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 Verzen
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 1
Being upfront with the opposite sexPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
If you sincerely mean it, is it wrong to tell a girl upfront that you would rather focus on an emotional relationship rather then a physical one? The reason i'm asking is because there are alot of people on these forums that tell you to not talk about sex or anything when you first talk with them.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 2
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Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 12/16/2007 4:15:40 AM
Truth is always the best bet...why waste time if you are serious or not.
 caringwithhumor
Joined: 7/10/2007
Msg: 3
Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 12/16/2007 4:38:37 AM
Honesty is the only way to be no matter what you want. If you don't have honesty from the start, you won't have it in the middle or the end.
 »¤Cät§ëÿ매«
Joined: 10/9/2007
Msg: 4
Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 12/16/2007 4:49:07 AM
OP...when women claim they're tired of speaking about sex in the first few lines of chat, they're generally talking about men that are more or less 'soliciting services' rather than being honest about a sexual standpoint. Two very different topics. As always, honesty IS the best poliy. There are women out there that won't want to pursue such an avenue...and there are women out there that will love you for it.
 lonestardaddy
Joined: 11/18/2006
Msg: 5
Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 12/16/2007 5:13:13 AM
Verz, Not sure how to go about separating the emotional from the physical to focus on one w/o the other, but if you must ...and the girl agrees, why not? Nothing wrong w/ telling someone of the opposite sex what's on your heart and mind from the get-go, even if it might seem a bit odd to them. You'll learn very quickly whether or not the two of you complement one another, although you might miss out on what makes dating so much more fun than just conversation w/ a good friend. You're not wrong to approach these from a non-physical POV, but if she does ...or she at least flirts non-verbally for her desire to get physical, you might want to reconsider this.
 goodlistener711
Joined: 1/24/2007
Msg: 6
Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 12/16/2007 5:14:11 AM
Not that I can date, but any person....especially a woman who speaks her mind about anything would capture my intrest and respect.
 msthaing
Joined: 10/13/2007
Msg: 7
Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 12/16/2007 5:37:13 AM
guys say they want u to be honest but can't really take it when it's actually put out there..i know what i want and need and am pretty upfront about it myself, so i really don't see anything wrong with being honest about how u feel. but it really is hard to seperate the emotional from the physical if there is any attraction at all between the 2 people involved.
 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 8
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Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 12/16/2007 6:17:50 AM
»¤Cät§ëÿ매« said it most perfectly!
An honest conversation on sex and sexuality - is for some - a way of being open and honest. Anyone soliciting sex shows their true colours immediately and is abruptly put in their place!
 jenny68
Joined: 10/22/2006
Msg: 9
Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 12/16/2007 6:26:41 AM
I like truth and ground rules and choices and I think up front is the only way to fly?
 dakotart1962
Joined: 10/18/2007
Msg: 10
Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 12/16/2007 6:37:45 AM
Caring......Msg 3 put it best. Honesty is always best from the beginning no matter what the subject.....



 ~Myth~
Joined: 6/1/2007
Msg: 11
Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 12/16/2007 12:34:31 PM
Sex is normal. . . . . but it has it's place in a relationship . . .

A guy that cannot control his testosterone until after a kiss . . . is plain and simple UNDISCIPLINED . . . Personally, I don't want to date an undiscipline man.

On the other hand, if after a kiss, the girls does not want to talk about sex . . . well RED FLAG!

To EACH their own . . .

~Myth~
 crayonzz
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 12
Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 12/16/2007 12:44:06 PM
The real truth is something like
- Youre' very pretty, I'd like to have sex with you sometime, and, if we both enjoy it then I'd like to make it something we can both enjoy on a regualr basis.

Thats the real truth and thats the kind of honest that spawns complaints.
 jlivingston
Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 13
Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 12/16/2007 12:55:13 PM
I'm very up front... which is why I'm very single and likely to stay that way.

 »¤Cät§ëÿ매«
Joined: 10/9/2007
Msg: 14
Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:05:31 PM
LOL Crayonzz... The OPs truth sounds quite different than yours... Yours is much closer to mine.. but that's the beauty of it all..if we're all honest and up front, we're bound to run across others that do share our truths.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 15
Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:08:22 PM
i think that you can show her that you're more interested in getting to know her as a person, than you are in what colour the inside of her panties are, just in the way you treat her and in how you talk with her.. i don't think it needs to be spelled out in words on first meeting that, "you would rather focus on an emotional relationship rather then a physical one"... saying that might put up an alert within her to wonder why you'd even bring it up..
 dashriprock223
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 16
Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:11:25 PM
Well OP....

Personally, I think it would be great if more men COULD actually do what you suggest. It would be nice to see a few more men not lead their dating life with their 'dyck'..... The hardest part in doing so, and actually being 'honest' to a woman about it is: women have such stereotypical views of men implanted in their brains, that any man who actually DOES what you want to do and goes against 'the norm'....is seen as either a 'wuss' or 'gay'..... They might CLAIM that they don't want to have sex discussed.....until you DON'T discuss it....then they question EVERYTHING as to WHY you didn't discuss it.....or MENTION that you don't want to discuss it. It gets even worse if you don't make a move at SOME TIME during the first few dates..... Even if they don't WANT you to...they STILL question YOU for not doing what they didn't want you to do in the first place....and it's not a POSITIVE questioning....it will ALWAYS be negative questioning going on in their head.

Even worse, if they actually ARE attracted to you, and give you a 'window of opportunity', you will be pretty much written off for not taking advantage of it when they opened the window. For some strange reason, most are really not happy unless they have confirmation of their self implanted mental stereotypes to validate complaining that men are all JERKS. You'll be damned if you do....damned if ya don't. So - being a gentleman in this day and age....and being a guy who would like to make sex more a PART of the whole package, instead of it being the ENTIRE package, is really out of the question if you think you're going to succeed in impressing most of the women.....particularly when meeting most of them from internet dating. Sooner, or later.....your very manhood will be in question for doing what you suggest. Since they're already conditioned to EXPECT that you're going to want sex, your options are to......

a. - not be quite so gentile about it all, and just do what they expect in the first place....

or

b. - revel in making their head spin after going out to dinner, never talking about sex during the first few dates, giving them a nice peck on the cheek, thanking them for a wonderful time, and letting them stew in their own juices for DAYS as they paint some inacurate picture of who you really are because you completely went against the 'typical male' stereotype. It's kind of cute to see their heads blow off like a FEMBOT when their brains have been overloaded with a mental virus to their hard drives..........

Best of luck...... The world needs more guys like you....even if there isn't much of a market for it these days.........
 867love
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 17
Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:22:50 PM
no dessert -until you finish your dinner
 ro41
Joined: 12/11/2007
Msg: 19
Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 12/16/2007 5:20:43 PM
To have two peoples shearing this honisty can build some thing solid a good foudation.
To be able to exchange on any sujet is great and fun. Feelling that sexuall tension duilbing through the day and be able to talk about it's a good mutual teas .Fast foward where having a cooffee be for going to work one sart teasing sexully the other to feel that tension and then putting on the on bark burner .Have a nice day
Thank you for showing me the way here.
 honeydew64
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 20
Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 12/16/2007 6:42:05 PM
Honest is always the best policy. Even if it turns some people off. I'm always upfront with my intentions. Always tell the truth !
 Beedo
Joined: 11/29/2007
Msg: 21
Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 12/16/2007 7:02:09 PM
If you really mean it you should mention it , as to meet someone who is on the same wavelength, personally..I want to know what there preferences are concerning sex so that I need not discover way later on ..that they are into something that would be my turn off (or) vise verse.
Time, and not wasting that time, has become a priority at my age, and with the responsibilities I have.

Don't mean you've got to jump in the sack, just means your finding out if that may also be workable when the time is right, since I'm not dead yet there , it is an important part of a relationship to me, not any means to an end, but important none the less.
 moonflower_69
Joined: 11/19/2007
Msg: 22
Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 12/16/2007 8:00:22 PM
You should sincerely mean everything you say.. its never wrong to be up front when you know what you're looking for.. . often people misunderstand things that are not completely direct and clear, why get emotionally attached to someone who is envisioning something completely not what you are envisioning. ??
 o0ochristinao0o
Joined: 12/11/2007
Msg: 23
Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 12/16/2007 8:35:26 PM
Ditch the rules on dating!!! who cares what your supposed to do or say, how can someone get to know YOU when ur just doing what u should do not what you want to do. I mean as long as your respectful I don't think there should be many things u cant talk about or at least try!!! I hate these rules people play also known as games!!!! Say what u think and if she doesnt like it well move to the next girl who will be suited for u!
 Barbies Older Sister
Joined: 6/8/2007
Msg: 24
Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 12/16/2007 9:09:19 PM
It probably doesn't matter that much. Personally, you can say whatever you want and then I'll pay attention to your actions and behavior and see if what you said is true or not. Sadly, so many times words and actions don't match up!
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 27
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Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 2/15/2010 1:08:32 PM
Nothing you sincerely mean is wrong to say! No sense pretending you're something you're not! How she reacts is her business. Just don't be heartbroken if she bolts.
 Calientecutie
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 28
Being upfront with the opposite sex
Posted: 2/15/2010 2:01:31 PM
when you go out with a person enjoy yourslef
later on after three dates you will know what is the next step
is it friendship? or romance?
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