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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > 4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Fairmont1
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 4
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their momPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Did you know she had these problems before you married her?
 Fairmont1
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 6
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/27/2007 9:45:32 AM
How old was she when she first showed symptoms?
 Fairmont1
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 7
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/27/2007 10:59:11 AM
Patience Fab Mom, patience...
 Fairmont1
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 8
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/27/2007 1:33:15 PM
[Well at least they were willing to take a risk in life in a relationship unlike you.]

Let me get this straight. Taking a risk with the stability of a child's home somehow makes you a better person?? How does THAT work?? Wouldn't the better person be the one that took the more diligent/analyzing approach to picking their partner??
 Fairmont1
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 9
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/27/2007 2:32:51 PM
[I'd put extra food in the bowel ...]

You want me to shove food up my A$$??

I've heard of girls spreadin' peanut butter on their Hu Hot and have the dog lick it off, but havin' a cat toss your salad is a new one!!
 sarasotagal76
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 10
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/27/2007 3:39:36 PM
Just find a good girl who will be able to replace the mother at least to a certain extend. Eho of course will be step mom but at least will pay some attention to kids and play with them and by Xmas gifts...
 rdblazer02
Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 11
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/27/2007 3:45:41 PM
Yes I do. My oldest son has nothing to do with his father because he was never there for him but has decided to raise another woman's children and my daughter has never seen her dad and she is 12. It just amazes me that grown people could care less about someone that has a part of them in them.
The way I see it is that I am the lucky one cause I have had the privileged of being able to watch my children grow and become good human beings and it all because of me. I don't have to share them with anyone else.
 Fairmont1
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 12
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/27/2007 4:26:50 PM
Well, I was waiting for the OP to answer my question but the more I think about it, it doesn't really matta.

Since she was diagnosed bipolar then one of two things(and possibly both) happened here-- 1. She was mental before you married her and you ignored it OR 2. You married her way too young. Either way you're at fault. No sympathy here.

Bipolar disorder VERY rarely happens after the early 20's. It's usually diagnosed in the late teens. And this is where Ren(and many others) disagree with me. You DID know better, you just chose to ignore it. You had eyes and a brain and probably relatives telling you you were making a big mistake. But you CHOSE to ignore it, just like many CHOOSE to ignore my advice on here. You think you know better but you really don't. It's NOT me trying to be superior or arrogant. It's me knowing this subject inside and out, backwards and forwards. I don't have to be a parent to know what you're doing to your children, just like I didn't have to be married to know I shouldn't get married young and before I really knew the person.

Now Ren, I'm glad you can relish in my feline beastiality fetish, but all I can say is that Fluffy hasn't been the same since and I might have to get her Kitty Kounseling.
 hd321
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 13
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History
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/27/2007 6:46:53 PM
Bipolar disorder TYPICALLY is diagnosed in the early 30's. The age is getting younger with each generation. Some people have symptoms (like depression) in their early 20's, then have a Manic episode in their 30's, then get diagnosed. Schizophrenia is typically diagnosed in the late teen's.
I have empathy for the issue you have, OP. I would just make sure your girls are educated and supported about bipolar disorder. As they learn about the disorder, they will understand better why their mother isn't around and if she isn't medicated, why it is probably better that way. Just let your girls know how much you love them and that you will always be there for them. Mom lives in a world in her head and doesn't get the rest of the world. It sucks but it is what it is.
 hd321
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 14
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History
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/27/2007 7:00:48 PM
About 5.7 million American adults or about 2.6 percent of the population age 18 and older in any given year,1 have bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder typically develops in late adolescence or early adulthood. However, some people have their first symptoms during childhood, and some develop them late in life. It is often not recognized as an illness, and people may suffer for years before it is properly diagnosed and treated. Like diabetes or heart disease, bipolar disorder is a long-term illness that must be carefully managed throughout a person’s life.
www.nimh.nih.gov
This may have been what I was thinking of. Symptoms may show earlier and people get diagnosed at a later age. I have more experience with childhood bipolar disorder than adult. Sorry.
 Fairmont1
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 15
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/28/2007 10:46:10 AM
Chef, reread what I typed. I've already covered your scenario.

Close mouth, open ears.
 Change Of Pace
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 17
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History
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/29/2007 12:30:39 AM
My 19 year old hasn't heard a word from his dad since he was 11...no gifts...no calls...no emails...nothing.

I had a choice when this started--be bitter or raise my son to be the man I wanted him to be. I chose the second...and I succeeded. I took the lack of interest in him as a tool to use--any decision was MINE. I didn't have to consult with anyone and I had no obligation to explain anything to anyone.

The one thing I advise...never, ever badmouth their mother in front of them. Keep yourself out of the mud...if she wants to sink to new depths, let her...you keep yourself above reproach. On the same note...always let them communicate with her if they want to (unless she means them harm) because no matter how bad she is, you will come off as the bad guy if you keep them apart.

Good luck..as another poster said..you got yourself into this so now you have to find the best way out. Keep the kids in mind above all else.
 Fairmont1
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 18
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/29/2007 4:26:02 AM
[Here is a little bit info for you. Most people are dx'd with BP in their late 20's to early 30's. This usually happens after several misdiagnoses which are usually ADHD or depression]

How the heII does misdiagnosis change anything that I said?!? She was still acting goofy. If I was thinking of marrying someone and they were acting depressed or in ANY manner I couldn't live with then I'm not going to marry them until we have this thing figured out!

So now your defense is going to be, "she didn't show signs til after she had your first child". I've already covered that scenario so go reread my previous post, Brainiac.

She has an excuse as to why her brain doesn't function well, what's yours?? You're the one with a fully functioning brain that could have stopped this whole mess from happening and you CHOSE not to do so. If anything you're MORE culpable!
 Fairmont1
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 20
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/29/2007 7:29:17 AM
[Oh Please , Lets face it non of us would have married our partners if we know what we know now . We are older and wiser.]

You knew, you just CHOSE to ignore it.
 Fairmont1
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 21
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/29/2007 9:21:28 AM
[Fairmont my dear, how does that change where people are in life now?]

It changes a LOT of things. First off, I have NO sympathy for someone on here whining about their kids' mom not giving them presents when they picked that person!
Secondly, it matters cuz if you don't own your part of it then you're going to do the same types of mistakes, both to yourself and your children.
Thirdly, this selfish behavior is now transfered to your social life that you think you're entitled to. Now your children are going to suffer again because they have the chaos of men either going through their lives AND/OR less attention being given to them because of your dating life. It's likely to cause anger, resentment, and overall hurt feelings. And they have every right to feel that way, they've been put through the ringer. If you don't learn from your selfishness and short-sightedness then you'll keep repeating those mistakes with your children. One of the worst mistakes you're going to make is that you'll teach them that it's OK to not take time to choose their life partner and that divorce is OK. That's the example and attitude you are presenting to them because you don't own your part.

[Life isn't black and white. Not everyone that is "quirky" ends up being a mental basket case.]

No, it isn't black and white but there are common sense things we can do to greatly increase the odds that the black stays black and the white stays white and marrying somebody who is either young and/or mentally unstable is not common sense. In fact it's pretty stupid.
 thallas
Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 22
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History
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/29/2007 6:36:29 PM
I can relate to the one that started this topic and although my ex wife hardly calls, writes, or even sees my children the court has kept on her to keep up on her child support. The sad part is that my middle child has detached from the egg donor. I was trying to have them write a letter to her and his words were exactly "Well, she can't be bothered to call or write us, I'm not going to waste the time to write her either." This phrase should never have to be said by 9 yr old.

The children are my life and there was no fight for me to get the children, and I wouldn't change it for the world. Good luck with what the future holds, for your children will respect you for what you have done for them Taz.
 Fairmont1
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 23
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/30/2007 7:19:53 AM
Odie, at least I have enough brains to know what contraception is and how to use it. At least I'm not out there creating broken homes like you.

Your previous posts are entirely wrong and i've refuted everything you've said in my past posts. You're a selfish person and far from a man. A real man would have either married the mother or would have enough brains to know that his child needs him/her to keep his a$$ home and not out making more 1/2 siblings for them.

But then again you're no man, you're just a boy who's more worried about his wants than his child's needs. You might as well turn your balls in cuz the ones you have are not being used.
 Fairmont1
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 24
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/30/2007 11:53:57 AM
OHHhh, I'm mistaken. You PLANNED on creating a broken home for your child. Well, that makes you even MORE stupid and selfish! You don't even have "OOOPS" to fall back on.
 Fairmont1
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 25
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/30/2007 11:59:06 AM
[This make it sound like we all were stupid to have kids,,,,]

It's FINALLY sinkin' in!

[I dont regret having my kids]

Well I'm glad YOU don't regret it but that statement, alone, shows how selfish ya are. Don't ya think the more appropriate statement would be something about whether your kids appreciate you creating a broken home for them??

It's not about YOU or your wants. It's about what's best for your children.
 Fairmont1
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 26
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/30/2007 12:36:06 PM
[I think what my kids are thinking about now is how much fun they are having playing outside ...]

Go back and reread what I typed and THINK for a change. You TOTALLY missed my point.
 Fairmont1
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 27
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/30/2007 12:44:38 PM
[to remove my children from the home life they had was the most selfless thing I could have done. If I was selfish, I would have stayed with the man whom I unfortunately loved,,,,]

To keep a child @ 16 years of age is selfish and stupid. To have more kids with the same abusive person is more stupid and then keep THOSE kids and subject them to the chaos of your redneck life is unconscionable! Your parent(s) probably allowed it which is child abuse in my book. They probably even help(ed) you raise your kids for you which is beyond stupid.

But, that was the role model you had. Now your kids are going to suffer the same pitiful fate because you're too stupid to learn from your mistakes, also.
 Fairmont1
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 28
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/30/2007 1:59:48 PM
Yes, and raising 2 kids in a broken home, while you're a teenager, shows SO much more class.

'Scuse me but do they give you the Dale Earnhardt Tshirt and Pickup truck Gunrack, for FREE, when you do that or is it tacked on to your hospital bill for the maternity stay?
 Fairmont1
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 29
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/30/2007 2:50:30 PM
[Do you think it would be better for children to be brought up in an unhealthy environment for the sake of your so called unselfish marriage ideal.]

No, it's better for the parents to act like adults, for once, and get along for the sake of the children. Secondly, you didn't even TRY that because you decided that starting your kids off in a broken home was the right thing to do?!? So, you didn't even have the smarts, or maturity, to even ATTEMPT that! Lastly, if you aren't going to give an honest try at marriage then give the child to an adoptive family that has enough smarts to give the child the stability, and selflessness, that you can't give it.

[What do you say to the widows/widowers out there who think they are entitled to some personal happiness after the loss of their loved one? Is it selfish for those people to want to move on?]

Being a parent isn't a BURDEN, it's an obligation. It's an obligation that requires your full attention. If it makes you "unhappy" to fulfill that obligation and you don't derive enough pleasure and love out of that, then you have NO reason to become a parent in the first place. When you have a child, that child's needs come first and your wants ALWAYS come second. Always.
 Fairmont1
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 30
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/30/2007 3:19:35 PM
[Nobody plans to raise their kids alone.]

You didn't have the choice to not have sex? You didn't have the choice to use a condom and spermicide? You didn't have the choice to marry the mother? You didn't have the choice to give her up for adoption?

I rest my case.

[Most importantly, in my best judgement, anyone that tells me that I'm a selfish fool for not regretting the best thing that EVER happened to me in my life(my girl) should do so to my face so they can receive the shot in the head that they truly deserve.]

That statement, alone, shows how selfish you are. That whole thing is about YOUR wants, not your child's needs. Keep diggin' the hole.
 Fairmont1
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 31
4th year in a row no presents for bday or xmas from their mom
Posted: 12/30/2007 3:45:33 PM
And you won't put your case out there cuz you know it will show just HOW stupid you are/were.
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