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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Single and getting too used to it?      Home login  
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 SweetAndAmple
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 1
Single and getting too used to it?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Are you single and getting too used to it?
Do you think that the longer you are single, the more you get used to it and the less likely you are to want to get into a relationship? Are you enjoying being single and kinda, sorta, maybe want someone, but really like your single-ness?
Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/19/2008 8:57:35 PM
I have been wondering if I have been getting too used to being single. I have been divorced and/or separated for 2 1/2 years. I went on my first date in over 23 years about 3 weeks ago. Met him on POF. He was very nice, good sense of humour, attractive, gentleman, good job, etc., etc. I had a good time but when he asked me out again I said no that I felt I was not ready to date. We had written on POF for about two weeks, spoke on the telephone several times and met for coffee once before the date, which was dinner and a movie. I liked him but felt I was wasting his time. I did not feel any spark. He had a lot of the qualities I like but I was not excited to go out on the date. I went but would have been happy to stay home and rent a movie. When I was writing every day back and forth with the fellow from POF I really enjoyed it and missed it once it ended. My sister had pushed me to go on POF and to go out on the date. She feels I should not be alone for the rest of my life. I have one son who is in University. I am an outgoing person who loves people and loves to go out so I don't know what is wrong. I seem to like being single. I came out of a really, really bad marriage and would really rather be single than be with someone and be miserable. In my mind I think I would love to have someone to go out with and do fun things. I sometimes think the answer is a male platonic friend. Is anyone else having this problem? Any suggestions?
 Smart-Blonde
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 3
Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/19/2008 9:23:11 PM
I can say I feel that way a lot at times. I haven't been in a relationship for 18mths. I like the fact that I don't have to talk to someone every day, account for where I am going, who I am going with etc. I get more done when I am not in one.

So, yes it scares me sometimes, that the longer I stay this way, that I will have a hard time letting someone share my life with me.

Other times, I wonder if it is just a way of us protecting ourselves, in case we don't fall into a relationship. We are in the comfort zone. I do think if the right person comes along, it will all fall into place and we will be happy to accommodate our lifestyles for another person.
 woterlily
Joined: 12/31/2007
Msg: 4
Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/19/2008 9:24:06 PM
yep, that's me... Simply single is too comfortable, I have my own schedule, my own activities, I go anywhere, not be accountable to anyone, have my own fun among the gals... am I sounding selfish here? Well, since I am definitely not gay/lesbian, I'm still waiting for the guy who will make me fall head over heels... something quite difficult with my lead feet keeping down to earth... he will have to know a lot about physics and the physicals

I am classified as a strong woman too since I came here on my own. Some guys apparently see me as too independent. Which is not true! I have no option, as I have never been good at the helpless puppy look (I'm learning though :)

I am not into clubbing... an occasional night out with some good music is good enough for me. So, meeting people was becoming more and more difficult the last few years. I came to POF while looking for ways to meet good people. In a big city, it's hard to meet people, they all seem to be running faster and faster... the nice guys seem to be taken with a few kids to feed... makes me thankful I'm not yet on that railtrack.

I would say 'enjoy it while it lasts'
 lonesome wonderer
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 5
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Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/19/2008 9:24:57 PM
i've been separated for going on 5 years now, my ex boyfriend and i broke up going on 3 years ago. am i used to living the single life again, well actually i'm not in any hurry with living with anyone. i have my freedom to come and go as i please, don't have to share the shower or anything. i'm used to living alone but i'm still not used to eating dinner alone. i'm still used to cooking for at least 2 people.
 piscescoda
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 6
Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/19/2008 10:53:36 PM
Definitely. Even if I do see someone, I'm way too hesitant to let it get to relationship status, at least officially. The thought of compromise scares the shit out of me. I've always been content being alone and a loner for the most part. It's hard to change that after almost 26 years.
 *~*ChardyGirl*~*
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 7
Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/19/2008 11:22:57 PM
I love my single life,but,i must admit,it would be nice to have someone SOMETIMES...............Lol.......
Im affectionate,passionate,etc & id love to lavish someone worthwhile with that attention............
I dont NEED someone in my life,but id LIKE someone to be there......SOMETIMES,
 jojoaus
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 8
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History
Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/19/2008 11:34:56 PM
I have been a single working mum for 10 years and only started seeing someone this year (from POF!!). I was in a verbally/emotionally abusive marriage for 10 years and was made to feel worthless, useless, yada yada. So, when I discovered I was none of the above, I began to value my strength and independence. now I wonder if my ideal is perhaps a permutation of the norm... where I still get to live alone but have a wonderful guy to share weekends, adventures, travel etc. Just a thought anyway!!
 Further
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 9
Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/19/2008 11:45:20 PM
There is a lot to be said about, "independence"...I think we are conditioned into thinking that, you have to be in a relationship, in order to be happy and that is just not true...I will take being on my own, rather than being involved with the wrong person any day... I don't think it is a matter of getting to use to being on your own but rather, it is seeing threw the "myth" of having to be with someone, in order to feel happiness and contentment...
 Mary_Friggin_Poppins
Joined: 3/20/2005
Msg: 10
Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/19/2008 11:46:46 PM
I wouldn't say I enjoy being single.. but I have learned how to accept my single-ness as being part of my life. I do at times wish I were in a relationship, but I can't deal with all the problems that go along with relationships, particularly in the first few months when things are so uncertain. So if I have to choose between being lonely and being stressed out from all the trouble men create in my life then I'll stick with being lonely.
 Stonefoo
Joined: 6/14/2007
Msg: 11
Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/20/2008 7:50:24 AM
"I had a good time but when he asked me out again I said no that I felt I was not ready to date."

Yet you are on a Internet Dating site and your profile states that youre here for..........dating.
Thats not confusing!!!!!

If youre not ready to date, then dont. Stay at home, find yourself, be alone, until you ARE ready to date. Your "baby steps" back into the dating scene come at the emotional expense of others.
Here this poor sap was going out with a gal that he thot he may have a connection with and he gets sh*t on! And you all wonder why men are "dogs".
Good thing the two of you wasted all that time emailing and chatting to get to know one another so you could pull the plug due to your "feelings".
 Stonefoo
Joined: 6/14/2007
Msg: 12
Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/20/2008 8:13:45 AM
"Hey stonefoo im on this site and now im not sure if its what i want either, how many people can say hand on heart what they want, "

Me, I want to find someone who is ready for a committed, exclusive, monogomous,
long term relationship.

Thats why when I receive interest from a woman on POF, I make it very clear from the 1st few messages that I am ready to meet in person. Not to spend endless hours, days, weeks, emailing and building up to meeting someone who doesnt know what they want.
Usually, when I propose we meet after a 1 or 2 messages they freak out and disappear,
or try to string the email interaction along forever. Thats when I lose interest in their "game playing." Isnt that what youre all sick of????????
 Further
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 13
Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/20/2008 9:38:47 AM
Hey there stonefoo, I here you loud and clear...It is at the point with me that, i don't even use this site anymore for dating...I get way more dates out in the real world...it doesn't seem to matter where you live, it just seems to be in a woman's nature to string you along on here and play games...i just blocked a couple of them, for this very reason...When I meet a girl offline, she doesn't make me e-mail her 10 times, before I go out with her...
 Senorita_B
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 14
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History
Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/20/2008 2:57:59 PM
I feel that way alot.

maybe it's because I wasted 10 years under a microscope that it feels too good to have the freedom to live on my own terms that I don't wanna give it up.
maybe I'm just scared to get back into the same situation.
I like companionship....but a relationship I don't know when I'll ever be ready for
 AlexJB21
Joined: 1/6/2008
Msg: 15
Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/20/2008 3:13:50 PM
I'm 21, Male, Florida and I was looking for a woman that will make my life happy. I get paid 'bout $1,000 for working on computers. Well, Email me back soon.

Bye
Alex
 dashriprock223
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 16
Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/20/2008 4:04:22 PM
Very great question..... And it was presented at precisely the time I'm now at at that fork in the road.

After my breakup three years ago, I took a year off to grieve, heal, and just become strong, independent and happy again. I had every intention of getting back 'into the game', because at the time, I really LIKED being married, or in a long term relationship that hopefully would progress to that. I was always 'commitment' material. I never did these 'alternatives' I was always reading about in the forums or in my discussions with people.

When I finally started back into the dating game, I knew there were going to be many that I wasn't compatible with, and the 'process' was going to be a long, selective one. I was still very much wanting to share my life with somebody, and remained hopeful that it would come in time.

The more dates I would go on though...and the more I hung around in these forums...and the more I continued to just live my life despite not having somebody, I started to notice that I was becoming less and less interested in the majority of what I saw out there.....the total dysfunctionality......the 'me'ism'......and to be honest....'misandry'..... I started noticing too many available sorts that were in 'extremes'....either 'too good for any man' or 'desperate damsels in distress' that were just looking to have me 'heal all their wounds'......in the meantime, I found myself getting stronger, and not wanting to sacrifice NEAR what I did in the past simply to 'be loved'..........I certainly felt I knew how to 'love' with a lot of heart and passion....but for the first time in my life, I questioned as to whether or not I would be 'loved back' in certain ways that I felt were important to me....as I felt I had a right to have NEEDS in a relationship as well.......but past experience teaching me that those needs would be usurped by possible 'self centered behavior'...... And I finally started questioning if any of it was even worth it......

I may very well soon change my 'looking for' status from 'long term' (that I've had for a couple of years because that's what I was looking for) to just 'friends'......as the more and more time I spend with myself, the more I'm realizing how much I might actually have to give up in order to 'keep the peace' with somebody who ultimately might not let me be myself.....and I'm kind of liking myself these days........And I start to remember back...and I remember that as GOOD as the good moments were in the relationships - it never equaled the intensity of the PAIN at a relationships demise......and I simply refuse to ever feel THAT BAD again if somebody just decides they've gotten BORED or the 'grass is greener'.......Life is too short...... It's almost come down to 'why even date?'.....It's THAT close.....I've pretty much given up...

Just one man's opinion.....
 exodusi1
Joined: 8/19/2006
Msg: 17
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Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/20/2008 6:42:30 PM
No, once you've experienced the real joy of a family, being single has no silver lining. . .
 piscescoda
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 18
Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/20/2008 7:42:49 PM
I'm 21, Male, Florida and I was looking for a woman that will make my life happy. I get paid 'bout $1,000 for working on computers. Well, Email me back soon.

Bye
Alex


$1000 per.... ?
Day? Awesome.
Week? Eh.
Month? lol.

You need to be explicit when you're trying to buy love.
 paula1979
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 19
Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/20/2008 8:51:39 PM
I agree 110% with this post. The longer you are single, the more comfortable you get on your own. You get used to doing things for yourself, and you get on your own schedule. I'm not even going to say that's a bad thing. I think everyone at some point in their life should experience it. It's liberating to know you can be on your own comfortably! I'd like to meet someone for sure but I have my habits and traditions and I live my own life any which way I please right now. It's hard to imagine someone coming in and breaking that cycle.
 dreadstalker
Joined: 12/15/2007
Msg: 20
Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/20/2008 9:12:05 PM
Nope. until a person is comfortable being on their own they shouldn't be looking for another relationship.
A person has to get comfortable with who they are before involving someone else into the equation. All too often I see people jump from one relationship to the next. It seems like they can't stand not having someone in their lives no matter who.... Not good.
The only thing they are actually doing is hiding, mainly from themselves.

Then you have the ones who are in love with the idea of being in love.. then reality sets in..

Of course that is only MHO

Of course I would rather be single the rest of my life then spend a week with the wrong one.
 swtcarolinej
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 21
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Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/21/2008 6:40:09 AM
Im getting use to it and its not so bad somedays..Im very independant and like everyone said ,"you can come and go as you please" etc etc,youre in GOOD company..... and its kinda nice ,the freedom of it and all...I was lonely IN my marriage so Id rather be alone and find interesting things to keep me busy..that seems to be my problem sometimes finding enough to keep me busy..but thats another thread lol.
The last time I met a guy for coffee I found my mind wandering when he was talking(all about him)thinking I cant wait for this to be over ,now theres a red flag to self LOL he was nice enough and I did give it a chance ,sometimes I just dont want to be bothered....Its hard for me to imagine the sweetie who Im gonna want to give up drawers for LOL Never say never...I want someone special I dont NEED him...
 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 22
Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/21/2008 6:46:18 AM

until a person is comfortable being on their own they shouldn't be looking for another relationship. A person has to get comfortable with who they are before involving someone else into the equation. All too often I see people jump from one relationship to the next. It seems like they can't stand not having someone in their lives no matter who.... Not good. The only thing they are actually doing is hiding, mainly from themselves.


Truer words were ne’er written. I was guilty of this. I have been completely single for four years now, and I did a major “Me” overhaul after my last LTR. It wasn’t that I couldn’t stand having someone in my life; I just always seemed to make bad relationship choices and foolishly believed that “love conquers all”. I am emotionally healthier and happier now than I have ever been, and plan on staying that way. I am ready for another relationship, but there are just so many people out there who have issues that I am having trouble believing that I can find someone who doesn’t come with a complete set of Samsonite. I would love to find someone to spend the rest o’ my days with, but if it doesn’t happen it’s okay---I’ve discovered the best relationship I’ve ever had has been with myself. Hey, at least I always get my jokes!
 agent4664
Joined: 11/13/2007
Msg: 23
Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/21/2008 11:49:49 AM
yes yes and yes....I love having the bed all to myself and noone to clean up after :)
 TheS0urce
Joined: 2/7/2008
Msg: 24
Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/21/2008 1:03:16 PM
Been single all my life, I can't stand fighting with a woman. Most people don't know how to listen so I just stay single I had my chances with pretty good women but commitment scares me off. I think I am changing now but I am not look for a relationship if the right ones comes a long I will go for it.
 wondering1980
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 25
Single and getting too used to it?
Posted: 2/21/2008 3:53:29 PM
oh ya i'm definly getting use to being single....i find when i try to date i don't feel the spark no matter how nice the guy is...or even if he accepts the fact he be using his hand more.....its weird but eh i kinda like it cause i see all these issues coming up with couples and it makes me remember why i stay single...
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