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 tom42149
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 1
dating VS just 'getting laid'Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Is this just a man thing? Do any of you sweet, innocent ladies ever get tired of all the dating hassles, and sometimes, put up with it, simply to get laid? I’ve always suspicioned this, but have found very few women honest enough to admit it.

Certainly, sometimes the closeness and just enjoying the company of a woman, is what I seek, but other times,I don’t mind confessing I sometimes get fed up with the whole dating scene, & tolerate it solely to get laid! Face it, the dating game is geared for the womens wants! Guys would really rather be playing poker, or at the strip joint, swilling beer, rather than on a dance floor, however we do what we gotta do, in order to get laid. Don’t you ladies sometimes wish you could skip all the BS, and just stay home and ‘do it’? Oh wait, that’s called marriage, isn’t it? tom42149
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 2
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dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/29/2007 1:51:25 PM

But having casual sex always seems to complicate things


I hear people say that a lot and in almost a "this is what I am supposed to say" sort of context. Actually NOT having sex until later seems to complicate things more, in my opinion. That is, unless one is the kind that seems to get clingy and jealous as soon as they have had sex with someone, then I can see it complicating thngs.


Besides,too many std's out there.


That is another "this is what I am supposed to say" kind of quote. Actually, only a very tiny, tiny percentage of the population is infected with STDs ... much less than 1 percent.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 3
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dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:04:38 PM
I understand and I wasn't criticizing how you feel. It is simply that every single one of the threads of that nature have the same posting somewhere. "It complicates matters and you get STDs" without any example showing exactly HOW it complicates matters and how one is more likely to get an STD if they take reasonable precautions.

Put it another way ... does masturbation "complicate" people's lives? I would think not. So why should enjoyable sex with someone whose company you enjoy complicate your life if that is all it is ... enjoyable sex? And having sex does not cause STDs, having sex with infected people does. If someone is not infected, you can have all the sex you want with them and never get an STD ever. So rather than pass it off with "too many STDs" why not simply screen a partner and eliminate the worry about the STDs and have all the sex you want?

People are socially programmed to have some kind of a sex phobia or something. Or some notion that sex can only be enjoyed with someone one is "in a relationship" with else one is a slut. Well is one in a relationship with their sex toy? No, of course not. And enjoying responsible sex with a willing and healthy partner should be a fun, enjoyable, and healthy activity and not surrounded with all this "processing". No wonder so many people are on anti-depressants. Never before in the post 19th century West's cultural history has there been so much phobia surrounding sex. Someone please bring back the 1970's
 tom42149
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 4
dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:17:02 PM
single dad; at last, somebody who see's it as I do! Hmmm...i'm a single dad, too, wonder if this has anything to do with our 'unconventional' views? Tom42149
 tom42149
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 5
dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:51:06 PM
What an intelligent reply by Athulatha! Pretty and smart, too, I am impressed!! But, as always, too durned far away. Wanna come to IL & see all the wonderful cornfields, lil girl? Tom42149
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 6
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dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:58:20 PM

The only reason they go into a relationship is if they want to have more than sex.


I think there is always SOME kind of a relationship. For example, there has always been a certain intimacy and tenderness with people who I have been sexual with. To this day ... if a lover from 30 years ago would appear in my life, the reunion would be much different than someone I simply knew as a social acquaintance. Even if we were both old and ugly, I think there would be a certain closeness in our embrace. So at least for me there is always some kind of "relationship" in that there is something different about how we relate.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 7
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dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/29/2007 4:11:37 PM
NOCALSINGLEDAD, no offense but where the hell do you get your STD #'s?????

More than half of ALL americans have had an STD at 1 point of their life. ( Retrieved from http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_statistics.cfm on Dec 29th, 07) Since when is that 1%

Just because a good portion are curable, if they are not caught, the problems that can occur are NOT curable.

And if you think over the past 30 yrs, and some stumpy troll comes up to you, and says hey Nocal, remember me? We had a nite of wild passion, well you were pretty drunk of your fanny, but it was a real hoot. Are you going to suddenly embrace that closeness, and think gosh I am sooooo happy you remembered me, cause I can't remember a thing about you....

As for OP, as it has been stated, women don't have to work that hard if they just want to get laid. All they have to do is show up... Can't say that is the fact after 55, but if I am still chasing dates at the point of my life, I am really gonna buy stock from duracell, and hang up my skirt. Heck in fact I will get into the business of building a better BOB, cause they are way to expensive and flimsy built for regular use.

I can't speak for MOST women, but in general most of us are looking for romance, that thing that says we are apart of another person, and don't have to "go hunting" for sex... That is really why BOB is such an important friend to us. We don't have to wonder where bob has been, if bob has contracted one of the myriad disease,bob don't get jealous if we make a party of several bobs. We don't have to look all that purdy, nor explain why we weren't in the mood for a week
 tom42149
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 8
dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/29/2007 4:45:16 PM
Gotta agree with this wise woman, Nexthyme, once again. Ain't no way in hell, I could remember ANY of my life's one-timers. And, I sincerally hope some of them don't come looking me up! This would likely drive me to drinking, again!

(Am I the only one that should have been born with a VCR attached on top of my head, so I would have some idea of the things I have did in life?) Course, I would have probably pawned it, to buy another bottle, or bag of smoke.
 Boricua Papi
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 9
dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/29/2007 4:51:36 PM
nearest bar or grocery store? you talk like any one can walk and grab any one for sex like we go and buy a six pack of beer. lol
 Bewildered100
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 10
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dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/29/2007 4:53:28 PM

If all a decent looking woman wants is to get laid, she can walk into the nearest bar, pub, club, bookstore, grocery store, etc. and do so. And yes, many do.


I'm going to submit this to Mythbusters...NO ONE I've encountered is ever willing to have a quickie in the frozen foods!

 tom42149
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 11
dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/29/2007 6:21:39 PM
I do NOT pretend to date! As stated in my op, sometimes that is what I'm wanting, sometimes not. I make my best effort to be upfront with whoever, before the "date/" OR WHATEVER. i see no point in playing games about my intentions. Be honest & both can enjoy the evening, whatever it is, or we can admit a mistake & go our seperate ways. Geez, it's not rocket science. Communication is a quite handy tool for the mating game!
P.S. If these ladies out there looking for sex have 100+ men to choose from, is this not a hint to you ladies what men really want, sometimes? Perhaps there wouldn't be so many 'pleyers', if you ladies didn't force us men to play games from puberty on. Tom
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 12
dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/29/2007 7:50:11 PM
~OT~ I can officially say for me, the whole one-nighter or getting laid ideology doesn't fit into my life, but I certainly have no issues with those who do so. It just doesn't fit for me personally. I have several friends that have NO issue with dating someone and having sex immediately ~ heavens, I have one friend who doesn't even date ~ she just has a LOT of sex. That's her MO, not mine and I don't judge her for being comfortable with that. It's a matter of personal preference I guess. JMO
 Change Of Pace
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 13
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dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/29/2007 10:14:46 PM
Whatever works for you I suppose...and no, I don't get tired of all the dating and just want to get laid. Funny little thing that my parents taught me...self respect and morals. Having said that...to each their own and as long as people are happy and keep it legal it's their own choice.

By the way...you really ought to have someone take a look at your website for grammatical and spelling errors...if you're touting your services as a web designer some simple errors can cause someone to turn away without a second thought.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 14
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dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/29/2007 10:27:15 PM
Sex complicates things but it doesn't mean that someone is jealous and clingy.

For some, it is the kind of sex too, whether they are really emotionally involved in it and if they are, it is a level of vulnerability that causes someone to be a bit insecure even if there are no outward signs of it. Somehow the whole relationship is just taken up a notch without anyone really noticing.

True no strings relationships are difficult to find, and that is the other side of the problem. If there are romantic feelings and an individual has sex earlier, keeping the relationship seems more important than when that has not been the case, so from that standpoint, maybe women think with their little heads too.
 oreo9
Joined: 11/19/2007
Msg: 15
dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/29/2007 10:53:00 PM
i dont see why we as a society feel the need to go through the motions of dating and being in relationshits before having sex. Is it soo wrong to just to act on a purely physical attraction? if two people DO have an emotional connection thats excellent and well, but why frown upon something that just feels good?
 tom42149
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 16
dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/30/2007 8:52:45 AM
Acttwo; I paid a 'proofreader' to check my site, before publishing it. If you found error's, please message me, & point it out?
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 17
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dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/30/2007 9:41:43 AM
IMXintric, you have made some interesting points... two you have completely missed however are the fact that sex is NOT just for recreation, but also PROcreation. Yes at Toms age, he probably doesn't need to worry AS MUCH about that issue, however then again 15 yrs ago he probably should have.

The other aspect that you did not mention was religion, and the out look of religion and sex. Ohhhh geez that is a topic that can take on a life of its own.

The fact is this, he is dealing with an age of women that are NOT as openminded to casual sex as say some that are a tad younger... It is a generational, and religious issue, as well as can be a bit of a hormonal thing as well... OR it can very well be the myriad of other things YOU have mentioned.

I have daughters half my age, and the big kick for girls their age and 18 is to go to a strip club. Land all mighty, that was NOT a place my friends or I would have considered a kick to go to, but now a days it is a right of passage for girls who turn 18...Go figure...
 Change Of Pace
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 18
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dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/30/2007 10:50:17 AM
I can't message you because I don't live in the States...if you send me one first I'd be happy to message what I notice back. I'm no professional, but happy to help.
 tom42149
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 19
dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/30/2007 11:15:06 AM
My addy has been sent to you, pretty lady, and I would certainly appreciate your pointing out the error on my site. Professionals can't have error's! Not and remain professional very long, anyway. Tom42149
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 20
dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/30/2007 11:26:49 AM
It's too easy to just get laid as a woman if that's all you want - and it requires no courting or dating or quality time. Women always have options; some would rather have sex within a comfortable serious relationship, so to them the dating part is pretty important before the sex ever happens.

Some women who like to have active sex lives can also date in a quest to find someone they can become serious with may also have some sort of arrangement to fulfill their basic needs...it's sort of two different things that almost don't have anything to do with each other.

Having sex without strings, without leading someone on or just the process of finding someone they're attracted to to sleep with in the first place is a lot tougher for men than women I think, so they're more the gender who feel they have to go thru the motions to get to the sex.
 tom42149
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 21
dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/30/2007 12:00:01 PM
UglyBetty.
; Your screen name made me laugh. Only a stone-cold fox could carry it off, and you do it quite well!

Hmmm...Dating, while keeping fukbuddies, too. Wonderful concept, but isn't this the description for what women label 'players'? Or, is this only allowed for the female species? Tom42149
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 22
dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/30/2007 2:08:36 PM
UglyBetty.
Your screen name made me laugh. Only a stone-cold fox could carry it off, and you do it quite well!

I am a runway model or so ugly it's a sin depending on who you ask... we all have fans and critics, but I am humble enough to know my appearance is subjective and polite enough to appreciate a compliment. So thanks. The name is sort of a private joke related to the television show actually.

Hmmm...Dating, while keeping fukbuddies, too. Wonderful concept, but isn't this the description for what women label 'players'? Or, is this only allowed for the female species? Tom42149

It's not a concept, it's a common but rarely admitted practice that's anything but new. It's more ok societally for the female species now, but where do you think we learned it from? Used to piss us off, but now it's an option that we appreciate finding out about - turns out it works really well. We can thank the men for kind of a useful technique (for those women it's useful for, anyway). Turns out maybe we were only upset because we were stigmatized for what we did until recently in history.
 tom42149
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 23
dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/30/2007 10:27:36 PM
Tom to Bethlett; Your ost made perfect sense to me. Must be your advanced age of 90, that has made you such a wise woman!

However, I doubt your honesty about your age, if you are 90, I'll kiss your a$$. Oh wait, I'd do that anyway. Tom
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 24
dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/31/2007 5:51:49 AM

Ugly Betty's comment on women having men they date and those they sleep with is right on....

I might add though...it is because the way women are stigmatized that some women find it a necessity to keep the men they date and those they sleep with seperate. If I am in the early phases of dating someone, the last thing I am going to do is sleep with him. Introducing sex too early into the equation is a relationship killer. Sex too early, will cause many men to loose interest and think poorly of the woman. It really is about the chase to most men....they like a challenge. You can deny it all you want. Based on experience I know it is true. On the other hand if a woman is just looking for sex...she can find that basically anywhere and can also find the type of sex she perfers. For a woman it is a sellers market. I just keep my sexual practices private . Those I date will never know....I don't need the judgements.

Most do. A lot of men go on and on about the fact that they'd never be serious about a woman who did this (not only do we have to be perfect, we have to cease sex practices altogether before meeting them or it's a deal breaker and I doubt they're doing the same, which is kinda funny) so of course most women just wouldn't tell someone they're dating. Then again, it's really a woman's prerogative to keep things like that to themselves, it's really none of anyone's business anyway.

For some it's better than having sexual frustration due to months without sex (being single can be a long process sometimes) and sleeping with someone too soon you like and actually want to get to know better.
 swingpup
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 25
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dating VS just 'getting laid'
Posted: 12/31/2007 12:11:27 PM
Tom........Trust me there are a number of women that feel as you do. Not may women are going to indicate that here at least the regulars as their mail box would be full in moments.

Possibly I'm simply a lucky guy, however I don't believe that to be the case. I'm not good looking, and my last name isn't Trump. However, after being divorced for over 20 years I have met several women that I hook up with on a regular basis both married as well as single. Some have been "friends" for almost 20 years, some not as long, some only a few months.

"Dating" via doing the symphony, live theatre, dinner, etc., on occasion but to simply entertain, indulge and provide pure pleasure to these women is the general rule. They as well as I understand that this is certainly nothing close to a monogamous relationship or situation on either of our parts.

Reference the STD thing, a suggestion would be to obtain screening on a monthly basis (or what ever interval is right for you) for all STD's as well as HIV. Remember, if she can't pass the sniff test then make it "thanks but no thanks" and indicate why. Is it possible to contract an STD even with the sniff test and testing? Of course it is. It's also possible to be injured in an accident. The risk factor is up to each and ever individual.

Dating is great for those that have the time as well as those that are truly seeking a monogamous relationship. It's all different strokes for different folks.
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