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Joined: 10/31/2007
Msg: 1
Do men really like submissive women? Page 1 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
Do men really like submissive women? or do most of them really not wanna be the aggressive party? im very submissive and finding a dominant man is very hard to find these days, how can u tell if a man is dom without askin him from jump?
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 2
submissive women
Posted: 2/27/2008 11:44:24 PM
personally id prefer my woman to be a little agressive not starfishto sex, id like a woman to at least hold me and on occassion speak those fun words that get the old gears a pumping. cant be too submissive but cant be overally agressive either imo, but a good mix, theres no proper way to tell unfortunatly unless your very blunt and just ask him, but wouldnt that be quite the opposate of being submissive as well:)

Joined: 7/23/2006
Msg: 3
submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 3:16:59 AM

Do men really like submissive women? or do most of them really not wanna be the aggressive party? im very submissive and finding a dominant man is very hard to find these days, how can u tell if a man is dom without askin him from jump?

I think if you are looking for a d/s relationship you need to look around d/s clubs or websites. Your average person might mistake the meanings if you ask about things like dominant and submissive.
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 4
submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 4:30:58 AM
I dont think the O/P is looking for a D/S type relationship. I think she is looking for a Man, Not a wimp.

Thanks to these S.N.A.G's and the like ,It seems a MAN is a dying breed.

Has it become such a touchy subject ,that a MAN cant (With the encouragment of his woman) To engage in HARD sex without him being charged with date-rape or being labled a sexist pig! (agreed thats extreme...But it does happen)

If the time is right.....Is there anything wrong with grabbing a handful of hair, pulling your head back and filling your throat with something other than air?
The line is a fine one, Trust and a CLEAR understanding is the key to these activities. I understand that what is good for one, is abhorrent to another!

Read this carefully before you all flame away

Joined: 2/22/2007
Msg: 5
submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:07:39 AM
I personally am a switch, meaning I can be either dominant or submissive. My current b/f is awesome, but not really dominant, he does have his moments though. Since you're looking to meet people online I think you should just be upfront with them and ask them what they're like before you even meet them. Explain exactly what it is you're looking for and don't expect them to just jump into it. I wouldn't necessarily want a man to be very dominant the first time I got intimate with him because it takes time to build the trust required. If you're looking for a seriously dominant man you can try sites like but as the above poster said, screen people very carefully. Good luck.
Joined: 10/31/2007
Msg: 6
submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:36:47 AM
ok im on the same page as bikeman, im not lookin to wear leather and be beaten and gagged, im lookin for a man who isnt a wimp, who can pull hair, slap my ass, talk dirty and take complete control in bed, tell me what to do, and treat me like a good little girl, im not into anything more than that, and i do discuss this with men when the topic cums up before we meet, but i dunno what the hell happens......if they forget or they feel weird doin that, all i know is that i need that in my sex life for me not to stray from sum1 u know?
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 7
submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:39:02 AM
I would consider myself to be more dominant, and it is very erotic when a woman is submissive. On the other hand I also find it VERY sexy when a woman is not afraid to initiate sex and let you know exactly what she wants.
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 8
submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:54:06 AM
As one poster said earlier, I am a switch too. What's with all this "real man" nonsense? I'm sorry, but sometimes I like a good smack across the face.

I find a wholly submissive woman utterly boring. That isn't to criticize women who enjoy that, I don't always find the women I want as a sexual partner. Most women seem to enjoy the bits where I'm the boss. On a purely sexual level though, I find changing things up is a wonderful thing.

Perhaps, and this seems counter productive, the OP needs to be more aggresive? Sometimes you have to step outside the role you want to get into the one you're looking for.

I've had to use the phrase "Use your f-ing teeth!" so that a woman will take control during oral sex, for instance. After that I generally am allowed to be submissive without further comment.

Often times it's a matter of communication. As one poster said, we men are often afraid to be that dominant. But if you're afraid your partner won't understand, you better tell them or ask them.

In sex there are no stupid, superflous questions.
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 9
submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:59:54 AM
4realgurl..can I have your number?? hahaha JK
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 10
view profile
submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:31:40 AM
""Do men really like submissive women? ""

Another question requiring one definitive answer. Impossible. We are ALL SO different. One lady loves having her nipples played with and can even orgasm from that. Play with another woman's nipples and it makes her skin crawl. Some women love to be mistaken for a railroad spike and pounded. Others find that oppressive and even painful. What really throws a wrench in the works is that both those likes / dislikes can change with the same women over the course of a month or less.

You have to be tuned to your lover to get maximum pleasure. Some enjoy just the excitement of a good banging with a stranger where just the act satisfies. Those who enjoy long term committed relationships get to know the mood your woman is in just by how she looks and even her taste. It is something that is achieved over time and never achieved by many couples because they've given up trying or even caring long ago. That's why 80% of the 40 and up crowd here are divorced. To expect ONE answer for such a diverse question is like asking somebody here to give you next week's SuperBall numbers.

There is NO definitive answer to "Do men like ... ?" The answer comes with communication and learning the other's fantasies and which side of the DOM/sub issue they picture themselves or if as happens with most open couples willing to play and experiment, if they are into that scene a bit (or a lot) they are willing to switch. It all comes down to turn ons and those are as individual as fingerprints.
Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 11
submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 8:26:45 AM
I Love submissive women during sex.
I think it's because I'm usually catering to them outside of sex.
Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 12
submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 12:14:52 PM
I'm with you on this one 4realgurl. The one time I was lucky enough to get a guy like this, it took quite a while for us to be comfortable enough with each other to get to that point. We hadn't discussed that before we got together, but we did discuss the fact that alot of men don't take the time, or care enough to please the woman, and the fact that he was definitely into having sex be a mutually satisfying experience. :-)
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 14
submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 12:23:47 PM

im lookin for a man who isnt a wimp, who can pull hair, slap my ass, talk dirty and take complete control in bed, tell me what to do, and treat me like a good little girl, im not into anything more than that, and i do discuss this with men when the topic cums up before we meet, but i dunno what the hell happens......if they forget or they feel weird doin that, all i know is that i need that in my sex life for me not to stray from sum1 u know?

I guess one would have to test it out with a partner. Lots of them will say they have tried it, like it or don't. I ask which roll they like best. I think asking them their fantasies is a great way to test out their lustuous behaviours and seeing if they have experience. Experience is nice, but someone that is willing to and DOES do their homework is obviously in it for themselves, so you know you are going to get what you ask for. I was allways told to be careful and regardless of how far you are into it, make sure you agree on a safe word.

I am not thoroughly practiced in the B&D, S&M, but have done some exploration and the one that I talked/chatted my fantasies through with, was definately the best in person.... the one that played coy rarely came through (and man was that boring at times).

And for the poster that said it was inappropriate to discuss this.... hello, there are a lot of different fish in the sea.... no one said that the different ones had to vacate. Of all places, this IS the place to discuss your sexual/lifestyle preferrences.... many of us on here are here because we didn't do that to begin with OR things changed as our minds opened up. I think this is the best place to talk about preferrences.
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 15
submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 12:31:20 PM
Where are all these women who like dominant men in Orlando??? LOL
Joined: 11/10/2007
Msg: 16
submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 1:59:50 PM
I loove a guy who's dominant most of the time. Maybe a lil back , here and there.. but that's just me lol
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 17
submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 4:54:17 PM
Depends on the man. I prefer being in control, but only because there's no better way to bring my partner pleasure. Whether that be through B&D, D/s, or S&M. I'm no sadist, but fully understand the use of opposite ends of the spectrum in order to enhance the pleasure. Just have to ask, or you'll end up in the sack with a guy who isn't quite sure how to take control and you'll get frustrated. Most who are will let you know if you ask.

Oh, and for the record, being dominant doesn't mean being domineering. There's a huge difference. Some guys can't figure this one out with a roadmap and compass.
Joined: 2/17/2008
Msg: 18
submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 5:47:02 PM
There are quite a few levels to this question. A woman can be quite assertive and aggressive socially and ALSO like rough sex, in which she takes a "submissive" role in bed and there are also very shy, submissive women socially who can be quite assertive in bed, too, but not "rough".

I have a dominant streak and a socially submissive woman makes the radar blip all over the place, I feel her call to me without a single word. I dont like "rough" sex at all, though ...dirty names, hair-pulling, all that.....uh-uh.

All these labels are kind of one-dimensional and stupid, if you ask me. I didnt ask. Just saying..............
Joined: 1/31/2007
Msg: 19
submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:20:33 PM
There is a pretty easy way to tell if one is submissive or Dominant. 4real, I can't contact you because of your limits, but if you send me a note, I'd be happy to let you in on it.Good Luck
Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 20
submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:40:18 PM
Knowing a dominant man should be easy ... if you can't tell one when you are in His presence ... You are either very unintuned OR ... He's not dominant. ~laughs~ As for His sexual leanings/proclivities/preferences ... you'll never know those until you ask Him about them. In so far as D/s is concerned ... there are as many different variables and preferences are there are 'nilla ones -- some like power exchange but don't participate in a lot of other kink ... some love kink and switching roles ... just depends.

So the only way to know if a man is dominant in the ways that interest You is to open up an honest dialouge with Him. Some Men are only dominant in the bedroom and some are dominant in virtually every aspect in their lives. What are you looking for? Just a sensual Dominant or sexually aggressive man? It definitely helps to know what you want before you swing the doors wide open and announce yourself as submissive. Many people in 'nilla venues equate submission in any form as loosely moral and out for sex with just anyone or ... see you as someone they can easily manipulate. So funny how folks don't realize that being submissive doesn't mean that we are on the Burger King menu to have it "their way" at the drop of a hat and at hello. ~laughs~

good luck!

Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 21
submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:49:06 PM
Well I am very submissive myself and sometimes its just a matter of feeling a guy out. There is something about him that will project the dominant behaviour. I find that most of the time I can tell on a first date if the man is more dominant or not. Also, if you really don't know, nothing wrong with asking, especially if there seems to be a mutual interest
Joined: 10/31/2007
Msg: 22
submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:50:13 PM
thanks angel, im lookin for dom in every area, bedroom and relatiomship i want and need that sorry bout the confusion....
Joined: 10/31/2007
Msg: 23
submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:52:42 PM
yeah see i ask and they lie, they say they are dom but then when it cums to being that way its like WTF???
Joined: 2/4/2007
Msg: 24
view profile
submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 8:20:23 PM
Hmmm...I always seem to gravitate to the sex forum threads! They are definitely the most interesting to say the least. Heck...I studied psychology/sex ed in college & earlier today (after reading the this forum) was the first time I ever heard of jelqing (google it if you'd like to learn more). Anyway...getting back to this particular thread. Stating and/or labeling dominant/submissive is vague in itself. There are many many of you noted earlier. I, myself, fit in neither category...but rather both. It all depends on the day and my mood. Many times...I like to take control . But the rest of the time...I like to be quite a bit more submissive. Communication is the key in these situations. Communication is the number one reason relationships fail...though most people think it's sex or money.'s not communicating about sex, money, or anything else that deems problematic in a relationship that makes it destined for failure. So...when I feel like I want to be more submissive one night and more dominant the next, I just speak up! It has worked so far. I would think this is the appropriate way...right guys?
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 25
submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 9:50:39 PM
~I agree with heathenistic, being dominant does not mean being domineering, & alot of guys can't make that connection, so they just come off as an ass. Most everyone I know would be blown away to find out there's a submissive side to me, In my life I've alway's had to be ridiculously strong. Im a single mother who worked and raised 3 kids alone without any help, that within itself made me tough, add to it all of life's other challenges & choices & so on having to be tough everyday in a world that eats the weak, it's hard to be a woman in whats still a man's world in alot of ways, I think we lose alot of our ability to be vulnerable. So for me to be able to submit myself to my man, not to a man who is domineering or disrespectful (he'd last about a hot 5 minutes), but to the man who knows what I need & what I need him to be, who completely brings out the woman in me , I think it should be liberating, not oppressive like im sure some would view it..Someone once told me that "When a man owns his woman, she more-so owns him" I didn't get it at the time...
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 26
view profile
submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 9:51:13 PM
You know, I know your pain.
It seems every ex I've ever had, SEEMED nice and manly right from the start, but lol, I always end up being the dominant personality in my relationships. Which is NOT a happy place for me.
So lately I've been very blatant in my search for DOMINANT men. There's a LOT more than you ever know until you say what you're looking for.
If all you want is sexual domination and vanilla equality the rest of the time, there are so many men who are more than happy to fill the role for you. Just be up front with what you want. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Unless you're on a kinky dating site, most men aren't going to put that they want submissive women. They'll be almost instantly stigmatized and have every feminist for miles burning panties on their doorsteps.
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Do men really like submissive women?