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 kevinmach
Joined: 3/29/2007
Msg: 3
My daughter's friend...Page 1 of 1    
I agree with you more than your brother, that's a touchy subject.

Even though I don't have kids, I've dated many women that do, so I go through this routinely (this game of knowing when it's appropriate to offer your opinion and when it's not).

You were exactly right to emphasize ***possibly*** ... and I know exactly what you were getting at. It's one thing to confront a parent with something concrete like drug use, sexual activity, drinking... but you could speculate about a ton of things when analyzing the behavior of children and where they might end up. Way too speculative to at this point.

I think you're on the right course. If you can be there to keep an eye on here, offer suggestions if it's clear she's having problems, I think you could be more effective than possibly alienating your family from hers- you never know how they could take that. Plus, you will be in a better position to observe more serious behaviors should they arrive, and can talk to her parents then, where the reaction will much more likely be appreciation than potential resentment.,
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 8
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My daughter's friend...
Posted: 12/16/2007 6:21:30 PM
He is doing what he is supposed to be doing and you are quite correct about the fragility of the relationship with your daughter and with you. She is already doing things behind her father's back and if you bring that up, your credibility is shot because she will know where her father got the information.

If she starts getting out of line with anything, a word from you would probably have more impact than a fistful of lectures from her father because she respects you and you are probably the closest thing to a mother that she has. Don't underestimate your ability to be a positive influence and as others have said, without any actual wrong-doing, you are putting her father on the defensive for no reason.

If the dad is normal he will appreciate being approached but I would wait until there is something more than concern about the potential for problems. You and probably your daughter too are keeping a watchful eye. My daughter definitely respects the confidences of her friends but if she thinks one of them is headed for real trouble, she doesn't think twice about telling me because she knows that I will violate the confidence only if I think there is no other alternative.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 9
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My daughter's friend...
Posted: 12/16/2007 9:54:20 PM
If you let the father know, he'd just be more strict on the girl, and the girl would not be that open to talk to either you or your daughter. I'd suggest that you can ask the dad if she can have you as a good female role model since she's lacking in her life, and you can give a good perspective that maybe he can't provide. Perhaps he'll be open to talk about other things that you may not be aware of.

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