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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Just Take it on the Chin?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 1
Just Take it on the Chin?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I do not know how many others have had to "deal with" EXPLOSIONS from a SO. What did you find was the best way for YOU to handle it? A screaming/shouting match? Do you/did you just walk away. Or just stand there and "take it"?

Just to be clear, I am talking about when someone is yelling, screaming profanity, and likely to be making cutting, cruel, hurtful remarks. Someone who is NOT making any attempt at a conversation. Possibly throwing things... Some folks might refer to it as an emotional outburst but I am not referring to phases of the moon or times of the month or necessarily women. I have seen this from men also. It would at least "seem" to be a no win situation for one person.

EDIT: Thanks #4... you reminded me. What if you just walk away but they follow???
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 2
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 1/11/2008 1:35:59 PM
i'd leave the room, let them have a chance to calm down...at least that's what i do with my teens.... hormonal fluctuations are the pits...

no point trying to talk with someone who just wants to explode
 DDay555
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 3
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Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 1/11/2008 2:18:07 PM
Yeah, that's a very broad area to cover. Have I been walking away to avoid confrontation? Have I been the cause of the explosion or were they. No cause at all?

There's a time to do several things depending on the situation IMO, this isn't a cut and dry question.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 4
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 1/11/2008 2:40:32 PM
I hardly ever get to the screaming phase [can't remember the last time, but I know in the past I have done it], and I can only remember one time when a man did that to me--I left the room in a huff (we were living together at the time). I have, however, knocked my fair share of holes in the walls. It's usually a sign of frustration rather than "just" anger.
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 5
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 1/11/2008 2:51:49 PM
I am getting close to 100 years old and .........

I've never ever been screamed at by a female or a male.

With the exception of the last few months of my first marriage (16 years) - I've never even argued with a female - that I remember. She started getting drunk and picking fights.

I know for sure me and my 2nd wife never argued (married 17 years).

Makes no difference how cute she was ... I have no interest being around a finger pointing - pushy - drama seeking - argumentative female.
 DDay555
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 6
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Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 1/11/2008 3:35:42 PM
I've actually been the victim of one of these "explosions" and, if you don't feed it, it wears off, sometimes leads to tears. It all depends on where the anger is aimed at and the cause IMO. If someone's parent just died, I'd take it and wait out the storm. If this was a frequent problem in the relationship, I'd bail.

Anger is an emotion to and one that's very close to the surface in the world that we live in. Please don't tell me that you never wanted to, or did, curse someone out while driving.

I think every situation is different and needs to be handled accordingly IMO.
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 7
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 1/11/2008 3:48:08 PM
I'd walk away, but not before I told them WHY I'm walking away. Something like, "hey, I'm not standing here to take screaming and name-calling from you.. we can talk calmly later."
 gigigrongbell
Joined: 12/19/2006
Msg: 8
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 1/11/2008 5:31:02 PM
I'd find the nearest door and leave. I don't want that kind of relationship and I think staying says it's okay.
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 9
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 1/11/2008 7:13:19 PM
Exactly.

Why reward bad behavior?
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 10
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 1/11/2008 10:02:38 PM
OP, tis time to say . There are many decent individuals who may appreciate you. Btw: although you live in FL, please get a new shirt.
 Ignoble
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 11
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Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 1/12/2008 10:16:21 PM
Hahahaha, I took the title of this thread in the completely wrong way. Gahahahaha.
 ExplosiveSheep
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 12
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 1/13/2008 1:13:45 AM
Wow I thought this was about something else when I read it at first. Anyway man if she's gonna rip on me for no good reason I'll give it right back. At the very least I will attempt to make some kind of point.

Usually though if I started it I feel guilty and appologize at some point cause I dunno screaming matches aren't my favourite thing to do, nothing wrong with a good debate however.
 DesertLioness
Joined: 8/2/2006
Msg: 13
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Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 1/13/2008 10:37:33 AM

The person who walks away usually has something to do with it. They are never totally innocent to some degree.
You're kidding, right, Chela? While I find no fault with some of the "reasons" you mentioned earlier in your reply, I find your last line objectionable. It's that type of thinking that encourages men and women to stay in chronically abusive relationships. "It must be MY fault ("to some degree"), so I will stay and try to fix MY problems to try to make that person be nicer." OUCH!

My actions are all mine. The responsibility does not belong to someone else if I behave badly, regardless of what the other person said or did. Period. If I am with someone who frequently behaves in the manner that the OP stated, the other person's behavior is NOT my responsibility; my decision to leave or stay in that chaos IS my responsibility.


It would at least "seem" to be a no win situation for one person.
OP, it is. I guess we are all entitled to a bad day, but this is ABUSE. I have known some people who believe this is communication because they are letting their feelings out. (And gee, if she beats you, throws acid on you or shoots you, she will feel even better!)


What if you just walk away but they follow???
Some people have a habit of doing this (women are especially guilty of this). This is a total lack of respect for someone who needs their space. Couples need to set ground rules for fair fighting at a time when they are NOT fighting, then they need to follow those rules. This person is fighting dirty and there is no excuse for any of this from an adult.

If you are in that relationship, get out. If you left that relationship, stay out. If you have just started dating this person, cut your losses and run like hell! She's toxic.
 DesertLioness
Joined: 8/2/2006
Msg: 14
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Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 1/13/2008 10:45:17 AM

Qestion: What did you do to create the "Explosion"?
Oh, my dear gawd! Again, here's that belief that assumption that the other person is to blame for the S.O. behaving abusively. This type of thinking perpetuates abusive relationships. I would bet a year's salary that the S.O. the OP is referring to has a history of this type of behavior in relationships.

I'm curious, rladi, if the OP was a female, and she was describing a boyfriend / lover / husband who was behaving like this toward her, would your response have been the same?
 stevelfun
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 15
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 1/14/2008 6:14:04 AM
I was in a relationship like that for four years on and off.

She would get upset with me and start throwing nastiness screaming about anything that crossed her mind. I would call this her 'laundry list'. It was an accumulation of everything over time that upset her.

Finally, I literally walked out one day after this happened for the umpteenth time.

The four years took its toll. It will mess with your self esteem.

If you do not have that problem, then feel free to do whatever. However, if the comments are hurtful - walk away.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 16
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 7/17/2015 11:58:30 PM
Well folks... what say all you "newbies"?

Obviously as a Forumite, few are going to "take it". Especially with no [visible at least] Mods around.

But in the RW?
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 17
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 7/18/2015 2:26:30 AM
That is abuse and I would not accept it for a minute. Maybe when younger one is conned into fixing. It especially is unbearable at mature ages. No leeway for acting immature in any way.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 18
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 7/18/2015 7:03:57 AM
I'd withhold sex for a week and stop doing the dishes...

Some folks just have to see you reach the same emotional state as they are.

See, it's not fair that you're not pissed off as much as them.

You're not getting off the hook til you get as angry as they are.

So...pick up a lamp and hurl it against the wall. Problem solved.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 19
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 7/18/2015 8:43:38 AM
I've watched my mother get yelled at, talked down to, shouted profanities to her face, doors slammed, repeated telephone calls etc., for years. I've worked with victims of domestic violence, also. None of that is ever going to have place in my life. I get very afraid of anger and violence.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 20
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Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 7/18/2015 10:34:28 AM
Why would any man or women get involved with or stay involved with a person like that.

I have never been involved with anyone like that. I don't fight with friends and I certainly wouldn't be with someone who acted like that.
I was taught at an early age not to put up with people's drama. One of the best lessons I ever learned.
 Qura
Joined: 8/5/2014
Msg: 21
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Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 7/18/2015 11:25:13 AM
I've never been in a relationship like that. I like to think that this is b/c I've never put up with even the first step toward drama--raising a voice, for example, in anger. It's probably just b/c I'm lucky, though.

This is why I think it is SO important to give relationships time to grow--so you see how someone responds under pressure (at work, anywhere) well before the relationship is established enough for you to become their whipping post.

Pay attention, and the people you meet and date will reveal themselves. Walk away when they reveal themselves to be immature, egocentric, dishonest, etc.

I give people a 2nd chance--I warn, if you do that again, we are done. Told my ex that about something when we were dating. He never did it again. But of course, most people will do it again :)

There is a lot of drama in my professional life (I work with teens). I will not live with it at home. I'd much, much rather be single!
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 22
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 7/18/2015 3:12:46 PM
I do not know how many others have had to "deal with" EXPLOSIONS from a SO. What did you find was the best way for YOU to handle it? A screaming/shouting match? Do you/did you just walk away. Or just stand there and "take it"?
-----------------
I just walk away. I know people can get pissed off and say things they don't mean, so I really don't take that stuff too seriously.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 23
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 7/18/2015 5:38:48 PM
Walk away.
If they follow you.
Go further away.

If they continue go to somewhere with other people.
If it becomes violent go to the police.

Shouting back at someone who is shouting at you achieves nothing.

I would not tolerate such 'explosions' from anyone.
"That is something with which I will not put".

__________________________________________________

In a past life I was a sales representative for a company that had a poor reputation for delivering stock on time.
So I experienced quite a few customers, YELLING, at me.

I would just sit or stand there, wait till they had finished and calmed down then document and work through their problems.

Many times the problem was easily fixed.
e.g.
They had ordered packs of 6 which were out of stock so I supplied individually wrapped.
By filling these simple back orders I became a record sales person.


Solutions are often simple.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 24
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Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 7/18/2015 6:10:10 PM
Four main types?? There are 12 stereotypes. I am none of the four, for instance and I am sure others would agree.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 25
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 7/18/2015 6:17:01 PM
Clooney with your comment #74 of



I'd withhold sex for a week and stop doing the dishes...


^^^ Does that mean she has to go out to eat?
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