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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is it ever ok to date a friends ex?      Home login  
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 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 4
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Is it ever ok to date a friends ex?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Many people will say that it should never happen.

I think time and the intensity of the relationship determine whether it is appropriate.

Just as others indicate that a real friend would not date an ex, if you have remained on friendly terms with the ex and bear no ill will, and he and your friend would hit it off, would you not be a poor friend to for no real reason keep them apart rather than hoping that they find happiness together?

There is no cookie cutter answer for this but I think most people know what is right for themselves and the situation by listening to their gut.
 Adam 4 Coffee
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 7
Is it ever ok to date a friends ex?
Posted: 12/19/2007 5:33:35 AM
Its ok with your friend's permision. There are rules. Friends date friend's exes all of the time as long as the 2 friends agree its ok and you respect eachother's wishes. Afterall My friend can have my sloppy seconds if he wants. I don't have cooties. Now sharing a girl at the same time, that sounds exciting for 2 friends to do. I don't think it will happen though. but its funny the conversations that come up when you date a friend's ex.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 14
Is it ever ok to date a friends ex?
Posted: 12/19/2007 8:33:44 AM
I have a slightly different take, although the outcome is the same. I basically don't want my friend's leftovers. So I wouldn't date any friend's previous boy.
 IThought UWereAHandpuppet
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 15
Is it ever ok to date a friends ex?
Posted: 12/19/2007 8:46:17 AM
Huh? Where is the ego boost in that? Hahaha! Once they are an "ex," I have no interest. Better to "date" them when they are still going out.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 16
Is it ever ok to date a friends ex?
Posted: 12/19/2007 9:25:44 AM


Interesting rationale. Under it one dates a stranger's "leftovers" (sic) but not a friend's? This rationale has to be tongue in cheek, I hope (lol lol)!!!

I'm not sure why you "incorrected" me, here.
I don't want to know where my men have been before me--I'd like to keep that dirty business behind a veil through which I can see only blurry images of previous girlfriends (this is why it's harder when you have to meet their ex-wives).
 cncgandolf
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 20
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Is it ever ok to date a friends ex?
Posted: 12/19/2007 12:11:39 PM
I thought I would never date a girlfriend's ex. Now that I have made that mistake I know I was right in the first place. Never date a friend's ex. In all likelihood you already know why the person is an ex. My explanation was that my girlfriend not only ex'd him but everyone she knew when they were together. So, I had already lost my girlfriend. Not as if dating him would cost me her friendship.

We hung in the same circles due to our hobby. she dropped the hobby and circle. Prior to her dumping him I had kept him at a 20 foot distance. Almost a year later I dumbly rationalized myself into dating him due to chemistry ... total amnesia ?? Wish I could say so, but no. I knew she was right to dump him. No sensical reason to date him. But, I did. Leopards really do not change their spots no matter how much they mean their promises to do so.

Sigh. I recommend not going there or doing that.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 24
Is it ever ok to date a friends ex?
Posted: 12/19/2007 3:45:36 PM
Do you value the friendship? If so, don't go there.
 dudeish
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 37
Is it ever ok to date a friends ex?
Posted: 12/19/2007 7:52:30 PM
Depends on how good of a friend it is! Most people would never date a friends ex just because they know all of the hell that they probably put them through. There is a reason that you guys split.. Right?

I know there are not to many of my friends that would date one of my ex's no matter how great of a girl she was just out of respect.

I think to each their own... If they wanna give it a shot and you don't mind then who cares?
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 46
Is it ever ok to date a friends ex?
Posted: 12/21/2007 3:46:36 AM

The OP's ex is an ex for a reason, as stated above. Naturally it takes time for the break-up pain to settle in and lessen.. but it the OP's friend has a chance to be happy with the OP's ex, why take it away from her???


I had a very similar situation, and I clearly *wasn't" over it. The friend who held my hand, and listened to all the damned agony, and "comforted" me, decided she jus' couldn't wait. . . . And didn't, a lied to me about it. Turned out later, that every single dude she'd been with in her life had started out as another woman's fella. I think if I *had* been over him, she wouldn't have been interested, lol! Comes under the heading of "good riddance to bad rubbish."


 oregonmeetsmesa
Joined: 9/22/2005
Msg: 52
Is it ever ok to date a friends ex?
Posted: 12/21/2007 5:46:29 PM
well for starters,make sure your friend is comfortable with that idea,unless you don't care if you lose that friend,its real iffy
 cncgandolf
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 56
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Is it ever ok to date a friends ex?
Posted: 12/22/2007 12:47:28 AM
"I dont see the problem really if all parties involved are mature adults"

The average American over the age of 18 is not a mature adult. Chronologically adult, but not emotionally or spiritually.
 cncgandolf
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 57
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Is it ever ok to date a friends ex?
Posted: 12/22/2007 12:53:01 AM
"What about respecting your friends possible happiness. That is as I said selfish."

Isn't the selfishness on the part of the 2 who out of all the billions of possibilities have to pick as a date a person that would cause hurt to a friend. I think the ex and former friend are the selfish ones if they date. Plenty of fishies out there without picking in a form of what might be considered incest.

My girlfriends become my sisters. I have an ex bro-in-law who has kept trying to get to me over the last few decades. Still feels incestual to me.
 naeco
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 61
Is it ever ok to date a friends ex?
Posted: 12/22/2007 7:53:07 AM

Rather selfish of that person to deny future happiness to their friend. Especially when you consider that an ex is past.


Anyone who has been in the forums more than a few days can see that emotionally, many exes are NOT entirely in the past.

If you're so desperate that you would hurt a friend in an attempt to find someone, then that's very selfish. I wouldn't go up to a friend and cause him pain by punching him in the stomach, so why would I think it's any better to cause him pain by being intimate with someone HE shared the same intimacy with?
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 68
Is it ever ok to date a friends ex?
Posted: 12/23/2007 8:49:51 AM
One of my ex bf's has been happily married to a lifelong pal of mine for 10 years now.. if not more. Actually... pretty sure it's more like 12 or 13 years now. God I feel old

It doesn't' bother me.. I mean.. they're ex'es, right? What the hell do I have to say about it. I walked away, right? Even if it wasn't MY idea to walk away... it's still a thing of the past.

I don't know if this makes me mature and understanding or cold and uncaring... perhaps a combo of all 4?
 Lario
Joined: 5/2/2005
Msg: 69
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Is it ever ok to date a friends ex?
Posted: 12/25/2007 12:25:34 PM
It should be quite ok so long as everyone's over the relationship. I once went out with a girl who several YEARS earlier, a buddy had been seeing (the same time he was seeing other women). I told the buddy about it when I next saw him (he was engaged at this point). It pissed him off and said, that girl had just ruined her chances of ever being with him again. I said ***hole, you're engaged. Seems he likes to keep his options open at all times.
 Neysha61
Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 79
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Is it ever ok to date a friends ex?
Posted: 12/26/2007 12:44:55 PM
If you are truly their friend in every sense of the word, you will know without asking how they would feel about their "ex" and if you were to date them. They broke up for a reason and it's usually a good one to one or the other. Rarely do you see amicable splits. Those are right up there with the existence of do do birds.
Amicable splits are certainly possible, but those take time, maturity and well, more time. Then some sort of healing, sense of closure and inner serenity should have begun. The huge divorce rate and speed dating that is taking place in this world are proof positive that people are not giving theirself any time to recover from one onslaught before diving into the next one and most likely missing out on a real chance at happiness with another.
Might as well show up to the initial date and say: "Hi! Care to help me carry my baggage in the door?"
 lolLori
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 83
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Is it ever ok to date a friends ex?
Posted: 12/28/2007 2:48:15 AM
I think in rare cases like the other person has fallen for your x and its obvious youre not really that into the relationship.

thats rare you also know that the other person sorta is more in need of a steady and you aren't.

You can never date a friends x who is one of the greatest lovers or the worst wreak heart break.

 lolLori
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 84
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Is it ever ok to date a friends ex?
Posted: 12/28/2007 2:50:35 AM
I think in rare cases like the other person has fallen for your x and its obvious youre not really that into the relationship.

thats rare you also know that the other person sorta is more in need of a steady and you aren't.

You can never date a friends x who is one of the greatest lovers or the worst wreak heart break.

Just as a warning thu ift usually wrong and itll cause the worse problems with you friend or x friend

 KUEngineer4U
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 88
Is it ever ok to date a friends ex?
Posted: 1/2/2008 2:03:45 PM
If my freinds are smart enough (which I credit them with being so) they have been around my ex's and know what they are like, so they stay away. If one were to approach an Ex (highly doubtful), they would at least have the courtesy to ask me. Not that it would bother me, except not to wish them on anyone and keep a friend, but I know they would have that consideration.
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