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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > How do you get over someone      Home login  
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 akmusic
Joined: 1/27/2008
Msg: 1
How do you get over someonePage 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I'm curious about all the various ways people get over a really serious relationship and moved on? What were somethings that you did in your healing stage that helped you the most. This was serious relationship and I think if we worked through some issues we could have been married and really happy. Unfortunately I pulled the plug when she just shut down and failed to communicate. She appeared to me as a person that reached a crossroad where she didn't know what she wanted so I gave her time to try and figure it out. We still talk and I see that she is doing no work in trying figure it out, she says she loves me but in this case actions speak louder than words.
 Terrylouwho
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 2
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How do you get over someone
Posted: 2/6/2008 4:27:06 PM
I always heard the general rule of thumb to get over a break up is about half the length of time you were in the relationship. If you were together for a year then it will take approximately 6 months. It's always seemed pretty accurate from people I have talked to. Fortunately, I don't think I've ever really had my heart broken....a bruised ego a few times but never really a broken heart.
 tigerbe
Joined: 3/3/2005
Msg: 3
How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/24/2008 11:20:00 AM
The best way to get over a man is to get under another man.
 tigerbe
Joined: 3/3/2005
Msg: 4
How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/24/2008 11:24:20 AM
Burning bridges is a good thing. Also one can build a bridge and get over it
 catman40
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 5
How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/27/2008 5:27:52 AM
I took it hard when My ex-girlfreind and I broke up , we did everything . went to alot of places . she was the first one I had sex with . after 17 years of leaving me . NOW , she wants to be freinds . OH , I forgopt to mention she left me when My money ran out . NOW , that I have money again . she wants to only be freinds and nothing more .
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 6
How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/27/2008 1:37:20 PM
I have had quite a bit of practice at this. I have adopted the use of a simple four-letter word, "NEXT". Quite simple, actually.

I used to get excessively emotionally involved with an appealing woman far too soon. That was always my downfall. I now have my emotions rigorously in check. I wait for the woman to show what she wants before I allow my emotions to intrude upon my rational judgement.
 EagleEric
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 7
How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/27/2008 1:50:50 PM
Exactly what did you expect her to do?

You pulled the plug when she shut down or failed to communicate? I think you were the crossroad she had reached, and she doesn't want to go any further (with you).

I'm sure she does love you, but it isn't enough to continue along with you.

When a couple reaches a stumbling block in their relationship and can't solve it, the only way to fix it is with an objective unbiased 3rd party. It could be a very good friend, a counselor, or a religious person.

I've noticed over the years when a couple breaks up and much later resumes the relationship, they are again faced with the same old problem(s).

The Eagle
 tjm1166
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 8
How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/27/2008 3:36:06 PM
I really don't have much to add...Just that it takes time. You think about them every day for a long time. You cry yourself to sleep (yes, I cried myself to sleep), you call your friends and go out somewhere and drown your sorrows (tho I don't drink so...). And then you start to think about them less and less. And then one day you stop thinking about them, or you meet someone and don't even realize that you aren't thinking of them anymore...Of course for me, she didn't want to get married (Miss Independent). And then 2 years later, she is in the paper getting married to a guy that looks a lot like yours truly! Except with a much better paying job of course! And I thought about her a lot after that. And now I see she has 3 kids, and had 2 miscarriages before the last 2 children. Sad, but I was glad that I wasn't a part of that. Heartbreaking...But now, after 7 years, I am glad that she is happy. Truth be told, I don't think that I could have handled her. She was always on the go. Never wanted to stay home at night. And I was a guy who had to get up at 4.50am! Take her home at 2am, and get up at 4.50am , no wonder I don't have any hair left!

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent that. Maybe sometime I will tell you about the time I fell in love with my friend...She did break my heart in two, and never even knew it!
 debaura
Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 9
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How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/27/2008 3:50:06 PM
it really depends on what sort of relationship it was and what you expected from it. in my own experience i can say for the first time in a year i can say honestly i am over my ex and back then it felt like id never get over it but im dating now and although we are still in touch every now and then i am happy to get on with my life. i think its important to be on your own initially to get over it emotionally but when you are ready start dating again and it may take time for you to feel anything but it comes and its worth the wait!
 kdr69
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 10
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How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/28/2008 5:19:25 AM
Sounds like you were more interested in your songs. Dating within 2 weeks was probably your main reason, not World of Warcraft. Maybe your reasons are valid. too bad you didn't put the same effort as you did prior to breakup.
 items158
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 11
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How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/29/2008 11:53:04 AM
They say sometimes someone has to go away before they come back. I think that can happen, but rarely. I truly believe that if you really want something/someone and that it is a priority - you can achieve that. Actions speak louder than words. You need to move on and give that person their space - but definitely go on with you life. When you break up - you need to mourn. A terrible time but you cannot reach out to the future if you are holding on to the past. You need to keep really busy, hopefully you have good friends that will help you keep busy and thereby get you through it. There is no easy way around grief. Whether you are mourning the person or perhaps what the relationship gave you ( couple status, new friends, a sense of belonging) it is all the same. The pain is all the same. Make plans - this way you know that you will be busy that time, that day. Reflect on what happened - did you learn anything? Perhaps the lesson will help you in your next relationship. - just don,t rush with the next one. You cannot give yourself to a new person until the anger, resentment and pain is gone. You will have one - whether you think so or not. It will come your way. Good luck.
 items158
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 12
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How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/29/2008 11:58:50 AM
Can you tell me what kind of bridge - so that I can start building right away ????
 orchidtigress
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 13
How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:26:45 PM
prayer...icecream... shopping sprees.....and a good cognac...not necessarily in that order. Of course there is always Vegas!..lol.
 swtcarolinej
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 14
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How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:00:07 AM
Its a process for sure..its been 15 months for me and it still hurts like a ba&tard!!I feel we need to go thru the stages of grief the seven stages of it until we finally reach acceptance..I also feel it depends on your degree to love lets face it some people just arent that deep!!Yeah I love ya,sure you do! words are cheap..I still have some work to do LOL I can at least admit it!!
 SantoL
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 15
How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/5/2008 6:54:46 PM
For me it was concentrating on all the negative things in our relationship rather than the good times.

It will just tear you apart if you dwell on the good.

I had my heart broken after being isolated from everyone (my choice) for 7 years. He was the first one that I actually opened my heart to.

So after he went through his "confused" state and cheated multiple times (with the same individual), I decided that by dwelling on our life we had, I would concentrate on all the negative things he did. The things that annoyed me and how I would and will be better off without him.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

It is so very difficult and we all will get through our rough times!
 rookiemom
Joined: 3/4/2007
Msg: 16
How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/5/2008 7:12:05 PM
OMG I certainly hope that isn't right! I was with my ex husband for 20 years, was with new ex bf for 6 years! I don't want to wait that long! That would mean I would have to wait until I am 63!
 vivaciousvixen2
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 17
How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/7/2008 7:26:47 PM
there is something that a man mentioned about his wife
[Women are excellent communicators generally and a failure to communicate isn't usually a sign of confusion (because women alleviate their confusion by discussing things) - it's a sign they don't wish to communicate with you.
Or me, or whoever it is they don't talk to. You can be sure they're talking to someone.]
i have discovered this to be true with men also. i listened to my husband's voicemail's on his private cellphone, without him knowing. Found out about his contacting an old friend stephanie via aquarocks and complaining to her about how he just wants to be held. a private investigator, interrogatogating old friends will reveal much that you don't know. I managed to get my husband's old friends to talk about my husband not taking his medication for as long as 7 years before he met me ~mental illness. Also by persuasion and detective work found out that he started a releationship with me when he was still living with a married woman in England. He was not a single man not dating looking to have a family who was living alone. He was a snake who broke up another married home and lied to me to start a relationship.

A good private investigator reveals the secret life that she may be living or has been living behind your back. I find that the truth will set you free . And at lest, you will not be blaming yourself for what if or what could have i done. usually there is alot more behind the whole picture. you just need to find the real truth~FOR YOUR OWN SANITY.
 iz706
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 19
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How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/9/2008 5:53:25 PM
Wow, lots of good advice that I'm seeing here and I'm going to have to try myself. I just had a breakup with my girlfriend of 5 years and it hurts!!!! I guess the worst thing was that I was trying to work out the logistics to finally ask her to marry me but I was going through so much stress from other things that I shut down. Well she met someone else immediately and its been a nightmare. Ive been trying to hang out with friends but I too am not a drinker and it makes it tough. I guess I just recently joined here to try and meet a friend that could talk from a female perspective. I know its hard, I feel your pain, but if someone really loves you they will be truthful with you, but i also have to be truthful with myself and understand you have to always appreciate the one youre with. A friend of mine told me that you do the things that matter to them right away, tell them theyre beautiful every day, and show them how much they really mean to you. I think that was the lesson that i learned a little too late.
Even though I'm hurt i really still wish her the best, i guess ill always love her.
 tam879
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 20
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How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/9/2008 5:55:03 PM
I was with my ex g/f for 14 months , if I got rid of all my old e-mails from my ex g/f and her pics on the computer will that help me along in getting over her. I think I`m over her but then she pops back into my head at times. I have avoided looking at her pics. and e-mails. If I get rid of them, then I will feel that she never existed and I won`t remember her. But, she did exist.
I don`t know where she is in her new life but I `m always thinking of some other guy in her life and that makes me mad. I was her very first relationship and she was mine. We are both in our 50s and funny having to wait so long for just that right person only to lose them eventually down the road.
Sometimes I go to my sister`s place and my ex lives 5 min. away and I usually go past the street she lives on. I have talked to some women on POF and I feel great and don`t miss my ex. So, I know that talking to other people on here helps and I guess that`s like moving on. I know that we will not get back together as she has said. But I for some stupid reason think otherwise. Everyone on here has lots of wisdom and I am forever looking for more and more confirmations of how to get over a relationship. I can give no advice. I can only learn from you people.
 tam879
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 21
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How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/9/2008 8:06:28 PM
Your right find someone else and move on. First finding someone isn`t that easy. I`m talking to someone and I like her but everything is up to her now. I`m hoping she is at least is going to give me the opportunity to see if we can connect or something like that. And I know that everything in the past can stay back. I need to move forward and what other way than to have someone in your life.
 degostyle
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 22
How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/10/2008 5:26:36 PM
Ok, Ive seen this "Strange" crap that u have been telling everyone to go get or something like that...First off, what the hell is it your talking about and secondly, if your going to respond to someones post, dont write the same responce in every thread
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