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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.      Home login  
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 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 2
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
What works for one will not/may not work for another couple, who knows the answer to that one. No one should ever have sex if they aren't ready, nor should anyone be pressured to have it, when one does have sex they should run for the hills if the other person then treats them badly afterward. Personally, I'd rather wait to get to know someone and see if I really like them first, but if I did have sex with them and they started treating me disrespectfully...goodbye.
 Noralynn
Joined: 2/1/2008
Msg: 3
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:25:19 AM
Wait until you are both comfortable with each other and know for sure that you are not going to hurt anyone else in the process.

My experiences with people I've dated on POF are... sex is definitely on the men's minds right from start...."if you can get past this and have fun together before the sex, just think how much fun the sex will be....with any luck it won't be just sex, it will be meaningful.....lovemaking.

Be strong & have fun first...
 TheLimey
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 12
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 11:09:07 AM

After dinner - desert when the wine is half gone.. LOL


Damn, beat me to it.

It's also best to wait until at least one of you is mostly naked...
 Masked_Hero
Joined: 12/14/2003
Msg: 13
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 2:08:22 PM
If the attraction is there.. I want the sex A.S.A.P... Nothing worst then geting to know someone and really liking them after weeks of dating... Just to find out the sex is horrible.. Yeah your risk'n look'n like an azz asking for sex too soon but you'll like an even bigger selfish azz when you break up with someone because the sex is bad, after you've had such a great connection and gotten along so well before the sex... I don't wait till after buy a car to make sure the brakes work.. Someone on here said someth'n about wait'n until you've give'n the girl a ring... LOL What kind of 1932 crap is that? Yeah that cool back then when a ring was $5.. Do you really think Ima dump 4-6 grand on a engagement ring to find out the goodies are bad ???
 StarliteKisses
Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 19
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 6:32:59 PM
I find it very refreshing that you are even asking this question, since the majority of men I have met are obviously only interested in sex....asap. It gives me hope that there are actually some sincere men out there in the POF pool.......

And if a man can make their love making romantic....put some thought into it.....a woman truly will feel cherished and will gladly show her gratitude....something they will both remember fondly!

~Sexy Vixen 4u~
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 24
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:15:52 PM
Or until you know and willing to share as much as being shared with......

I am with Frau and knowing the one I am with, wanting that to happen mutually and exclusively, and take the time to make it happen....one way or the other.....

I wait until I know, and they do as well, and until we both are tested, clean and healthy and willing to stay that way for each other and ourselves.

This can happen sooner, or later, and the whole point is to have it happen when both want it to, and are willing to take the steps to make it so.......

Just my opinion.......
 kanyonatic
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 26
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/3/2008 9:05:36 AM
i think its up to the individuals themselves sometimes it takes awhile to get to know people before you feel comfortable being intimate its a personal choice but if it feels right then ok if not then wait whats the point of ruining something that could develop into a good relationship
m
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 29
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/4/2008 5:50:59 PM
I agree with most on this thread...once you get to know each other a bit, and it feels right for both...

Now..I'm BEGGING..someone PLEASE ..can you have that d**ned car analogy permanently banned from the forums...lol...
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 30
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/4/2008 6:13:33 PM

Actually, what we DO want is oh say...9 or 10 emails, a few phone calls and a 3 hour FIRST dinner date and we're good!!!!!

Sorry Old Soul... I hold out until at least 13 emails. A gal has to have standards!

There is no "how long"... I can't even see defining a set "how long" for me. Although I probably am in the sex early camp (or not at all, and there are way, way more in the not-at-all pile, lol) the timing for how it feels right with "this" person at "this" time in my life has varied all over the map. I guess my personal theory is the two of us create our timing based on how we are relating.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 31
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/4/2008 6:26:50 PM

Come on people, this is ridiculous! You might as well start wearing a shirt that says, "Life, wait for it." Have sex whenever you feel like it. Talk to your partner, be safe, and have fun.


I really, really hate to sound like my parents...BUT..lol...When I was young (back in the stone age) I had similar thoughts. Things change as you get older..it's not conscious, it's not deliberate..it just is. Sex just for fun lost it's appeal for me a long time ago.

Now, I want it to be part of something more...and I also agree with most..there are no "pre determined " time lines...but, I know for me, it wouldn't be right away. How far after that depends on many things...and this may be a gender thing too...but, it's takes me more than a date to determine if I even want to go there...chemistry and sexual attraction aside...
 BadForumGuy
Joined: 2/16/2008
Msg: 33
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/4/2008 11:03:01 PM
3 dates maximum
 youmightthink
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 34
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/4/2008 11:14:22 PM
Agreed. 3 dates max. If you actually LIKE sex, why wait?

Women have this attitude that they're "giving something up." Whenever I hear that it tells me that this is someone who has antiquated views about sex. Sex should be fun, exciting, and something BOTH people should enjoy., not something that should be viewed as a commodity only to be "given" at a certain point.

For the record, a guy is "giving" something up as well, and he's vulnerable too. Men are just as vulnerable as a woman in that situation.
 TallAndDark68123
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 35
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/4/2008 11:14:56 PM
I dated a woman often for a month and a half. We were very comfortable together and had moved into the passionate kissing stage a number of times but she did not want to go to the next level. After talking about it she said another six months. I told her that we obviously didn't match sexually and moved on.

If you see each other often and are now exclusive then I think waiting a month and really getting to know each other would do you both good. This is much easier to do if you don't put yourself into situations were the opportunity presents itself.

I also had a relationship where we stompped on the brakes to many times and by the time we did it was just sex. I never emotionally attached to her and think it had to have something to do with not bonding when I was ready. After 6 months I could no longer be in a one sided relationship even if she was a wonderful caring loving woman who treated me like a king. That one really sucked! I keep her Valentines card just to remind myself of how I had to let a good one go.
 OTTO BONN
Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 38
Sex in new relationships: how long should you wait?
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:23:23 AM
How long to wait?

90 days, at least.

Nothing wrong with a little Anticipation, a little Court and Spark.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 42
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/5/2008 4:24:01 PM

I know a lot of women that feel the opposite of this just like myself


I'm sure you do..and good for you guys. I know more who don't feel that way. And I believe the woman you quoted said most, not all? And I object to people preaching to me that I have to change my personality to fit with their views, or I'm the screwed up one. You are free to feel however you want about it. So am I. Don't patronize me, like only your way is the correct way. Or you are a much "better" woman because you see it differently.


Seems to me there wouldn't be a profession if they couldn't turn "it" off now would there?


Women who are prostitutes are a whole different kind of woman than the kind who aren't. And most aren't doing it because they love sex..the majority are doing it out of necessity or for the money. And I'd bet many of them don't feel good about it either. I resent men , and someone earlier did it too(and he also generalized that women use it to control men..all women don't...and since men are fond of telling us on here that we get controlled because we allow it..right back at ya)...telling me what I am capable of doing and what I am not. Many ( not all) women aren't capable of it...and it's pretty biological too. This does not make them "bad", or "frigid" or anything negative. Just who they are. And, in my not so humble opinion, those men who preach that all women should all think just like them? Just trying to make it easier on themselves to indulge in some "fun" without being obligated in any way. Seems like the ultimate dream for many men.
 THE full monty
Joined: 9/4/2007
Msg: 44
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/5/2008 6:52:58 PM
well , i have one month rule.......if shes not interested after one month ......thats cool i can always use another friend.................... ............even if im not recieving any benefits.........
 satx78218
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 46
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/5/2008 8:29:58 PM
"how long should you wait?"

Wait until you're both ready, and not a minute before.
When it's time, you'll know.
Trust yourself.

And guys, you know she, rather than you, makes the decision. :)

I can't believe how super-complicated people make the simplest issues. And create false issues which can only be answered by each person, not by some external guideline or advice.
 solax
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 55
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/6/2008 9:37:17 AM
i commend people that think that sex is a after marrage thing ... i dont understand it but i commend those people. that said id wait till you are both confortable with echother before proseeding my last gf waited 3 dates (almoast a month) before haveing sex with me. and it has verryed from that... i havent jumped the gun.
 youmightthink
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 61
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/6/2008 11:22:21 PM

Because you have morals, don't want to catch an STD, and perhaps want to actually be in love with someone you know is special before you share your body with them.


Having morals has NOTHING to do with a decision to have sex or not. You're implying that someone does NOT have morals if they have sex within 3 dates. Rather judgemental of you.

I wasn't aware that there is a direct correlation between time to have sex with another person and that persons "moral" level. So please, educate us. What exactly is the "moral" time frame?

STD's: Where exactly do you get the notion that having sex "later" somehow means the person you have sex with doesn't have an STD?

In case you were not aware, if a person has an STD, you can get it if you have sex with them on the first date or the 1000th.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 63
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/7/2008 7:17:28 AM

The christian society has taught women and men that it is wrong to have sex for the sake of sex, that they have no morals or self control, etc. They have decided that it's not "moral" to have wild sex even with someone you know and trust.


For those who disdain christianity like it's some kind of moral evil itself because it has beliefs some don't agree with themselves...I should like to point out that though christianity( and almost all major religions) have moral codes, or beliefs..they are often founded on things like common sense, biology, genetics, community standards, etc ,as fishbill pointed out.

Even taking the religious aspect out of the equation..there are very good practical reasons for those codes. And though one is free to believe any code they wish, blaming religion for misleading people about the value of sex or monogamy, is disingenuous at best. Religions reflect the moral codes of history or majority..everyone is not obligated to agree or follow. However, this doesn't make that position less valid, or less reasonable. Religions haven't convinced anyone of anything, those who follow a religion do so because they agree with its tenets. Rules, laws, moral values, etc.

When I was youung, my moral codes were instilled primarily from parents, who did also have a strong faith. And I believed because they did, and they were good people. Now that I'm older, I find that my belief and moral system is based more on what I have come to find works best, makes the most sense, and feels the best for me. Feels the most "right". It has become more instinctual than caused by any compulsion to follow anyone elses assertions.

One can have a personal moral code (like believing sex has a higher purpose than fun) and have reached that conclusion independently of societal pressures of any kind. Just a product of learning as one ages. Personally, I feel some societal pressures lately in the oppostie direction....that one is old fashioned, unenlightened, a religious fanatic, or rigid if one doesn't feel comfortable with the new age of sexual gratification at all costs. I admit to being dismayed at the turn things have taken..

Sorry , OP, if that got a bit off topic..responding to a couple of others things posted...
 C. Hanson
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 65
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/7/2008 12:50:42 PM
I do not have time to sit and read each and every post made in this thread, I am a very busy person. However, I did feel the need to step in and post a comment to the original question which is " Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?".
I feel as though the answer is very simple. Wait untill you are married to get busy thinking about sexual relations with your partner. Perhaps there would not be such a demand for Public Assistance if folks stopped havinf children outside of marriage.
Lots of luck to you !
Chris
 contrary110
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 68
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/10/2008 8:16:54 PM
T o Chris Hanson,
Not sure if it's my business or not, but you kind of opened the door. So are you a 48 year old virgin? You list yourself as single and say you are advocating waiting til marriage for sex. Am I reading this correctly?
 tam879
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 69
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/10/2008 8:33:43 PM
It took about 10 dates before we had sex and I think it was very good. Yes, I`ll remember it always.
 contrary110
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 70
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/11/2008 5:04:40 PM
What happened to Chris Hanson the 48 year old virgin, news reporter? I wish I would have emailed him. Is there any chance he was a reporter?
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 71
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/13/2008 2:49:30 PM
Wait until it feels right to BOTH of you..
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