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 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 2
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When your ex has a childPage 1 of 1    
You can't blame them, they want to get to know their lil brother, after awhile it will wear off, and they'll want more attention. You should appreciate that your ex wanted more time with the kids, shows he wants to be actively involved in their lives. sorry but 4 times a month doesn't seem much time to really interact with your kids. What if you had this reversed and you got 4 times amonth, is that enough for you? Don't make the excuss of communication be the issue to why you're not allowing more visitation. They need to bond more with their dad, especially now with him having a new baby. yes, it's hard to separate yourself from the kids more than a few times a month but think what is best for your kids and what will make them happy. Perhaps they felt you would feel bad if they wanted more time with their dad.
 hd321
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 6
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When your ex has a child
Posted: 2/11/2008 4:39:37 PM
Hi OP,
What I found was that I had to rise above the sh!t with my ex. He had issues with me and the settlement and such. I had to be the one to let it go and start a new relationship with him. I was never introduced to his new girlfriend or even spent a significant amount of time talking to her until they had been married for 1 year (and together for almost 2!). It was hard to let go of wanting to know the person that was helping to parent my children when they were with their father. Finally, I thought to myself "He chose me, so she can't be all bad!"
I think the scrapbooks are an awesome idea! I would do a page or two with the girls and then send the books with them when they visit their father next. Maybe step-mother could help them do a page (if she has time) and then it can go back and forth between your house and theirs. This is not as sweet as it looks. You get a feel for what the step mom is like by what she does in the book and if she includes a photo of herself and the baby! Plus, you have a connection to the girls when they are gone.
Most of the changes need to come in how you feel and talk to yourself. You have to be willng to let the past go and start this relationship new (with the ex and his family). Try to think of him as the father of your children-Not your ex.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 7
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When your ex has a child
Posted: 2/11/2008 5:06:17 PM
My sister and my ex bro law had a lot of anger during the time of separation/divorce. However, they at least didn't let their emotions get in the way of having the kids 50/50. I think you're only festering the emotions/anger due to you controlling the custody. Perhaps you can both compromise on the real issues, like tell him to stop insulting you to your kids and he's allowed a few more days of visitation. And ifyou hear more of being insulted the extra visits will stop.

It would be ideal to meet the other woman but that shouldn't be an issue as long as your kids aren't receiving verbal/mental/physical/sexual abuse by her.
 hd321
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 10
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When your ex has a child
Posted: 2/11/2008 8:48:42 PM
Gem-
Wait til the girls get a taste of living with a baby. They'll get tired! My oldest would ask (about 6 weeks into a new sibling) "is it time to take them back to the hospital yet?" There will be some growing pains in both of your households right now. It is best to be fluid and go with the flow while everyone works out their new positions in the families.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 11
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When your ex has a child
Posted: 2/11/2008 8:55:59 PM
Perhaps you should have a talk to them, have them draw pictures, to see how they feel. Perhaps if they feel that they aren't at their dad's that they'll feel he won't want them as much as before? It could either be that or they really want to bond with the baby since he's new to them.
 WesternRose
Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 14
When your ex has a child
Posted: 2/12/2008 8:52:56 PM
I am dreading this scenario.
My Ex never wanted to get 'snipped' cos he felt he could father a child while he is in his 90s...apparently Charlie Chaplin did...lol.

anyhow...that was his excuse while we were married...so I have no idea who he was planning on impregnating back then... took 13 years before we had our first.

He is talking to the kids about getting remarried...this while we were not yet divorced....and I know he is dating women a good 25 years younger than him.
My girls already feel that they will be ignored if Dad were to have other kids. I tried to tell them that would not happen...but I know it would.

anyhow..good luck with all of this... it is hard on kids...they think in simple terms.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 15
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When your ex has a child
Posted: 2/12/2008 10:30:50 PM
westernrose, is your ex active in his involvement of his kids, if so, perhaps he'll keep it consistent whether he'll have kids or not. that is too bad that he's letting them know he's in a relationship when the divorce isn't settled. Just remember later on when your daughters grow up, they'll respect you more for waiting til after the divorce is final.
 WesternRose
Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 16
When your ex has a child
Posted: 2/12/2008 11:24:12 PM
Wander..sorry.. that was written wrong.

I am divorced now. Back while we were in the middle of the divorce he told the girls he wanted to move on and some day get remarried.

He treats the girls rather harshly.... the discipline is twisted, the littlest things like a wet snowboot in his van brings on anger and the children are yelled at and beaten down verbally and sometimes there is physical punishment.
Anyhow... I try so hard to foster a good relationship and for him to be there, but.. he has chosen to hang with his friends and do his activities.
I have given up most weekends and all sorts of special days for him to spend time with them, but his priorities are not the children.

His dad has been married 4 times now....and other men in his family have been married multiple times, he sees nothing wrong with just picking up and moving on to another family. Our marriage hung in there so long because it was a matter of showing the family that we stuck it out so long. He wants to move on...and he does not like to use birth control... so I can only imagine what is going to happen.
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