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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > why do so many divorced dads want to be part time dads?      Home login  
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 eyes2asoul
Joined: 11/7/2007
Msg: 14
why do so many divorced dads want to be part time dads?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Kudos to all the "dads" (and moms) that make being worthy of that title the most important thing in their life. I know that a major reason my marriage ended was because my ex was not only not a friend, or husband but he didn't do anything as a father either. He does nothing for my children, unless it's for a show. Moved over an hour away from them (to live with a not-yet divorced woman and her kids), and says it isn't worth is time to come to a basketball game, or event for our girls. Hasn't seen them in over 2 months, has no idea about their schooling or medical issues - and constantly tells the girls that it's up to them to see him (they are 13 & 9). He doesn't get how much he's losing - or why the girls don't want to chase him for attention. It's tough to see kids hurt, and still try to keep a positive opinion in their heads of someone that could care less. But that's what real parents do. In my opinion, if the person wasn't cut out to be a "daddy" or a "mommy" before, then once they don't have to do ALL it takes to fill those roles on a daily basis, THEY DON'T. But there are many great and unselfish parents out there for both kids and adults to see. Good luck to all.
 smiles0527
Joined: 6/20/2006
Msg: 45
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why do so many divorced dads want to be part time dads?
Posted: 1/21/2008 7:01:24 PM
NewMetroMan, I think I love you!! Your life is exactly the same as mine......and many other single parents. I love that you aren't "babysitting" your kids and know that they MUST come first!!! So refreshing. I meet so many men who say, 'my children are my life." In the same breath I learn that they hate paying 'her' support, moved 2 states away to "start a new life" and consider themselves to be a great dad........NOT.
 desertrhino
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 49
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why do so many divorced dads want to be part time dads?
Posted: 1/21/2008 10:42:16 PM
I guess both the states I've lived in with child support an issue have been great or unusual.

Here in Colorado, both incomes are added together to get a base "standard of living," then divided by the percentage of time with each parent, corrected for shared expenses, etc... and then the contribution each parent is expected to make is compared to their percentage of custody. Child support payments are then calculated to rectify any imbalance, averaged across the year. If my ex had the kids most of the time, she still makes so much more than me that she'd owe some child support for the 25-30% they were with me. *shrug*

There's a spreadsheet online at the state site that you just plug in the numbers, et voila. :)
 DDay555
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 50
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why do so many divorced dads want to be part time dads?
Posted: 1/22/2008 7:29:52 AM
OP: As a long distance dad, let me assure you that the only way a parent can fail is if they stop trying. Without going into it, the X lives in NC with my Daughter. I have done everything from driving through the night to flying all over god's creation to make sure that I AM THERE.

She now is a collage student and graduated salutatorian of her HS class after SKIPPING 9th grade. You don't think that a child that was raised poorly could do that do you? The X and I might not be married, but it's understood that there is a larger commitment between us and we needed to set aside our differences for the Child's sake. Distance means nothing, I'm a phone call away, 9 hour drive and I've done it in emergencies.

So, don't generalize on that. I'm the FIRST person that she calls when she's in trouble. That comes from making sure that no matter the distance, I was an active part of her life.

Re-phrase the question to: "why do so many divorced dads GIVE UP AND BECOME part time dads?"

Simple answer: They're not trying hard enough, shame on them. They Divorce the Wife and the Kids at the same time. They cannot deal with the feelings of having to work closely with her on life's issues even though divorced IMO. Lack of separation mentally & emotionally.
 DDay555
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 53
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why do so many divorced dads want to be part time dads?
Posted: 1/23/2008 4:50:19 AM

In my state, they don't award "joint custody" its called "shared parental responsibility"... In which one of the parents becomes the "primary custodial residence"... any guesses on who becomes that by default?


InteractiveJohn, let me guess: Florida? She got custody instantly?
How did I know that...???

Yup, good luck trying to get an explanation of what that means in any other state from a judge... In the federal guidelines and law, "Joint Custody" is used extensively and there's not a single mention of the term "Joint Parental Responsibility". Makes fighting legalities in court a rather strenuous and expensive process. First thing in a Divorce or Custody hearing that has to happen is that term needs to be defined by the Judge into some sort of wording that matches the rest of the country.

Yeah, Florida rocks.... Not...


And women, it's a TWO WAY STREET! If you are nasty to us and you're acting like everything is personal, BACK OFF! Not cool one iota.
The kids come first, remember? Seems that this sword has two edges...
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 58
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why do so many divorced dads want to be part time dads?
Posted: 1/26/2008 6:59:05 PM

I don't understand why so many men who get divorced relegate themselves to being one weekend a month and two weeks in the summer dads.


I took my kids to the park today.

There were six dads and two moms there.
 Mozard
Joined: 7/31/2007
Msg: 59
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why do so many divorced dads want to be part time dads?
Posted: 1/30/2008 5:30:54 AM
Well obviosly your ex didn't make the divorce all about the kids ... mine made my life so miserable by the time the kids got to my house to visit they hated me and her and I didn't move she did. My kids were 3 and 5 when we split and she filled their heads with lies about me and my kids despised me for a long time. The good news is everything comes full circle ... when my oldest son was about 10 he asked me "why I did those things to his mommy?" I sat both the kids down and told them the truth about everything their mother had lied to them about. Now my youngest lives with me and the oldest one only lives at his mom's because she has no enforcable rules.
 DDay555
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 60
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why do so many divorced dads want to be part time dads?
Posted: 1/30/2008 7:55:46 AM

Dday..Why would you allow nine hours to separate you from your child? I don't get it. Just because your kiddo graduated at the top of her class doesn't mean she didn't miss quality time with you along the way. A phone call isn't the same as sharing a house with her dad.

Reading comprehension 101...
What I said is that I DIDN'T let that stop me from being there dude...
As far as FL? BS, they will NOT grant the man custody during what the court considers the "Tender Years", which is 2-5 years old, without a HUGE fight and the mother has got to have something wrong with her. Been there, done it, paid the frickin' lawyer a fortune over it.

How other folks can live in the same town or state and not take care of their children is beyond me...
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 65
why do so many divorced dads want to be part time dads?
Posted: 4/28/2009 8:44:29 PM
my children's dads changed their minds after making the babies and did not even want to be part time. they are non existant. my son's father does pay child support and will call to ask about him. my daughter's father doesn't pay child support and abandones the family .........................ran off.................took the family money ........left the kids (and wife)
bust whatever.
some men should have their ballz chopped off
 Aire73
Joined: 4/2/2009
Msg: 67
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why do so many divorced dads want to be part time dads?
Posted: 4/29/2009 7:17:20 AM
Well, in the state I live in, it's not a question of what the guys want. The standard is to give fathers every-other weekend, and Wednesday evening for a few hours ... maybe an overnight. If you had the fortune of marrying a woman who truly cares for your child(ren), or for you, or the judge is feeling good at the moment, then there can be a 50/50 split. Only other way for a father to be fulltime involves money, lots of freetime, the mother truly not caring, or the mother doing something clearly criminal/dangerous to the child.

As for getting primary custody as a divorced father in Washington? Shy of re-marriage and going back to court, or winning the lottery ...
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