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Joined: 3/22/2007
Msg: 1
Sex on the 1st datePage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I went on a date last night & thought things were going well until he hinted just 1 too many times about us having sex. I came out & asked if that's what he thought was going to happen & he said yes ~ based on our telephone conversations. I still have no idea what I said or insinuated that would have lead him to believe that. No where in my profile does it say "I'd like to find a nice guy, have dinner & bang" (please laugh, because I am !! ). I also couldn't help but wonder if he thought the sex was going to take place in the restaurant or 1 of our cars since we both drove about 45 min to get there & weren't near either of our homes...once again, please laugh!!

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude....but in this day & age of STDs and crazy people on the net , are men really still looking for just 1 thing & do they expect it to happen on the 1st date? Please tell me I'm wrong & there are "normal" men out who actually want to take the time to get to know who might actually want to date...(yes, I'm well aware that normal means different things to different, no need to point out the obvious ~ said with a bit of sarcasm)

Peace, Love & Fat Girl Smooches,

Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 2
Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 12/22/2007 6:34:21 PM
Even though this subject's been done to death,i'll say it again................Yes,sadly,many men hope to get sex on the 1st date,coz no one wants to waste any time getting to know you................................ok,not ALL men(sorry),but a hellava lot of guys are indeed just on here,looking to get laid,no matter what category they've put themselves in,on their profile....................
Im speaking from my own personal experiences......ok?
So,just try & be a bit more savvy about who you meet.............................
Expect the worse,but,hope for the best....:)
Good Luck !
Joined: 12/6/2006
Msg: 3
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Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 12/22/2007 7:44:02 PM
U couldn't help but wonder if he wanted it in the restaurant lmao....

Sounds like he wasn't the only one thinkin of sex....

There's nothing wrong with being truthful to yourself... lol
Joined: 3/22/2007
Msg: 4
Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 12/23/2007 12:54:21 AM
lol ~ I was being truthful...I really was trying to figure out where he thought this was going to happen. I wonder if Carrabas (is that spelled right????) would have minded if we cleared a table off & well...need I say more lol
Joined: 3/22/2007
Msg: 5
Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 12/23/2007 12:59:47 AM
Trust me, I thought I was being savvy! We spent many hours (well over 10) on the phone & decided to meet at a public place. Not once was the subject of us sleeping together brought up during any of our conversations....oh well, we live & learn. As far as his category...he changed it from long term to dating ~ after our

Joined: 10/15/2006
Msg: 6
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Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 12/23/2007 9:32:08 AM
From my experience LisaMarie....
what happened to you is what happens to most ladies all the time, even tho you state in your profile and in conversation in the mail or on the phone that you are NOT only here for SEX. IF that is what we wanted we could get that anytime, anywhere.....So guys listen up....if you meet and both of you grow to care for each other it will happen eventually.....some sooner then others but>>>>So "learn" to be patient please!!!!!
If you like each other, it will be well worth it in the long run.
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 7
Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 12/23/2007 11:05:16 AM
hey hun this is an easy answer,sex happens when it happens.I dont go out expecting it but do come prepared,just make that point first and faremost that it aint happening and if he gives you static,send him walking
Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 8
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Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 12/23/2007 3:08:16 PM
Thats why before every first date, you are supposed to shave your legs...

Truthfully, many men have an overinflated sense of their own "prowess"... they think that even though you didn't openly talk about sex, its only a matter of time before their manliness just overwelms you.

Atleast that is how it is in Penthouse magazine....
Joined: 3/22/2007
Msg: 9
Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 12/23/2007 5:22:37 PM
Jude52...thanks for the comment...I've been on very few POF dates (by my own choice!!) and that was the 1st time I've ever experienced anything like that ~ through POF or on my own. Once again, I'm not a prude but geez...we didn't even finish dinner!

Arlie1969...I agree with you, if it's going to happen it'll happen...but it shouldn't be expected. Both men & women should always carry something with them and I sure as hell sent him walking!!

InteractiveJohn...omg...I'm still laughing ~ I always always always tell my gal pals not to shave their legs on a 1st date!! When I saw what you wrote I really laughed out loud!!!!!! . Thanks for the laugh and I'm tossing all of my razor blades. Any men interested in females with hairy legs????????

Peace, Love & Fat Girl Smooches,

Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 10
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Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 12/24/2007 7:29:31 AM
I think guys get a bad rap on this. It is actually more complicated than you think for the guys. I have been on a couple of dates with people that I have met online and elsewhere and have to say that several times not being after that one thing has led to my downfall. When I first started dating I was completely abstinant, which means you extremely rarely get past a first date, if you do, it is with a person who likes a "challenge". When they realize there is no game, that is it. So, I adjusted my philosophy and had a few bad relationships. I have been dating again, and not having sex as soon as it is offered has caused more problems than not. Of course, there are many different types of people, but it seems the majority of them expect that if there is attraction that there should be sex immediately. If not, they lose all respect for you or interest in you.

I have never met a person for the first time with the expectation of having sex, but have found that the majority of women thus far have been expecting it and aggressively persued it. It has been them who have only wanted one thing.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that, in my experience, it is both sexes who persue sex aggressively and put a huge importance on it. If you are one who likes to take it slow and maybe even get to know someone and form a relationship based on something more profound than genitalia, you are probably in the minority. Personally, I have decided to just go with it and be as sexually liberal as the people I have met, and hope that I can make a connection on a deeper level. It is just very important to me to be safe and optimistic.
Joined: 1/27/2006
Msg: 11
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Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 12/26/2007 11:02:52 AM
Shame on you's not just a gender thing! Unless you're one who doesn't enjoy sex,we all think about what sex would be like,if we are with someone who get's us thinking about that,first date or not. It's just a sign of class,quality or lack thereof !!

You should have just ended all conversations with a guy that would be so aggressive with his hinting, unless otherwise encouraged.

There's a secetion here on search that allows for that type of desires and there's nothing wrong with looking there. I'd much rather find a lady there that matches every thing else that I'm looking for,because finding a lady that has sex as a priority is important to me. I'm getting old,who knows now long it will continue to work.

Now the idea of out in the parking lot or other nontraditional places,if both desired,that's just plan fun,so let's not use that as an excuse not to play.

So next time a man behaves and talkes that's time to either leave if you're there in person or end the phone call,he deserves nothing less then a quick hangup or see you jerk!

Here's an additional question for you ladies.............I do like to look at all types of interest when searching here on POF and have actually talked to several ladies on the some what naughty side. With that and knowing that "all" men and most ladies do enjoy sex,why do some of you ladies don't even want to talk to us guys that have communicated under that section and you just block all emails. I've seen and heard from numerous friends/ladies that tell me about the quality of guys out there..........I'm a quality guy,but some will never get a chance to hear from me just because I'm willing to look at profile types? There's husbands or boyfriends that are on the internet lookng at porn every day and all I do is email? I've never gone porn shopping on the net,don't even get on the net after work hours and never go to strip clubs,except parties etc.

Joined: 11/16/2007
Msg: 12
Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 12/27/2007 3:30:13 AM
Hey Lisa,
I keep getting the other side of the coin. Women who want sex on the first date. It gets to the point where you can tell why some of these people are single in the first place. I'm sorry for your bad date. I've watched some guys work a room and am sometimes embarassed to be a guy. I also have watched women work a guy for drinks and then leave him hanging. Bad manners and upbringing are very common today.
Everybody is in a hurry to get what they want NOW!!
Good luck with your search.....and guys...take it easy....
Joined: 8/22/2005
Msg: 13
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Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 12/27/2007 9:48:34 AM
I think the same applies to both genders. If they are not really interested in you as a person "enough" to care about getting to know you more or in seeing you again, yet they have chemical attraction and or they are sexually excited by you, it's probably going to go into some area of sex.........then Good Bye, my pretty..........MALE or FEMALE ----Fast in--------> Fast out!

If they like you and want to get to know you better, or want to see you again, they will probably take it slower. It's like savoring the moment and making each new moment one more exciting step to the next, until it all comes some mutual climax.........

Screen your people and watch the body language, voice dictations, and the eye contact and listen, listen, listen, to what and how they are saying it. Spend a little more time paying attention to you date, instead of trying to impress them and you will find most people will show their true intentions right away.......
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 14
Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 12/27/2007 1:46:25 PM
Lisa, to avoid a repeat I strongly suggest meeting for coffee or a drink first. If he drops a hint in the first meeting you will know where he is coming from. Be very clear that you think of a date as traditionally defined. He obviously thinks of a date as an encounter - that he paid for sex with the cost a your dinner. HA! I could understand if he was an immature young man. Too bad he turned out to be a loser after all those phone calls. His loss!

Chin up, Lisa. Trust me there are many decent men out there that actually have their own moral standards. Change bait. hold your line up off the bottom and keep fishing!

Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 15
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Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 12/28/2007 6:33:36 AM
wow thats funny how mature was this guy. I would have to know aomeone a lot longer than one date at a restrant I would think I would like to spend more time with them and at least become friends before I approach the sex subjuct and even then I would go with them to the health department and both have a STD test. I have had all of mine because I am a veteran and the services were free after my divorce I didnt know who she had slept with she told me about 6 of them but I didnt know to be sure I got tested and I am fine but I dont think I would be casual about it and no I dont think youi were wrong. I have been divorced for 4 years and I have only been with 2 women and They both were tested. Its my life here I am playing with I dont sleep around, SO I cant really say if this is the new norm but if it is count me out.

Frank Duiffey
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 16
Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 12/28/2007 9:54:33 AM
I think that if you decide to have sex on the first date, then you must accept the possible consequences. STD's, will he/she respect me, exciting fantasy fullfilment, true love. Who knows???? I've had sex on the first date and I've waited a number of dates before anything happened. I think that I prefer sex to happen sooner than later, because I don't want to invest months only to find out that that we're not sexually compatible. There are some who say that it only takes 15 seconds before a person decides whether they would have sex with someone they meet.(not necessarily the first date) If that's true and under the right circumstances, sex on the first date might be awesome (or really suck). I think it's a toss-up, so I think that if it feels right,,,go with your gut feeling either way.
Joined: 7/18/2005
Msg: 17
Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 12/29/2007 3:31:44 AM
It is naive to think that a man would not want to have sex on the first date; he would want to have sex at the drop of a hat; and lets face it, we are on websites like this because we are looking for a special situation, and unless anyone here is under 18, we are all adults, most of us have already been in a marriage or a relationship that did not last that mystical "forever", so most of us have not had physical intimacy in a while, so it is a natural thing to want to have sex--particularly when you consider that if human beings had a low sex drive the human race would not last very long LOL....

So that you understand me, I am just saying that it is natural for men to want to have sex on the first date, not saying it is a preferable activity, smart to do, wise, etc..
Joined: 12/25/2007
Msg: 18
Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 12/29/2007 5:13:48 AM
I agree that with either gender.. If you find someone attracive and feel a sexual connection.. That sex is going to be more than likely at the forefront of what you are thinking about while with this person. There is nothing wrong with that. However, with me, there has to be more there than just hormones raging across the table. And if there is, I find it infintely sexier to draw the sensual tension out over several dates and intimate phone calls etc.. I want to know him.. Know what makes him tick.. I don't think I would know that after just an hour or two.. I've never been into the bed hopping thing.. I like true intimacy.. Broken down into into- me - see.
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 19
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Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 12/29/2007 10:27:27 AM
Hell I just had something similar to that last night.

You see I was at my ex-wife's niece 3rd birthday last night and this girl, fine as can be, walked right up to me and whispered in my ear "**** me tonight." Needless to say, I was red with embaressment because I didn't know the girl, and plus I wasn't going down like that. I mean, I have to know the girl before anything.

I even told her "I don't move that fast." She said that I moved to slow when it came to relationships.

Needless to say she was chasing me all night. When the party was over, all I did was walked her to her car, gave her a peck and told her some other night.

Oh, did I forget to mention that I was also in Brazil last night when this happened.

The reason why my POF says Lake worth is because I'm moving to the area
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 20
Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 12/30/2007 5:51:51 AM
Be glad that he showed you his true colors on the 1st date. You two were obviously looking for different things. Maybe you should have asked him what you said that led him to believe that you wanted to be a pump n' dump lol, either that or simply told him that you had to leave. I doubt it was a misunderstanding of sorts, he sounds like a jerk. I'd stay clear of someone who spread themselves around so freely or was such an egomaniac that they think they are "entitled" to sex upon meeting. Just be really careful, people who act predatory scare the shit out of me.
Joined: 11/15/2007
Msg: 21
Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 12/30/2007 12:34:15 PM
There are men out there that are still looking for sex on the 1st date and there are men out there that are looking to meet someone. There are women out there for the same reasons.
I experienced a similar situation, GREAT date, 5 hours, spent the afternoon together. Yes, there was a chemistry a strong chemistry, that does not mean sex is supposed to happen the 1st date because there is chemistry. It was definately expected and because "it" didn't happen, not only was there not a second date there was a lot of arrogance!!!
I learned a long time ago people that have egos that big and expect sex on a first date are insecure and that is the only way they are sure someone is interested in them. They are arrogant and have no desire to "get to know someone" and obviously don't care much about themselves to take that type of risk!!
Cheers to the men & women who don't feed into the "sex on the first date".
Joined: 12/25/2007
Msg: 22
Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 1/2/2008 5:30:52 AM
Sex on the first date to me means you are attracted to that person in a sexual way or you are just looking for sex. To me life is more than sex, but not to others. Don"t get me wrong. I enjoy sex ,but there has to be more, like real feelings and not just during sex. There has to be more to a relationship to me. And some do not know the difference between lust and love. To each his own.
Joined: 12/11/2007
Msg: 23
Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 1/4/2008 12:48:36 PM
That just happened to me at church the other day. Damn nuns.
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 24
Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 1/5/2008 5:19:48 AM
Sex on a First Date? Gee been a very long time since I got that drunk and stupid!!!! lol!

Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 25
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Sex on the 1st date
Posted: 1/9/2008 8:03:06 AM
Difference between a man and a women a date.

A man wonders if he is going to have sex.

A women knows if she is going to have sex.

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