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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?      Home login  
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 BetwixxxtUs
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 3
Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
No it is not acceptable. He couldn't figure out he didn't have feelings for the Ex just by seeing her??? Or thinking about her? Everytime he sees a woman, is he going to have to sleep with her to see if he has "feelings" for her?

He must have still been attracted to her - emotionally and sexually - to have slept with her. He may still be.
 Captain Incognito
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 5
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Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 2/7/2008 8:27:31 AM
If you're trying a food that you used to not like as a kid to see if your tastes have change for it or not, that's one thing. But, don't sleep with an ex to see if you still have feelings. You don't need sex for that. If you have someone else in your life, it's not fair to them either.

Now, if you're both single after your breakup, and you both enjoyed the sex, but were not "commited relationship" material with each other, then just admit you're better as "friends with benifits", but make sure that there are no expectations on either side before slipping under the covers that you're getting back together.
 lovableladywanted
Joined: 5/14/2006
Msg: 7
Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 2/7/2008 8:37:26 AM
Whatever 2 consenting adults do is ok , so long as no one is deceiving others.
 QTpye16
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 15
Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 2/7/2008 9:20:19 AM
To get closure?? Heck no! He's just playing you for a fool.
 Theonly1!
Joined: 5/1/2007
Msg: 19
Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 2/7/2008 9:48:35 AM
Well... as devil's advocate... if he doesn't get his form of closure then he won't be available at all... everyone has their own needs whether other people accept them or not. Seriously, would he fly just to get laid by an ex when he could stay home and get laid?... C'mon, guys are lazy, I know I wouldn't...
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 20
Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 2/7/2008 9:54:26 AM
He's seen you for 3 months, before he ever got closure? that's the first bad sign



Then he sleeps with her, while seeing you.



But then he defends getting laid as its closure. closure of what? most people have sex to get closER not closURE.

What was he going to always wonder? whether he could talk his ex back into bed? whether he could cheat on you and get away with it?

Too bad this site doesn't have an emoticon of a bull doin' its business. The closest other sign I can come up with is:

nlm

which is giving your beau the finger. Tellin' him he's number one. Givin' him half a peace sign. He felt bad about hurting you? sorry, there's only one thing he felt at that moment, and he felt it 9 inches below his heart...
 Jim41144
Joined: 3/9/2005
Msg: 21
Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 2/7/2008 9:58:09 AM
No!! your just postponing the unevitable & going to cause yourself more hurt & pain, just make the break move on & it will be best for everything involved.
 fred2353
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 22
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Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 2/7/2008 10:00:17 AM
NO ! He's not getting closure, he's getting laid ! Closure, closing, ending. Having sex with her is not about an ending, at best he just can't let go.

What you do is totaly up to you. But I'd say it's time you get closure with him and run, don't walk to the nearest exit. Respect yourself and know that you're better off with out a two timer.
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 29
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Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 2/7/2008 11:03:54 AM
Wait, seriously ... uhm ... yeah ... no. Wow ... closure? Seriously?

More likely he was just interested in this --->

Paraphrasing Jerry Seinfeld "Sex ... to saaaave the relationship ... well, if we have to..."
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 39
Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 2/7/2008 8:01:14 PM
Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get sex?
 wallflower1
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 42
Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 2/7/2008 9:29:08 PM
OP you are excusing his behaviour. You are too "understanding".
Look at what you wrote what this man is about. He has never loved her but has had a sexual relationship with her....and then he still has sex with her after he's moved away!!! Then you bash this woman who is chasing this poor man who can't say no.
Put yourself in this woman's shoes. Would like to be treated this way?
 WesternRose
Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 51
Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 2/7/2008 11:36:48 PM
Okay...how do I put this... in a simple and perhaps eloquent way.....

*cough*cough* Bullshit!....this is a weak excuse to get together for some familiar sex... and good sex probably.

you can't have it both ways buddy... apparently he thinks that you are okay with this.
 Born2bewild62
Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 53
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Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 2/8/2008 12:22:08 AM
Cripes! Is this a serious question? What is it with human beings which compels them to put up with such lame second class treatment?
 quietcowboy
Joined: 12/25/2007
Msg: 59
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Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 2/8/2008 7:21:52 AM

I don't think any of us can tell you what is appropriate for you OP. Only you know how you feel in your gut about this, and only you know your motivation for asking the question.


Many of the answers to the questions asked here should start off with a disclaimer like this. We're only responsible for determining what is appropriate in our own lives and for those of us that have minor children their lives.
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 60
Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 2/8/2008 11:47:45 AM
You should sleep with your ex too to see if he likes your closure. And then promptly dump his closed butt.
 kanyonatic
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 66
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Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 3/3/2008 10:13:35 AM
NO DEFINATELY NOT
 randomstoic
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 69
Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 3/3/2008 12:05:09 PM
I thought the heart-to-heart conversation over coffee where you say good things about one another works. This sounds like going back down the rabbit hole. You need to compare sex and sexual feelings to assure yourelf????
 wallflower1
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 71
Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 3/3/2008 1:56:32 PM
Peace and Love,
How does the "sex with the ex" FWB work?
I have never seen it work except for the benefit of the man. Even then it's a cumbersome thing.
A man I just met wants to take me out badly. He says he's been waiting for someone like me for a long time. (Maybe he has....I don't feel it, so no sweat for me..)
Problem? He is a friend of mine's f*ck buddy. Problem? She's still in love with him and will settle for this until he sees that she is the perfect woman for him. This has been going on for 2 + years after they officially broke off.
Problem? He goes out with different women to find that one that is "The One".
She (former ex) has a network of acquaintances and friends who fill in to her exactly who he is seeing and how serious it is. If it seems to be getting serious in her mind, she just destroys it. She makes sure that it gets to potential new girlfriend that he's still having sex with his ex.
So...I don't know. I think FWB hurts you both. You can't get on with your lives. Besides, you are on a dating site. Announcing you are still having sex with the ex will get you all sorts of potential new admirers? ?? Hmmmmm.....
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 72
Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 3/3/2008 2:08:58 PM
I sleep with my ex every now & then...not for closure, but because I can. We did the relationship thing 10 yrs ago...didn't work. Doing the FWB thing now....works!

Exactly - if you're single and it's familliar, there's no harm in it if you're both past it and there's no chance of anything else, or false hope. Beats looking for strangers...for people who don't want to give up their sex lives between relationships anyway.

But if someone sleeps with their ex once they are exclusively in a new thing, yeah that's wrong.
 rustytalent
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 73
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Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 3/3/2008 2:19:11 PM
That is definitely one of the better post titles I have seen lol.
 wallflower1
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 77
Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 3/3/2008 3:13:06 PM
muneca928, you are so right!
Women like to use it as power.
I have met more single men in the last while with ex's hanging off them!!
Is this the new FWB standard? Openly in public, at parties and at nightclubs have these ex-women coming along with you?
The men say to me "Oh! We are just good friends" about these women. I look over at them and feel by the body language and vibes given out that I am not welcome.
I have learned very fast to ask him outright if he is still having sex with her. Sheepishly, I get a yes...and then a declaration of it's her! She can't let him go and he doesn't want to be an as*hole and dump her. She would be crushed! One guy told me that he has tried numerous times to get out of it. She threatens suicide!
Men do not understand that FWB carries a price that they don't know they might pay.
I will walk away very fast from a man who is in one of these scenarios.
 Stafford_Jim
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 82
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Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 9/18/2009 8:54:37 PM


A new guy that I have been seeing for approx 3 months just recently hooked up with his ex he saw off and on for a year to see if he had any feelings left for her. He told me that he felt bad that it might hurt US but in the end he was glad he did it otherwise he would have always wondered. Is this acceptable behavior for getting closure?



Well if you don't know enough run away after a thing like that I doubt there is anything we can say here will help.

Do y0u really want a cheater? If you're lucky you don't wind up with an STD or something, if you're unlucky and really love the guy he tells you in a few months that he's going to be a daddy on account of that, 'one last time' he had to have for closure.

Good luck with that, you're going to need it...
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 83
Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 9/18/2009 9:10:23 PM
What's the frickin' obsession with "closure" anyway? In my mind/world??? It's closed when it's decided it's over and there is no more exclusivity or whatever there was to end. I wouldn't sleep with any of my ex's. When my relationships fail, the first thing that stops for me is the sex. I see no reason to venture backwards in the break-up process and it seems to me that having sex when it's supposed to be over would just keep open wounds open and/or re-open the ones that are healed. If "closure sex" was something I worried about, I'd probably find that simply by sleeping with anyone BUT the ex. JMO
 heartseekertrue
Joined: 6/24/2008
Msg: 87
Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 9/19/2009 5:09:14 AM
HellYEAH! Nothin' like a good venge-fvck, esp a year later. Mebbe she never let him park in the garage before! Or..she picked up something extra in the interim, and wishes to share said microbe....with the object of her once-undying affections.

Perfectly normal, desirable behavior. For a forked-tongue SNAKE mebbe.

Especially worrisome that YOU are trying to effect HIS "closure"....thats HIS business....yours is only to accept, or refuse this treatment. Are you gonna give him "closure", too? In a year or two? Sheeeesh, the ex swallowed that one? And you contemplate it, too?

I quite agree with many posters here. R......U......N forrest, run.....................
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 92
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Is appropriate to sleep with your ex to get closure?
Posted: 9/19/2009 3:42:08 PM
Oh c'mon...that even sounds ridiculous...just a bunch of double talk...Puuleeeze!
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