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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never bee      Home login  
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 thebevy
Joined: 12/2/2007
Msg: 9
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?Page 1 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
Thank you for hitting the nail on the head. Brilliant! Was a workaholic in radio/tv in my 20's and 30's and never found time for a mate. Only dated those within the profession, much like law enforcement and doctors. Then the late 30's were upon me and eldercare issues arose. Happens to only children.

Took care of Mom for 17 years. Dad asked for 6 weeks.

Would I have changed a thing? Not on your life. Which is why it's my turn now.
 kitelover3
Joined: 10/26/2007
Msg: 12
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/26/2007 5:57:13 PM
Are you for real? I have never been married but has nothing to do with commitment on my part.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 13
Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/26/2007 6:05:34 PM
Yes, I have.
And will again if it comes up.
Abit easier.
Less baggage.
 StacisMom
Joined: 12/3/2007
Msg: 15
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/26/2007 6:24:55 PM
You can't just put people into one, two or three categories. There are millions of people on this planet and millions of reasons why someone may reach their mid 40's and have never married. I wouldn't want to imagine why until meeting that person and hearing their story.
Those of us who have had failed marriages have baggage, we can't deny that, we just have to learn not to let our past relationships affect our future ones. It's tough, I just ended a brief relationship because he treated me the way his ex-girlfriend wanted to be treated.
We are all individuals and we all want to be treated as individuals, so we need to learn to treat others as individuals as well and not stereotype for whatever reason!
 Change Of Pace
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 24
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/26/2007 10:09:54 PM
Marriage isn't the only way to be committed...kids, long term relationships, family, jobs...there are a multitude of ways to show/gauge commitment.

I'm seeing someone with no kids...that's a little odd to me. There are very few men I've met my age who don't have kids...it's working ok--my son is almost 20 so they're finding a footing as adults. I do have to say it leaves me looking for 'nonstandard' conversations...I'm shocked at how much I talked to men about kids before!
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 25
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/26/2007 10:24:05 PM
Over these last 2 years and throughout life I have found that if someone is in their '50s' and has never married or had children....Honestly?....They seem self absorbed to me, are lacking in flexibility and seem very committed to 'their' needs as opposed to the mutual good, because they've chosen not to surrender their egos to that insane moment of passionate belief in a future with another person.

There are many lessons that you learn through marriage and raising children that these people have never been allowed to experience.

So saying...my preference would definitely be someone who has had all the messy baggage of a couple and of parenthood, has learned some humility and that there are no easy answers, hasn't lost heart to bitterness and savvies what the good parts were and is willing to try again...because the good outweighed the bad in being 2.....just my opinion .
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 28
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/26/2007 11:23:32 PM
"Would like to meet energetic, sensual, slim, petite, honest, and upfront woman. Well-groomed hair, no wigs or weaves. Wears dresses, skirts and shorts to show off her legs. Active, but not a sports-freak. Please, I do not wish to date your family--no family outings or in-law visits. If you have kids at your home more than 5 days a month, we won't get along. I like women who are chatty and open, honest with opinions and outspoken. Women with multiple pets, large dogs, vets, and animal rescue volunteers - no thanks, I will not be part of your animal's circle of friends. A small dog or one cat is okay. Birds, arachnids, lizards, amphibians, rodents, musky critters -- no thanks!!"

Bro honey,
Just because we have diverging needs, doesn't mean either one of us has to be wrong......now wouldn't I look a little silly if I wanted what you want at my age? Can't we just accept our different directions? You often seem to have issues with my words for some reason.....but I'm NOT your mama...and leave you totally free to make your OWN choices, why do you have problems with mine? You are obviously bright and self confidant, with a wonderful turn to the word....be happy, you have many attributes!
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 31
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/27/2007 12:08:05 AM
Well it's a 'walk a mile.....' issue isn't it? Thinking you know and actually 'knowing' are 2 different things, nez pas? And actually you have no idea what roads I have traveled or 'if 'they have ever been remotely conventional BEFORE you've made a scathing assumption .
But then many people start here with a belly full of steam they need to vent, including me... until they discover that there is real flesh and bone behind these keyboards .
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 32
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/27/2007 12:09:34 AM
Talking to DESERTBRO..... not you grumpy .
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 39
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/29/2007 11:41:12 AM
Ladies sorry I wasn't around today...took my son snowboarding.

But I did say it was MY opinion. I'm sure that there are many other experiences that people have had. But this has been what I have seen in MY life and on dating sites in the last 2 years.
And of course centers on the MEN I've met up until the age of 58. All any individual can do within their lifetime, is form an opinion on the input received....isn't that what all of us do?

With a lot of women of our generation who worked hard within the corporate world to get ahead and devoted their heart and souls into all that that entails....it's another story. And of course there are always exceptions to the rule....and diverging needs.
 DenaliDadd
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 55
Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/30/2007 7:19:26 PM

I'm over 45 and I've never been married. I don't think that it takes a marriage license to be fully (with all of your heart, mind, soul) committed to another.


But how would you know for sure? There is a very big difference between being married and not. I've had one wife of almost 30 years and wonder how anyone who has not had to struggle through all that, for that long, can understand it.

To answer the original question, yes, I would date such a woman. I would not, however, marry one. Under any circumstances. I want the scars and wounds. And the experience!
 horses44
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 67
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 1/1/2008 5:28:04 PM
Oh boy - this is me!!!! I am 47 never been married and no kids!!! Not sure why it worked out this way, overall have had a happy fulfilled life, met great men, just never made it down the aisle

But it is a BRAND NEW YEAR................hmmmmmmm
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 69
Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 1/2/2008 1:03:15 PM
Wow, I didn't read the other posts, but I sure hope they would go out with me...
 miraclgal
Joined: 6/22/2007
Msg: 70
Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 1/2/2008 3:41:03 PM
I have dated that guy once or twice. No life experience. Some things you learn from marriage or even raising children can be gained from no other experience. You can not read a book and gain character.....
 ForeverLong
Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 80
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 1/3/2008 5:43:15 PM
Absolutely! People get married for all kinds of reasons, for good and bad. I didn't have a reason. If you can believe it, never met anyone I wanted to marry and no one wanted me. It simply never happened.....I was busy with other things and the years went by.
 ForeverLong
Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 85
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 1/4/2008 8:24:39 AM
I'm amazed that so many divorced women are leary, as one woman said, of men who have never been married. I think they just want to find someone who has had the same happen so they have that in common (it's a big life changing tragedy for many) thinking they both learned the same things from marriage and why it ended. But I think if it happened once or more times it just happens sooner and easier the next time. Now I know why I don't get much response from divorced women. I dated a woman who had divorced twice, she said she married for money the second time......I should have known it wouldn't last for long.
 cfox53
Joined: 11/23/2007
Msg: 86
Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 1/5/2008 6:43:03 AM
With about 1/2 the marriages failed - it is hard to look at marriage as a credential. Walking the walk - as you say - is committing to people & ideas and and there are lots of ways to be committed - to careers, to avocations, to people. I'm 54 and have never been married - I have been in long term relations (5+ years - longer than many marriages), helped raised children, cared for seriously ill partners, etc. -

If one is going to judge me as unsuccessful in my life because I have never married and ignore all of my life successes - loving relations, loving intimacy, career success, committment to important principles and causes, etc - then we appear to have little in common and there is probably no reason to 'go out with' me.
 aussiebob53
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 91
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 1/6/2008 5:47:14 PM
Haven`t waded through all the posts but have read quite a few and though i would share my lifes story with you as i am 54 will be 55 in feburary and have never been married.
I do have a 30 year old daughter with 3 gran kids who life 600 miles away and i didn`t meet her till she was 3 but since she has got older we keep in touch and visit every year at least once.
When Younger i worked exploration 3 to 6 weeks on and a week off the relationships i formed during that time were good for a while but there is the big BUT these young ladies were not satisfied with someone trying to secure a future they wanted here and now so usually found someone else while i was away working and most time i had to find this out for my self when returning to town from work to find them out and about with someone else.
After an injury on a drilling rig and six months to recover i worked in and around town for a period and had a better longer relationship but again i had my eye on a future for us so tried to save for our future but she wanted to party and let the future look after its self i was too dull as i worked as a bouncer and wasnt a piss head.
Anyway i then went into the fishing industry worked as a decky for a few years then skippered boats and eventually bought my own and had it owned no debt but again i was away 4 to six weeks at a time they came and they went most just wanted a meal ticket. Anyway in 98 the injury from back in 75 had finaly caught up with me and the doc said i had to either stop work or buy a wheelchair so reluctantly stopped took another 12 months for me to realize it was permanent and that i would only prolong the pain by trying to do things i shouldnt. So they pushed me onto a dissability pension i built computers did Computer tutoring etc when i could then my Dad got crook so i moved Mum and dad out of the old house with steps and downstairs shower and toilet into here where everything is on one level and easy Vet affairs put in ramps and handrails etc my brother and i ripped out the bathtub and put i a shower with no step and i nursed him till i could no longer lift him in and out of bed he died july 05 now i care for Mum who is 82 and cant do much.
So thats why i was and am still unmarried and never have been now i cant even find a decent woman to spend time with because i am a disabled carer and cant get away much etc. Most women i tend to meet seem to have this thing of what they want, not what they can give to a relationship, the future is bleak but i have a few years yet who knows what the future may bring as they say all good things come to those who wait. yeah right!
 smartazzjohn
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 92
Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 1/6/2008 6:13:17 PM
I'm not reading this whole thread. James48071 is right, this is a silly question.

Lets see, if a person has never been married and they are over 45 they are afraid of commitment??

If a person gets married 1,2 or 3 times they aren't afraid of commitment?


The person who hasn't been married in many cases may know more about real commitment than the person who has failed at commitment called marriage.

"Commitment is most difficult and most readily proven during tough times" (from prismltd.com/commit) Seems when times get tough is when most people in "committed" relationships leave. How many people get divorced when times are good? Relationships in good times are easy, it doesn't prove commitment!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just for the record I am divorced, I'm not trying to defend myself because I've never been married. I'm not saying everyone thats been divorced doesn't know what commitment is either. It just silly to assume something based on whether a person has or hasn't been married.
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 96
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 1/7/2008 11:07:46 AM
I won't judge a man if he has been married 5 times or never been married. Sometimes it is just the luck of the draw! And besides - he never met me yet!!!
 Kate0729
Joined: 7/6/2006
Msg: 104
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 1/9/2008 5:08:14 PM
Great question. After dating three men who have never been married I've decided that I probably would not date a similar man. In may case, the men simply didn't understand that they could not be the centre of my attention all of the time. I have two sons (grown) but they need bits of my time too. Somehow, they couldn't share me or my time. Selfish seems like a harsh word ... but if the shoe fits????
 hypermode
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 110
Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 1/22/2008 2:15:36 AM
My grandma got married at 50 and there stilled marry. It's like people want to rush to get married and all even relationships. Makes you just want to not bother you know.
 DenaliDadd
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 111
Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 1/22/2008 4:30:50 PM
Go out with someone that's never married? Sure. Why not?
 deeya0309
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 114
Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 1/23/2008 5:07:40 PM
I would go out with them, but I've found that a lot of the ones I've met are single because they wanted to be. I also think it is hard for them to ever get used to having someone else to think about. I have one friend that just turned 60. We get along great. But he will never get married or be in a serious relationship. He really doesn't have a desire for that. Kind of a shame. He has a lot of what I want in a man.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 116
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 1/25/2008 3:13:43 AM
@Crayonzz...you make one heck of a valid point with that statement dear man!
Really causes one to think about things! Well said.
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