sexist remark... guys are probably worse! LOL)
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 86
view profile
History
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 6:54:25 PM
I get to work primarily with women, often young single women. And I don't see many of them being unrealistic on who they would date. But it really is hard to meet people who we are compatible with, and have things in common with. It seems easy in high school and college, because we have constant interactions with a large number of single available people. But once out on our own, the number of people that we really know pretty well dwindles to few. I think most of us will compromise on our 'list of what we want' when we find someone who is nice to us and loves us. After all, no one's perfect. But it would be nice for our mate to have at least some of the qualities we want.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 87
view profile
History
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 7:00:14 PM
No one is perfect...I just wish to be perfectly happy!
 Anokagrassland
Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 88
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 7:30:10 PM
I agree. Your post is not a self pity thread. Just a question. You're right about expectations though you can expand it from 22 on upwards. I've generally been considered " good looking" but hardly every woman I email responds to me. Sometimes women email me and sometimes they don't. Sometimes girls can be so taken by looks that they somehow expect everything else about the gentleman to be dashing and debonair, a James Bond of sorts. When in reality it's just another average guy trying to make his way in the world.

If I didn't live in a small farming and ranching community, devoid of single women, I think I would do better in person. In person the girl is thinking about the guy in front of her. Not his stats. Too old, divorce, kids, too tall, too short, etc. Too easy to dismiss people because of stats!

Expand your parameters a little. Increase your distance and age a little. I've made great friends with ladies all over the U.S. They aren't going to relocate and neither am I but we're still friends. It's nice to have women to talk to! Sometimes too, a guy that is far away is "safe". Thing of it is, a girl on the other side of the continent may end up having a grandmother who lives down the street from you.

Hang in there, Good luck, -Chris
 ..Texas Gata
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 91
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/15/2007 5:43:00 AM
I agree,which could possibly lead to an affair later down the road. After my last realationship,I'd rather be picky than to just settle. Internet dating is a gamble, because you may have alot in common,but when it comes to meeting,there may be no spark. I need sparks to fly like the 4th of July lol...
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?