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 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 3
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is this to old?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
well from a post I read awhile ago, the age of conset is 14, right? so techincally he's not breaking the law. I think some states in the US could take him to jail for statutory rape. However, IMO, that is way too old for a 16 yr old to date, and way tooo young for a 24 yr old to date. You have to wonder why a 24 year old male has to date someone that's not an adult yet. That's an 8 yr difference. Makes you question the motives of why he needs to date someone 8 yrs younger than him. Would I accept it if it happened to my daughter, no. The fact that she went behind her parents back to be with a 24 yr old says a lot. As well as the 24 yr old helping her to hide this from her parents. This could just be a sexual relationship that this guy wants. Has he met the parents yet? I think because she kept it behind her parets back is good enough to get her grounded from dating him, so what if she hates them for awhile. To me, it would be an issue of trust, and because she broke it, she would have to earn it again to get priviledges to date. I think if the parents accept the dating, it would pretty much tell her she can do anything she wants, no limits to boundaries. Sorry, but it just makes me sick to hear that an adult, which I use loosely with this guy, would date a teenager, yuck.

And to the post above me, what more could happen, she could get pregnant. HOpefully she's on birth control. I have a friend whose sister got pregnant at 17, a year before graduation HS, by a 38 yr old. Now she lives with him and barely supportig herself ad her kid with this guy. She had to pretty much grow up fast. You got to also ask your friend how much attention is she getting from her and her father to make her want to seek someone way older for her.

Granted, that teenagers will rebel, but it doesn't mean you can accept them rebelling without rules. If there's no discipline in breaking the rules, then they would have more freedom to break rules.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 7
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is this to old?
Posted: 1/27/2008 1:54:11 PM
I think it can be both seen as an issue of sex and an issue of child/adult.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 9
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is this to old?
Posted: 1/27/2008 2:58:39 PM
You can argue that age is just a number, but then courts can't use that when they can't trial juveniles for shooting up a school or robbing something. probably due to the fact that under 18, minors are held responsible by the parents. And I'm sure that 24yr old's excuse is age is just a number as well so rather than go with someone his own age, with more maturity, he goes for a teenager who doesn't have much responsibilities as an adult yet.
 Mozard
Joined: 7/31/2007
Msg: 11
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is this to old?
Posted: 1/28/2008 5:40:14 AM
when i was 16 dating a 24 year would have been a desaster .. i was much younger than my age but when i was 24 dating a 16 year old would have been much worse because i was much older than my age.... so IMHO its a case by case situation but in some states the law can descide 16 - 24 .
 curtis0986
Joined: 1/30/2007
Msg: 15
is this to old?
Posted: 1/28/2008 10:58:45 AM
Hell yes !!! He is to old to be dating her .Is it okay for a 12 yr old to date a 20yr old.I cant believe all the grown women on her that said they dont see a problem with it.She is just a child does'nt have the mental compacity to date a guy her own age .Not only would i have a problem if he were dating my CHILD but so would he ,he would'nt know the correct way on how to get my foot out his ass or how to put his little d,,k back on
 curtis0986
Joined: 1/30/2007
Msg: 16
is this to old?
Posted: 1/28/2008 11:05:29 AM
you need to read the law there is a 3year age limit and yes he is breaking the law
 Queen_Mab
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 20
is this to old?
Posted: 1/28/2008 12:43:03 PM
She is barely 16 and is seeing a 24 yr old man?? What is wrong with this man that he needs to seek out a girl that much younger?? I am definitely of the opinion that this needs to stop. Our first job as parents is to parent, not to be our child's friend, trembling at the thought of rebellion. We are to guide and mold our children into responsible adults, part of that job is to protect them from destructive behaviors.

I am the mother of an almost 20 yr old son and have had to face this issue from the other side, talking to the parents of underage girls with him and explaining that while they may not have an issue with their daughter dating or having sex with my son, he (and I) definitely had an issue with these girls relentlessly pursuing him. It's almost funny that when my son talked to a couple of parents about this by himself they thought he was playing hard to get or that it was a sign of maturity and they pushed their daughters towards him even harder.

Yes, some teens are more mature than others, but they are all still developing emotionally and mentally. They do need protected from those that would prey on them and from their own impulsive behaviors ~~ this includes seeing and having sex with men 8 years their senior.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 22
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is this to old?
Posted: 1/28/2008 1:08:10 PM
Where were the parents when this kid was hooking up with this guy? They didn't likely jump in bed the minute they met. At this point it is a bit like closing the barn door when the horse is already loose.

If the mother forbids it, the girl will likely try to sneak around to see him. They should get to know the guy, she should also talk to the girl and try to figure out if she is really comfortable with the sexual relationship or just doing it to make him happy. Also make sure she is on birth control and using condoms.

They should also talk with her because accidents can happen. Has this young girl really thought about what it would be like to be saddled with this guy the rest of her life, beyond the current excitement that the taboo of being with a 24-year-old guy is supplying? Kids even with no marriage or divorce, mean forever tied.

The girl wants to do adult things, the parents should start talking to her like she is an adult, whether she intends to finish school, what this man's intentions are, etc. I would even have some highly embarassing and personal conversations with the girl so that maybe it occurs to her that if she can't talk about these things with her mother, she shouldn't be having sex.

She may really not be aware of how drastically her life could change if she continues to make poor choices. Sounds like there were many conversations that were missed with this kid. My daughter is 16, I don't have to tell her that a 24-year-old man is too old, SHE knows and would wonder what is wrong with him.

Curtis, no one is saying it is okay but when they are already sleeping with each other, it is necessary to look at the big picture and make sure she doesn't do something totally reckless that will screw up her life forever. Pregnancy is only one thing. She has no idea of this guy's sexual history and will she have a better chance of protecting herself from STDs and pregnancy if her parents are involved or if she runs?
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 34
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is this to old?
Posted: 1/29/2008 11:54:43 PM
Perhaps she did lie about her age to her bf, but once he found out, wouldn't he break it up due to her lieing to him about that in which he may be in trouble for? woulnd't you think she's lying about other things as well. oh ya, her lying to her parents to sneak out, wouldn't that make you think of not pursuing a relationship if it requires a lot of sneaking around?

I think kids/teenagers have a hard time talking to parents about sex, mostly probably cuz the subject doesn't get discussed much so they learn to keep it to themselves and don't feel comfortable in talking to their parents about it. Obviously that's another issue with this daughter an dthe parents. You can tell your kids not to have sex but i fyou don't tell them the consequences, then they'll rebel and learn from themselves, but ya I know another controaversial issue that's already been discussed. Sure, they'll talk about other things, cuz it's no big deal, but when it comes to sex, it's taboo.
 *Babydoll272*
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 35
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is this to old?
Posted: 1/30/2008 3:30:56 AM
This situation makes my blood boil. What the heck is wrong with this 16 year old's parents. She and her husband are the only ones who can control this situation. It's their home and their rules.

The problem with this generation and a couple of generations back, is that parents are so afraid to "Rock the Boat" that they have forgotten how to be parents. There are tons of things that these people can do to stop this relationship...never mind fearing that if they do something to stop it, their daughter will do it anyway or rebel...Maybe so, but they will have one heck of a time doing so so easily and won't be together as much.

Ground her, don't let her out of the house, make it hard for her...keep tabs on her whereabouts, accounting her every minute when she is not in the house. Do what you have to to protect her.

At the young age of 16, she doesn't have the maturity or the wisdom to know what is good for her. She is doing what feels good to her. The mere fact that this stupid 24 year old boy who is older than she and is and more experienced, tells me that he is no older mentally than she is and why would anyone allow their child to be with someone who is 8 years older...especially at the age group that they are in. I wish we had the same laws that some U.S. States have, then he could be charged and sent to jail.

We all know what he wants...and I bet this is her first love which is so important to all of us. We always remember our first love. It's just too bad it has to be an idiot who will only end up breaking her heart. It's a given...not to mention ruining her life if, God forbid, she gets pregnant.

If she can't make good decisions, that is what parents are for.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 39
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is this to old?
Posted: 1/30/2008 9:29:45 AM
Age of consent in canada is 14 years... has been for about 100 years.
From the government of Canada website....

What is Canada’s age of consent?

The age of consent is 18 years where the sexual activity involves exploitative activity, such as prostitution, pornography or where there is a relationship of trust, authority or dependency. For other sexual activity, the age of consent is 14 years.

Are there exceptions to this?

The Criminal Code provides what is often referred to as a “close in age” or “peer group” exception: a 12 or 13 year old can consent to engage in sexual activity with another person who is less than two years older and with whom there is no relationship of trust, authority or dependency.

http://www.justice.gc.ca/en/dept/clp/faq.html

The exception is sexually exploitive activities, where Bill C-2 gives additional protections to combat predators. The age difference alone does not make him a predator.

 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 41
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is this to old?
Posted: 1/30/2008 9:48:24 AM
No Trish... it means if this is a normal boy/girl relationship... she is over 14 years old and it is perfectly legal for her to consent to sexual activity.

He is not, I gather, an authority figure, like a teacher or coach... nor has he, I gather, been co-ercising her into pornography. The only thing it MIGHT be is exploitive... age difference is NOT sufficient for this. If he were controlling, domineering, getting her into weird activities... that's exploitive.

As I said, if it is a normal boy/girl relationship it is perfectly legal in Canada... and many of the states in the US for that matter. Canada has some of the toughest laws in the world for sexual predators... but age difference does NOT make it predatory.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 44
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is this to old?
Posted: 1/30/2008 2:33:29 PM

Sure stuff has gone down but its not too late to lay down the law.

Which law Crash?
Not meaning to be difficult - I have a daughter very near the same age - but the "law" isn't applicable here.

Probably meeting with them, getting to know him and the situation, and discussing different life stages... is the initial best approach.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 49
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is this to old?
Posted: 2/7/2008 11:20:33 AM
well considering he's bringing drugs/alcohol to her with him being over the age, then that's more of a reason to break them up, if she doesn't like it, she can wait til she gets older and move out and live on her own. but til then she should obey the rules of the house. She may rebel but at least sheknows her parents care enough to put restrictions for her safety and making sure she's doing the right thing at her age. she's got 2 years, if she wants to have a fling with older men or want drug/alcohol, she should do that at her own place and her time. don't parents have to give tough love sometimes if it's for the best?
 *Babydoll272*
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 51
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is this to old?
Posted: 2/8/2008 3:36:27 AM
Good for you, Crash. You did the right thing.

My friend's son at the age of 16 was not attending school like she thought he was until one day when she for some reason, decided to take a different route home from driving her daughter to school. There he was, hanging out on one of his buddy's porch with a couple of friends. She pulled the car into the driveway and demanded that he come out. But when he saw her, he ran out the back door and took off.

She followed him everyday to make sure that he was at school but he would skip out as soon as she would pull away. She knew he would do this...so her days would be filled looking for him. She grounded him, threatened him... etc, but to no avail. She got the name of the other boys and called their parents. Of course, no surprise here...they said that there wasn't anything that they could do. One set of parents were separated and one didn't have clout over the other...the other parents were at the end of their rope with their son and have since given up.

Well she wasn't about to give up. She was very worried about this situation. Her son was a follower and not a bad young man, but we all know what it's like with peer pressure especially at 16. The next thing she did was call the police to scare him. She talked to the principal of her son's High School so that he was aware of what was to happen. In the middle of the afternoon, two police officers knocked on the door of the 16 year old school room and brought him out with suspicion of drugs, (my friend was sure that drugs were involved), and because it was public property, they searched his locker. They also told him that they were aware of his truancy and if he were caught skipping school one more time, he would be arrested. (Not attending school is a big deal here).

Thank goodness that no drugs were found but this scared the h*ll out of him and he never skipped school again and eventually graduated with honors. This whole event took place for over six months but my friend wouldn't give up on him. She did all she could and the h*ll she went through was worth it in the end.

To this day, her son never found out that it was his mom who called the police..(3 years later). Yes Crash...you did what you could as a parent to protect your daughter....good for you. Tough love saved this young man from what could have been a disastrous situation had it continued. Eventually, her son told her that drugs WERE involved and they would joy ride on the back roads when they got high.

Being a good parent means sacrificing...doing all that can be done to make sure that your children are protecxt, that they know the difference between right from wrong and become law abiding adults. She wasn't about to give up on him no matter what she had to do. THAT is what I call a good parent.

There is so much that this young 16 year old's parents could do to stop this relationship with this older boy and I do mean boy. Stop being her friend and start being her parents.
 pretty greeneyes
Joined: 2/5/2007
Msg: 52
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is this to old?
Posted: 2/8/2008 4:21:54 PM
In Tennessee she is jail bait, if I was the parent would throw his A$$ in jail. Yea age is just a number but at 16,, come on, just because doing adult things does not make one an adult.

Now if she was 20 and he was 28 no big deal, then age is just a number.

Crash, you did the right thing. Sometimes have to do tough love. Kids need displine and a routine.

We can't the the child's best friend and parent.
 Quack
Joined: 5/15/2005
Msg: 65
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is this to old?
Posted: 2/18/2008 5:55:12 AM
She might be over the age of consent, but he is over the age of legality for her. The consent is for guys around her age. But for those of you that think the age difference is ok, since she gave consent. Then would it be ok for her to be sexually active with someone in their 30's? So since 14 is the age of consent then when he was 22 was it still ok in your eyes? I think I would mention to him that no matter what they think, that parents could do nothing if the authorities were to find out about this. It would be out of their hands, and the DA would be the one prosecuting. Is she worth the jail time and the label?

It is amazing how people try and believe how mature their kids are. I have a friend that has a just turned 16 yr old. They say how mature she is, but she acts like a little kid and they dont know what to do about it. She treat people bad, and walks around with her nose in the air. She doesnt listen to her parents, and fights with teachers. Is she mature, or immature? A mature person, doesnt fight with teachers, they learn to work with people. They also respect the people in an authority position.

Im sorry I dont know a 16yr old that I see as mature. At 16 they are still kids. And the guy at 24 is an adult legally. He might not be mature enough ( which he is proving) to date a woman around his age, but he is too old at this point in time to date a girl 8 years younger than himself. In two more years, that might be a different story. But then she might be too mature for him.
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