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 MrLeft73
Joined: 11/11/2007
Msg: 10
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Kinda With Someone ...Page 1 of 1    
These sorts of hypothetical question are really silly if you ask me.

Each relationship is different and what is acceptable between two certain people might not be acceptable to others.

You very opening comments are so vague they make the debate useless!


1- How long have you been together?
2- Why haven't you had a discussion on what is acceptable and what isn't?
2- Or if you have .. what were the ground rules?
3- Even if you've never discussed it with your partner .. how do you honestly think she presumes the groundrules to be?

If you aren't sure then you must assume the following guideline:

In this day and age in our society, unless you met at a swingers club (lol), it is implied that if you are in the serious stages of a relationship that looking for someone else IS cheating unless clearly stated otherwise.

I know this goes beyond what you've asked ... but what the hell is the point of staying with someone if you're unhappy enough to be looking for someone else? I don't see you falling into the catagory of what I wrote below, so be responsible and end what you have so you can indeed move on to look for someone else in a way that is fair to everyone involved .. including yourself! :)



========== EXTRA THOUGHTS =========

People are so quick to judge people who look elsewhere for needs they can't find in their current partner. Personally I'm looking for the complete package. But in these modern times I don't think it's totally unacceptable for some people to look elsewhere for specific needs they aren't currently getting.

HOWEVER .. in these cases ALL parties involved should give full disclosure to each other and there should be long discussions, clear rules and guidelines before you do anything.

Plus ... I'll also add that most people are very wrong to think this sort of solution will make them happier and it'll usually lead to a much bigger mess than you started with!

Then you also have to factor in the risks, as with any "open" or "poly-person" situation vastly increases your risks to catching STDs or other illnesses/diseases (that's the biggest reason I'd advise thinking very long and hard before making that dangerous step).


======== JUST AMAZINGLY FUNNY ========

Dying of laughter as I remembered this .. from the episode of Arrested Development where Lindsey and Tobias start their open marriage.

Tobias: You know, Lindsay, as a therapist, I have advised a number of couples to explore an open relationship where the couple remains emotionally committed, but free to explore extra-marital encounters.

Lindsay: Well, did it work for those people?

Tobias: No, it never does. I mean, these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but ... But it might work for us!


BTW .. Arrested Development gets my vote for most brilliantly funny writting on a screen EVER! :)
 tooyoung
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 12
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Kinda With Someone ...
Posted: 2/6/2008 11:39:20 AM
Ahh
to be
or
kinda not to be.
This is the question,
my friends
 greywolf1
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 17
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Kinda With Someone ............
Posted: 2/23/2008 9:51:58 AM
All i have to say is.... say it.....how can someone be kinda with someone ...if your not into him/her get out, your not only hurt them your also hurting your-self.
 just_me1971
Joined: 2/7/2008
Msg: 18
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Kinda With Someone ............
Posted: 2/23/2008 7:28:07 PM
I agree with Greywolf1, if you are not happy then get out! I was just dating someone for the past few motnhs and turns out he was not single. I started to figure things out and voila he confesses he is married with a kid! He claims they were not together when he was with me but he still lied ( he is STILL married and as he says "trying to work things out) and anyway I don't believe him at all because none of it adds up! So I have to say that in my eyes "there is no such thing as kind of with someone". If you are looking at other people's profiles on a singles site then you are on your way to cheating. Cheaters are very terrible people in my book.

That's just my two cents.
 trishalynne
Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 20
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Kinda With Someone ............
Posted: 2/25/2008 5:02:22 AM
Hi MaleMontrealer:

This is an interesting conundrum. It has happened to me. I knew that something was missing in the relationship with the man I was "kinda" seeing, and so did he. We kept seeing one another, and eventually it became very obvious, that there were emotional elements that were not developing enough to get hot and heavy. After several conversations that were honest, we both decided that we liked one another as friends, but that we didn't feel that we had enough "chemistry" (such a strange word for things you can't describe but know when you have it) for an intimate relationship. This happened over a period of 2 months. So, in the middle of all that I was "looking" on POF. He knew it, and since we had agreed we were not exclusive, I did not feel like I was being dishonest or unfaithful. The key to this situation for me was that I had the courage to have those difficult conversations. I was honest about what I was feeling and at the same time so was he. It is really refreshing when two people can be honest about something as difficult as attraction, and neither person takes it personally, and just accepts that we are not right for one another, which does not mean that we aren't a good match for someone else. We are no longer "kinda" seeing one another and we have no hard feelings.
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