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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?      Home login  
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 StacisMom
Joined: 12/3/2007
Msg: 1
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At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I was raised that you let the guy make the first move. Let's face it, we live in a different age and time now.
If I see a guys profile that I like and would like to meet, what is the best way to approach him?
He can see that I visited his profile, I like to think that he would contact me, but that hasn't been the case so far. Am I too forward to contact him and set a time to get together for coffee?
My 22 yo daughter says that is what I should do....my upbringing says...he saw you visit his profile, wait and let him make the first move....

And isn't this the kind of gameplaying that we all say we hate so much???

Maybe just seeing this in writing is helping....if I see a guy I want to meet, just send him a message!

Guys, your views would be greatly appreciated too!
 Deceased~
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 2
At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 12/27/2007 8:24:38 PM
He may not notice you have looked at his profile. I (as example) never look to see who has looked at my profile and I look at all sorts of profiles from age 18 to 99 and both genders, just to see who it is that is writing what in the forums.

That, coupled with the fact that there are tons of people here (eight million), means you got to write to him and make yourself known as most do read their email. For all you know the fellow is no longer here and just never closed his account. You could be waiting forever.

You are right, the rules have changed. Women write to me from time to time and often it is just a friendly mail or asking for help. You can contact the fellow in that manner and then when the two of you start communicating you can see if there is any interest on his part as far as you being a potential partner, etc. The first mail doesn't have to be arranging a date. This gives him the opportunity to make the classic first move but doesn't let youself be accidentally passed by as it were. Works out for both.

Be prepared. He may not like you at all. He may want to be friends but not go out with you. There is nothing wrong, however, with you making first contact and I am probably the worst when it comes to adhering to old dating rules.

Good luck.
 MacGyverRI
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 3
At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 12/27/2007 8:36:37 PM
Why not email him? Guys actually like it!
 repartee
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 4
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At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 12/27/2007 8:49:19 PM
You know, say what you like about it being equal.

I find when I approach a man, be it on an IM or mailing, the response is less, well,
enthusiastic, than if he did it.

It never fails. I guess that's conditioning, or the'hunt' mentality. Who knows.
 Goldendiamond
Joined: 12/6/2007
Msg: 5
At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 12/28/2007 2:03:20 AM
You GO GIRL!!!!! Get yourself out there and email those guys that you fins attractive....BE YOURSELF! Live a little, HELL Live a lot. Once you email them they will notice you and read your profile, if they don;t like what they see then move on.....Not like there isn't more to message.....What you got to lose?
 crayonzz
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 6
At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 12/28/2007 2:36:35 AM
NO you weren't Stacis. You aint that old.

You were raised in the Greer Stienham generation when it was quite acceptable forthe girl to make the first move both on the dance floor and in the bedroom afterwards.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 7
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At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 12/28/2007 4:07:10 PM
Stacis - I can totally relate to your upbringing. Even in 2007, if I make the first contact to a fella, I hear my Mom's voice "let the man contact you first", etc. Every once in awhile (after a glass or 2 of good wine), I'll have the courage to send an email to a fella.

Read, and re-read his profile. The things that capture your eye (and mind) which prompt you to write him in the first place, let him know what about those things you like. Compliment him on his picture, be it his eyes, hair, face, body, etc. Everyone loves a compliment.
Don't play games, and be sincere what you write to someone. Another thing I've done, is if I really like a man's profile, I add him to my favorites. I did that the other night, and guess what? He sent me his New Year's Resolutions! What captivated me about this fella is his humor, he's funny!
Now get busy and GO FOR IT!
 illusional
Joined: 6/1/2005
Msg: 8
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At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 12/28/2007 6:06:48 PM
sheesh. One would figure that at the mature age of 40, a woman would know what she likes? or should I say wants. You want to not be alone, but you wait for the right male to choose you... Sigh.. Step up,, Go and get what you want.. if you need a man tell him.. don't use the I don't wanna be needy excuse. If he can't handle the needs, then he was the wrong guy anyway. Needy mean the desire to give.. and that ladies is love.. so buck up and take hat you want..sheesh..
 jd28spot
Joined: 6/22/2006
Msg: 9
At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 12/28/2007 6:59:44 PM
If you feel froggy.....leap! Let nothing but fear hold you back.
Now.....listen to your daughter....she's given you some good advice.
 BamaBob
Joined: 11/12/2007
Msg: 10
At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 12/28/2007 10:26:42 PM
If you've got a profile on this site then everyone here knows you're here to meet people. You don't have to jump right out there and offer anything...just a simple note saying you noticed something in his profile... I've gotten several hits just mentioning the picture of a baby deer I put on my profile on other sites....and I've just started dating one of them! SWEEEEET!
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 11
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At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 12/28/2007 11:30:02 PM

Guys, your views would be greatly appreciated too!


If you are interested, say hi.
 Desi1955
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 12
At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 12/29/2007 6:04:14 AM

And isn't this the kind of gameplaying that we all say we hate so much???


I think this "I looked at your profile, now you should contact me" stuff is gameplaying. I also hate the 'rules' about not answering email too soon, etc. We are at an age where we should be honest and straightforward. If I like a profile, I'll contact him. If someone looks at my profile but doesn't contact me, I assume they aren't interested.
 Calilaurie
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 13
At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:54:47 PM
I am with you Stacismom .. I am still with the old where the men contact you. I believe even if you have nothing in common, you should still answer and who knows .. the greatest friendship may arrive. But, I can honestly say, I have contacted 2 men at one time and they have turned out excellent. Well, I tell myself, that wasn't so bad lol and because I did make the first move, I felt in myself a courage that women can do this too. Always remain true to yourself and be who you are and not who you think they want you to be :) I do believe that men feel just as unsure as women do when they make that first contact and if they are not going out to just bang everyone they can get their hands on .. then you have a winner on your hands or a start to a great friendship.
 idahosun
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 14
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At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 12/29/2007 3:41:54 PM
Hard to believe it is almost 2008 and I am reading this. Just go ahead and write the e-mail, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I would not try to set up a date for coffee in the lst mail, wait til you have a few e-mails back and forth and then you will know whether or not either of you want to proceed to meeting. And don't get all flustered if you don't hear from the guy, happens all the time to both sexes
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 15
At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 1/5/2008 10:48:42 AM

He can see that I visited his profile, I like to think that he would contact me, but that hasn't been the case so far. Am I too forward to contact him and set a time to get together for coffee?
My 22 yo daughter says that is what I should do....my upbringing says...he saw you visit his profile, wait and let him make the first move....



....The problem is, just because he visited your profile doesn't necessarily constitute an interest. I have visited many profiles of both men and woman on this site...mostly due to curiousity...it might have been something they posted in the forums or a face may look familiar. For people that are shy and maybe need some encouragement...I think what POF should look at either using a wink or a smile, then you know for sure that theres a definite interest.....its then up to you to respond or not.


...maeflowers

 mizbex
Joined: 8/8/2007
Msg: 16
At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 1/5/2008 11:09:20 AM
OP, you are 52 years old. For the love of God, if you see a man that interests you contact him. What is the harm? Worse thing, he is not interested and believe me that is not the worst thing.
 BamaBob
Joined: 11/12/2007
Msg: 17
At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 1/5/2008 12:51:52 PM
as for "acceptable"... I can't help but being offended or made to feel inadequate in some way if I am ignored or at least not so much as a response of some kind to at least acknowledge my presence...no one wants to feel unacceptable.

As for what is acceptable...well, to me, I am most attracted to women who flatter me by their mere contacting me. I don't see it as an "easy lay" but definitely it is far more appealing to meet a woman who I don't have to play games with just to get her attention or have to work to persuade her into a conversation.

I've been attracted to women who are not thin. Even if she were thin it's the photos which first either turn me on or off. Myself, I need a better picture for my profile as I know the quality of my physical appearance and build. I see many photos which simply lack appeal and sometimes its the background that finally is a deal breaker for me making the first contact. Fake or old pictures are simply misleading. I am far more attracted to a photo which shows character or artistic quality. Putting anything in a picture or profile which can detract from someone's interest is going to lower the number of people who will be interested in responding...so, one should be properly groomed and clothed to attract the kind of person they are seeking. Boring mug shots with no smile won't get much attention. Not being happy and forcing a smile tends to show through. Some pics are very attractive even without a smile if there is an action or attitude suggested by the nature of the photo. Gotta take zillions and pic thru them until you find the perfect one.
 thrums
Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 18
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At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 1/5/2008 1:06:48 PM
OP: from your profile -

Life should be fun, it's too short to spend it complaining about things you can't control. It snows, make snow angels, it rains, you got a free car wash...the sun shines...go out and enjoy it!

Just to add -
If you like the guy...email him.

From my personal point of view, if I see someone viewed my profile and did not send an email they are not interested. I view profiles from people who post just to get an impression of why they posted the way they did. Sometimes I email, sometimes I don't. If I email a fellow forum poster I almost always get a reply, in fact I have two very dear female friends as a result.
I would be very happy if a woman emailed me, I would certainly reply and see what happens . It could be anything from a brief exchange of pleasant emails to a lifelong friend to a possible future partner, if you don't make the initial contact how will you know.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 19
At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 1/5/2008 1:07:16 PM
Nothing ventured nothing gained, however when if I were to contact 20 men, might get one who was mannerly enough to reply.
 countrygalatheart
Joined: 1/6/2007
Msg: 20
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At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 1/5/2008 3:30:38 PM
I visit alot of profiles, mainly because something has caught my eye or tweeked some interest. Having said that, that doesn't mean that just 'cause I looked at your profile....that I like you! DUH!!!! I rarely, rarely look at anyone that does not have a picture. And for the ones that have only pics of animals, sunsets, etc......but none of themselves......well I just think "what are you afraid of that you can't even put a pic of yourself on your profile"!

If someone mails me....I always message them back.....it's only being respectful! I have not been very good with being the first to contact someone.....again that age where the guy made the first move!!! But...I think now I am going to look at a couple of profiles that did interest me and make the move to contact them! Like someone said "nothing ventured...nothing gained"!

I have also decided that the guys that put me on their "favorite list" I am going to contact the ones that I think we may have something in common. What the heck....2008 is all about "ME"...yahoo!!
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 21
At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 1/7/2008 6:57:15 AM
I think everything...what is one true compliment.
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 22
At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 1/7/2008 9:46:31 AM
Risk of rejection?
It is only plain and simply trying to contact somebody who is on dating site.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 23
At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 1/7/2008 9:54:50 AM
Take the leap, contact the guy, tell him you are interested in emailing him.
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 24
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At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 1/7/2008 11:18:29 AM
Contact him - send him an email and tell him he's cute!
 Jason402
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 25
At our age, what is acceptable for contacting the guys?
Posted: 1/7/2008 5:25:22 PM
If a lady checked my profile and didn't contact me I would assume she wasn't interested.

Mom ,
Any inoculous comment will clue him in. Get off the sideline and get in the game.
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