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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers? [CLOSED]      Home login  
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 Cntrygrl101
Joined: 5/20/2005
Msg: 1
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Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers? [CLOSED]Page 1 of 140    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
Ok, Why is it I always find the guys that turn around and run when they find out I have a daughter? I really don't understand at all.. if they truly want me I am a package deal now. Its not my daughter's fault how she got here or who her sperm donor so to speak is. It is all fine and dandy if you go out with them for what they want, but when the child even gets mentioned... they turn and run the other way. I guess I'm destined to be single for the rest of my life, but hey I have her and she is my number one priority... if they don't like it.. oh well..Then they obviously do not know what kind of awonderful thing in both my self and my daughter that they could be missing out on.
 Cntrygrl101
Joined: 5/20/2005
Msg: 2
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Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/23/2005 1:08:55 PM
But do you realize how boring and frustrating it gets fishing al lthe time.. It sometimes gets to the point where its not worth it anymore
 Cntrygrl101
Joined: 5/20/2005
Msg: 3
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Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/23/2005 5:34:18 PM
I'm not saying I am going to give up completely.. I'm just going to sit back relax and figure out what is going on. I love myself and my daughter formost and if someone wants to join our love and happiness so be it. You know how girls always say they are fed up and are turning gay...well I feel the same, but honestly I don't think that I could ever do it. I guess I jsut feel like giving up sometimes.... but then again... like they say good things DO come to those who wait.. I have waited these 26 years, I guess I can wait a bit longer.
 Cntrygrl101
Joined: 5/20/2005
Msg: 5
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Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/23/2005 9:32:42 PM
: Somethings not right here.

I would think single guys in your age group who are looking for a long term/permanent kind of relationship wouldn't be turning tail and running with your news. In fact I would guess most guys expect it. I can only guess then that you're not talking about POF guys.

Are you talking about guys in clubs or other social settings. If that's the case then most of the guys in that particular situation aren't looking for something serious right then and there so it's almost understandable then that in those types of situations most would view having a child as an inconvenience and will move on.


Actually i am not sure about POF guys since i have only been on this web site for about 3 or 4 days. I am hoping that they aren't but you just never know. As for meeting them in the bars and what not.. I don't do it because when i go out.. I go to dance not to get drunk and see who i can take home for the night. I am a genuine girl and I would like to find that genuine guy which i know are not at the bars and such....
 nixxy
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 6
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/24/2005 5:00:35 AM
does this seriously bother you?

granted I was 15 when i had my daughter, so i cannot remember life before her..but..its never once actually hurt or even bothered me if a man walks away at mention of her. I laugh. Obviously, not someone I want to be involved in. And if I didnt have a child, it wouldnt have worked out in the end anyway, if hes that type of person.
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 8
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Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/25/2005 12:56:58 PM
Please see my 45 or so other posts oon this topic. It's their decision to make. Single women don't like single dads, either ... well at least, some of them don't. Just as some single men don't like single moms ... not all. Don't blame them. They're doing you a favor.
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 9
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Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/25/2005 4:08:48 PM
I dunno, Dell. I date a lot of childless women and I've never had trouble finding things we have in common. Although, I will give you the fact that they aren't very understanding when you have to break off a date because of your child or why you can't spend too much time with them.
 fellfromheaven
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 10
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/25/2005 10:24:01 PM
Im a single mom and it hasnt really hurt my dating life at all.I tell guys when I first talk to them that I have a daughter.Most of them have been very receptive to the fact.I say if you let people know upfront,you wont waste your time or theirs.Good luck in your search
 fellfromheaven
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 11
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/25/2005 10:29:38 PM
I dont slam men that dont like single moms.I dont even think thats the issue.I dont think its a personal if someone doesnt want to date me because I have a daughter.Its their preference.Raising a child is a full time job,and some men arent ready to take all that on.Thats ok with me.I have confidence when I meet the right guy it will all fall into place.Relax and be alittle less defensive.Youll do fine
 fellfromheaven
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 12
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/26/2005 2:45:35 AM
Well I have alot of opinions LOL so Im sure Ill be voiceing plenty more.Thanks for the compliment.
 singguk
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 13
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/26/2005 6:42:45 AM
hi cntrygrl ,
i read your msg and i realy think that if a man likes or loves a woman then he does not care that if she has a kid or not ,instead the the humane or even the things which belongs to their loves becomes so great, so i would like to tell you that i can be a nice chat partner to you as i love kids and i can be something more with you in a long term relationship and offcourse your kid would be on the first priority list for me too , kids are equal to angel ,so think about it , you can find my profile on plentyoffish and can msg me , take care ,bye bye
 Cntrygrl101
Joined: 5/20/2005
Msg: 14
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Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/26/2005 10:31:00 AM
Ok, I guess I went about this the wrong way. I wasn't personally talkingabout what I always run into, more so that I was chatting with someone....the first thing out of my mouth is that I have a child and he was like never mind i can't talk to you. I asked why and he said that its because he doesnt want to be around Women with children, but yet he is the :good guy" that wants to settle down and yadda yadda yadda. I quite frankly didn't care because yes my daughter is the first and foremest in my life, especially since she was in a serious car accident in 2003 and as dead when they found her and wasnt suppose to make it past 12 hours. Yes she IS deffinately MY ANGEL. I tell people up front first and formeost... .but at the same time they do not and will not meet her until I am sure something is going to happen long term. I do not like seeing her get hurt because it didn't last past a few months for whatever reason. It's happened once and it will never happen again. I was jsutwondering in general what other people's opinions where on the subject is all.. If i mislead anything because of the way I approached it I am sorry, and for those that said to be patient... I am being patient because your right... someday when I least expect it, MY prince charming will sweep me off my feet.. i might be 60 yrs old and old and decreped...but HE WILL come...lol
Thanks guys
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 15
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Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/26/2005 6:09:14 PM

Yam, that's why I said "Personally I think", I was speaking for myself not anyone else. Everyone has their own preferences as to who's a good match for them. If it works for you GREAT.

Didn't think it meant anything more than that. Just sharing some of my experiences with you. I was assuming from the way you phrased your statement you haven't dated any childless men since becoming a mom. If that's not the case, I apologize.

Quite frankly, I haven't dated any single moms since gaining my freedom. I don't know if that's just the luck of the draw, or if it has to do with the crowd I socialize with. So I don't really have any basis for comparison. But in my experience, I haven't had any trouble relating to childless women. To me, it's a nice break to talk about something other than my child or my job.
 singguk
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 16
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/27/2005 7:00:14 AM
hello ,
cntrygirl first of all pay my love to the ANGEL i got you , lol i am sure about one thing that you are not going to be sinlge to get 60 lol , some one will must be there for you and for your kid, and that would be the best ,there always have been problems for women with having kids ,but we should consider them and settle them down ,and as for as i know cause i am from a different society and the women here in my society treatd differently ,may be my thoughts a bit different about women with kids but i know one thing that these are good for women ,and one thing cntrygrl,always be happy cause it makes your kid to be happy when she sees her mom is happy ,take care,love to kid , and if you would like me to know your baby's name please, bye bye
 incredible25
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 18
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2005 6:44:05 PM
Is anyone familiar with the term self-fulfilling prophecy? If you expect something to happen - it will. Good or bad. Once you project those thoughts on something, you will it to happen. Have you ever dated a guy that you were convinced was going to cheat on you? Then you find out he's cheating? Ever hear of the studies of classroom teachers and students where the teacher expects a particular child to fail the class based upon some variable and guess what - the child fails; the teacher expected him to.

I'm a single, pregnant mother to be for goodness sakes and there are actually still men that want to go out with me! Even though I would never have expected it. I'm quite reserved in the dating department at the moment because of my situation, but if the right person comes along, then I would not pass by the opportunity.

Keep a positive frame of mind and good things will happen for you. Maybe the person you are meant to be with is not ready in his life to meet you. Perhaps you have other life experiences to go through first. I am a true believer in what's meant to happen will happen.
 incredible25
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 19
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2005 6:49:52 PM
Response to "scotchbeef"

Wow - are you ever bitter! Why would you want a woman to put you before her children? Are you a ten year old that needs guidance and parenting? Any mother that puts a man before her children needs her head examined. Single mothers don't necessarily have men come and go from their lives and need to hide that from their children, perhaps the mother's you've dated are embarrased of you? I sure would be, based upon the narrowminded view you posted. I am expecting a child and if I decide to date someone, that man will meet my child when I say it's necessary because after all, I'm the one dating the man, not the child.
 incredible25
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 20
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2005 4:07:15 AM
To Yardape_99: I don't think many women would give you a chance based upon what you freely write here. To be a single mother or a single woman does not change who the person is inside and to me the status is the same; a single mother is still just a single woman. Only an insecure man would not be involved with a woman based upon the fact that she brought another human being into this world. I think woman who have children are the most unselfish people in society, just think what that could add to a personal relationship. Of course one's children comes first before everyone and everything else in life - have your own kids and maybe you'll understand. By the way - Children are not someone else's mess and if men want their "own family" that's entirely up to them, but remember this - FOR EVERY SINGLE MOTHER, THERE IS A SINGLE FATHER. And that single father has to find someone else in life just as much as the mother does.
 incredible25
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 23
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2005 5:39:31 PM
TANGOPERU - The term was in reference to expecting a guy to run from you because you're a single mother. It was in response to the person who posted the original message. I was assuring her that if she focused on something else, perhaps it wouldn't happen as often. To say that everything that happens in your life happens because you expected it to is absurd and clearly disregards the meaning of the term I used. If you're still confused, try reading a few psychological texts or journal studies on the topic! All the best.
 incredible25
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 24
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2005 5:47:43 PM
TANGOPERU:

Not choosing to date someone because their 1) a single mother or 2) a single father is the same thing as discriminating because of skin colour, occupation, religion, income level, social status and every other discriminatory factor. Everyone has the right to choose the person best for them, however if everything else is right and the only thing holding you back is the child that the parent unselfishly has raised and never asked to be brought into this world, than that person is not worth dating. Understand? I would say the same thing if someone told me they weren't interested in me based upon my job. Having a child is not a flaw in someone's personality or life. If you go through life overlooking people because of children, you may overlook a wonderful opportunity for your own life. Having a child is not a disease by the way. I'm not looking to change your narrowminded view, but get this straight: I don't expect anyone to change their expectations of a relationship to be with me, just the same as I won't change my expectations for a loving, caring, accepting human being with morals and values.

Considering at least 50% of all marriages end in divorce, and at least half of those divorcees most likely have kids, should those people go through life not dating or expecting a date?

What about widows that have children? I guess those people who have had their spouses die should probably not expect a date either.

Grow up.
 aumtatsat
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 25
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2005 11:30:47 PM
Ok, here's the deal from where I sit. I dated a single mother one time. I have been 'on the market' only very briefly, since I lost my wife very recently, and she was the first woman I asked out. We had a lovely time. Her kids are great, and I didn't call her again. I may yet, but I want to tread lightly... I really love her kids.. they're sweet, gorgeous, wonderful... and I like her too... now, that's scary... I've barely been out of a twenty-five year marriage, and here's a beautiful opportunity to love someone. I don't know if I'm ready. I need to shop around some, just to see who I am on my own. I don't mind risking getting hurt, and if she's willing to take that risk, OK, I'm game. ...but I really don't want to be someone responsible for hurting those kids... I think they are deserving of being loved and having someone stable and caring, and I'm not sure it can be me, and I don't know if it's fair to them to risk hurting THEM if it doesn't work out for me and her... so out of respect, I haven't called, lest I start to make some kids love me, and disappoint them... It's so easy for me to love kids, and easy for them to love me that it really concerns me... anyway... thought you should know
 singguk
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 26
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/30/2005 7:00:27 AM
TO incredible 25
hope everything is fine ,Being a mother is the greatest gift from God ,and being a father should be the same ,there is a question in my mind why we (men)make love to women and if they get pregnent then we left her and go to another woman,as i think there is a one thing THERE ARE LOT OF MEN BUT A FEW OF THEM ARE HUMANE ,based on this point i often make myself understand about the point that why single men dnt like single mothers, i have been with a friend of mine at a hospital when his wife gave birth to a child and it was a moment to see my friend's happiness and from there i thought being a father ,i will be with almight God grace,i 100 % refused the bad side of the men to refuse women on the basis that they are mothers,how can the world goes on without being mothers and fathers,
Think about it Guys,
 incredible25
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 27
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/30/2005 3:29:29 PM
TANGOPERU:

I'm sorry that you don't like being wrong.

You seem to misunderstand my written words. I've never once wrote that I expect anyone to date me or change their expectations/standards in order to date me. I think you're making up a debate in your own mind. What I did say however, was that I don't think it's right to rule someone out because of their children. If you can't realize that it's an unfair expectation to measure up to, then that is your own problem in life. We have differing opinions, the only difference is mine is humane. Hopefully, your life will be 100% perfect in the eyes of the person you become interested in so that she/he will accept you. My debate with you is finished.

Everyone on this forum has really great, valid points and I enjoy reading them. 99% of people out there are very supportive of other people. It really is a shame that in year 2005 there are still people who discriminate against others. Every woman has had the choice to have their child and wondering if a guy will date them because of it shouldn't even be a consideration. A child is another human being. Everyone has the right to have children or to have them in their lives, but it shows character depth to handle life with compassion.
 shmoes
Joined: 11/1/2004
Msg: 28
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/30/2005 3:50:39 PM
Hmm, I would rather someone rule me out because I have a son, then find out the hard way they're just putting up with him to be with me ..

even as a parent, I take carefull consideration as to if I want to date someone with multiple kids ...for example.. am I ready for a family of 2 (me and him) to go to a family of 5 (me, her, +3 kids) .. .. it's not something to take lightly .. so in the same regard going from a single guy or girl who can be carefree to a responsible parental figure is a huge step ..

now i'm sure some of you will respond with .. well it's just dating .. or I don't need a new daddy for him/her .. irregardless if you're a parent .. your partner takes on a responsibility by dating you.. there is just no way around it.

I may be speaking for myself here mostly .. but I would like to date someone with the IDEA that it could go further .. if it doesn't so be it .. but making the right choices in the begining .. can save alot of people some heartbreak .. including the kids.
 shmoes
Joined: 11/1/2004
Msg: 30
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/30/2005 9:21:47 PM
how can any of you seriously expect to be in a relationship ... A LONG TERM serious one .. and just expect the guy to be on the side. If you're don't think the man will become a role-model for your children (which is exactly what a DADDY DOES) .. of course he will not "replace" the dad, but your ideals are misguided if you think any REAL man ..would just allow himself to step aside .. either he's part of the family .. or he is not.

again consideration for long term relationship, if you want to just go-nowhere date .. then ya .. you've got the right idea (y) .. but if you want a guy that's serious about you. he's got alot to consider when faced with the idea of kids. and going back to my original post in this thread .. a REAL man considers if he's ready for that .. and if he's not .. he makes the logical choice ...... NEXT!

Edit: this applies to women as well for single fathers.
 shmoes
Joined: 11/1/2004
Msg: 31
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/30/2005 9:45:32 PM
I agree, it's never pleasant to be turned down, but the theme of this thread is that the guys that do are losers.. I personally applaude them for identifying they're not ready.. and not putting you through that type of heartbreak which is worse. (imo)

However, I'm sure some guys, could use a little tact with a womans feelings on the issue. If they're not ready for instant family.
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