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Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 1
Would you date someone who is disabled?Page 1 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
Hi there, I am just wondering how many of you, can HONESTLY say that you would date someone who has a disability? I have read, litterally hundreds of profiles describing the "ideal" person for them. I am one of those "nice guys" who isn't a freak or anything. Most women, won't even reply to me, which is fairly normal on this site I know. Those that I end up talking to, pretty much as soon as they hear disabled/handicapped, well sometimes it's a polite goodbye, sometimes it's just a quick ignore. I have what is known as Fibromyalgia, or FMS. To relate it to something people are familiar with, think of a bad case of Arthritis, all over your body. Then add in some other stuff like headaches/migraines and occasionally, physically weakness. Completely invisable to the eye, it's all internal, and on a decent-good day. I have adapted fairly well, to that you wouldn't really even notice anything is wrong, unless you really know what to look for, like slower, stiffer looking walking for ex. Most everyone says they feel sorry for me, but I am a much better person because it happened to me, and I feel sorry for those that don't know what the "real" important things in life are. It has made me a very inspirational person on most days, but like everyone else, I have bad days as well. So I'm just trying to get some opinions from some of you women, and men for women as well, I'll even through in the same sex interests as well, (I am straight}, want to make that clear, but an opinion, is still an opinion.

What I have personally noticed from having this for 2 years, dating/trying to date for a little over 6 mo. is 3 main things.

1. That Asian women tend to not care, they care about what, and how I write, how I think, and whats in my heart. Just wish thier were some of you Asians that lived closer to me :-(

2. Americans, from me, and from talking to women in the same shape I am in.
Americans hear that disabled/handicapped and turn and run away as fast as they can. Nothing is contagious, except a positive, influential attitude. Women for me, men from an attractive female I know.

3. Single Moms, who have already entered the "real world" know what is important, and they tend to not care. Unfortunately, I am one of those people, that if there are kids, i want them to be mine. I wish I wasn't, but I am.

I'll add a 4th section here as well, just to say Thank You, to the, shall we say, More Life Experienced Women, who read what I write, and offer words of encouragement, and even thier friendship. It's actually getting kinda hard to keep up with everyone in that catagory, so I want to say sorry for that to them, and I do appreaciate it.

Well, lets hear some opinions, and PLEASE be honest, and if someone says they wouldn't date someone in this condition, or another condtion. Please, show them respect for thier opinion, and being honest enough to say it publicly. No flames in other words. If you don't want to post publically, please send it direct to me then, I just want some opinions/thoughts on the subject.


Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 2
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/27/2005 3:01:29 PM
Hey there,
No one really knows what causes it. There are a lot of theories, but nothing is proven. There are even a lot of Dr.'s out there who don't even think it is real. Several Dr.'s tried to trace back anything odd happening to try and get an idea, and the only thing anyone came up with was I had a growth spurt about 2 inches at 25. Hormone changes are thought to be a cause, but noone knows for sure. They don't know why I grew either. I had everything checked, fine on every normal test, just like all other cases of FMS. Bad thing is since they don't know what causes it, they don't know what cures it. I'm an ex-great athlete, so I know in my mind, that I will beat it, it's just a matter of time, trial and error with herbs/meds/ and most important, my mindset.
I am on a few of those sites as well, and people, at least most people are much friendlier on those sites. seriously, for you "healthy" people, if you are really looking for nice people, even as friends/penpals, go to some of those sites. I won't lie though, there are some people on those sites that just feel sorry for themselves, make no effort, and basically debate between trying to find someone to love, or suicide. I'm also on normal sites as well, and I'm always open about my condition, because you never know who will read it, and have useful info they want to pass on to me if nothing else.

Personally, I have no problem dating someone who has disabilities, as long as it's one that I am capable of taking care of physically, but I will in no way limit my choices to only people on those sites, or even on the internet. I know who, and what I am looking for, and will not settle for anything less then what I want/need/deserve, it's just a matter of finding her.

You didn't actually answer the question though, would you date someone with a disability?
Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 3
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/27/2005 3:41:23 PM
I don't hate you, I just want honest answers, so I thank you for being honest.

Ex great athlete, then I tore ligaments in my ankle, healed up broke the same ankle in warm ups for a tournament, played through it, and that was the end of me playing. That was when I was around 22. My job was low stress, always got good nights sleep. I was under extreme stress from 17-22 though. I have lived a basically stress free live since all this happened, and while I am improving, it is slow progress, and involves 19 pills a day. Not exactly fun, but progress is progress, so I'll take it. I was so bad at one point I was looking into cryogenics. They said in 10 years, they will have technology to rebuild an entire body, just from the brain. If I am still bad by them, cut my head off, and rebuild me. I'll be first in line. Sounds kinda funny, but hey, whatever it takes to be able to live painfree.

I'm heading out for awhile, so I'll be able to reply to any questions late tonight. Thanks again for the honest answers so far.
Joined: 5/4/2005
Msg: 4
view profile
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/27/2005 10:31:31 PM
Jenny that really is sad story, beyond sad on many levels.
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 5
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/27/2005 10:45:11 PM
Probably, but since I've been asked this before, I'm going to jumble your question.

"Would you disable someone that you date?"

-A Joke- *I'll post in humor*

A woman who had a past of nothing but bad relationships puts an ad in the paper. "I don't want a man that will walk out on me or beat me"

Later that next week, the doorbell rang.

She opened the door to find a paraplegic smiling at her.

She blinked in disbelief and asked, "Are you Thomas?"

He replies, "YES! I'm the man of your dreams!"

She says, "Hmm, what makes you think that?"

He replies, "Well, your ad in the paper. I have no arms, so I can't beat you. I have no legs so I can't walk out on you..."

She cuts him off, "Wait wait, and how are you with sex?"

He grins and says, "Well, how do you think I rang the doorbell?"
Joined: 1/11/2005
Msg: 6
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/27/2005 11:34:54 PM
<------ I have dated someone who was disabled.
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 7
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/27/2005 11:38:15 PM
Why repost?

Meh, I dunno, I thought it was funny the first time I heard it. So I just put it in the humor section, JUST in case.

Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 8
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/28/2005 5:01:27 PM
i am disabled and suffer from chronic pain 24/7. i don't see why the disabled should be directed to go find another disabled person to date. it's like saying that poor people should hook up with other poor people. unfornately, that is the scene here in the dating world. when your read a dating add, it will usually begin with i enjoy camping, travel, etc. this works to put out the message that the person is looking for someone with a truck, that has a high enough paying job to pay for the travel. there are also a million ways to put it out there that what is wanted is someone in perfect or near perfect physical shape. i cyber dated a woman with m.s. here online. she had it tough. i would date a disabled person but i highly doubt that anyone would date me because of my disability. DisAbiLiTyTalks.
Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 9
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/28/2005 5:59:58 PM
Hi there,
I noticed that suggestion as well, but don't let it get to you. I don't believe it was intended to be a discrimination comment, as later they even said that they would date someone disabled. I think they were just trying to inform disabled people that there are sites out there specifically designed more for us. There are able bodied people that are on them too, ones that don't care.

Not real sure what your disability is, unless it's only chronic pain, or there is something else involved. I don't mean to sound like chronic pain is trivial, by using the word ONLY, as I have also had pain every single day, for over 2 years now. Even when I was taking 70mg of morphine every 4 hours, it didn't stop the pain. As for dating with chronic pain, it does take a special person, because seeing someone that you care about in pain is hard, but having the helplessness feeling of not being able to do anything to help that person, and to condition yourself to where you kinda don't see it, well, it is extremely hard.

As for me, I have dated a little bit since I've been sick, and things just don't go to well. I know who, and what I am looking for in a person, and as long as it's wrapped up in an attractive female package, because there has to be a physical connection as well, it doesn't matter what site, or where I find her. There are a lot of people out there that do care, and would date you, it's just a matter of finding one who isn't already taken. Confidence is the biggest thing, get your mindset correct, and you have a much better chance.
Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 10
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/28/2005 8:02:15 PM
Rumatoid Arthritis, unfortunately, i know too much about that. I actually got sent to a Rumatoid Arthritis Dr. because they thought that was what I had, so I studied up on it. Not fun at all. I really have had a lot of success talking with Asian women. They tend to see us for what is on the INSIDE, which is what is important.
I also kind of agree with you on the mental disability, of course it depends what it is, but there are many types I would not be able to handle either. There are some good disability dating sites out there, but at the same time, some of them, the people just seem to feel so sorry for themselves, it is depressing. I guess you encounter that on normal dating sites too, but not as often. On the other hand, there are some GREAT people on those sites. Once you get disabled, you change one of 2 ways, you tend to almost go into hiding and denial, or you start to understand how precious everything really is, and become a great person. Since we are moving slower, we take the time to smell the flowers on the way, or we will see the Hummingbird that those rushing through life miss, and once they are 50 or however old it takes them to understand the importance, and beauty of nature, and life. Another thing I did, since I can't live the active life ike I used to, I started on slower paced hobbies, photography being the main one. Find someone interested in photography for example, they won't mind going to the park, sitting down for awhile, talking and taking pics. Low stress, can be a lot of fun, you can make side money if you are any good at it, and it's a cheap hobby once you get the initial stuff, pack yourselves a picnik, and there's a date for you, where you get to spend a lot of time getting to know the other person,
ALthough yes, I am in constant pain, yeah I'm on disability, yeah i move slower, and yeah, there are a bunch of negatives, I am glad this happened to me. It has really made me such a better person then I was before. It's hard to explain, but I'm sure a lot of people out there know what I'm talking about. I do wish it would go away of course, but what I have learned about myself, is amazing in these 2 years.

Best of luck to you as well, keep your head up, and keep your eyes open.
Joined: 5/2/2005
Msg: 11
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/28/2005 8:10:24 PM
i dated a blind girl before...not a biggie at all. i didn't care if she couldn't the beginning she was pretty sweet, and that's what attracted me to her. mind you, she screwed my roommate, and that pretty much un-attracted me to her.

a problem. i think i'd have to draw the line at quadrapalegic though. para would be fine...there's still lots we can do...but with a quad i'd feel more like a nursemaid than a boyfriend...
Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 12
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/28/2005 9:06:36 PM
Yeah i understand that, I was basically looking for disabled person, any level really. I'm just kinda looking at ages or people, and the general yes or no answers. I read the profiles of people who answer either way, to kinda get an idea of the person as well. Just an informal personal study I guess you could say. Just maybe a "Yes" to a certain extent, or like an earlier post said, physical yes, mental no, or not to the quadrapalegic level, but para would be ok.

If you guys notice, everyone is saying Yes, and I can't remember any No's
most are in the 30-40 range
26 posts includind several from me, and yet 220ish views.
2 personal mails,
I wish there was a way of telling how many of them would say, yes and how many no. It's hard to admit in public that you wouldn't date a disabled person, so if you are reading this, just email it to me, I won't say your name, just count age group, and yes or no, and maybe ask you through email a question or 2 about your opinion and why.

Thanks again to everyone that is posting!!
Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 13
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/30/2005 8:20:42 PM
Hey there, Me again :-). Well, I am seeing a lot of "yes i woulds" out there within certain conditions, which is fine. I would not be able to date some disabled women either. Ex is I couldn't date someone in a wheelchair, because 1/2 the time my muscles wouldn't work well enough to but it into the back, and all thogh I am not sure, I would imagine a ramp is expensive. For me personally, there are really 2 types of disabled people I would have probles with, one is the depressive type, who hates the word because whatever happed to her. I need a positive attitudes in my life if I want a chance to beat this. And the 2nd, are certain mental problems. but it really is all about what is INSIDE the person.

thanks again for all the good posts, and opinions
 vespa chick
Joined: 5/22/2005
Msg: 14
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/31/2005 3:48:17 AM
..........DIS- abled ??? .... your mind still works .. your heart still feels ...your eyes still take in beauty that surrounds you... you breathe in life everyday !

It's such a shame that we as a society have allowed such a word to contaminate our tongues .... But then again we are so famous for placing lables on our foreheads!

Vespa Chick
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 15
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/31/2005 9:39:11 AM
Well this is an interesting forum...curious the answers. I am aperson with a unique challenge and have not had much challenge dating. It is the bell curve as it is for most. It has only been the last few years that i have been seriously looking for a long-term relationship. Before that i travelled, adventured, experienced, it wasn't a priority. One thing that being unique and having the challenges of say, being in a wheelchair has, is a FILTER. The women i have dated have been amazing people. They look past what they see and into ME. We are often driven/influenced by assumptions and that is unfortunate. OR a developed story of who we wish to meet (i.e the night in shining armour, who is amazingly intellegent and has the adonis body etc) and i think this can keep us away from meeting someone truly rewarding....SO i encourage those to look past what you see. We all have many gifts to offer..... I feel those with physical or other challenges bring a bunch of lived experiences that most will not have....I have lived one lifetime from two cool is that.

Peace Out....Oh ya...still single :)))
Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 16
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/31/2005 8:13:02 PM
Hi there again,

to Mommy of 2

I definately acknowledge that I have the issues I have, but I do not accept that I am staying this way. So many Dr.'s have told me life long condition, and I won't accept it. They don't know enough about it yet for me to accept it, and I don't know how Dr.'s can say it is going to be a life long condition, when they themselves, don't know much about it.
Yes, cost means nothing in terms of love, but it can definately make things a lot more difficult, when you have to try and get grants, or specially funded equipment that tons of people are in line for.

to: Vespa Chick

My mind still works on occasion. With FMS there is a symptom, or side effect or whatever you want to call it, that most patients call Fibro-Fog. It's almost like an alzheimer's case some days. Eah day is different, heck each hour can be different. That breathing part, well that's an issue sometimes as well, and actually my eyes have been documented to change from 20/20 to 20/200 in a matter of 16 hours. I understand what you mean though, I'm just being a little difficult I guess after a very long day. I definately agree that there are way too many labels out there that people place on others. Why can't we just see each other as Humans?

to ich_bin_die_sonne

I am not looking only for Asian women. Maybe I should have worded it using "old fashioned values" but 1/2 the people my age (27) probably have no idea what that means either. I'll definately find a way to word it by the time I rewrite my profile though to help clear up confusion. I do state in current profile,
"I pick Asians, because of thier morals, and beliefs that they are typically raised with. I'm not ruling out anyone of course,.."
"However, if you are Kind, Loyal, Loving, Smart, Attractive, ready to settle down, and are willing to stay at my side no matter what, thats what I'm looking for."

I very much enjoyed your post. I can relate to your story fairly well, as being an athlete before. I got the amazing experience to actually play in Gund Areana ( Where the Cleveland Cavs Pro NBA team play) at 17. I too have travelled a lot. I had called off work on 5 different occasions from 5 different states for spur of the moment trips, as well as many trips to Windsor with the hung over call in when I was under 21. I got to enjoy a lot of life before this happened to me, then this happens, and it is truely another world. I have changed, and began to see things I never would have ever seen with my old life. While it is a blessing that this happened, I have learned, amazing things about myself, more in the past 2 years, then the first 25 combined. If it doesn't kill you, it only makes you stronger right?

I should mention that while I have official had this for 2 years now, I have dated for over 1/2 of that time. It's just that I can't find a woman who will actually believe me, and in me. Last person, wasn't my normal type at all, but her Heart, Soul, and Mind, seemed to be it. I told her straight out, that the most important thing to me, is someone that will believe me, as I face an invisable condition, where it is all, well mostly, internal. We fought often, then one day she told me that she thought 1/2 of my problems I was faking. The only reason i was with her was she supposedly believed in me.THe thing that changed it, was I lost all stamina, and it felt like an athsma attack, she thought no way, he's faking. So, i look up most recent changed med, and common side effect difficult breathing, and partial collapse of the throat. That was the end of that relationship. The one before was even worse.
Joined: 10/20/2006
Msg: 17
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 11/23/2006 6:20:42 AM
I've been reading the many different threads on this base subject and have enjoyed reading the different views and opinions.
There are a few quotes I'd like to share that I think people need to remember when looking at any potential mate or even making new friends.

To paraphrase Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., "you cannot judge someone simply by the color of their skin or the condition of their body. You must judge the person by the content of their
character. "

"The key here is to realize that everyone is different, and a disability (or lack thereof) is simply a condition of the body, not the full measure of the man or the woman."

"that a person is only as disabled as you let them be and inside that person is someone whom isn't disabled and is worth getting to know."

"Disability is a matter of perception. If you can do just one thing well, you're needed by someone." Martina Navratilova

My 2 cents...
 Just 4 You
Joined: 1/25/2005
Msg: 18
view profile
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 1/4/2007 4:41:07 AM
Grachman, I agree with you there. It appears that Disabled Females don't date Disabled Guys. At least in the ones I've experienced. I have Epilepsy and got classed Unemployable, therefore no big pay-checks rolling in. But I became friends with a woman in the same situation as me (no job) and tried to date her. She laughed. Her idea of Mr Right is the same as any other woman... a guy with a job, nice house, nice car, and loads of money for vacations. Or as she likes to put it, "Two Wrongs don't make a Right."
Joined: 1/10/2007
Msg: 19
Posted: 1/14/2007 12:39:39 PM
I wouldn't be bothered by a physical handicap, but I would be a bit uncertain of mental handicaps since many would get in the way of getting to know the person. I've known a few people with mental handicaps, and to be honest, I can't really see having a couple-relationship with someone with those kinds of handicaps.
Joined: 1/6/2007
Msg: 20
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 1/14/2007 12:46:43 PM
Sorry to hear some women are like that, bud. From my standpoint I don't hold physical disabilites against people. I'm not a monster.
Joined: 1/9/2007
Msg: 21
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 1/17/2007 4:55:31 PM
It would depend on the disability. If someone were blind or parapeligic, I would if I liked their personality (I have numerous blind friends I ski with). However, I would hesitate dating someone with a more debilitating illness. I do not have a caregiver instinct that may be needed and may be a little selfish in that way.

The reason I bring this shortcoming of mine up is to ask you to try to reconsider single moms. I think your hang-up of only having children that are your own is holding you back. Because single moms have children, they are already comfortable in the role of caring for others before themselves. I don't think it is necessarily that they know what is "more important" than a single woman such as myself, just what their life experiences are make them more open to a man with a disability.

Please don't fault me or anyone who isn't interested or think they aren't open-minded. Everyone has different preferences and people are picky on online dating in general. I get a lot of men passing me by because I don't want to commit to a long-term relationship at this point in my life, and that's ok. It takes a lot of effort to find someone that is compatible no matter what your looks or physical abilities.
 Azalea Path
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 22
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 1/28/2007 11:38:22 PM
Would I date someone who is disabled? Would, have, and currently am. The first time I did it was with my ex fiance who had Muscular Dystrophy. That relationship ended not because of his disability, but because he was a liar and a cheater and oh yeah, gay. Currently, I have been seeing someone who is disabled, and all seems to be going well. . With one tiny little exception...

***If anyone here is disabled or has dated someone with a physical disability, could you give me a bit of advice on something? It's not something I'd like to post in the forums.*** I really hope it's not against the rules, I just don't want to bring it up in public.
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 23
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 1/29/2007 9:35:55 AM
hey i know how you fell i am temporarly in a wheelchair due to a back injury from a car ccedent. i udse to be popular and now all people do is shun me away cause my stupid wheelchair and i get so frustrated cause i wanna walk again but i caint any idieas?
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 24
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:38:34 PM
I had a friend...the most life loving great guy in the world. He married a gal with a kid (bi-racial) he was a father to the boy. Well to make a long story short he was involved in a helicopter crash and was burned. He lost both arms and legs. This gal he married came to his room and threw her wedding ring on the bed and said she couldn't be married to that. My friend died two days later. The **** all of the sudden needed her husband and sued the Army for several hundred thousand and got it.

Some people are trash..............I hope you find a good person....look at that beautiful woman that stayed with Christopher Reid....she was wonderful.
 unique type guy 29
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 25
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 1/29/2007 5:18:14 PM

I am also a technically a "handicapped" person, who was an athlete before. I was a very good goalie & also played soccer along with hockey. I was in a serious a single 1 car accident when I was 17 on 2/05/98, 3 months before my 18th B-day. I had a TBI (Tramatic Brain Injury) had to relearn everything all over again. Though I was in a month long coma I recovered fully after about 6months. Though I was somewhat of a miracle, it still required a lot of hardwork from me. I returned to highschool to repeat my senior so I could graduate, doing so allowed me to go on to UND (Univ of North Dakota) I then graduated in 7yrs with a great degree. I graduated May of ‘06 w/ General Study’s degree; with focuses in Communication, Geography and Philosophy. Now I am in the midst of applling to Northwestern Health & Sciences massage school, in Minneapolis, MN. I plan on furthering my education by going there in Sept of '07 to get a massage therapy certificate. So now I am acomplished person but still am feeling the need to accomplish more. I have not been in a meaningful realationship of any kind in almost 9yrs. I am happy enough by myself... Just b/c u are diabeled in some way doesn't mean you need anybody, be happy and content with yourself 1st and above all be patient. You need to be happy with yourself first because how can you expect anybody to like you when you cant like yourself?

unique type guy 29
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