Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > need to LOWER my sex drive      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 3
need to LOWER my sex drivePage 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I 've been there, too. It was because I was emotionally upset, though, too, so I did some REALLY stupid things.

Is it possible this is a manic phase? If so, yes, there are drugs for this but you have to go to a doctor to get them. I suggest a psychiatrist--seriously. Any time you feel "out of control", it's not a good thing.
 brianjames189
Joined: 11/15/2006
Msg: 6
view profile
History
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 12/19/2007 2:34:05 PM
This is not a question that can just be answered that quickly so much more information is needed for any real help, but yes there are drugs that calm you down as a whole, but they are not geared for the sex drive alone.

Also it may be a little deeper than that, if you have been with your husamd your whole life then there are all kinds of emotional forces effecting you that you may be unaware.

Just do what feel "right" and if it gets too bad go and talk to someone about it.
 Fairmont1
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 9
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 12/20/2007 9:27:43 AM
If you really want to lower your drive, get your hormones checked. I bet you have a high testosterone level. It can be modified with medication.
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 10
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 12/20/2007 12:10:22 PM
are you getting hot flashes yet?
 mcbobly
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 11
view profile
History
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 12/20/2007 1:46:34 PM
WOW OP, where have you been all my life...j/k. No, I know someone like that too and she gets so frustrated that she's never going to be able to tone it down either. I haven't heard or come across anything that can help lower it, but I have to admit, rarely have I come across someone that actually wants to "lower" it, especially after 40. I wish you luck.
 janad
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 14
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 12/20/2007 8:31:00 PM
i know what u mean...just finished up a divorce myself about 9 months ago and am/was very excited to meet new people... hee hee...working as a bartender did not help either- the bar i was working at at the time was a real pick up bar. there were many times i was tempted by a young 21 year old guy in heat but managed to restrain myself...i almost feel bad for the guy i finally do sleep with because he will be going nowhere for hours and hours and hours...lol!
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 15
view profile
History
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 12/21/2007 12:01:35 PM
You know, I'm pretty dissapointed in the responses here.

This woman is going through a very serious problem that affects a lot of women her age.

While yes, it might seem like a good opener for a joke or off comment, at least show a little respect and try and give some real advice.
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 16
view profile
History
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 12/21/2007 12:05:31 PM
an herb called 'chaste tree berry,' also known as 'monk's pepper' (vitex agnus-castus ~ latin), has helped lower libido for many people. historically, priests and monks used it to reduce the sex drive and maintain abstinence. it takes a while for it to kick in, but give it a try. you can find it at your local herb shop.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 20
view profile
History
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 12/22/2007 7:08:32 PM
Well.....welcome to every healthy normal man's world........

Is is so nice to see the other gender face what many of us have gone through for years and and years and been told to "get over it"....... So.....I am telling you to get over it......play with yourself, use your toys, run, workout, exhaust yourself with work, family, friends and activities.

When the time is right and the person is also, you will get your relief and enjoy it very much, and then be very very careful because it just might be used as a tool to get you to do what they want and need from you......Can you take out the garbage now, and walk the dogs, and I might be in the mood to let you have me......lmao.......

Just my opinion.......
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 21
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 12/22/2007 9:38:01 PM
While I find mine quite distracting much of the time... there's no way in hell I'd ever want it slowed.
 southeastromeo
Joined: 5/26/2007
Msg: 23
view profile
History
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 12/23/2007 2:53:24 AM

My problem is that I feel like a dog in heat. I think about sex 24/7, I dream about sex, and every man I see I want to screw.

Welcome to the wonderful world of men.

Seriously, sorry to hear about your plight. I can empathize.

I often asked myself (and my friend who was at the time majoring in genetics) how to lower my drive. He didn't know either. Until I hit 26, it was very frequent self relief.

I recommend you find a trustworthy, repeat partner for sex while you continue your quest for prince charming. Trust me, the FB will understand and take no issue. As this thread demonstrates, many men would gladly accommodate your urgent needs. Also, PoF recommends 2 sites for the FB: somespamsite and Fling (both require dot Com after their name).

Good luck!
 oregonmeetsmesa
Joined: 9/22/2005
Msg: 31
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 12/24/2007 4:01:39 PM
OP ,Now you know what its like to be an average man, by our teens we have drive that would kill and older man,yet all we get for our constant restraint is how bad we men still are.You are a classic example of one that always wants it yet wants to be a good girl,so you have to man up and just take it,you don't see us going to a shrink or taking herbs,we deal with it.We are the same right now except for one thing,most the men want to personally shake your hand right now and give you there card and all the woman we continue to refrain from and continue to be a gentleman around still takes pot shots at us for thinking about sex so much.How would you like to be brow beat right now because your body says go 24/7,you wouldn't like it would you,you'd probably get mad wouldn't you,and you'd probably be deserving of being mad if those opposite sex kept knocking you down for something you are trying as hard as you can to handle.I am sorry you are feeling the pain wish I could say it gets alot better,but at 49 I see it doesn't,lets see been dealing with the constant cravings now for 34 years,how do I handle it.....I just do,I haven't the luxury of not
 oregonmeetsmesa
Joined: 9/22/2005
Msg: 33
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 12/24/2007 6:09:33 PM
Woman from Venus men are from Mars,is proved once again. First off when you become older what are you saving it from,you ladies agree to just alieve the urges with toys when there is nothing wrong with a human.Its hard to fathom the possible social implications you strangle yourselves with. I wish just once someone would be kind enough and thoughtful enough to just use me for sex and one could only hope she would continue this abuse for 4-5 years,the older I get the more I realize what a normal behavior sex is .Its hard to imagine that it just ends up being that ladies will turn to toys rather than be with a man,thats some crazy stuff.So many of the apparently sweet ,wholesome ladies I dated turned out to be the nastiest creatures ever thrown into a bedroom,its sad they put on a false show,its sad that ladies conform to such a screwed up belief. You know in other countries our practice is viewed as if we are all a bunch of prudes,in the countries that don't frown on nudity and view sex as natural,their percentages of rape and incest ,youth pregnancies and such is a mere drop compared to our country ,same reason as why some of our least likely ladies run off with the worst a**hole badboys they can find,because its taboo and dangerous,in other countries that have there beliefs other than ours their kids are more apt to not do things just to shock their parents. Telling her to run to a toy ,run to a vibrator only purpetuates the thought that her craving is bad and wrong and that anyway but the natural way is right.Once again at your age what are you saving it for,oh and contrary to alot of your beliefs out there it was never intended to be used as a tool or rather carrot to hang over a mans head, think deep down alot of you ladies love the power it gives you
 oregonmeetsmesa
Joined: 9/22/2005
Msg: 34
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 12/24/2007 6:14:06 PM
oops ,damn,forgot your divorce wasn't final,ok the speech was for the rest of you,you know who you are,spread the word
 Love_on_Fire
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 39
view profile
History
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 12/31/2007 5:36:20 AM
Well OP...you just need to find a good councelor, because it does appear that you need it from what you are telling us. Atleast you are being open about this, and not in denial about needing help about it like many in your age bracket are. This so called "mid life crisis" I guesse is a normal occurance apparently, but that has to be controlled and kept in check, or that can get you into some trouble if not, just like anything sexual that is not controlled. So I do support you in wanting to seek help, and I am sure your husband would appreciate it also.
 UnemployedGuy
Joined: 12/14/2007
Msg: 40
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 12/31/2007 7:01:10 AM
want to lower your sex drive you say? just get married i heard that works
 vaxplant
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 45
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 1/2/2008 5:07:24 PM
Yep, Saltpeter would be the analog for a guy. I'm not sure what effect it has on women though.

I remember getting a dose of that when I went through basic, and I understand the reasons why they did it (one less thing for you to have to worry about, and allowed you to concentrate your efforts where they were needed). let's just say that about week 7 it started to wear off and you could see the testosterone levels in the barracks spike when anything remotely female passed within half a mile.

 IOEnter
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 47
view profile
History
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 1/3/2008 3:46:24 PM
I read the whole tread, in the below text you may find my interpretation - a summary, an explanation, perhaps even an answer.

In the mind, body spirit analogy I believe that your body is ahead of your brain (to often associated with males) . You have been with a single partner for a long time. Therefore the conscious mind does not accept encounters with other males - yet, while your body has already accepted the fact.

The the usage of toys does not give you the emotional release, something that can only be obtained with another person.

You mentioned an active lifestyle in the 80's, perhaps the wheel has turned full circle - hence the normal needs/fears you are facing.

The way I see fear is as follows; you get that butterflies feeling in your stomach, the aim is not to ignore the fear, it's to get the butterflies to fly in formation. In other words, work through the fear - face it. I suffer from a fear of heights, so I started skydiving. With every jump the fear did not disappear, if it did I would not have jumped, because that/your fear is there for a reason.

There is plenty fish here, do not regret your choices, whichever one you make. The next phase in your live is about to begin.

Happy fishing!
 AaronzDad
Joined: 7/3/2007
Msg: 49
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 1/4/2008 1:07:01 PM
DanceGirl64 something else you might want to think about - and perhaps find a professional to talk about some - is the rollercoaster your life is on right now.

Several other posters here have touched on this but no one has really dug into it that I saw.

You were in a relationship for years, however unhealthy it may have been there is still some "stability" knowing it's there. Now all of a sudden you're breaking free. Divorce is a HUGE lifechanging event - in the top five of all lists you see on the subject. You're feeling the loss of companionship, even if that companion wasn't really there much of late. You're feeling stress over the uncertainty of your future. You're feeling concern over your attractiveness in general (don't worry, that's natural and EVERYone deals with that during a divorce). You're feeling hurt and anger and frustration and a thousand other things all piling on top of each other.

What is the ultimate act of acceptance and love? What is the most soothing expression of stability and security?

It may simply be a physical/chemical thing although I rather doubt it. You might be experiencing the physical manifestation of your emotional/mental turmoil. Again I'm sure you're not the only one dealing with this kind of thing. Take a look around the internet for divorce support groups and I'm sure you'll find a thousand other people - men and women - struggling with the exact same feelings.

It may well be that you're going to have to find a chemical/physical means of dealing with the mental/emotional stresses right now. Kind of like taking an aspirin on a stressful day. But it will help some to recognize where those stresses are coming from.

Then again I could be way out in left field and this is simply a normal libido level for you at this point in your life and for your next relationship you need to find a, uhhh.... "marathon runner" so to speak....
 snuggleup2me
Joined: 8/16/2006
Msg: 51
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:16:42 PM
You are correct about the alcohol. It's a biological fact that alcohol creates testosterone in a female which intensifies the urge to have sex. That explains alot to those whom never heard it.
As for your problem, I suggest doing something that you enjoy, a hobby or try something new that you've always thought of, but haven't so far. Idle time makes people think more, so try to occupy your mind with things far from sexuality. Research, comedy clubs, visit a relative you haven't seen in awhile, plan things to do with your child.
Hang in there and remember you are doing it for your child. Nothing is more important.
(This is my first posting on here, I hope I've helped in some way.)
 JetDriver722
Joined: 8/22/2006
Msg: 53
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 1/9/2008 1:05:37 PM
Speaking for my half of the team, naked pictures of Janet Reno pretty much kills my sex drive for a few days ...

Maybe there's some equivalent?

You age and new-found freedom adds up to a normal, healthy desire for companionship and sex. So -- Bob to the rescue, perhaps?

Whatever you do, avoid a relationship of any stripe for a little while. You need to have your head together first, lest your blood chemistry do the talking for you!
 bigshrek
Joined: 11/15/2007
Msg: 56
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 1/22/2008 2:53:22 PM
You don't need to lower your sex drive, you just need to find an outlet for it. Preferably a vibe that plugs INTO an outlet.

Bear in mind that if you look at divorce cases you will see that the ones petitioned initially by men 90% are over lack of sex.

Also your subconscious (because you're on the way to a divorce) is going to mess with you by telling your body that it's time to Get Some ESPECIALLY at your particular age...

I'd suggest a friend with benefits...it'll get you past the divorce and it's far easier to deal with life when you are well-fawked and happy.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 61
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 2/25/2008 2:56:36 PM
I've noticed that what you're going through is rather common for women around 40 particularly when going through a divorce. What you need to do in my book is embrace those emotions but use them to make you feel better. For instance go to a gym and work out. Not only will you feel good, but more sexy after working out. Now if you are fully separated, you're not living with your ex, I don't see anything wrong with channelling those feelings into a rump with a real person. Just be realistic about a couple of things. One, under no circumstance have sex without protection, even if it makes you look like an easy woman, carry protection. Second, realize that you can do a bounce back into a strange relationship that has to do more with bouncing than with a fresh start. So enjoy.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 63
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:42:38 AM

nly if UN-ATTRACTIVE ppl are at the gym working out


Where is such a gym? My gym has its share of ugly people, but then there's everything else in between. Actually, when I am doing my interval training and I am going all out, sometimes I will stare into a couple of rows ahead where some well shaped buttocks trounces up and down on a machine, and I say to my self, "What's your motivation." Then take a deep breath and go harder. Hehehe. It works for me.
 JadeMuse
Joined: 11/3/2007
Msg: 64
need to LOWER my sex drive
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:41:42 AM
OP...
It is said that after about three months of no sex, your body will "reset" and you are able to refocus your energies into other pursuits... the edge will finally come off of your "jones" and you are able to relax in mind and body. When you are having lots of sex, your body actually craves it more. Your natural "feel-good" seratonin levels are much higher when you are having (good) sex and exercise. When you stop having lots of sex, the decrease in production can wreak havoc on you.
It is like withdrawl from a drug.
So, if you are accustomed to frequent intercourse, there could be a light at the end of the treadmill (ever heard of a "runner's high?").

Now, if you are finding that relief is not forthcoming in your case, particularly after trying the herbal remedies and increase in exercise that have been suggested here in this thread, traditional medication and therapy are also available.

Depression or mania (or bi-polarism) can be triggered by stress (more likely if you are at risk due to family history, etc...), and you have a lot going on in your life right now. Both can lead to extreme behavior. One way or another just be safe! You can check out the definitions on Wikipedia or google "DSM-IV" for the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders for more information on mood disorders. It could help you decide if you want to pursue medical intervention.
Hopefully, you just need a good FWB!

Good Luck!
JadeMuse
P.S.
One possible side-effect of some anti-depressants or mood-stabilizers can be the inability to orgasm. Just be aware. J.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > need to LOWER my sex drive