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 DeusXMachina
Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 30
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I had a relationship with someone who was a muslimPage 1 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
If you actually read a translated qu'ran, there's almost nothing within it that is anti-feminist or supports the marginalisation of women seen in some Islamic societies
 Steve_Sandy
Joined: 3/19/2006
Msg: 31
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I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/19/2008 3:20:47 PM
have lived in saudi, so can quite understand what the op went thru

koran is all they need to prepare them for life ?

friend in the services had a tale of a saudi couple, the wife could not get pregnant, therefore it must be her fault... doctor found she was a virgin and hubby was told flip her over and try again :) he asked my friend who told him in more detail, hubby came out with it was haraam / forbidden.....

Looks like the op had a good escape
 lalby
Joined: 12/5/2005
Msg: 75
I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/22/2008 12:38:57 AM
I have to disagree with post 66.
Try looking round Leeds,Blackburn,Nelson,Burnley,Manchester,Bradford,infact anywhere where there is a high percentage of muslims.
I would garantee you for every single woman that has a white child there will be a single white woman that has a mixed race child,having seen these area's and lived in 1 i know its true,i'm not saying anything is wrong in it! may i add,as my sister dated a muslim,who by the way was a bully!!
I just dont think you can say theres only a small percentage of mixed race children,my best friend is mixed race her mother white and her father muslim,and she grew up basically being thrown away as the muslims didnt want her because she was half white and the whites not wanting her as she was half muslim,and its a shame that,that is the case for most the mixed race children in our society.
 lalby
Joined: 12/5/2005
Msg: 80
I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/22/2008 6:49:08 AM
^^^^^^^^^^ I couldnt agree more with the post above,the women do need support to become eqauls and hopefully in the future that will happen.
We as british women won our right for eqaul rights years ago and had to fight for it,and we live in a society that abides with it,Only do we as british women choose to be in a situation that the poster saw herself in.But some muslim women dont choose to be they are born into that culture,to be less equal then the men.Thats how it is for some muslim women.
 casandra67
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 88
I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 5/20/2008 4:20:09 AM
I am not a muslim nor do I expect to become one. I have heard the horrid stories of abuse and such also.
However, I truly believe it is not Islam that is the problem, it is the cowards that interpret things there own way. Islam like alot of religion teaches, patience, love, understanding, tolerance and compassion. I believe the Qaran says "the best among you will be those that treat your wives the best". Even Mohammad had women speak loud and clear at meetings and he welcomed their input.
I believe it is more to do with tradition or culture. The animals just happen to sprout they are Muslims aswell. A true muslim would know that it is not permitted to 'date', a true muslim would know that it is forbidden to force a marriage on a girl and Allah will see this as unlawful and will not recognise the marriage. Somehow some cultures missed that page.
Muslim men are allowed to marry chaste women of the book (christian) but it is recommended for Muslim women not to marry out of Islam.
It is forbidden to force Islam onto another but recommended others see how wonderful the religion is by your efforts and behaviour.
Alot of what we hear in the media or what we might see for ourselves is not about the religion but about their own bad behaviour. Anyone that hurts there wife and is a muslim will know that they will be judged harshly on this. Assuming you believe in Islam.
I would never date a muslim, well for one they cant be a true muslim if they are 'dating' but I just find the cultural differences are too vaste and I have never met an Australian by birth Muslim. Im sure they are out there but never seen one.
 surreygal
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 90
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I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 5/20/2008 9:19:39 AM
Hi everyone

I am a muslim woman who was attached to a jamaican christian against my parents wishes. We lived together and produced my little man. I was controlled and hurt whenever he felt the need. My parents have never told me i have to go back home and get married. I live quite happily on my own with my little man with no restrictions. I have three brothers and none of them have abused their wives. The only country i really noticed men abusing women was turkey and yes i know this is a muslim country. I dont think abuse is part of any one culture, race or religion. It is everywhere. There are many women who stay with their men due to wanting to keep the family together. Asian families use to be very restrictive but nowa days people have more choice. I went against my family to do what i wanted and there is no reason why any other female cant do the same.
 Blademate
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 100
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I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 6/24/2008 2:43:28 PM
Oh no. Please don't bring religion into the dating mix.

It's complicated enough already!
 surreygal
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 104
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I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:57:34 AM
Hey Nugget

Whoever that muslim cleric is hes obviously off their head. My parents would rather all their kids married muslim asians. My brothers have done this but us gals have our own ideas. Its crazy to think that you should go out there and get married to non muslims just so that you convert them. If someone converted to be with me i would rather it was because they wanted to not because they wanted to impress me. It is difficult to convert to another religion when you are use to living your life a different way. I know many "infidels" who have married asian men and have converted. All of them are happy, none of them have divorced so far. As a lot of the people on this forum have said there are good and bad in everything. If anyone wants to convert to islam they must do it of their own free will and anyone who goes against that is not doing it for islam but for their own selfish reasons.
 surreygal
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 106
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I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:28:54 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Depends how sexy u are.
 surreygal
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 109
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I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 6/27/2008 12:54:03 PM
Nugget please accept that the people in afghanistan do not behave like proper muslims. They are under the control of the taliban who are not really looking at the interests of the people. They really cannot be seen as an example of a good muslim nation. I am a woman and im treated the same within my faith. If you know me at all you would know i would not stand being a second class citizen. I would expect to be on the same level as a man. the only examples of muslims in the media are the ignorant ones. If you truely got to know a normal one you would see the difference.
 surreygal
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 115
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I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 6/28/2008 5:26:57 AM
Nugget i know you are just airing your thoughts and thats what the forums about. Im not so ignorant that i would think you are disrespecting me. You always speak sense but im going to have to disagree with you sorry. A woman CHOOSES to wear a burhka in islam so that she is not used as a sex object but respected for who she is. An individual with a right to voice her opinion. I dont wear the burhka but i know women that do. None of them have been forced to wear it just their choice.

Mr Diabolik i agree that women in turkey are treated rough i have seen first hand. They are usually made to stay at home while their men work in restaurants. Most of the waiters are sleeping with tourists and i found this sick. I think you are mixing up tyrants that take over a country pretending to follow the rules in islam. Like i said there are a lot of people who pretend to know islam inside out and try to use it as a weapon to beat people over the head with. Im a muslim woman. Im free. I dont let anyone try and control.
 surreygal
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 119
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I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 6/30/2008 4:11:50 PM
Can i ask if he was asian GOW? I really get peeved off at asian men who date white women to have fun with then go back home and get married to a perfect virgin. Asian men are not strong enough to stand up to their families and often do as they are told. On occasion they will go back and get married and then come back to the white woman over here. I am asian myself but do have a open mind to what i believe is right or wrong. I have a son of my own and he can marry who he chooses i will not interfere.
 surreygal
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 120
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I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 7/1/2008 1:06:09 PM
Most pakistani and bengali boys will not split from their families this is a fact. Any woman that is seeing either of these races need to accept that they will be dumped as soon as the family call. Pakistanis esp are really into the caste system so even a pakistani girl would not be good enough for their son if they are not in the same caste. Its all very backwards and frustrating for people like myself who are trying to change things from the inside.
 surreygal
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 122
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I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:47:35 AM
Its not the faith that made him behave this way it was his own slant on things. I was with a jamaican non muslim who hit me so does that mean all black men beat their wives? I think not. As you said he is not religious and so does not realise how to respect a woman as stated in the quran.

There are a lot of material on the internet that will educate your child about islam. There are also alot of bookshops that sell dvd's that are child friendly. My son attends an islamic saturday school which has children from all different races learning about their religion. Its up to you whether you teach your child about islam but please dont use her dad as an example of a good muslim.

Good luck.
 surreygal
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 125
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I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:05:58 PM
sorry angel if i sounded harsh. I think i was answering you and everyone else lol. I just got a bit fed up with the muslim bashing when clearly its a cultural issue. I do wish you luck with your decision as its difficult. I would like my son to know his black roots but dont know how to go about that to. I do have some black friends that he spends time with so hopefully that will be enough.

Great comment miz understood.
 try1more
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 134
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I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 7/21/2008 3:58:06 AM
just been reading some of the posts on here esp those slagging off the muslims for treating women as second class citizens.
i cant help wondering. have any of you heard of emily pankhurst?
 casandra67
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 138
I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 8/11/2008 6:47:41 AM
Some say the Hijab takes away the persons individuality, some say it is a choice women make for respect. I can only comment from experience. In 2005 I lived in Egypt and didnt wear the Hijab for the first part of my stay. I was harrased and had my bottom pinched often. I was told that if I wore the Hijab when I went out then I would get respect. Hmmm so I am not deserving respect unless I wear Hijab. For my own personal safety and out of fear, I wore a Hijab for the rest of my stay. It was stinking hot and I hated it.
If only I had a $1 for every time I heard a muslim say "its the media putting Muslims in a bad light". Ummm dont think so for its the Muslims doing things that are getting the media attention and also to the one I used to be with, he put Muslims in a bad light all on his own by his lying, deceiving and theivery.
To the comments about Pakistanis, I would have to agree, mine would send hundreds of dollars to his family and leave me with nothing for food, bills etc.
For me, its the arrogance of it all that bothers me most. For people to shout loud and proud that they are the right ones and they are followers of Allah and only they will go to heaven then everytime they do something wrong/evil we are going to point a finger. Arent we? Just if someone shouts I am PERFECT in every way, we will notice they have a crooked nose LOL
 surreygal
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 139
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I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 8/11/2008 6:57:57 AM
Hi Casandra

My dad use to do the same to my mother and they are both pakistanis. My dad use to send money back home every chance he got. My mum makes him suffer now though funny how times have changed.

I have been to turkey, tunisia and will be going to morocco soon. I do not wear a hijab and will not in any of these countries. I have had no issues when visiting these countries but ive got to say they do think im either turkish or tunisian so leave me alone. The travel agents have told me this is due to the fact that i am not blond with blue eyes. I do not agree with their behaviour infact i think it is vile. If i do not get respect from a man regardless of faith or culture i will show him the door.

To be a good muslim you need to be humble. To run around and tell people that you are perfect will not do you favours in gods eyes. As a muslim if i give money to charity i am suppose to keep it quiet. If i go around and tell everyone how brilliant i am for parting with my money the reward will be lost. There are alot of nations that are arrogant and im sure its worldwide.
 Steve_Sandy
Joined: 3/19/2006
Msg: 140
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I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 8/11/2008 7:00:39 AM
know some muslims who would never consider marrying a christian, but use them for fun and practice as one put it

the hijab is a cultral thing and not required to become a muslim, not think much of the women who drive in them with a space for the eyes alone, very dangerous....
 dub08
Joined: 4/28/2007
Msg: 142
I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 8/11/2008 11:01:53 AM
Hijab is not an obligation. I lived in the Middle East for 10 years - some women wore it and some didn't. It is up to them - or their families to be more specific.

It is the law in some Arab countries, but not all, that all women be covered no matter what their nationality.

With regards to relationships I have several friends who are married to Muslim men and carry on as normal i.e clothes etc. However other friends married to Muslims suddenly find that their very modern and Westernised boyfriend turns a strict Muslim once married and that's a real eye-opener.
 casandra67
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 144
I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 8/12/2008 3:07:27 AM
Hi to you to surreygal.
I also have visited Turkey and Tunisia and did not wear the Hijab there with no problem. In Turkey just being a women in iteself was a problem LOL, I recall many times I would be in a que and the men would barge me out of the way like I didnt exist but Tunisia was great.
I was very blonde up until early this year and I have green eyes so perhaps that made things worse but still distressing I couldn't be allowed to be simply me even though I was always dressed with long pants and long sleeves.

I hear the poster that said her friend married a Muslim man that seemed very western but after marriage became very strict. Same thing happend to me, hardly heard the wordAllah prior to marriage then after marriage there was no conversation without Allah or Mohammad and disgust because I wouldnt convert. Easier to get rid of him :-)

I can only speak of my own experience and its not about hating a certain religion but I do hate being preached to by someone that is of worse character than I am.
 boredandbusy33
Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 146
I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 8/30/2008 10:27:51 AM
Well, I am a 'devout' Muslim and will tell you that he was clearly abusing you. Keep in mind, a lot of this behavior and other things we see in the media are actually tied to cultural and geographic behaviors that choose to ignore, skew, and 'improve upon' what Islam has said.

For example, Islam says that women must be modest in public (MEN TOO!). It's advised that women walk behind the man. Think about going into an unknown/dangerous situation... "No no, YOU go first. I don't know what's over there". This behavior is simply the man protecting the woman.

There's nothing to say about the hitting. It's just stupid.

The problem is that Islam is very structured around the protection of the family unit. Women are obviously part of that, and some men choose to use it as an excuse to take on possesive/abusive behaviors out of selfishness.
 PrincessLina
Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 151
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I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 9/10/2008 10:53:55 PM
I have two sisters who are married to muslims - both totally different relationships - one sister is happily married her husband is veryloving etc all he asks is a little respect infront of family members but in all a very good loving husband and father - the other well a totally different kettle of fish - that sister has to wear the black outfit to cover her all over when she is out - plus she isnt allowed to go anywhere without him, she isnt allowed to contact her family she even rings me when he is not at home. One time he even told me not to talk to my sister as I was Hindu and she has now converted to muslim - VERY VERY CONTROLLING!!! I know me personally could NEVER ever stand for being treated like that - I am also not a practicing Hindu and only now date white men:)
 PrincessLina
Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 158
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I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 11/10/2008 6:14:37 AM
THIS MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
 PrincessLina
Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 182
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I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 11/12/2008 2:37:12 AM
POSTS 188 & 191 Here Here!!!. I basically think allowing to have more than one wife is enough for me!! I can see slowly how one of my sister's has been corrupted by the muslim man she married, slowly but surely she has turned from a very strong independant woman to nothing but a house slave, no interactions with anyone but her youngest son and her husband..she is no longer allowed to communicate with her eldest daughter and son due to them being too westernised... yet she wants the freedom again like she used to have to make her own decisions but is too scared to leave him .. even though she legally under british law is not married to him as the muslim wedding ceremony is not recognised. I think all he wanted was a right to stay in the UK and now she has destroyed her life cuz of him..Her choice as some would say.. but the manipulation was there as in the beginning of their relationship he was all sweet and loving but daily grows more and more controlling.... ok enough venting....
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