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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Love and hate - are they opposites?      Home login  
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 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 1
Love and hate - are they opposites?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I think love and hate are two sides of the same coin. Their common enemy is indifference.

A man and a woman may fight, then fall into each other's arms for passionate sex. But if indifference enters a relationship, it's on the skids. I bet more relationships have been killed by boredom than by hostility.
 Yeronds
Joined: 1/29/2008
Msg: 2
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Love and hate - are they opposites?
Posted: 2/26/2008 3:23:44 PM
I would say "hate" is a much stronger word than what you seem to define it. I view hate as total hatred, like the feeling that if you ever see that person, you will rip them to shreds. Believe me, when feeling "hatred" you don't want that person even near you.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 3
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Love and hate - are they opposites?
Posted: 2/26/2008 4:18:41 PM
Love and hate are polar opposites, but they are both existences. The opposite of existence is the non-existence of that thing, which is indifference.

If love is like +1, then hate is like -1, and indifference is like 0.
Love and hate are both 1s. The only difference is their sign. One is drawn towards you, and one is pulling away.

"A man and a woman may fight, then fall into each other's arms for passionate sex. But if indifference enters a relationship, it's on the skids. I bet more relationships have been killed by boredom than by hostility." I quite agree.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 4
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Love and hate - are they opposites?
Posted: 2/26/2008 4:32:00 PM

I think love and hate are two sides of the same coin. Their common enemy is indifference.


That may seem to be true, OP; but I'll take someone's indifference over hate any day--especially from an ex. Hatred often leads to some permanent consequences, and the idea that hate is some kind of inverted love doesn't make those consequences any less destructive. Indifferent people aren't the ones who kill, stalk, steal your money; slash your tires; or destroy your reputation.


I actually think that "love" which morphs into hatred wasn't real love to begin with.
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 5
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Love and hate - are they opposites?
Posted: 2/26/2008 4:33:56 PM
fear is the opposite of love.

love, to me, means the awareness of the interconnectedness of all humanity. it means realizing and celebrating those bonds that unite us at an instinctive level. love recognizes the higher consciousness that we all share and the desire to engage this awareness in those around us.

fear, on the other hand, separates us. fear fails to remember and/or to acknowledge our higher selves. fear isolates us from our source and from the universe. we feel fearful and/or hateful and/or indifferent when we decide to deny the spirit in ourselves and in others.

we may express it as hate because in our culture, we view fear as weakness. no one wants to appear weak, so they translate it to anger, hostility and resentment.

when we feel anger, we can practice self-love and gratitude, work through the self-righteousness and return to harmony.
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 6
Love and hate - are they opposites?
Posted: 2/26/2008 7:29:56 PM
Hey Scorpio, that's cool:

"If love is like +1, then hate is like -1, and indifference is like 0.
Love and hate are both 1s. The only difference is their sign. "

I wish I had thought of that.
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 7
Love and hate - are they opposites?
Posted: 2/27/2008 10:32:48 AM
PrimeWoman, making good sense, opines:

"Let's use my example of the drunk, abusive father. You are no longer a child enduring the beatings, but an adult out of the house.
1)If you feel both love and hate towards him, then you are ambivalent.
2)If you detach emotionally, then you are indifferent. You are not affected by his existence or behavior. ... ".

Yes. I have been thinking about this ever since I attended some events taught by an old Chinese guru at his retreat in the Santa Cruz mountains. It dawned on me that thinking in terms of polarities is a fallacy from which Orientals are often free, while the West is poisoned by St. Augustine's Manicheanism.

Then I got to know some graduate students from India and came to comprehend the ability of Indian intellectuals to sumultaneously love and hate the British.

Then I learned of the Christian missionaries in Japan, who easily get the Japanese to accept Christianity, then are dismayed when they see that the people do not renounce their Buddhism or Shinto but see religions as " x and y ", not " x instead of y. " The crucifix just takes its place alongside the other icons on the family altar.

Then I met atheists who think you must either believe or disbelieve in the existence of a God which nobody can uniquely define anyway nor prove that only one exists, and I saw them become frustrated when I would not take a position, choosing to withhold conclusions in the absence of adequate evidence.

And in freshman psychology I learned that there is a recognized measure of emotional maturity, called "ambiguity tolerance," and it is measurable. You really can hold contradictions in suspense while getting on with life without resolving them.

So I started to figure out how to address the question of emotional involvement with a person you care about. It really is O.K. to harbor contradictory feelings about a person you may both love and hate.

Hopefully you may choose to remain together or apart, on grounds which are rational, considered and compassionate, acting one day at a time in responsiblity, growing out of the animal motivations of mere biology and growing in the ability to make a reasoned decision based on free choice. You can maintain respect for the autonomy of each other person, and become able, as an intelligent stable human being, to make a commitment and mean it.
 H2OLuvCoco
Joined: 6/2/2006
Msg: 8
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Love and hate - are they opposites?
Posted: 2/27/2008 8:27:45 PM
Well, OP...
Hate, is a very strong word.
But, your post here reminds me of something in my life. I told my ex-boyfriend awhile back that some of the things he did really irritated me, yet I really loved him. I think this was difficult for him to understand. But, what I tried to explain was that no one else really could evoke such feelings in me: strong feelings of love and annoyance. In other words...no one "got to me" like he did!
Coco
 MustangGal0820
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 9
Love and hate - are they opposites?
Posted: 2/27/2008 9:34:46 PM
A couple people already stole my response....Love & Hate are strong feelings, so having no feeling is the opposite. My thoughts are relationships are on a scale from indifference, to acquaintance, to friendship, to love of our friends, Love of our family, then LOVE with the special someone.

I think when you LOVE someone, then when you find that isn't the "relationship" that works for the two of you, why can't you back it up a notch or two and remain good friends...It has worked for me several times to stay good friends. I have even been the guest at an ex boyfriends wedding when there was only about 10 very close family & friends invited.

It just doesn't make sense to me when a relationship with someone that you are close enough to have a sexual relationship with has to end completely just because you both decide not to move into a marriage.
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 10
Love and hate - are they opposites?
Posted: 2/28/2008 8:46:49 AM
x file says:

"If love and hate are at the two opposite ends, then indifference is the middle."

But doesn't indifference just mean that you get right off the scale, not taking a position anywhere on it?

That's the way I feel about the momentous question - are Star Trek fans Trekkers, or are they Trekkies? Ot the earth-shattering problem for Scientologists - is the Evil One who destroyed the planet Teagatch 90 million years ago XEMU - or is his name spelled XENU?

If you hate someone, it implies that it matters to you that they exist. But if you neither love nor hate a person, they might as well be Xemu/Xenu - they just don't affect you and may as well not exist.
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 11
Love and hate - are they opposites?
Posted: 2/28/2008 4:31:22 PM
Saoirse:

"What do we really feel ,when we detach ourselves from our emotions and examine them objectively. We might surprise ourselves with the answer to that question. ... Objectivity and too much emotion are opposites but objectivity gives clarity of thought and identifies our real emotions. "

Yep. You get free and gain control when you can detach yourself from your emotions. Then you can choose them, instead of being controlled by them.

When I took a year-long yoga class, they taught us to recognize that your feelings are not what you are. Emotions are just what you have.

So when I sat in a dentist's chair, I told him to hold the anaesthetic. I relaxed as they taught in yoga. I said to myself if you feel scared, if you feel pain, these are feelings. You are not your feelings. What you are is a self, with your center in that chakra (I forget the name) which is behind your navel.

So I closed my eyes and went there. I assured myself - that is where I am. Right there. Centered. Not in my teeth. That is me. The pain is not me. The pain is just a sensation caused by what the dentist is doing. I felt the peace of being secure and safe and just relaxed and let the dentist do his job.

It worked. I felt no pain of any significance. And less discomfort afterwards than would have come about if my jaw had been frozen up with an injection the way they usually do.

Now, the question is - can we learn to control love and hate by detaching ourselves from those feelings? I think we probably can.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 12
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Love and hate - are they opposites?
Posted: 2/28/2008 4:44:45 PM
While they are similar, what can differentiate between the two is the passion and intensity of those feelings. Sometimes it blurs, other times its polar opposites.
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 13
Love and hate - are they opposites?
Posted: 3/26/2009 2:39:51 PM
Maybe what matters is that you, not they, are the cause of what you feel.

As Kipling says, being hated don't give way to hating; if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, if all men count with you, but none too much...

As Terry Cole-Whitaker says, what you think of me is none of my business.

If you love me or hate me, who cares. I will choose what I feel towards you.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 14
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Love and hate - are they opposites?
Posted: 3/26/2009 3:04:29 PM
I wss watching Diary of a Mad Black Woman yesterday and there was an interesting comment on love and hate. If someone is still under your skin, as in you still have feelings for them which at that point would probably be both love and hate, the hatred because a part of the person still loves something about the other individual and the pain that causes, transforms the emotion to hate. If you have the ability to get back at them and don't choose to do it, you are over them.

Think about it, who has the most ability to infuriate you, to "make" you hate them, they are those that we love. Generally, people do not bother investing the time and energy hating strangers.
 elsbethlette
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 15
Love and hate - are they opposites?
Posted: 3/26/2009 3:06:28 PM
No.
The opposite of Love OR Hate is Indifference.
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 16
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Love and hate - are they opposites?
Posted: 3/26/2009 3:46:18 PM

The opposite of love is apathy. To hate someone means you have to care enough about them to expend the energy on them to hate them. Apathy is not caring either way if they live or die.


very well put.

it takes a lot to get me to that point with someone. in fact, the only time i really felt that way involved a 'friend' who proved mentally unbalanced to the point where just speaking with them (or in my case listening to them) caused me stress. when i detached from the person, i felt a sense of calm return after months of frustration. when i could bring myself to consider the other person's perspective, i realized that, while i felt a minute quantity of pity, i felt no animosity. i simply didn't care. when you get to that point, you know true healing has taken place.
 Landra
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 17
Love and hate - are they opposites?
Posted: 3/26/2009 4:40:30 PM
In Dante' Inferno, hell was not a fiery hot place, it was frozen.
Passion is hot
Hate is hot
Apathy is cold.
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 18
Love and hate - are they opposites?
Posted: 3/26/2009 4:54:31 PM


So...if i've never hated does it mean i've never loved?

And by the way OP...can you let the smokers in...I wanted to privately message you lol...



If you have never either hated or loved the question is whether you are capable of feeling anything deep about anything. Do you know the way T. S. Eliot predicts the world will end? "Not with a bang, but with a whimper." And "the best have no convictions, but the worst are full of passionate intensity." Is our problem that it is only the @rseholes who care deeply about anything?

So maybe the world is in most trouble because so many people are sheep. They do not have convictions and cannot make commitments. They want to be led by whatever rabble rouser comes own the pike. What would YOU risk your life for? To bring it down to personal relationships, who do you love sufficiently that you would give your life for theirs? Or, who do you hate so deeply that you would die to take theirs?

As to smokers, I look on them with compassion. While yes I do block them from my profile even so they can email me at fra59e (at) yahoo. com, just don't come near me where I have to smell you. Any addiction at all, when it is self-chosen, is not characteristic of a free person but of a victim with self-esteem issues, who has lost control over a portion of his life.
 Musique08
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 19
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Love and hate - are they opposites?
Posted: 3/26/2009 7:55:26 PM
I've had love and hate at the same time. It's difficult to say the least.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 20
Love and hate - are they opposites?
Posted: 3/27/2009 6:36:05 AM
I totally agree with you, OP.

I knew my marriage was truly over when I felt toward him was apathy. Hate and love are not mutually exclusive, and I have often hated and loved a person at the same time.

Love and hate are very strong emotions (though there are weak versions, of course); apathy/indifference is the lack of any emotion.

However, fighting with someone is not always an indication of hate! The worst kind of hate is the quiet, simmering, patient kind.
 mysticaries
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 21
Love and hate - are they opposites?
Posted: 3/27/2009 8:09:14 AM
Hermetic philosophy 101. All "opposites" or opposing forces (love/hate, male/female, night/day) are simply varying degrees of the same thing. Think of it as a continuim, with the extremes on two opposite ends. I know I can go from loving to hating someone fairly quickly. It's a fine line, LOL.
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 22
Love and hate - are they opposites?
Posted: 3/27/2009 8:12:39 AM
I'm being killed by boredom at this exact moment in time, OP and I'm not in either hate or love with you.

Yawn.
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