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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?      Home login  
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 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 3
Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
These are people who haven't had a date in a loooonggg time...so they think about what they want, rather than see how they look to other people. During my last 5 yr dry spell, I had a woman rush me like this, and I still

Desperation is the world's worst cologne.
 EagleEric
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 7
Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 12:44:59 PM
God lady you're certainly a hard case. I think nothing of holding a woman's hand or giving her a little peck on the lips first date. And I always give a woman at least one compliment assuming she is attractive. However, one is all she gets.

Maybe your beauty is so stunning that you've HYPNOTIZED those poor fellas?

The Eagle
 CherylCake
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 13
Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 1:17:24 PM
I'm much more comfortable taking things slow with a man who might be a contender for a serious relationship. Because, you really want to get to be friends first. But then there's the ones you know aren't going to last, so they can be the Boi Toys. Problem is THEY dont know which one you think they are LOL
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 14
Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 1:30:25 PM

I let him know over the phone his compliments were making me uncomfortable. Then in person he kept going on... and then HE was fishing for compliments and I stated... I don't really compliment someone until I really get to know them and I'm really comfortable with them.


This is one of the reasons that I tell guys not to complement women and tell them that they are beautiful and all that crap. And if the complements fly, they should be about something genuine, not the typical stuff.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 16
Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 1:37:00 PM
It COULD happen, but if there is that instantaneous feeling of "being right," shouldn't BOTH people feel it?

I have had men do the same thing, and yet, I felt nothing toward them except the desire to get away.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 20
Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 1:55:16 PM
Yes, it does freak me out. I don't like advances from someone I'm not sure I like yet - and if it's too soon, it doesn't matter if I do, it's still weird and could cause me to retreat.

To me holding hands and kissing and all that's for actual dates when I am already interested and it's mutual and clear that we're getting to know each other and that's the situation.

Plus, let's be honest - some of that stuff CAN'T realistically be true when they barely know you. Sorry, I don't buy it. I think they think it's what I want to hear - perhaps because some women really do gush over that stuff...dunno.

If I want to kiss, hold hands, or do anything of the sort - he'll know when/if I initiate it. Period. I'd never ask someone why they didn't try something, but a few times I've asked why they thought they should.

Just me.
 supersnuggle
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 23
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Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:31:42 PM

All that is waaay over the top.
Run like hell. He's a player.
I've had them talk about taking me on weekend get-aways on the first date.
BS, over the top flattery, sweet talking, body language, etc... he wants too much too soon for a first date.


I don't know that I would agree that this sounds like a player. I think a player would be a smoother operator than that. I agree with another poster...sounds like someone who hasn't been on a date in a long time. Or someone who doesn't know how to woo a woman. From conversations I have had with several women I have met online, and ended up dating, there are some real idiots out there. Guys trying to force kisses on the first date, or give them a little kiss and they immediately reach for the boobs, or even trying to get them to a motel room after meeting for dinner on the first meet. These are the guys that give the rest of us a bad name.

I have hardly ever kissed on the first meeting...like others have mentioned on other forums, it is really more like an interview than a date. I have turned down chances to go to bed on the second date(a little too fast for me!), but believe me, I have gotten my share.

If you want to be successful in this online dating thing, patience leads to success.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 25
Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:47:18 PM

It's not charming. It's more like dog drool.

Isn't that the truth? It is just insecurity on the behalf of the guy and totally overkill.

OP, you are not alone with your discomfort with the "over complimentary" extravaganza. I've had it happen to me, and not only is it spooky, it reeks of insincerity too. One or two compliments are nice, but not to have them regurgitated all over you.
 JamesP166
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 26
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Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:50:15 PM
and some men are players or try to be as they are desperate

and it works some of the time with some women so go figure


Jim P.
 JamesP166
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 28
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Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:55:24 PM
I have kissed on the first date - - -

it depended upon how the date went - - - - -

but never did the boobie grab. - - - - on the first date - - - -

it all depends upon how the date is going - - the feeling between the two - -
how she is reacting to me, - - - being distant or coming up close and getting next to me
all signs of what she thinks of me and what can happen - - - - -

and the boobie grab is normally much later - - - much later and only if it is working out and
clear signs or she is willing and ready - - - - and only then - - - - - but never on the first date - - or the second or third - - -

that is so out of line - - - - but some men - - - -

Jim P.
 Stonefoo
Joined: 6/14/2007
Msg: 29
Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 3:00:39 PM
What does "move slow" mean to you?

1st date....no hand holding.
2nd date....hold hands.
3rd date....hug.
4th date...peck on cheek.
5th date...mouth kiss.
6th date...a little tongue? (wait, youre moving too fast!)
7th date...mouth kiss.
8th date...mouth kiss and hug?
9th date...mouth kiss and a little tongue. (here we go)
10th date...forget it!

Presuming that we're seeing one another once a week, unless thats "smothering"
you, this progression would be over 2 months of dating and the best Ive gotten was
a french kiss and a hug? (hypothetically)

Since most dates average somewhere around $100 per, Im out a $1000.
Sorry babe.....Im gone after the 2nd date, maybe 3rd...if its a real good hug!
Sounds to me like these guys are expediting the process to save their dating budget.

 Chiwrtr72
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 31
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Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 3:07:43 PM
Everyone is going to have a different definition or threshold on what freaks them out. However, you should trust your own gut.

After all, even if the guy wasn't a player or trying to con you into anything, the *chemistry* isn't there. And that's what dating is all about, right?
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 32
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Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 3:12:33 PM
I feel the same way. The only trouble is, when I've really liked a woman, that's how I acted. When I didn't like the woman, I was chilled out and she thought it meant that I liked her byt was not a player, and when I continued seeing her, there wasn't anything to tie us together but the physical.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 36
Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 6:36:46 PM
Presuming that we're seeing one another once a week, unless thats "smothering"
you, this progression would be over 2 months of dating and the best Ive gotten was
a french kiss and a hug? (hypothetically)

Since most dates average somewhere around $100 per, Im out a $1000.
Sorry babe.....Im gone after the 2nd date, maybe 3rd...if its a real good hug!
Sounds to me like these guys are expediting the process to save their dating budget.

1. This sounds kinda like "if I spend this - you should give me that". I am sure that's not what you mean, but that's how it comes off. Not necessarily a good attitude for finding someone you might actually end up with long term.

2. Two months is an extreme situation. If a woman really likes you and there's a spark and chemical reaction, I highly doubt she's gonna hold you at arm's length for two months, OR see/date you just once a week (unless that's a schedule YOU set).

3. If you don't want to spend that much money dating someone, then don't - no woman who's worth your time's gonna demand a grand from you in dating expenses over two months, and if they do, I'd hope you'd be wise enough not to consider it. Any man who's moving in on a woman that fast to save money's not going to do well. They're better off being more money conscious and spending quality time, not throwing money at someone. Dates don't have to be expensive to be good.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 41
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Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 7:56:05 PM

As for the guys reading this thread who think they ought to not do this or hold off on that, I have to ask--Why, IF you are being sincere!? If we get scared off, so be it. Be who you are. Don't you want a woman who wants you as is?
I like this woman.
 URLOVEY
Joined: 12/23/2007
Msg: 42
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Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 9:08:28 PM
As it says in my profile "flattery will get you everywhere as long as it's sincere!"
I personally am lucky if I get one day a week to spend with a man I am dating. I don't sleep with a man on the first date but if I am attracted to him and vice versa, we are kissing! It could take me two months to get through 5 or 6 dates.
If the attraction is there, go for it. If not, then leave it alone. I don't want to waste either one of our times with rules and formalities. If you are into me you will find me, if I am into you I will reciprocate. Otherwise its called playing games......
If a man doesn't tell me or show me interest, I assume he isn't interested and I move on...
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 43
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Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 9:19:13 PM
every woman wants to know that her date thinks she is attractive. That he appreciated the effort she put into getting ready for the date. But some do go overboard with the compliments, till it does get uncomfortable. No decent woman wants a strange man pawing her on the first date. When they do, or talk about commitment of any sort, on the first date, that is just scary. And reeks of desperation or worse, abusive tendencies.
 ldani
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 44
Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 9:23:01 PM
Hi,

I have a special problem. I have a very small penis (3" and thin), and I am always getting laughed at by women in the bedroom, and coupled with the fact that I come really quick, I am unable to satisfy them most of the time. Some let me use thier dildo to satisfy, why others let me masterbate to get off.

I don't get many return or repeat dates. To help me improve and work with what I've got, what do woman look for in sex, and how can a guy with a tiny****satisfy you.

I would love to be useful, instead of being laughed at, especially when everyone says size isnt everything - it is in my book becuase I am living it.

Love to get your advice or sympathetic support

Thanks Len
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 47
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Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 9:37:55 PM
OP: You need to make it clear in your profile that you want to take it slow and that you're not looking for a relationship right now. Nothing in your profile currently indicates that, and guys aren't mind-readers. Make it clear in your profile, and then repeat it in the emails/phone calls leading up to the first date.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 48
Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 9:40:22 PM
I agree with notchuraverage1. Maybe that's because I like attention - when I like the guy.
 randomstoic
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 50
Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 10:26:53 PM
It should be generally obvious to other party, but don't misjudge a man based on a tentative attempt at a kiss or holding hands. However, repeated or intense attempts at closeness do not auger well.
 tralaza
Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 55
Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/27/2008 4:10:58 AM
Coming on too strong and trying to hard just creeps me out and frankly anyone I have known who wanted instarelationship, cooled off and disappeared just as fast.

Also it comes across as fake. When the novelty wears off and they aren't saying and doing all the nice things but are sitting on your sofa in their holey shorts, barely grunting at you while watching footy, it is quite a disappointment.
 supersnuggle
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 61
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Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/27/2008 5:47:23 AM

What does "move slow" mean to you?

1st date....no hand holding.
2nd date....hold hands.
3rd date....hug.
4th date...peck on cheek.
5th date...mouth kiss.
6th date...a little tongue? (wait, youre moving too fast!)
7th date...mouth kiss.
8th date...mouth kiss and hug?
9th date...mouth kiss and a little tongue. (here we go)
10th date...forget it!

Presuming that we're seeing one another once a week, unless thats "smothering"
you, this progression would be over 2 months of dating and the best Ive gotten was
a french kiss and a hug? (hypothetically)

Since most dates average somewhere around $100 per, Im out a $1000.
Sorry babe.....Im gone after the 2nd date, maybe 3rd...if its a real good hug!
Sounds to me like these guys are expediting the process to save their dating budget.



I think most men ,and women, would consider this way too slow.
Here is my more realistic "moving slow":

1st meet...brief goodbye hug
1st real date...quick smack on lips
2nd real date...one or two kisses with a little tongue
3rd real date...fair amount of good kissing, keep hands to yourself
4th real date...serious making out, hands get involved, usually initiated by the woman
5th real date...99% chance we end up in bed.

I have turned down a chance to go to bed on 2nd date, fastest was 3rd date, and the slowest was 8th date(7th real date)

Hope to hear from others if this seems realistic. This is with women between 40 and 55 years old.
 happyboi
Joined: 12/8/2006
Msg: 71
Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/27/2008 6:33:36 PM
Out of curiosity, how does talking on the phone/email figure into all of this "moving fast/slow" thing? I have been talking to a woman for a month and a half, and have gone on one date. Between her kid and my kid being sick, her being sick, and just plain life... it has been difficult for us to meet up. So, we finally did, and it went from a meetup, to what I would think is a full-blown date, since she didn't bail after dinner, and wanted to do something afterwards. So, we talked for a few hours, and every time we talk... (a couple of times a week) we talk for hours... so, in the grand scheme of things, where am I at? Meetup, 1 date, or 1 date and a few others because of getting to know her?

Just out of curiosity, here.
 musicianfriend
Joined: 7/23/2007
Msg: 73
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Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/27/2008 7:05:52 PM
Sometimes a person knows exactly what they have been looking for. If there has been enough conversation....the discovery period is over....you should know if you are right for each other.

I met a man. After several months on the on line dating site, we became more comfortable. Then he asked me for my number. ( on line for 6 months ) I gave it to him. We started talking. After the first conversation, we were amazed at how much we had in common. After a few more, we had just about everything in common.

I had a criteria list I had made out 11 years ago. I have been patient waiting for "Mr. Right". I think I have found him. He was everything on my list and then some. We both think its really awesome.

Needless to say, in my heart of hearts, I knew he is the one for me. I had prayed and prayed about a certain kind of man and God brought him to me I believe. He is kind, giving, gentle yet he is a warrior. He is a writter, musician, cowboy....just like me. A family man, a man of God.....just like me. The perfect man for me.

I knew he was the one. He thought I might be but had gotten out of a terrible marriage to a "user" woman about 3 years ago so he moved a little slower. I have been single 12 years and I knew I was ready for a relationship.

We are both close to each other after 5 1/2 months talking on the phone, I am probably farther along in my feelings than he, but we are tight friends and I believe we will be lovers the rest of our life. We have both discussed this and we both are looking for marriage, neither is seeing anyone else. We have known each other basically almost 11 months.

Yes......Love almost at first sight for me. WHY: because I knew EXACTLY what I wanted in a man. HIM: He wanted someone like me too. He knew what he was looking for too. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?????It could only be GOD. He has answered our prayers.

We'll see how this relationship goes, but so far.....ITS AWESOME!!!! THANK YOU GOD FOR MY GIFT. I call him my Gift from God. He is.

Sometimes people just know that someone is right for them. It does happen. I think alot of people are not open to love anymore. I hate single life. It sucks. Being married is far more better....but......make sure you are compatible.

GOOD BOOKS TO READ BEFORE DATING OR MARRYING:
1) Mars and Venus on a Date.........John Gray

2) Love (what she needs) and Respect (what he needs).........Eggelston? (sp)

Consider the books job training.

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