Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > He only wants it from behind      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 mommasays
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 1
He only wants it from behindPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I need advice:

I've been dating this guy i really, really like (for about 2 months). He has a wonderful heart, a good person, and I'm attracted as heck.

He was emotionally neglected and he told me of one time when his mom 'flashed' him while she was drunk...so he has a hate for his mother n grandmother

he watches a lot of porn

when we have sex he doesn't want to kiss, hug, oral, or even other positions...he only wants to finger me or do me from behind...no eye to eye contact

i mention what i want...nicely while we have sex, he seems to hug or kiss me just to shut me up

i don't want to make this a serious "discussion" ...i don't want to criticize his performance...which by the way he is very good at

the affection feels very one sided....HOW DO I LOVE A MAN WHO HAS BEEN SO SCREWED UP BY HIS MOTHER??.....HOW DO I TEACH HIM TO BE A "LOVER" IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD?

 mommasays
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 2
He only wants it from behind
Posted: 12/23/2007 9:55:41 AM
he is 40.... i don't think it's too late...he doesn't run when i try to talk, he responds to affection....but it feels so one sided, like i'm the one having to make the moves....one sad thing: when i turn my back to him, is when he reaches out to me
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 3
view profile
History
He only wants it from behind
Posted: 12/23/2007 10:12:07 AM
This sounds like a thread that was posted earlier this AM and then the poster just dropped off the site ... closed her account 4 minutes after she posted it.

OT ...
Seems to me the only thing you can do is talk to him and let him know how you feel. The bottom line in any relationship is that if your needs are not being met and you have discussed it at length with your partner, then you probably need to move on.
 getupinya
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 4
He only wants it from behind
Posted: 12/23/2007 10:21:56 AM
It's obvious he has intimacy problems, which is why he won't get into a sexual position where eye contact would be possible and where he would have to look you in the face.

My first impression would be that the guy is irreparably "broken" and you should just move on, unless you are content to just take it from behind for the duration of your relationship.
 mommasays
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 5
He only wants it from behind
Posted: 12/23/2007 10:23:57 AM
i have two accounts and the other account wouldn't let me respond to posts, so I deleted.

well, i'm not the disposable kind...I won't drop a guy because he has issues, if i know we have chemistry, if I sense God has his hand in the relationship, i stay...i do pray about him/us

i think we are together for both our sakes...#1 he needs healing, i know how to love, am loyal, I am able to teach and am forgiving...God can use me to bring healing to him

as for my sake....he totally is everything i've wanted in a man (except for the affection/sex variety) my heart jumps when he calls, when he kisses me, i melt when he fixes stuff me , etc
i also need to learn how to talk to him about my feelings---this is hard for me, so my own issue of growth

but yes, i won't let it drag on or marry unless i feel such important things are addressed n solved

thanks cotter
 Love_on_Fire
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 6
He only wants it from behind
Posted: 12/23/2007 10:25:46 AM
how old is he? could it be too late? im not one for giving up on someone-but not at the cost of your own happiness.


Well actually in a relationship, no ones needs are in and off themselves more important then the others. Both peoples needs are importnt.

Also there is no need to leave a guy just because he doesn't want to fulfill any sexual needs that you may have. A relationship is more then just sex. I mean you can remain with him and still be lovers without the sexual intercourse.

I don't think there is too much to worry about, just give him his own space which he needs and be there for him and help him. Whoever tells you to be selfish and think about yourself MORE then the other.....ignore them , I will say this respectfully, that they are just wrong on that assessment. As I mentioned, both peoples needs should be seen as equally important. Don't buy in to what some of the people have been telling you folks in the last 20-30 years or so, use your heart and intellect, as opposed to relying on what some group or organization or media or bad friends may tell you.

We are living in a world that desperately needs people to help and look out for one another and to start to show a comman love and compassion and respect for fellow people. To keep the love strong and alive....please be there for him!...ok?
 mommasays
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 7
He only wants it from behind
Posted: 12/23/2007 10:27:33 AM
2Bloved......funny u mention this, yesterday all he wanted to do was make me cum by fingering me...and he did many times....i kept asking him why do u want me to cum so much...he said cuz he knows it makes me happy and he loves to see my face.....(we didnt even have intercourse, we both have colds)

is it true that you guys think....keep her cumming and she will keep coming back?
 mommasays
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 8
He only wants it from behind
Posted: 12/23/2007 10:32:52 AM
love on fire...... you're confirming of what i have been doing..... i don't push the issue, but i do talk about it......i care for him and want him whole, i give him his space and respect and then devour him when i see him hehe...he does tend to physically push me away tho, he doesn't like being touched a lot (his damn mom!)

thanks....i will remember your words
 mommasays
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 9
He only wants it from behind
Posted: 12/24/2007 1:39:41 AM
i'm giving it just a little more time....i have to think of my own needs.....i cried my way home tonight.... i thank God i know what it's like to be REALLY loved, so i have a frame of reference
 mommasays
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 10
He only wants it from behind
Posted: 12/24/2007 7:19:49 AM

If he does have a serious talk with him about what you need and your concerns..... Eventhough he is 40 he way have no insight into the connection between his childhood experiences and his intimancy issues.... He probably would benefit from therapy if he is open to it... Many men are not however; particularly when it comes to issues related to their sexuality.


we've only been dating over a month...i dont think it will last enough to turn into marriage, tho i would love it(he really is awesome) i know the women in here would be attracted, he is "very male".....

so i wonder, why are we in each others lives?? ....he has straight up told me he has issues about his mom, and that he has gone to therapy ...he is open to growth and change, so that gives me hope.... tonight we go to church, that is where the healing will begin.... every time i pray about walking away, God does something, so i wait..... and yes i can tell he cares

to top it off we now have a new glitch....he has been taking steroids and now it's affecting him getting hard...after he couldnt get hard he decided to quit, but to be back to normal he is going to have to take other stuff

i cried my way home...its been so long since i've been in love and why is the possibility of it with a guy such problems....

ty to all of u for ur input

 mommasays
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 11
He only wants it from behind
Posted: 12/24/2007 7:37:58 AM

You don't want to make this a serious discussion? You may have more issues
this dude you're hooked up with. Look, bottom line is he's got a deep-seated hatred for women. You can't fix him. He needs professional help


i have some training in counseling and work with hundreds of psychologists..... this helps me to understand and i also help a lot of people with their issues.... i am going about this as i know how (training wise)

i have compassion for another's' needs and i won't allow myself to stay in a situation where it's not going to be good for me...

tiny dancer: control issues??
 Chiwrtr72
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 12
view profile
History
He only wants it from behind
Posted: 12/24/2007 8:58:57 AM

Love yourself enough to walk away. It's not your job to fix him, you need to respect yourself more than that


I don't know if I agree with this advice... all of us are imperfect and thus have things that are broken.

OT ~ Since you are clearly happy with him, I would encourage him to seek therapy. Many work places offer services of some kind or another if he doesn't know where to start searching.

You mention him getting you off multiple times because he wants to please you. Perhaps you can play up that aspect of how you want different positions in bed to be satisified.


.....(we didnt even have intercourse, we both have colds)


Did anyone else find this funny? Ah, good to start my day off with a chuckle...
 mommasays
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 13
He only wants it from behind
Posted: 12/24/2007 11:36:38 AM

stove top You still haven't answered some of us who have asked what he does if you initiate other positions. Have you tried being more the dominate one. Or are you strictly submissive???


well he will do another position, but it seems he does it only because i ask...once we do it for a bit he goes back to his behind thing...when i try to be dominant, he lets me for a while, then back to "his" way, he is very mechanical about sex, no foreplay.....

gay he is not, he is totally male, but he sees women as objects (hence the porn factor)...makes me wonder why he's with me......i think he just likes the nice church girl thing, he knows i wont cheat etc

i'm giving it time...i wont allow myself to stay in a situation that is bad for me...he totally respects me, treats me good....just doesn't emotionally n physically love me the way i have deliciously become accustomed to
 DAVE632
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 14
view profile
History
He only wants it from behind
Posted: 12/24/2007 4:55:28 PM
Sumbuddy give Bethlett a BADGE. She's right tho. Multiple profiles & multiple stories / dumb questions = LIAR.
The inconsistencies give them away but you have to have a degree in FBI Profiling sometimes before you can spot a wonky one and Bethlett just sniffed out a wonky one.

Congrats.
 mommasays
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 15
He only wants it from behind
Posted: 12/25/2007 6:19:19 AM
well everything i have to say in this thread is true....#1 i don't want to bring my personal business to people i work with and i certainly don't want my face posted on the internet as i talk about such intimate issues, hello!! would u?

....as for my profile, i did have 2 accts, closed the other when it wouldn't let me edit and when i filled out this profile i was not in the writing mood, so i answered as i did--i'm a horrible knitter, i have a job, and i am a woman dating a man...some real basic boring stuff

for those that want to hear an update.....
he went to church with me last night.....it was absolutely romantic and beautiful, he kept bringing up the experience and how he didnt expect it to be as it was...we had a wonderful christmas eve w my kids and grandmother n him...puppy n cat too

there is hope....


to all, even the cyber cops
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > He only wants it from behind