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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Should A Single Mother Keep Her Bi-Sexual Side In The Closet While Ra      Home login  
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 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 14
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Should A Single Mother Keep Her Bi-Sexual Side In The Closet While Raising Kids?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
first of all, i live now in an area where being gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgender, et al is not a major issue. although transgenders in the transitioning stage, often have a lot of problems being accepted by those who "knew" them before.

that being said, my first question is whether you are bi-sexual or just coming into knowing you are a lesbian? you say that you have not gone out much, and several of my lesbian friends tell me they lived in denial for a very long time. i'm not sure i totally understand that being heterosexual, except that the social pressure was so great, they just "denied" in order to survive.

here is where my value issues come to play. i believe in monogamy. so, i follow one of my bi-sexual friends advice, in offering it to you. her children have known that she is bi-sexual since they could speak and when she was in a heterosexual marriage. they were told that the person who she loved, before she married their dad, was a woman. when she got divorced, she told them she was looking to find the man or woman that she would love. she dated both. ultimately she found a person and is now "married" again. in this state, you can only legally marry heterosexually. but i do believe, it was a 50-50 shot for the person she ended up with to be either a man or a woman. her emphasis with her daughter was upon love and not sex, as she was then fairly young and now has a new sister. i have no doubt that both children would not bat an eyelash as to whether other people in their world were gay, straight or bi-sexual.

back in college, 33 years ago, i had a friend who was bi-sexual and had both a man and a woman in her life at the same time, playing one against the other. in the end, she was the one who was alone. both had had enough. the woman she was with (half the time) had never before had a woman partner. she decided she was gay and ended up with another woman. i am told that my bi-sexual friend went heterosexual and refused to speak to any one who knew her in college. this was a long time ago, in ny when things were not as open as today.

i even remember the FIRST coming out dance they had at the university and how sad it was that everyone had to wait that long to be openly joyous for the very first time in their lives. i had later on after graduation introduced my friend to a nun who was interested in her commune, when we went back to visit as she was still at school doing her doctorate. when we left the nun had said a prayer for my friend that she meet the right man or woman. needless to say, she was a forward thinking nun in those days!

this is so many years later and it is sad that you are asking some of the same questions. so my thoughts are to just know who you are and be true to yourself. treat others with kindness and respect and know that sex is only one small issue in the totalityof it all. please, whatever you decide to do for yourself, teach your children tolerance and love. so many people think being gay or bi-sexual pertains to sex and not to who you love.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 15
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Should A Single Mother Keep Her Bi-Sexual Side In The Closet While Raising Kids?
Posted: 2/5/2008 1:10:37 PM
I know several bisexual women, some of whom are mothers. I don't think it is necessary to keep it in the closet but I don't think you have to be all "out there" with it either. I believe that there can be some balance. For example, my kids are used to hugging people, people hugging them, and seeing people hug each other. So them seeing, for example, a GF of mine hugging or holding hands or having an arm around another woman wouldn't freak them out. I wouldn't expect any serious makeout sessions in front of the kids, though pecks on the lips and cheeks would be fine.

And jar.head ... keep your judgement to yourself. If you are correct, then there is only One that we have to answer to, and it isn't you.
 sarasotagal76
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 18
Should A Single Mother Keep Her Bi-Sexual Side In The Closet While Raising Kids?
Posted: 2/5/2008 4:47:23 PM
Gays are different. Their attraction is permanent versus bi-sexual. It is yo-yo and kids are not suppose to see it. They have to know how to form a permanent sexual orientation. They can't see a mommy dating a gal and later a guy and again a girl. It makes them confused in a department of relationship forming and affect their sexuality forming....
 bigshrek
Joined: 11/15/2007
Msg: 19
Should A Single Mother Keep Her Bi-Sexual Side In The Closet While Raising Kids?
Posted: 2/5/2008 6:06:09 PM
Well, it depends on how old the kids are...15+ can handle mom swinging...heck, at that point a lot are experimenting anyway. Under 14...they really don't need any more confusion than they are already getting from their own hormones, much less what YOURS are doing. Just keep it sane...if you need a mom's night out, go & have fun...heck, go pull a train or make a daisy chain...for all they know you might be shopping
 Queen_Mab
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 25
Should A Single Mother Keep Her Bi-Sexual Side In The Closet While Raising Kids?
Posted: 2/7/2008 11:02:17 AM
As a bisexual mother, I really doubt that I completely screwed my son up by being open regarding who I am. He is now an adult, a new father, and we have an amzing parent/child relationship.

Did I ever indulge the intimate details of my sex life to my child? Absolutely not, and I would not have shared such details if I were heterosexual. He was raised knowing that his mother is a loving person, with both male and female friends, platonic and otherwise. When I did have a significant other, whether male or female, the exact same rules applied. I did not parade an assortment of lovers through our living room sporting latex or scantily dressed. I did not engage in casual sex in our home. The focus of my serious romantic relationships have always been based on love, and that is what my child observed.

In our home, the fact that Mom is bi has never been an issue; it is simply the reality... much like the reality that Mom makes killer lasagna, or if you lie to Mom all hell will break loose.
 desertrhino
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 28
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Should A Single Mother Keep Her Bi-Sexual Side In The Closet While Raising Kids?
Posted: 2/9/2008 7:36:23 AM
jar.head, I'm going to go out on a limb and guess from your writing style that reading is not your strongest skill. However, here's something you SHOULD read before you go taking on God's job and condemning His children any more: http://www.soulforce.org/article/homosexuality-bible-gay-christian

You might search "Leviticus" and "1958" if the whole text is Just Too Long. They'll put you in the general area of a few really good point you OUGHT to read.
 Queen_Mab
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 30
Should A Single Mother Keep Her Bi-Sexual Side In The Closet While Raising Kids?
Posted: 2/9/2008 10:33:20 AM

im a single mom of 2 boys, and also bi sexual, i have kept that part of my life to only happen when my boys arent around, or sleeping, when im spending time with another woman i make sure that the man i happen to also be seeing at the time that my kids are familiar with are present so that way my kids will just assume that the woman is just a friend.


And this is the part you should be keeping in the closet, if this is how you choose to express your bi-sexuality. Just as you should stay in the closet with your sexuality if it is expressed by screwing a multitude of men with no commitment to them.

There are a lot of bi-sexual women, myself included, that do not view thier sexuality as pertaining only to sex. Bi-sexuality, in my life, is the fact that I am attracted to both sexes on emotional, physical and mental levels. When I am in a relationship with a woman it is on the same basis as my relationships with men ~~ genuine feelings, not just a pair of wet panties.


For single mothers appearances are very important.


WHAT??? And for the mother who is still married to her childrens' father, the mother in an LTR with a man other than the father of her children, the single father, are appearances any less important for them???


and if someone (like the other parent) were to find out that you were participating in something not quite acceptable for a 'mother' your life could be made infinitely more complicated.


Ummmm.... Not really sure which direction your moral compass is pointing in, but any man that I were to procreate with would already be well aware of my bi-sexuality long before a little one came into the picture. I am open regarding my sexuality, I am not shamed by who I am, who I am attracted to nor who I have relationships with. I will reinforce what I said in my earlier post ~~ I am upfront and open, not with the details of my sex life, but the fact that I am bi-sexual.


Another thing to consider is the ramifications on the kids should you get caught, especially by one of the child(ren)'s friend's parent(s).


Get caught doing what, exactly?? Having sex?? That would be a bit awkward, no matter the gender of my lover. Have to wonder though, where exactly do you think bi Moms have sex that they would run the risk of being "caught"??? Under the bleachers at thier childrens' sporting events?? ~silent scream~

I currently live in a tiny town in Northern Idaho, population 2,800. Can we say repressed redneck Hell?? My son was not stigmatized nor teased regarding his mother's sexuality after we moved here. I volunteer with youth through the schools and the 4-H program. The reaction and attitude you, and your children, will receive regarding your sexuality will, in a large part, be determined by how you, as a mother, deal with it. It's not a dirty little secret, it's not a shocking surprise, I am not fvcking other women on the courthouse steps.... I am an amazing woman who is multi-faceted and well-adjusted, my sexuality is only a tiny part of the whole that makes up who I am. Being bi-sexual is not the end-all definition of who I am.....
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