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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > why does it take guys longer to heal?      Home login  
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 Stonefoo
Joined: 6/14/2007
Msg: 3
why does it take guys longer to heal?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
"A guy on the other hand, will normally take longer to become 'emotionally invested', but once there he'll find it very difficult to recover when things go wrong. Since a guy is less emotional, his emotional state is far less susceptible to change and his time will be spent pining over what he's lost rather than recovering."

You spot on NAILED it!
That is precisely why "friends first "works for women and I refuse to have any part in it. If there is no romantic involvement.....then I dont need them in my life.
Ive got female relatives and male friends and neither of them has ever broke my heart.
If/when I hear "lets be friends" they cease to exsist......period.

 northeast25
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 4
why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 2/27/2008 11:26:40 AM
I think this depends on several factors such as
1. The personalities of the people involved in a relationship.
2. The reason(s) why a relationship ended.
3. How strong was one person's feelings for the other person and vice versa.

Therefore I don't necessary think that it will take the man longer to heal or get over a relationship. For example, if a woman's feelings for a man were stronger than his feelings were toward her. And he decided to end the relationship. Then it is very possible that he would heal quicker than she would.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 8
why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 2/27/2008 11:41:48 AM
A guy on the other hand, will normally take longer to become 'emotionally invested', but once there he'll find it very difficult to recover when things go wrong. Since a guy is less emotional, his emotional state is far less susceptible to change and his time will be spent pining over what he's lost rather than recovering.

Make sense?

All but the part where it takes them longer to become emotionally invested. I find the opposite is true, at least with the men I know, meet, talk to. I WISH more men would slow down and take longer.

I do believe that since women break things off first most of the time, it appears they're less affected, but the grief is the same, they just go thru it and it's done before they decide to break it off. I also believe that in cases where men take longer, they're either in denial about it really being over, or in denial that they have to show any emotion about it.
 Stonefoo
Joined: 6/14/2007
Msg: 13
why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 2/27/2008 12:08:07 PM
"but the grief is the same, they just go thru it and it's done before they decide to break it off."

And thats exactly where the problems lies. As the woman is going thru her process unbeknowngst to the man, the man is blind sided when the break up comes.
As Ive said before, women would rather administer the hurt than receive it, which they usually do as you have noted. This way they can blame everything on the wreck they left and "move on" to their next hapless victim.

I wish they had an emoticon with a flashing middle finger!
 Stonefoo
Joined: 6/14/2007
Msg: 15
why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 2/27/2008 12:17:52 PM
^^^^ I know brother. I just grow so weary of supporting my middle aged male friends thru divorces. Three in the last year! Whereas I used to be the pig their wives hated, now Im the rock they seek.

I served my time and now Im free as a turd...I mean a bird.
 SeattleRob
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 20
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why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 2/27/2008 1:08:42 PM
Men also rarely take the time to process their feelings and actually work through them. So instead of actually FEELING the pain, loss, they pretend it's not there, or they self-medicate (drinking), or immediately move on to another relationship. Women are often more willing (and able:-) to experience their feelings, and thus, learn and grow.

Which is why most men have the emotional maturity of a 14 year old
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 22
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why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 2/27/2008 1:33:41 PM
Again, I have to go back to one of my infallible facts of life: men are stupid.
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 24
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why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 2/27/2008 2:14:38 PM

It's usually not unbeknownst at all. Most women try to discuss, fix, figure things out while everything's good, and then give up. If he's clueless, it's most likely because he doesn't care, doesn't think she really has a problem, or doesn't pay any attention to the situation. RARELY is it because she hasn't made some sort of attempt to fix it.


Yeah, but it's hard for guys top decipher what is actually important from the normal nagging and complaining
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 28
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why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 2/27/2008 4:21:58 PM
I think it varies from person to person. When my lover of 4 yrs was killed in a car accident, I wasn't ok for a whole year. I didn't date, kiss or anything. Sometimes one just needs to shut down and be alone and allow the heart to heal
 Kazoom
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 35
why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 3/4/2008 8:25:43 AM
Because... we are dumb ***holes.
 kanyonatic
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 36
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why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 3/4/2008 1:06:37 PM
men tend to take longer to heal because it takes them longer to open up and be emotional in the first place so when they do its a big deal for them and so when they get hurt it just takes longer everyones different of course some men open up very quickly and still take time but usually the more quiet they are the more they are feeling stuff they are not telling you .
 mr happy59
Joined: 9/16/2006
Msg: 41
why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 3/4/2008 8:11:38 PM
I am not sure if it is gender related or not. I agree it may take a guy longer to be comfortable in a relationship and it seems to me that when that arrives it is mistaken for neglect. I have just went through this and I do feel sad. More than her...I don't know. I don't even know what went wrong or why I haven't seen her for 2 weeks. However she is not returning calls, emails, her facebook has changed, etc. , and it obvious to me that I am no longer wanted. It may be that guys don't discuss these things. I have said nothing to anyone about this and find it odd that I am even posting. I rarely post anything, that was her deal, but it does give me an outlet. I am rambling....the point is that men do take longer to invest feelings, and let thier guard down in the beginning, but when they do they are trusting creatures and rarely foresee the end because they are happy and either don't hear or are unaware of issues that his SO may have. She may need to grab him by the collar, look him in the eye and say what is on her mind. That will get his attention in a way he will understand. When men talk to each other, they talk, they don't fish or hint at things. They rarely discuss thier relationship with thier friends because it is private.
Men are from Mars..........
 sin2gether2
Joined: 8/18/2007
Msg: 42
why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 3/4/2008 8:18:27 PM
I think that it is true women mourn the loss of the relationship while they are still in the relationship. They try all sorts of strategies to fix it ... communication, working things out. I think this is because women are more in tune to other people. Men don't "read" people as well. They are focused inwards usually. And the standard thing ... men just have behaviours that make them retreat when there are issues. They don't figure out things are even wrong. Then it is too late and the woman has left. And the guy thought everything was fine. Cause it was for him.
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 44
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why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 3/4/2008 9:18:58 PM
Theory: Buys them more time to continue their bachelor style of life b/c they don't wanna give it up...????....

LOL
who knows...
jadegreen
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 45
why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:17:06 AM
Don't think women feel more, or more deeply. What they are allowed to do, indeed, encouraged to do, is show that emotion on the surface. To display it. Guys are encouraged to do the opposite. In fact, are encouraged to believe that showing emotion is not masculine. Therefore, women tend to have support circles and use them; men don't, and aren't.

Male suicide rates are three times as high as women's. Women, however, *threaten* suicide three times as often as men.

Our culture has done men NO favors.


 HikingFitGuy
Joined: 3/20/2007
Msg: 47
why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 3/5/2008 4:22:07 AM
I think it takes longer for guys to heal because women can easily find someone else, almost unlimited choice for them, whereas for guys it takes much longer because women have more power in the dating game
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 50
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why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 3/5/2008 5:23:02 AM
Okay...just teasin before about buying time for more bachelorhood....

I can say as a woman I've had to take much time to heal from couple of relationships in my life, but maybe guys do try to control their emotions more so when or if they get hurt at ending of a relationship just takes them a while to get back out there? It isn't a bad idea to take your time and date or try again when your ready... Perhaps the guys can answer this question best...

 Mr Bain
Joined: 12/6/2004
Msg: 56
why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 3/6/2008 10:55:52 AM
Takes guys longer to heal?

You kidding me?
 tam879
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 58
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why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 3/8/2008 9:50:47 PM
I am still hurting over my relationship breakup. She left me and it didn`t take her long to do it. I think. I asked what I did wrong and she said I didn`t do anything wrong. The weekend before things seemed okay. Long weekend in Nov. seemed okay but I think I had done something to tick her off. Maybe I should have asked her to go out with me to a movie or dinner or some place. But, no I was comfortable on the couch with the tv .
We never argued and fought or yelled etc. I`d been with her for 14 months. I still miss her and I keep looking at her pics. I shouldn`t but I know that I cared for her but I`m not sure if I can say that I loved her. Neither could she say it to me. How do guys get over someone who broke up with you and left you devestated?
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 61
why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 3/9/2008 5:31:21 PM
Speaking from personal experience only with the people I've known, the men seem to be quicker to try to jump into a rebound relationship.

My own personal experiences with dating newly single men have been very short lived just for this reason.
 betterlate
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 62
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why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 3/9/2008 5:33:44 PM
What a silly question and what a bunch of stupid answers. Men dont feel hurt longer than women, they sure dont take longer to heal. who is making up this crap? Why do people on POF ask questions about one person but include an entire sex? If there is any scientific data that even hints at this, please someone point me to it.

BL
 Mr Bain
Joined: 12/6/2004
Msg: 63
why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 3/9/2008 10:23:16 PM
I think people might have a misconception that it takes a guy "longer" to get over a girl, because let's face it, when stereotypes are broken down, you notice.

A heartbroken guy is visible for all the world to see. Why? Because he's no longer acting like a man. He's biching. He's defensive. He's obsessed. A heartbroken man acts weird in all kinds of ways. Whereas I think as someone said, women have the circle of friends to absorb all of it, so it's really not that remarkable to hear a bunch of women at a restaurant talking about how all men are creeps, and all that song and dance.

But, a guy who is all broken down and struggling to get his confidence is back.. that is much more to behold
 paradise777
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 65
why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 3/12/2008 7:30:10 AM
not all guys some are very strong.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 71
why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 3/12/2008 3:51:45 PM
I think it depends on how deeply the person loved in the first place. There are many ways to love depending on the person and how they interpret love, or what causes them to think they have it. Some very shallow, some very deep regardless of sex. No way is more right as long as it works for the individual.
The depth and legitimacy of love determines the depth of grief after the love is lost. Most of the women I thought I loved through my life left a degree of grief in their path once it ended whether I quit the relationship or they did.
The only two that felt devastating to me were my 21/2 mo. old daughter who died of crib death in 1973, and my wife who died of cancer in 2007.
After I recovered from the loss of my daughter in 1995 and shortly later met my second wife I though I had endured the worst thing in my life, survived, and now everything would be much easier.
How wrong I was! When my second wife succumbed to cancer I felt a loss that went deeper than anything I have ever imagined.
Then when I thought I was pretty much out of the woods with that loss and ready to start to go on I met a wonderful woman and started to go out with her.
Then shockingly I discovered a whole new level of grief relating to the horrible loss of my wife that I had never been warned of or told about.
A whole new combination of emotional chaos surfaced and I am still dealing it them today.
So I would suggest that grief has less to do with gender than it does the degree that a person loved in the first place.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 72
why does it take guys longer to heal?
Posted: 3/12/2008 4:36:31 PM
sohard4u,
"well maybe for some really weak momma's boys it may be tougher to heal. Those kind of people are pathetic anyways so the only thing I could think of is that it's allot easier for a woman to find a guy then it is for a guy to find a woman. Maybe that's why there having such a tough time. "

I think this is written by the real mommas boy around here, and the brainless comment definately matches the title you agave yourself.
If anyone is pathetic buddy you are, as far as being a mommas boy I will be happy to meet you anywhere anytime, just call your momma and say goodbye first.
Have you ever "found a woman," or are you still stuck with momma?
With the sh**thead attitude you have do you think any self respecting woman on here is going to want to know a jerk like you? Stick your head in the toilet and flush twice, if that doesn't work I'll donate a rope for you. Hell, I'll even pull on your legs so you can do the job right you weak assed weazel! I'm sure all the females that have had the missfortune of knowing you would have a lot to say about you, and none of it good! Everyone on here is welcome to their opinion but you can keep yours stuck up your ass where you keep your brain!
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