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 smiles0527
Joined: 6/20/2006
Msg: 5
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Women in there 40's and affairsPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I too agree, it isn't fair to take your painful situation and lump all of us together!!! I am a 42 yr old woman who has never and would never have an affair. As a single mother of two young children (since they were 2 months and 2 years old), family and children ARE NOT to be put in the same sentence as spouse/partner! Thank you for serving our country, we need you and you were away doing your job, but do not put all of us in the same "40" year olds cheat!
 Love_on_Fire
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 9
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Women in there 40's and affairs
Posted: 1/19/2008 11:47:11 AM
OP, I personally don't know the exact mechanisms that go on, but it seems for some reason that some women that get around that age, many seem to start become almost like ...perverts? I'm sorry but thats just the fact it seems.I am sorry that you got screwed by your "lady", she seems to be a selfish person who for whatever is going through that ugly mid life crisis. It's unfortanate that some do this sort of stuff, but just need to understand that by doing this, they are disgracing themselves and they are growing old miserably as opposed to gracefully. I think guys should start taking a stand on this kind of nonsense. They can't just go and cheat like that without considering the damage it may do to other people and their families.

I said this before that people that do this especially when they have kids (regardless of whether the kids are grown up or not) people that do this should be atleast fined or arrested. There needs to be an example set regarding these sorts of things.

I don't know what else to say about her other then what she is doing is making her a scum and a harlot. Watch out for those kinds of people.

People like you deserve way more respect then that, she should be thankful for what you are doing and who you are, and no matter how she may have felt, that is no excuse for her to go out and dang other guys.

I say that as a general umbrella answer to this question on behave of the whole thread.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 10
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Women in there 40's and affairs
Posted: 1/19/2008 12:31:57 PM
Both men and women have a life-stage change, usually in their 40's. That doesn't mean all guys buy the sports car, leave their wives and run after incredibly young women, nor does it mean all women have affairs and/or get divorced.

It does mean that many people take restock of their lives at this time and make changes.
 jf468
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 15
Women in there 40's and affairs
Posted: 1/19/2008 2:15:41 PM
I don't think women in their 40s are any more or less likely to cheat on their spouse. However I do think there are a segment of recently divorced women in their 40s that are looking for a casual relationship. They were neglected by their ex-husbands. And being with another man makes them feel more attractive and appreciated. I'm not saying that they are easy or desperate. Simply that they might not be looking for a serious relationship.
 Love_on_Fire
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 17
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Women in there 40's and affairs
Posted: 1/20/2008 5:30:12 AM
Listen to all you who are ok or are siding with this pervert for cheating. It is NEVER ok to cheat!! Please get that in your heads, because that is the simple truth. Also unless there is a good legitamite reason, there is no excuse to divorce either. It takes two people to make things work, and by one wanting to 'give up' it doesn't help things at all.

How would you like it if someone said that most guys in their 40's who cheat on their wifes, felt that the sex wasn't good enough anymore and they thus felt lonely and neglected because his wife wasn't given hiom as much fun anymore??.... would that be a legitamite excuse to cheat or divorce her??....NO...offcourse not. Same thing with this situation. If anything she may need help and again I worry when someone in their forties cheats or myseriously would divorce their husbands, because that tells me that they may have some possible perverted hidden agenda underneath.

Lately we heard in the news of the tragic sickening news of some women teachers in their 40's having sex with 14 year old male students. So in light of this, it is wise to keep an extra close eye on them, and if you suspect anything silly going on, get you family and maybe even the cops involved just in case it escalates to REALLY repugnant and disgusting acts like a 40 year old plus "women" having sex with someone under 18.
 Love_on_Fire
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 19
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Women in there 40's and affairs
Posted: 1/20/2008 9:08:06 AM
^^ not always Soxxs

If for example, someone wants a divorce because they don't find the other person attractive anymore or they are not getting the fun sex that they used to from them or some material trivial issue etc, then those are NOT legitamite reasons for a divorce.

If the spouse cheated or has been abusive or something like that against the other spouse, then that is another story, as those ARE legitamite reasons for divorse.

But if someone divorces because their spouse "is not attractive physically" to them anymore or something selfish like that,than that is not a reason for divorce , infact that is just as bad as cheating on them.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 22
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Women in there 40's and affairs
Posted: 1/20/2008 11:19:15 AM
OP - I'm sorry this happened to you. NOT all women over the age of 40 have affairs. It is a marital problem, since she had an affair. We can only speculate why she had the affair, but it boils down to you need to find out WHY she had the affair. People have affairs for various reasons: boredom; being taken for granted; lack of appreciation; to boost their self esteem; lonliness; incompatibility in the bedroom, etc.

Your children are NO substitute for you, as a husband. Your wife married you, not your children. Instead of asking POF why, you need to ask her why. You need to take the time with her and sort out your marriage. Be prepared for things you don't want to hear, but you need to listen to her, no matter how much it hurts.
 Love_on_Fire
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 23
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Women in there 40's and affairs
Posted: 1/20/2008 11:59:30 AM
But some people don't want to deal with their problems and would let them fester into open wounds and manifest into worse problems. I have a friend who tried and tried to work things out with her ex husband, asked for him to get counseling with her, but he was completely happy with the way things were, she was not. They got divorced.

There are legitimate reasons beyond abuse and cheating for divorce. I've known people who got married for all the wrong reasons such as the woman got pregnant. They tried to make a marriage for sake of child, that doesn't always work. People marry very young thinking it will always last, but then grow up, mature, and grow apart. Some marry to escape an abusive home life or because something is missing in their home life with mom and dad.


I agree with you, and I never said that those reasons that you gave are not legitmate reasons for divorce. Obviously if people marry for the wrong reasons and are selfish about things and things like that, I can understand it. Those two examples I gave above (cheating or abuse) were just two examples, not ALL of them. But you are right in the ones you added.

All I was saying is that if it's over something SILLY or TRIVIAL like looks or a material matter or something than that is NOT a reason for divorce.

By the way, we all have things to learn about life, I do, you do , the Op does and well....lol everyone does without exception.




I love it when twenty-somethings know everything about life and profess to teach the rest of us a thing or two. I was the same way, except minus the atrocious spelling.


Well actually lol I may think including the spelling lol!! It happens to everyone right?! lol

But I never said I know everything, but there are certain things that I do know and really age has nothing to do with it, if you know then you know. It's just common sense here.
 Ave Caesar
Joined: 11/11/2007
Msg: 24
Women in there 40's and affairs
Posted: 1/20/2008 12:18:06 PM
In their 40s women go through menopause...it's a rather profound experience and some women are affected by the substantial hormonal changes associated with it.
 Ave Caesar
Joined: 11/11/2007
Msg: 27
Women in there 40's and affairs
Posted: 1/20/2008 2:34:12 PM
Marius66:

All I can say is that I know several women who went through it in their 40s, one is 43 and going through it now....in any event, hormones do influence drives and behavior. We are biological creatures.
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