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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What was the turning point?      Home login  
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 1
What was the turning point?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
What defining moment in your life and relationships, changed your entire perception of the way things are and the way they should be?

Wether it was something traumatic, or something wonderful. Share with us exactly what it was, that changed your outlook on life completely.
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 2
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What was the turning point?
Posted: 1/26/2008 4:45:49 PM
The moment of my daughter's birth - in that instant my life's priorities were instantaneously and effortlessly reordered.
I woke up.
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 3
What was the turning point?
Posted: 1/26/2008 4:49:24 PM
I am sorry to hear that? U obviously are a stronger person because of it.
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 4
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What was the turning point?
Posted: 1/27/2008 8:53:05 AM
After my divorce, I threw some of the biggest and best Pity Parties. I really copped a "woe is me" attitude. While I had plenty of support from friends, my sister, and my brother, I lacked it from my parents. I felt as though I'd never be able to achieve my goals and dreams again. I was out looking at houses (to buy), with a friend of mine. I was throwing the Pity Party. Finally he got sick of hearing every excuse about why I'd never be able to buy a house again. He gave me three magical words "GO FOR IT". In the late 1980's there were plenty of forclosure houses on the market. The buys were great, and a lot of times, the house was sold "as is". I finally found a house that I really liked, and before I could say anything he told me "Go for it, put a bid on it, and see what happens". My bid was the highest and I got the house.

When I think I can't do something, I hear his voice "GO FOR IT". It has helped me so many times.
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 5
What was the turning point?
Posted: 1/27/2008 9:31:20 AM
Great replies people. I have learned a lot through your experiences, just by reading them.
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 6
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What was the turning point?
Posted: 1/27/2008 9:45:13 AM
There have been several moments, really. One when I left home and understood much of what my parents had been trying to tell me all those years. The first time being dumped, the first time dumping someone are big moments. Losing a parent was huge for me, losing a former mate and mother of my kids was too. And most recently a relationship I thought was very strong turned out not to be so.

We all face moments of discovery and disappointment and loss in life and change can be positive or negative. But I would have to say that as life goes on our outlook changes completely several times. We have a different outlook as a child than we do as a young adult, that changes in middle age, and it probably changes again in the sunset years.
 Politically INCORRECT
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 7
What was the turning point?
Posted: 1/27/2008 10:05:38 AM
When the "Give a Shit" meter hit Zero.
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 8
What was the turning point?
Posted: 1/27/2008 10:59:38 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^ lmao
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 9
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What was the turning point?
Posted: 1/27/2008 11:08:08 AM
RE: First post.

There are many of those moments for me. Not just one. Twice if was a book series I read. The first one being Hyperion by Dan Simmons the second being the Farseer and Tawny Man series by Robin Hobb.

I'd say the first couple of girlfriends I ever had left a huge mark on my life. They were quite horrible and screwed me over in many profound way. I definitely looked at life differently after them.

lol The first time I saw The Matrix. Kind of expanded my creativity and imagination like 100 fold.
Joined: 11/1/2007
Msg: 10
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What was the turning point?
Posted: 1/27/2008 12:52:54 PM
>What defining moment in your life and relationships, changed your entire perception
> of the way things are and the way they should be?

When I discovered that the woman I was planning to marry at one time, went out on crack cocaine at the age of 42, once she got with the new guy.

My "Girl Scout Mom Normal Woman", when she did that, it made me realize my picker was broken, and that I needed to work on *me* quite a bit.
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 11
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What was the turning point?
Posted: 1/27/2008 2:56:36 PM
^^^^^^makes you believe in the presence of grace.....

two incidents really stand out for me...

having a pregnancy in my fallopian tubes burst at home at 21....the ambulance ride, hearing that they're losing someone and realizing they're talking about you...finding out later they revived you three times....coming to the realization the whole incident was caused from scarring from childhood molestation....dealing with the rage, that something so long ago, something you thought you had put behind you, could affect your life so profoundly daughter could have lost her mother...

Losing my nephew at 12, and realizing there is never enough time to say "I love you" , never too much kindness...if you're feeling love, say it. There might not be another chance, and it might just be that one thing someone else needs to hear, to change the tide...
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 12
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What was the turning point?
Posted: 1/29/2008 7:10:44 PM
I had debated about whether to post this in the “Moments you wish you could take back” thread, or here in the “Turning Point” thread. Because it certainly is both. (“moments” thread got deleted – I guess it was deemed too close to this thread) After I wrote it, I thought it was too long or too personal to post… but a moment that defines your life and relationships, and changed your entire perception of the way things are and the way they should be... is bound to be personal, isn’t it?

I was 14 years old, it was dusk and the wind had come up for a big storm. We were bringing the horses in across the front field - I forget why we came that way, but it was unusual. That would be the first moment I'd wish to take back.

They were already excited and silly in the high wind, when a big green garbage bag suddenly blew out of the fence line across their path... it was all the excuse they needed and they spooked and bolted down the driveway. No problem, because the gate to the highway was closed. They didn’t notice it until it was too late, the first ones hit the gate, the rest plowed into them, the gate broke under their weight and they spilled out onto the highway. Their hooves made a terrible clatter as the 15 or so of them galloped down the road.

We grabbed leadropes from the barn and took off after them with that kind of heart-in-mouth, ears buzzing, frozen terror. Seemed inevitable that one of them would get hit by a car. Someone had called the police and the cars showed up as we found the horses in a field about a mile down the road. They were full of the excitement of their escape, still egging each other on with the "wind up their bum" and it looked like they were going to wheel back out onto the highway again. Like some silly Disney movie moment, I whistled for my pony and he looked at me, hesitated for a second, and then turned to come to me with the rest of them following.

We put the leads on them, had to double a couple of them up, because there weren't enough to go around. Short of experienced help, we were going to lead them back down the highway in two shifts. So a few of the cops were going hang back and hold the remaining horses, while my brother and a couple of friends led the first group back home. Another moments’ decision... I stayed with the cops... "They're not the RCMP" we joked, "they might need a hand with the horses".

I was holding my pony and his replacement, a two year old filly I was going to hit the big shows with next year. As the first group left, the horses left behind started to act up and dance around. In another moments’ decision, I switched with a cop, giving him the quieter pony and taking the more nervous horse myself. But just then the other cop yelled out as his horse broke for freedom and the lead shot through his hands. It looked like a disaster, but the first cop let go of my pony, and, with heroic effort, caught the other horse as he streaked past. The attempted escapee swung into my filly, knocking us off our feet, and she reared back, broke free and charged off to catch up to the group of horses... the pony stood there for a long moment, then neatly turned and followed her.

I listened to my two horses race down the highway followed by the most sickening crash. I knew at least one of them had been hit by a car, but it was dark then and they were just out of our sight. Right on cue in this surreal night, the rain kicked in hard with big sheets whipped by the wind. I stood there in tears in the freezing rain trying to decide, if I had a choice, which one did I want to die? The filly was the future and I'd outgrown the pony. But it really wasn't much of a choice - I was born on this earth begging "dad can I have a pony?" which led to us getting the farm. Smoke wasn't just a pony... he was my friend who had shared miles of adventures and he'd heard all my secrets and dried a lot of childhood tears in his mane over the years. So I prayed to God in the rain to please let it be the filly.

It felt like hours in the rain, everyone I asked said no one had been hurt but they didn’t know if a horse had died. I knew they lied. It pissed me off, it seemed so cruel not to just tell me what had happened. The cops brought my mum to get me and at first she tried to say she didn’t know, but I told her it was ok, I knew it was the pony. She broke down then and said “your brother wanted to be the one to tell you”.

I insisted on going back to the barn to finish the feeding, wanting to save my brother the extra work on this hellish night. But I think I also wanted to lose myself in the normal routine in a world that felt like it would never be normal again. My brother came in with the last group of horses. I think, maybe, I’d hoped the pony would somehow be with them. He was cold, wet, tired, with blood on his jeans and we looked at each other in a silence that stretched into forever before he said "I'm so sorry, I tried. I tried to save him for you. I’m so sorry I couldn’t save him for you." We cried.

The next summer I went on to the big shows on the filly, but you know, I never forgave her for not dying that night. And it hurt so bad, losing that pony, that I promised myself I'd never love another horse like that again. And I didn't, you know, I had some great ones, and a few that were very special to me, but never, ever did I open my heart that way again.

Only the heart is kind of a funny thing, even though I distinctly promised myself, "Don't love another horse like that again" I didn't realize that what my heart heard was "Don't love like that again". And although I loved, because this certainly wasn't traumatic enough of an experience to shut me down totally, it was a careful sort of love, one that knew love could hurt and the world was much safer if you went to the office and never really came home again.

So, yeah, there were a number of moments that night that I'd like to take back. Small decisions, that certainly seemed the right ones in the moment, and if I could change any one of them it might have given the night a different result. And changed the ripples that stretched on into my life...

What would my life have been like, I wonder, if I hadn't had to spend so much time learning to trust love again?

And, yet, if I hadn't struggled through those ripples, would I have missed the wisdom they brought me? Was it getting caught in the eddy for a time, or the getting out of it that was the more important thing?

Because, eventually, it dawned on me that I never had love when I tried to protect myself from hurt. I had it all backasswards. You can’t protect and love at the same time; it gets all gummed up. The carefulness squeezes the life out of love.
You can’t contain love to protect yourself from hurt… you just have to trust and let it flow freely without regard to hurt.

I’m sorry this was so long, but somehow it seemed inadequate to say “my pony died”.

I think many of us have “ponies” in our past… deep childhood wounds and the decisions we made about them, ourselves and the way life works that get in the way of our life and love and happiness. I had a lot of insight into them, but insight alone is not enough. I wrote in post #14, that the birth of my daughter was a turning point; I woke up. Going beyond insights… I had to resolve the mystery of my role in the failure of my relationships… because I was well aware that she would be “gifted” by my wounds as well as my wisdom.
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 13
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What was the turning point?
Posted: 11/18/2008 8:40:19 PM
The day I held my dying mother's hand....and told her it was ok to die.
That we would be ok....and that we would take care of each other.
That day ended a lifelong battle w/ my sister.
That is the day my sister.....became my sister.
Joined: 10/29/2008
Msg: 15
What was the turning point?
Posted: 8/19/2012 4:00:47 PM
Most recently...going thru verbal abuse and some slight physical abuse from a boyfriend, I realized no one deserves to be treated that way, and it was so awful some of the things my son witnessed. I won't put up with that crap anymore!

Way before this...I was 7 months pregnant with my son when my husband decided he wanted a divorce. That was pretty traumatic as well. I kept strong because my unborn son needed me.

Been thru some other bad stuff in relationships and I know what I deserve, and if someone can't offer it, being single isn't that bad. At least I know I'm not going to be hurt.
Joined: 7/16/2012
Msg: 16
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What was the turning point?
Posted: 8/21/2012 4:51:03 AM
We were at a party and he shit himself....Literally!!! He was walking around with this shit stain on his shorts..I told him to go clean up and change..he looked at me and said, "No". I got in my car and left.
That was the end of that. Every time I think of that I still get so disgusted. It didn't matter that I loved him or sometimes now miss him even to this day. That was not only my turning point but my breaking point.
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 17
What was the turning point?
Posted: 8/21/2012 3:19:45 PM
kingtrue- My first grade teacher helped me learn a lesson that stuck with me for life that you treat others how you want to be treated. Do the right thing because it's the right thing to do.
The birth of my children made me realize forever that being a parent is the hardest yet most rewarding thing I will ever do.
Meeting my father and his family and realizing he had been trying to contact me, send me cards, etc and that was kept from me. Lies and liars live in shadows, but the truth will always find a way to see the light of day.
My ex taught me to be very careful who I trust.
I've lost a lot of people I love suddenly and that taught me not to ever take a single moment for granted.
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