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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.      Home login  
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 Macgyveratheart
Joined: 1/9/2007
Msg: 1
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
When we start a new relationship sex is going to be on both our minds. I would suspect a lot of relationships end as quickly as they started if the sex isn't great. The biggest problem is if you have sex too early in the relationship it's probably not going to be that great. You are not going to be as comfortable with each other to say what you want or ask your partner what they like. Once two people are past the initial several dates and reach a "comfort zone" then they should think about bringing sex into the equation. Talk about it. How long into the relationship do you think you should wait?. Have you jumped the gun and regretted it?. The first time is something that's going to be remembered for the rest of your life. Talk about pressure. Wouldn't it make sense to plan a weekend away with no distractions where you can both take your time to explore each other. That's when you're going to find out how compatible you are. Or maybe i'm wrong. Maybe some of you find jumping right in works better.
 beckylee
Joined: 12/22/2005
Msg: 2
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:12:47 AM
Sex is not necessarily on "both our minds."
 galonthemt
Joined: 10/31/2007
Msg: 3
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:16:36 AM
What makes sense is to wait till both are ready. One should not pressure the other.
 Lucky_2b_me
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 4
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:17:48 AM
Didn't think there was a set time limit when to have sex in a relationship, rather it be the first date or the 10th date. Sometimes when you meet for the first time it "just happens", both people are feeling the chemistry and the magic is a beautiful thing. Sometimes it seems a difficult choice for the woman, sex on a first date could be taken shes easy and sleeps around, and if she doesnt "put out" on the first date, she gets passed up for the next one that will. If both people are feeling it, than why not, what do you have to lose? You have to try it before you buy it.
 Bunny467
Joined: 1/28/2008
Msg: 5
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:21:15 AM
Mac,
This is a great question. I really don't know what to say to tell you the truth. I think it is better to try and build something a little personally speaking from experience. Speaking as someone who has had sex too early in relationships before and regretted it later. Many times it causes the relationship to be over before it had a chance to begin. If the girl has it too early with a guy he thinks she is a slut and won't call her again and if she waits too long he thinks she is some kind of prude or hates sex. I enjoy sex but would like to have a meaningful relationship to go along with it and that takes cultivation. I would like to get some other men to give some feedback on this subject... guys? anyone?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 6
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:23:23 AM
What works for one will not/may not work for another couple, who knows the answer to that one. No one should ever have sex if they aren't ready, nor should anyone be pressured to have it, when one does have sex they should run for the hills if the other person then treats them badly afterward. Personally, I'd rather wait to get to know someone and see if I really like them first, but if I did have sex with them and they started treating me disrespectfully...goodbye.
 xerograv
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 7
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:23:47 AM
I tend to think whenever she wants it, and if she never does. Well.. too bad for me.
 Noralynn
Joined: 2/1/2008
Msg: 8
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:25:19 AM
Wait until you are both comfortable with each other and know for sure that you are not going to hurt anyone else in the process.

My experiences with people I've dated on POF are... sex is definitely on the men's minds right from start...."if you can get past this and have fun together before the sex, just think how much fun the sex will be....with any luck it won't be just sex, it will be meaningful.....lovemaking.

Be strong & have fun first...
 Pink Rose Lady
Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 9
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:25:54 AM
You should both wait until you are both comfortable with each other. I'm sorry, but having sex is not on my mind on the first date, getting to know the guy is. There is where men and women think differently. I won't know until after the third or fourth date if I think we have enough in common to make any kind of a relationship work. Rushing into having sex is like asking to have cooties in your carpet, ewwwwwwwwww.

Pink
 aspiring_angel
Joined: 1/25/2006
Msg: 10
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:26:18 AM
IMO, As long as possible. That could be four dates or six (or more!). This is way I "weeded" out those only interested in a one nighter or adding to their conquests. I do admit that some really awesome people hit the highway, but in the end, it was probably for the best.

The answer is different for everyone. Some really great relationships started out with first date sex, others waited several months and also were great. There is no right or wrong answer, only what feels best for us individually.

Best wishes ~
 southernlass
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 11
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:26:42 AM

How long into the relationship do you think you should wait?.


Why don't you try waiting until you respect the woman enough to offer her a long term commitment, which means marriage? Why not wait until you slip the engagement ring onto her finger so that she knows she means something more to you than just the physical?

Frankly, if you're just going to create another one of those casual "friends with benefits" relationships that is probably not going to be very enduring and might last the year or might not, I don't think it matters how you handle it.
 life_of_leisure
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 12
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:34:04 AM
Until you get a signed and notarized consent form from her, and have had your lawyer look at it.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 13
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:55:30 AM
This is a good question and one I'm dealing with currently. The guy I've been going out with wants to take things slow because of past relationships where the good feelings made it harder to think on an emotional level, so he wants to move things slowly. We've been out 3 times now over the last few weeks and talk most nights during the weekdays between them. I'm worried myself that if we move to slow then that excitement that makes sex with someone initially so amazing might die down. But I'm willing to go slow right now since I really am finding that I like him on an emotional level along with continuing to be attracted to him physically. I just hope that I can handle waiting 2 months or more if that is what he decides is best for him.
 captain-jack
Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 14
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:56:56 AM
After dinner - desert when the wine is half gone.. LOL
 theinnerdark
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 15
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:58:20 AM
Two months for me. Basically, I'm afraid if I have sex in a casual dating enviroment I'll start nailing anything available.

Actually, I know I'll do that. I have issues with sex. Volumes of issues!
 Macgyveratheart
Joined: 1/9/2007
Msg: 16
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:02:07 AM

I'm worried myself that if we move to slow then that excitement that makes sex with someone initially so amazing might die down

That's why I was asking about jumping the gun, I don't think waiting is going to dampen the inital amazing quality, I think it will enhance it (IMO).
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 17
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:05:02 AM

That's why I was asking about jumping the gun, I don't think waiting is going to dampen the inital amazing quality, I think it will enhance it (IMO).

I'm not sure though... because if I have to keep dampening that feeling then eventually it can be put out emtionally. I don't want that to happen, I don't want to feel indifferent about sex... I want it to be hot and intense and not just "making love". Sex is something very physical for me and I like it that way, it never worked for me in the past when it was all about love.
 Macgyveratheart
Joined: 1/9/2007
Msg: 18
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:22:53 AM
Sherilyn70, obviously you guys are both comfortable enough talking about this, let him know how you feel. It's a two way street, he should be respecting your wants as much as you are respecting his.
 *cee~cee*
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 19
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:56:13 AM
I don't think either person should feel pressure. The length of time to wait will be different from one relationship to another. The key (as has been mentioned before) is communication and also realizing that the first time with someone new will probably be a bit awkward and not necessarily full of fireworks. It takes time and both people being invested in taking that time to know each other on every level. If you both realize it and talk about it, it can only get better.
 TheLimey
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 20
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 11:09:07 AM

After dinner - desert when the wine is half gone.. LOL


Damn, beat me to it.

It's also best to wait until at least one of you is mostly naked...
 Masked_Hero
Joined: 12/14/2003
Msg: 21
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 2:08:22 PM
If the attraction is there.. I want the sex A.S.A.P... Nothing worst then geting to know someone and really liking them after weeks of dating... Just to find out the sex is horrible.. Yeah your risk'n look'n like an azz asking for sex too soon but you'll like an even bigger selfish azz when you break up with someone because the sex is bad, after you've had such a great connection and gotten along so well before the sex... I don't wait till after buy a car to make sure the brakes work.. Someone on here said someth'n about wait'n until you've give'n the girl a ring... LOL What kind of 1932 crap is that? Yeah that cool back then when a ring was $5.. Do you really think Ima dump 4-6 grand on a engagement ring to find out the goodies are bad ???
 BigTexCookin
Joined: 2/3/2008
Msg: 22
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 2:11:57 PM
Depends on how horny I am at the time.
 kittenshere
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 23
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 2:19:31 PM
there is no such a thing as a time limit. it will happen when it feels right for both of you. There is no rush and sex is only anohter part of a relationship. get the relationship in order first then let sex happen on its own in its own time. sex does not determine if a couple is compatible. lots of people are sexually compatible but thatts the only way. there must be more. assume the two of you truely loved each other without ever having sex the sex is compatible becuaes of ur feelings for each other. never put sex before feelings of love. thats where so many go wrong. u can sex anyone but without the love feelings for the person u have nothing at all ...but sex with someone u truely love in ur heart is gonna be perfect no matter how the sex goes. so sex does not determine compatibility in any way shape or form.
 Sabinee
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 24
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 2:24:50 PM

How long into the relationship do you think you should wait?.
Until we're married. Or at the very least nearly engaged.

Have you jumped the gun and regretted it?
No, I don't play with firearms.

Wouldn't it make sense to plan a weekend away with no distractions where you can both take your time to explore each other.
I think that's called a honeymoon.
 southernlass
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 25
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 3:56:37 PM

Someone on here said someth'n about wait'n until you've give'n the girl a ring... LOL What kind of 1932 crap is that? Yeah that cool back then when a ring was $5.. Do you really think Ima dump 4-6 grand on a engagement ring to find out the goodies are bad ???


I think when you reach a maturity level where you want something more than just easy, feel-good sex that you'll be concerned about more important things than just the goodies. One day you may want to have children and a family or you may actually want someone to really love you.

A woman is not a car, by the way. She's not here just to be test driven, nor is a man for that matter. What you are referencing here is using someone, plain and simple. That's how deep what you're talking about is. You are using another human being for sex until you tire of them. Really admirable morals and principles, huh?
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.