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Joined: 3/29/2007
Msg: 2
why do men think they can use women for sex?Page 1 of 51    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
I agree that what he did was lame, but you made the decision to have sex with him. When that happens before you know each other, it just gets weird after . And I have been on the receiving end of this as well have a lot of guys-it's actually well document, that I wont go into now.

Bottom line, I dont think it's good for anyone looking an LTR. Don't do it.
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 4
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 9:58:25 PM
You control who's bed you end up in so stop blaming men, face the facts, and learn how to control yourself. Why did you go to his house much less his bedroom on a first date? How much did you learn about him sitting in a movie?

This is not his problem, but yours so take the responsibility for it. I hope you learned a lesson about how not to get into situation. Now go get a STD test.

He is a jerk and you didn't take the time to learn that before you hit the sack. I think you learned what his #1 priority was and now he has moved on. We are not all like this!

Ladies please give her a top 10 of what not to do!
Joined: 2/22/2008
Msg: 6
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 10:04:10 PM
Please don't use the word 'men' unless he wasn't the only man you were dating at the same time.

You emailed him? Thanks to the invention of telephone. Couldn't you call him?

First of all, put your acts together... Don't live in the lala land... He is not your boyfriend, you had sex with him, even though you made it clear that you are not looking for an intimate encounter. If you slept with him on the first date yes it is your fault.

It is clear that you need to first find out what it is that you are looking for and then move according to the plan...
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 8
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 10:11:47 PM
I'll add him to my list of crud to sweep into the fire next time I see him. Sex is not something that is taken lightly by me, I am not one to even think about it in a relationship unless I have asked the female to marry me, and even then only until later in the marriage bed. All the times I have had sex out of wedlock I have had more than a "slam blam see you never again" relationship with the female.

He has done this before and likely will do it again.

Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 10
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 10:16:02 PM
Sounds as though you may have found some of that "explosive chemistry" that you profess to be looking for. I'm not justifying his actions, or the fact that he screwed you and then somehow lost your number . . . . . but the flip side of THAT coin is . . . . it takes TWO to Tango, honey. And if you hadn't WANTED to "end up in bed" . . . . you probably wouldn't have.

Everybody always wants to blame it all on the guy . . . . . I will admit, there are more than enough of these dirt bags out there, behaving exactly the way you have described. And sadly it is those dirt bags who give guys in general a bad name, thus making it even more difficult for us QUALITY MEN (the minority, apparently . . . and at a disadvantage, as well) to find a decent woman. SOME of us really ARE looking for a serious, quality, and committed relationship. But . . . women continue to go for the asswipes . . . . they get screwed over, it leaves a bad taste in their mouth, and Womankind continues to whine about how "all guys are jerks" . . . . and the wheel rolls on.
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 11
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 10:17:54 PM
Dear Vixenette:

First: it's very courageous of you to post it here. Oh, a lot of moralists will throw stones at you and say "Why did you sleep with him?"

Well, I'll certainly not ask you any foolish questions, or criticize you. I know why you did it - because your body has needs. Sexual needs. There is no shame in having them, or in satisfying them. But when you do, you put yourself in risk of being hurt emotionally.

Does if feel yucky when a man whom you slept with, a man whom you liked a lot, a man who acted like he was going to stay with you for a while just start ignoring you? Well, it does – unless you learn to think about it from a different perspective.

(By the way, it feels nowhere near as yucky as being stuck in a marriage with a man whom you came to loath. Nothing worse than being married to a man who doesn’t satisfy you, and yet you owe him fidelity! But I digress – let me go back to our subject…)

Let’s face it: a good old double standard is still alive and well. A man tells you all the nice things you want to hear, but in his heart of hearts, he despises you for sleeping with him too soon. So, what do you do? Put breaks on your own sexuality? Wait until third, fifth, or twentieth date to go to bed?

No. Doing so would mean lowering you head and tacitly accepting a perpetuating that old double-standard morality. Don’t lower your head. Be proud, and don’t deny yourself our own desires. Keep going on dates, and when you feel like sleeping with a guy – go ahead and sleep with him. And if he dumps you after that – than you have accomplished two things:

1. You discovered that he double standard in his head, that macho sterotype of dividing women into “madonnas” and “whores” – which means you wouldn’t want him long term anyway.

2. And you still get your sexual desire satisfied!

Trust me, there are guys out there who respect a woman more, not less, for knowing what she wants and going after it. Keep looking, and you’ll find one of them.

Best of luck to you, and may the Spirit of the Universe bless you.
Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 12
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 10:35:49 PM
I agree with Libra up there...very well-put!! Love, Titus
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 13
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 10:58:23 PM
Seems to me, it wasn't the man that used this OP woman for sex.

She made a decision, and now must accept responsibility.

You had no promise, no agreement and no relationship, so you can not expect to reap the rewards of something you do not have.

If you want better, then do better.

ps Quit blaming MEN !
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 14
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 11:08:54 PM
Ummm... you both decided to have sex didn't you?

During the movie we started kissing and one thing lead to another. We ended up in bed.

You had the opportunity for it to go no further, but you ended up sleeping with a guy you only just met.

And now he doesn't call?

It doesn't just happen to women, it happens plenty of times to men as well, so please call the sisterhood off and accept some of the blame for sleeping with someone you hardly knew.

Maybe also you should have put a little more on your profile about your ideal first date apart from 'anything exciting'. I think that's what you ended up with lol.
Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 15
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 11:27:50 PM
You put yourself in a very vulnerable situatinon. You liked him and wanted him to like you. Even though you knew what you wanted, you couldn't resist him. How sad. Obviously he was only looking for one thing and did not care about anything else. He was dishonest about this intention and pursued you to meet his needs.

Be strong and trust yourself. You don't need to bargan yourself to find a man. There are few but nice men exists. Good luck.
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 16
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 11:36:25 PM
excuse me???? you told him you werent looking for anything serious. Yes, it is your fault for sleeping with him on the first date. Yes, you should expect such treatment. And yes, you are naive. he bought your line, but you couldnt back it up. i dont see you as such a vixen.
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 17
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:58:34 AM
To those that threw stones at our OP, back off a bit. While it does take two to tango in most cases, there is a level of manipulation that can go on in a man's world that does not go on in a woman's world or at least not to the level that men do it. We men have a general desire to walk about and assert that we are alpha males of our domain. I know this I am like this myself. I prowl the streets of my fare city with the eye of a cat and the heart of a lion to take what is mine and make it safe. But I also know that other men who are in "alpha mode" holding the hands of "their girl" will sometimes give me looks that just bleed "back off dude or i'll eat you for lunch" It happens when I am on full auto and just hunting about.

My 3rd wife had her former boyfriend show back up after being gone all the while that I was courting her and the first few months of our marriage, He "took her back from me" as she later told me and was deathly afraid of losing her to me again. I realized this on a level that triggered my "Alpha Male Gene" and I started to push his buttons till he took it upon himself to fill her trailer with buds that were geared to kill me, in a dog fight sort of way. I realized it and sat back and began pushing his buttons till he was basically thrown out by her and now she has a new boyfriend, with whom I have also pushed to the brink of him wanting to kill me. It is fine sport for me. I want her to know that I love her enough to get her a male that I approve of not one that is just there for her bed. Both these guys are using my former wife mostly for sex not for anything else. But she was abused most of her life and I had no way of fixing anything that I found with her, just can't do some damage control in a few months, it takes years of TLC.

Men can oft times prey on women and those men if I find them in the lives of my female friends, will sooner or later get my treatment of test of wills. I have had training that most men don't have even inside the Military Complex.

Be extra careful next time you have needs that you have to fill with a man's help.
Seek solace in taking time next time in that maybe you can advoid the pit falls of males just hunting for more alpha male status in the pack.

Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 19
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 1:37:21 AM
yes, that's a horrible thing for someone to do to either sex, but women are the gate keepers of sexual intercoarse.

quote from joe rogan,

"a women says i'm horny, who wants to have sex 90% if not all of the guys in the room will most likely raise their hand, the same is not true if a man does it."

but as for him totally ignoring you afterwards it's a very poor decision for one to make on either side of the sexes imo.

as much fun as sex can be it's not needed except to propagate the species which i would assume everyone intends to choose carefully about who they choose to have babies with.
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 20
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 1:54:14 AM
Why do men think they can use women for sex?
Hey, you may have been using him for sex? If he wasnt any good in bed or was small and you didnt want to see him again and ignored his calls or emails he may have been writing this question.

Look we have all made mistakes in the past, but come on, you know better than sleeping with someone that soon if you want to build a relationship. Sex short circuits the relationship, you really need to get to know someone, be friends establish all sorts of things, and it seems people try to do it backwards.

I really feel that you were not that interested in him and thought "what the hey", and went for it, now you feel weird, he probably felt weird too, he probably felt weak, and embarassed so he felt it was easier to just deny it and move on.

Dont take it personally, just be careful, dont do that to yourself again, have more respect for yourself, because if you do build a relationship with a man, you sure dont want it starting off with you sleeping with each other on the first night. I am sure you wont ever do that again, dont feel bad, he was just scared... and you do ask if it is your fault for sleeping with him on the first date, you know the answer... and it happens to alot of women, once... it usually only takes once to get "that" feeling, then you become a little less "what the hey".. and unless all you want is sex, start off doing something more active, like bike riding, or meet up with a group of friends.. BBQ or something.. Good luck, and I am sorry it happened, but now you never have to have it happen again, Best of luck!!!

Joined: 2/2/2007
Msg: 21
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 2:04:11 AM
Dont have sexual remorse because you went to bed with him. He wont talk to you, now. Maybe, just maybe, he would have done that anyway.Yeah you met a jerkoff,move on
Joined: 6/11/2007
Msg: 22
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 2:38:12 AM
he's a putz for not even talking to you after. Even if you're the biggest skank in town if he's gonna hustle you to bed as quick as he can he ought to at least be man enough to talk to you after, even if that's all he wanted in the first place and he doesn't want anything more to do with you , he should say thank you at the very least
Joined: 12/20/2007
Msg: 23
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 3:52:39 AM
I don't understand why he is a jerk, or in the wrong, you both had sex, he is not interested you dont need a phone call to back that up ......

you both made a mistake, Men and women assume to much about each other

Your both equaly to blame and have both learnt something about yourselves.

You were not used, if he was using you he would keep coming back for more, and make up lies and excuses for as long as he could to keep getting sex, their are so many reasons why you havent heard from him and it is probably not all about you.

you dont know him and that is the problem, you just dont knwo enough abou thim to make the assumption.

Be in controll and stop being a victim, don't get into that situation so soon without setting the boundaries up loudly and clearly.

Live and learn, not live and blame
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 24
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 3:56:53 AM
I have seen other posters blaming the OP because she chose to have sex with the man. Well, he also chose to have sex with her too, but you don't see her giving him the silent treatment because of it. Stop with the double standard. The guy is a jerk. Whether or not sex is involved is not the issue, the fact that the man took the coward's way out is the issue. Just disappearing on someone is cruel and heartless. I had a guy do that to me after meeting, no sex involved. I called him after I had not heard from him in several days just to confirm what I was feeling, and he told me it was the distance. If that was true, then he should have not bothered to contact me, or at least told me at the time we met face to face. He made some excuses which I could see through...I knew we would never talk again even though he asked me if I wanted to try to work around the distance. For some men, the distance we had between us would have been nothing. I knew I didn't want to see him again anyway...any person who would take the coward's way out is not the kind of person I would want to know.
Joined: 12/20/2007
Msg: 25
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 4:10:07 AM
Emotionally clingy people who have expectations from people they hardly know are scary, don't you sense the lack of chemistry, it kind of means if you contact someone like you you are now obligated and stuck to deal with the person and actually now have a debt to them.

You frighten them off with your attitude and neediness and expectations, most of us can work it out in the first five minutes, and I suppose you would consider it rude if someone got up and walked out after three minutes, but why do people have to waste the time, cant you accept that we are looking and want to keep looking , not all of us will settel for the person to contact us, and certainly dont want to feel obligated, or be put itn thepositon to have to be blunt with obvious emotional train wrecks
Joined: 12/20/2007
Msg: 26
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 4:12:42 AM
You wold be offended if he told yout he truth, and get offended when you get an excuse, the fact is the fact, not interested and the best way to deal with that is to not make any further contact, because this post proves their is no point, you dont get it.....
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 27
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 4:16:41 AM
The OP told HIM she wasnt looking for anything serious. So he was casual about it, not calling.
 ~*Angel Eyes*~
Joined: 2/17/2008
Msg: 28
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 4:51:25 AM
To answer the subject of this use women for sex because women LET THEM. Plain and simple.
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 29
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 5:05:34 AM
there was a man who advertize hes wear so everyone can see he was memt for then he cons so fast and as you see he wasnot the man for me he used my child to get to me he said he was my friend and then as soon as he could see the way away from me he took it as you can see he wanted no pArt of me when all he want was the sex and coned me to get it as gullable as me why did i fall why did i care as i thought he was the one for me he disrespected me he f me in front of the open door so everyone to see he said he was my friend and he wasnt to be he just used me like a dirty rage and when he was finished wiyh me he frew me away he could ben honet told the truth instead he lied to get to me it makes it when there are men on here like then it makes it hard for the the reast of the genuine one out there im not being spifull or mean im just telling the truth so if you want to be treated like that then go see whats its like yiou will soon wake up and see he is not ment for you and so beware out there to thee as theres a scammer waitintg to thee he profle name is L.T.P
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 31
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 5:46:49 AM
I cant believe all these OUTRAGED MORALISTS tearing strips off you !!!!
Like none of them have ever made a mistake & regretted it later................?????????
Even if he never wanted to see you again,he could've said "Thanks" to you,too.
It wouldn't have killed him,
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 32
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 6:02:39 AM
Why should you be mad at him? You chose to change your policy about 'no one night stands' after a few kisses and him being a normal male was more than happy to comply with your new found enlightenment. You just expect something more from someone you had sex with whereas he treated it as casually as it appeared to be.

PS: Why would you state your policy in a phone call? It's the same as people that post a 'No Soliciting' sign on their front door. Most salesmen regard that as an easy mark that can't say no. Why didn't you insist on a few real dates before inviting him to your home? Meet men at restaurants, movies, parties etc drive yourself, do not drink more than one or two have some good conversation and become friends. Think safety and get to know someone before you bring them in. If you are really not into one night stands then don't set yourself up to be one.
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