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 AUTHOR
 lip locked
Joined: 9/14/2007
Msg: 1
Sarcasm red flag or not?Page 1 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
I have been thinking about this for awhile. I see alot of people decribe themselfs as having a sence of humor that has a sarcastic bite or being witty with sarcasm. I am thinking this is a red flag for passive agressiveness. Usually sounds like unresoved isuues or even plain meanness. I know I had to stop that part of me because my family use to do it alot when i was growing up. It was like only the auther of the sarcasm though it was funny.
Im sure Im going to here alot of critism over it but bring it on. Lets see how it plays out
Interested in seeing what otheres have to say on the matter.
Sarcasm funny or not?
Sarcasm sign of a bumpy road ahead? Start of just being mean and abusive to one another?
 joanie23
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 2
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 3:48:37 PM
Sometimes when people are joking around they use a form of sarcasm and it can be funny, but when in normal conversation or if you disagree with someone and they use sarcasm I think it is mean and abusive.
 Malley
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 3
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:08:34 PM
I agree goddess Black and white is a great way to describe it.
There is witty sarcasm that is not meant to offend and there is the catty cutting type that is meant to be cruel.

And you are correct. Sarcasm is a talent, that some are born with.
Not all appreciate is though.


Sarcasm is anger....they are too afraid to say it outright so they make it acceptable with humor...


I disagree. It is NOT done for attention. It is simply the way some of us are. The way we express ourselves, be it anger or affection.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 4
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Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:13:11 PM
Sarcasm does not have to be mean. My father had a dry sarcastic wit that I and one of my brothers inherited (the other one is more like my mother, a vapid sense of humor that rarely seems to surface). My children are sarcastic with their humor. Sarcasm is based on irony and it can be biting and acerbic and create problems but not if it is merely observational and you use it wisely. In my case, that meant biting my tongue many, many times with my X because the man gave me way too much material.

People that want to insist that all sarcasm is negative often do not understand it and on the contrary, is not a sign of cowardice and again, you are talking about the "black" sarcasm to begin with. I don't believe anyone has met me in the last 43 years that retains the delusion that I am scared to tell anyone what I think.

If you are not familiar with my forum posts, I can easily tell someone they are a piece of shit and make it sound like a good thing, not because I am afraid to speak my mind, but because I find no reason to hurt people unnecessarily. I also believe that if you wish people to listen, a better approach is not pissing them off, so there is no point to the blunt meanness that some wield with such glee.

You can steer clear of people that include sarcasm on their profile but you may be missing a really great gal with a killer sense of humor. My X's family is not particularly sarcastic but to me the things they make fun of each other about are really just hateful in a lot of cases, give me a sarcastic comment over those any day.

Blanket statements like sarcasm is a red flag, or it is cowardice, or it is blah, blah insults the intelligence of anyone involved in the discussion. It can be something you wish to pay attention to to determine if it is the individual's way of seeing the humorous in what are often horrid situations or if it is an outgrowth of a natural tendency to see everything around them with negativity.

If I tried to stifle my sarcasm I think I would be much less fun to be around, and since people are still around, I suspect, at least in my tiny little corner of the universe, it is not indicative of passive aggressive issues.

VVVVVZopz makes a good point, sometimes the difference between white and black scarcasm is knowing one's audience.
 woterlily
Joined: 12/31/2007
Msg: 5
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:14:18 PM
imo, humor, sarcasm, irony are sisters... one is the company on a good day, the other is on a bad day, the third one is when bad days keep rolling on

sorry, having a hair day... i need the laugh
 Kiss_My_Karma~
Joined: 7/4/2005
Msg: 6
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:20:06 PM
I use sarchasm a lot...when I'm ticked off. It can bite, and is not something most people enjoy on a regular basis. There is a saying about teasing I heard once, and it can apply to sarchasm as well. Every teasing remark carries a grain of truth. That's why it's just not very nice. People can see the grain and it usually hurts their feelings.

Red flag? I don't know, I guess you'd have to find out more about the person before turning tail and running for the hills. People are not always as they describe themselves, and might not even really be so 'brutally honest even when it hurts' in real life.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 7
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Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:48:44 PM
It really is a matter of knowing your audience AND being able to read people well.

My fellow and I constantly banter, it is all great, good fun and neither of us have inadvertently hurt the other... yet. We're both pretty intuitive about each others' capacity and reactions tho', so I doubt we'll cross the line much... and get back across it with a quick and sincere apology if it ever happens.
It is situational play and observation, we equally thrive on it and actually we're forever setting each other up, almost seeing how long we can keep something going.
(I give him all the good lines just to massage his fragile male ego).

If we weren't secure where we are with each other then it wouldn't be funny at all. It'd be quite appalling, actually.
But, as he IS secure with how truly amazing I am, err, how amazing I think he is, it is fun, even joyous.
 Randominternetguy
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 8
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Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 8:00:50 PM
The actual definition of the word says it is designed to cut or give pain, in an ironic or satiric manner.

A lot of people associate sarcasm with just irony or satire. And I myself am guilty of this mis-definition. Some focus on the pain part, while others have focused on the irony of satire.

I think it would help in general to mention how you define sarcasm when making blanket statements about the character of those that carry that label. After all, you wouldn't want us to get the wrong idea, right?

Bob
 haywiresue
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 9
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 8:39:30 PM
Scarcasm is like dating - totally subjective and each of us have different perspectives of what is allowable or acceptable for us.

Personally, I have found that I generally dont get along with people who self-proclaim themselves as sarcastic, becuase I think many people (but not all) take it too far and use that label as an excuse to be very unkind and nasty, at the expense of another.

I have no problem with humor or laughing at myself or another person in fun, but not at their expense.
 boyzni3
Joined: 3/19/2006
Msg: 10
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 8:53:40 PM
I like msg 29....but I also think that in relation to the OP that sarcasm is only a red flag if the person cant take what they dish!
 lip locked
Joined: 9/14/2007
Msg: 11
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 10:04:39 PM
Thank you for posting. seems to ba a little confusion about wht sarcasm really means.
What I am talking about is Sarcasm in a relationship between lovers. not in the general comedic arena.
 vaxplant
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 12
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 10:17:18 PM

Mean, insensitive and yes, abusive is what these comedians are likely to become in a relationship.


I disagree entirely, a well defined sense of sarcasm is a beutiful thing. If it's not trained and tempered - yeah it sucks.

Only the recipients of such have the ability to train it. I'm probably one of the most sarcastic sob's you'll ever meet, but I know when it's appropriate, and when it's not.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 13
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Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 4:01:59 AM
That seems to be the problem OP. People are either sarcastic or they are not and I think there are actually very few people that have never made a sarcastic comment of some sort in their lives. Like anything else, it is balance and how it is used.

I think if you meet someone that is sarcastic you pay attention. There are some people that I am very sarcastic around because their humor is similar and we do not cut each other down, although occasionally pointing out each other's quirks cracks us up.

You are not I suspect going to run into someone that is not sarcastic in their daily dealings with all people and suddenly tears you a new one when they are sugar and spice with everyone else. As my first post noted, pay attention to their overall attitude about life and if they seem uber negative and need to put others down to feel good about themselves, move right along.
 et1000rr
Joined: 12/23/2007
Msg: 14
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 5:17:53 AM
the humor in sarcasm is directly proportional to one's intelligence/common sense/openness...most people who say they are sarcastic aren't. from what i've experienced, they just like "dark" humor. And most repeat the same one liner WAY too often. that's not sarcasm...that's lack of creativity which is the exact opposite of sarcasm. so for me it's not really a red flag. just means they can hopefully find humor in places you wouldn't think it existed.
 quietcowboy
Joined: 12/25/2007
Msg: 15
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Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:25:14 AM
I love sarcasm as long as it doesn't include a viscous barb directed at somebody present within ear shot. When it is used to insult or hurt somebody often that is when "the sh%t hits the fan".
 Desi1955
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 16
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:28:39 AM
I don't like sarcasm, so to me it's a red flag. I especially hate it when someone says something mean, then says "I was just kidding. Can't you take a joke?" I don't keep people like that in my life.
 Desi1955
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 17
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:41:51 AM

I love sarcasm as long as it doesn't include a viscous barb directed at somebody present within ear shot.


That is the definition of sarcasm.

Sarcasm:
(Dictionary.com)
1. harsh or bitter derision or irony.
2. a sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark: a review full of sarcasms.
(American Heritage Dictionary)
A cutting, often ironic remark intended to wound.
A form of wit that is marked by the use of sarcastic language and is intended to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule.
(online Etymology Dictionary)
1579, from L.L. sarcasmos, from Gk. sarkasmos "a sneer, jest, taunt, mockery," from sarkazein "to speak bitterly, sneer," lit. "to strip off the flesh," from sarx (gen. sarkos) "flesh," prop. "piece of meat," from PIE base *twerk- "to cut" (cf. Avestan thwares "to cut"). Sarcastic is from 1695.
(Wordnet)
witty language used to convey insults or scorn; "he used sarcasm to upset his opponent"; "irony is wasted on the stupid"; "Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own"--Jonathan Swift
 cncgandolf
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 18
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Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:55:14 AM
I love entymology, so I'll go right to the root of the word ... which also happens to be the root of my problem with it. The word comes from the root word Sarca ... which means to tear flesh.

I do not find anything attractive or desireable about tearing flesh. Monty Python's dead parrot routine is hilarious. Bill Cosby's Noah's Ark routine is gut busting. The guy with the sledgomatic is fun if I have some protection. Laughing at myself with loving acceptance puts life in perspective. A Friar's roast or the comics who rip other people apart are like fingernails on a chalk board to me.

However, that reaction to sarcasm is in alignment with everything else about me, too. First do no harm - emotional, spiritual, mental, physical - to self or others under any excuse, rationalization or justification - especially "just kidding" or "game" or "being funny." It likely comes from being the youngest in a family that need someone to kick and I was the target back then. No more. I don't need such people around me anymore.

To those that think it is a lack of intelligence to dislike sarcasm ... I have a doctoral degree and significant career success. Lack of intelligence stopped being something I could be accused of back in my childhood.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 19
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 11:06:25 AM
I'm the poster girl for sarcasm and tongue in cheek humor. I try not to use it to hurt others though, although I've been told that I'm funniest when P1ssed off. This is because in many situations I have to "behave myself" and have some dignity so I turn it into humor.
 Soul Union
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 21
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 11:07:00 PM
I have been thinking about this for awhile. I see alot [sic] of people decribe [sic] themselfs [sic] as having a sence [sic] of humor that has a sarcastic bite or being witty with sarcasm. I am thinking this is a red flag for passive agressiveness [sic]. Usually sounds like unresoved [sic] isuues [sic] or even plain meanness. I know I had to stop that part of me because my family use to do it alot [sic] when i [sic] was growing up. It was like only the auther [sic] of the sarcasm though [sic] it was funny.
Im [sic] sure Im [sic] going to here [sic] alot [sic] of critism [sic] over it but bring it on. Lets [sic] see how it plays out Interested in seeing what otheres [sic] have to say on the matter. Sarcasm funny or not? Sarcasm sign of a bumpy road ahead? Start of just being mean and abusive to one another? - Ill light your fuse

> Well, your spelling is funny enough.
> - Soul Union.
 Soul Union
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 23
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 11:15:16 PM

Sarcasm is negative, it has undertones of contempt - the world is a better place without it. Personally it seems to go hand in hand with deceit, outright lying, selfishness, conceit, insensitivity and a whole grab bag of negative personality traits. I walk away from such people and don't tolerate their put downs as funny or fun towards myself or others. Sarcasm is not welcome in my home nor in my workspace. - quicksilver217

> I'm with quicksilver217.
> - Soul Union.
 cncgandolf
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 24
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Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 11:17:21 PM
Why do sarcastic people have such a problem with non-sarcastic who don't want to be around sarcastic people being aware that we don't want to be around sarcastic people? There are plenty of ways to have humor and sarcastic people are welcome to theirs and I am welcome not to hang out with them or go to their comedy shows or watch their comedy shows on TV, etc. It is my choice to have the limitation.

A non-sarcastic person wanted to know if any other people considered sarcasm a red flag. Yes, there are some of us who do use it as a limiter. There are others who are attracted by it. As the site says ... plentyoffish.
 Soul Union
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 25
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 11:34:51 PM
You'll likely get a lot more criticism for your almost lethal inability to spell.
Little tip: when you've typed out your post, take a moment to look at what you've written. See all those words with little red lines underneath? Those are mis-spelled words!!! Please, for the love of God, CORRECT them BEFORE you post!!! As it is, your post is damn near unreadable, as it has so many errors (typos?) that it seems to have been written by a monkey wearing oven mitts. While this banging on about lousy spelling may seem a bit much, the fact is that, after a certain point, bad spelling becomes so distracting as to over-ride any message the poster may be trying to convey. What was the topic again...? - grog27

> It's not a problem, grog27. People love to read posts like his. Spelling is not an issue today, grammar is a thing of the past, and sentence construction flew out the window a long time ago. What matters today is sarcasm. That's all we need.
> - Soul Union.
 et1000rr
Joined: 12/23/2007
Msg: 26
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 3/1/2008 4:46:09 AM
I'm quite certain anyone who uses to sarcasm to insult people on an hourly basis is not going to be everyone's friend. I highly doubt the OP was referring to this type of sarcasm.

Sarcasm isn't used 100% of the time to be insulting. You can use it to insult people without their knowledge if your good at it but again i don't think that's what was meant.

Sarcasm can most definitely be humorous. So for the people who started pulling the dictionary definition. If I called you a "fag" would you be upset? The definition is a bundle of sticks. And for my UK friends isn't a fag also slang for cigarette?

If people use sarcasm without the intent of making you laugh, then their just mean. Again, the OP didn't ask this...he said a sarcastic sense of HUMOR...which means the intent is to be funny........................................beating a dead horse.......
 et1000rr
Joined: 12/23/2007
Msg: 27
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 3/1/2008 4:52:10 AM
Why do sarcastic people have such a problem with non-sarcastic who don't want to be around sarcastic people being aware that we don't want to be around sarcastic people? There are plenty of ways to have humor and sarcastic people are welcome to theirs and I am welcome not to hang out with them or go to their comedy shows or watch their comedy shows on TV, etc. It is my choice to have the limitation.

A non-sarcastic person wanted to know if any other people considered sarcasm a red flag. Yes, there are some of us who do use it as a limiter. There are others who are attracted by it. As the site says ... plentyoffish. ~ cncgandolf

because we think we're smarter than you and you should be attracted to smart people... :)
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