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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How long does it take men to fall in love?      Home login  
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 silversurfer4u
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 3
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How long does it take men to fall in love?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
There isn't a magic timetable for men or woman to fall in love. The term "love" is often used loosely and not to be confused with lust. It can happen at any given moment. Of course not within weeks etc...
 Neutron_Star
Joined: 8/9/2007
Msg: 5
How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 3/12/2008 2:42:06 PM
I've never fallen in love, so I have no idea.

I know my brother fell in love on his first date with his wife.
 satx78218
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 7
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How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 3/12/2008 3:32:48 PM
"take longer than 6 months to fall in love"

The initial infatuation/make-babies phase should go pretty quick, like instantaneous or soon after. But that's not love, just erotic infatuation.

6 months, assuming seeing each other once/week or more, otta be enough for anybody to learn enough about the other person and how they interact with each other. If somebody still doesn't know the score after 6 months, that's grounds for doubts.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 11
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How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 3/12/2008 4:10:12 PM
Ideally falling in love is a process that never ends because one day you look around, see that the SO has changed and fall in love all over again.

Six months, someone should feel something more than extreme like, at least that they are falling or that they do love you. That said, there is no timeline on love. Sometimes people do not allow it to happen for whatever reason or deny it but it usually happens or it doesn't. I think there are very rare instances when someone doesn't seem to notice they have fallen for someone they have known forever just as there are a few cases of love at first sight.

I have a question for the OP. I was watching an interview with the He's Not That Into You author. The question from an audience member was if there was a timeline on sleeping with someone. He replied that there was not a timeline but if you slept with the guy before he decided he had fallen for you, he would be distracted by the sex and probably never would.

Now, I don't know what you did when or if you did with this guy but OP, do you think it is possible that you thought he was feeling what you were and felt it was time and that he might not have been emotionally there yet and you inadvertently short-circuited this process (probably not the right word, process, but what is falling in love?)
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 13
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How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 3/12/2008 4:41:35 PM
OP: "But in my last relationship I was with a fella for 6 months and he had still not decided if he was in love with me. In the end I found his reluctance to 'fall' really destructive and ended the relationship before getting too involved and hurt."

^^^"do you think it is possible that you thought he was feeling what you were and felt it was time and that he might not have been emotionally there yet and you inadvertently short-circuited this process"

packagedeal, I'm amazed at how often I'll be reading a thread...develop opinions and/or advice and then come to something you write and go, "mmm hmm, just what I was thinking, or going to write."

Op, based on your post, I have to ask a question or two....you wrote, "he had still not decided if he was in love with me." So, you asked him if he was in love with you and he said what? Well, I'll leave it at that until you respond and then go from there...


~ds~
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 17
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How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 3/12/2008 5:11:45 PM
Most of my male friend say they knew they were in love and going to marry their wives within a month. I guess that means I'm totally screwed.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 21
How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 3/12/2008 5:39:11 PM
After four months I told him that I thought that I was falling for him. He did not reciprocate.


This happened to me, almost the same way. Me being the one not reciprocating. But this happened at 6 months instead of four. The problem is more complicated than you think. In my case, I had fallen really bad for someone only a couple of month into it and she began to pull away. After something like that some guys become very protective of their emotional being. Me being one of those. So my gf would say, she was falling in Like with me, because I could not tell her that I love her if I didn't. Now take into consideration, if you are a mom, that no matter how a guy feels for you, he has to be rational that you have children. I have not checked your profile, but I will assume since your pen name is SuperMum that you do. In the end it's a package deal, so not only you want to love the mother, but find yourself in a situation where you may love the dynamics. In my case, I didn't have any children from my previous marriage, so all these things were new to me. It did create some friction because I have the life of the bachelor and she's a full time mom. So I had to learn and adjust, and do reality checks of how I felt about her. The problem is this, when she tried to make me commit, I pulled away. When she let go, I arrived little by little at a place of bliss, until one day I told her that I loved her. For me, 8 months.
So weight that question in context and realize that the implications are larger than just the two of you. Also realize that some men, because of previous relationships may be emotionally unavailable and would take some time for their hearts to thaw out. Now, that doesn't mean still being hung up about some ex, but simply having that protective wall.
My advice. Break up with him. See how he responds. It's a huge gamble, but how else are you going to find out. In my case, yes she broke up with me. I felt miserable. Could not concentrate at work. And had constant flash backs to things she did. Then developed this odd sense of anxiety, very perplexing. We got back together. It feels really awesome.

I hope this helps.
 x_file
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 24
How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 3/12/2008 10:20:31 PM


How long does it take men to fall in love?


Distance, speed and time are related. Love and time are not! I feel sorry for the person who thinks, "It has been 6 months, therefore I am in love". It's obvious that someone can fall in love in a second, or it might take a decade. I think attitude, rather than time, is a better indicator of how quickly one might fall in love, if at all.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 30
How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 3/13/2008 7:26:32 AM

Thanks for the responses, they have been really helpful, especially Outmind. It is good to get a man's perspecive on this. So thank you everyone.


Thanks hon, glad I could help.
 heaight
Joined: 9/6/2007
Msg: 33
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How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 3/13/2008 12:42:18 PM
anybody can fall in love with someone, i fell in love with this canadian girl i met a while ago our first time she came down and met me in person(we talked monthes before doing this), and ended up spending the weekend in a hotel. i knew after the first hour i was so into her. however, to love, and to be in love are two different things, for me, to love id have to fully be able to trust the person, just to fall in love is easy, ive done that with girls ive never even talked to on the street. so, the girl ended up telling me she loved me shortly after she got back, i didnt answer it, for one it wasnt mutual, and for 2 i knew she didnt know the difference.
if a guy is capable to love withing a short period of time and its genuine, thas very good for them, for me it could take 6 monthes to love, maybe longer, but for me itll never be shorter. and if i was with a chick who was pressuring me to feel, that for her, and she cant just be with me id leave her.
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 35
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How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 3/13/2008 2:01:19 PM
I think that 'txriverwillow' summed it up nicely.
Fear of commitment could send out various signals, and no wonder that some seem to be in love, yet would not "move the world for the loved one".
"Love hurts..." by Rod Stewart comes to my mind ...
 Dovelett
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 44
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How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 3/16/2008 2:21:37 PM
That question is like asking. . . What is love? Everyone has a different answer. I believe most men and women have it in our subconscious minds what we really want in a partner. What makes us happy and we can't wait to be with that person again. Some have no idea what love is and refuse to say those words in fear of hurting another. Sometimes it happens right away and other times it just isn't there. For what ever the reason one hangs on sometimes because it is easier than starting over. The word LOVE is serious to some and others love could mean I love to have sex but if I have to say I love you also. Wow.... I need to rethink this over. Some want to sure. I think sometimes it is how and what some have seen or heard while being raised and what their parents expressed towards each other. Some men think love is lust. Some men fall easily as does women. A friend of mine dated another friend of mine and it took a long time for him to say those words to her because he liked her at first but wasn't head of heels until he really got to know her.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 53
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How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 3/16/2008 8:08:55 PM
"SuperMum" there is a thread from a guy going on right now with almost the same question as your's... maybe you'll get some insight from it as well.

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts9545004.aspx

Best ~Wishes~ to you both!
 Mr Bain
Joined: 12/6/2004
Msg: 54
How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 3/16/2008 9:11:14 PM
What women don't know is that when men fall in love, they do it very quickly.

If your man doesn't care for you and doesn't treat you well when you are with him, you cannot expect any better from that point onward.

Same goes for women. If you are in a relationship with a woman, and she doesn't love you after a certain point of time, pick up your ball and bat, and go home.
 hayley75
Joined: 9/30/2006
Msg: 60
How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 3/21/2008 7:50:59 AM
i was told a man knows within the first 2 months how he feels, my stepfather fell in love with my mother after 2 months and vise versa,15 years on and still together.
Me on the other hand,very unlucky in love, im a cancerian and wear my heart on my sleave, i know within a few weeks how i feel about a person and if i can see the relashionship developing, ive been with my boyfriend 9 months now, i fell for him pretty quick but ive never told him 'i love him',ive said that 'i love the bones off you' and ive had 'i think the world of you' but no'i love you',are we supposed to wait for the man or should we step up first?when hes with me he acts like he loves me, gazing adoringly,cuddling so tight it cuts off my blood supply,but when were not together its like out of sight out of mind and i get so paranoid,not sure if i should wait another 9 months or just end it like you supermum,if he does love me then he will fight for me.
All the best to all those genuine people out there looking for something special,hope you find it,or it finds you.
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 63
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How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 3/21/2008 8:18:23 AM
In my own experience, men fall pretty quickly, but I am just preparing to be the bridesmaid for my friend who is getting married this summer, and she said it took them about 6 months before they were committed, and they didn't really see each other that much in the beginning, but it all worked out, so I guess it can happen. He was very cautious. She is very patient. I'm not sure that this means he didn't fall for her sooner. But certainly the relationship didn't progress very quickly at first.
 STH III
Joined: 6/5/2008
Msg: 66
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How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 8/21/2008 9:16:57 PM
If you really feel "it" then it happens quickly.
 honestspirit
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 67
How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 8/21/2008 9:19:13 PM
I agree that love doesn't have a timetable. But there has to be a spark to light the fire early on in the relationship. And if he hadn't started to "burn" before 6 months, you did the right thing and moved on before you became to emotionally involved and you would have gotten hurt. Neither do I think that it takes a man longer to fall in love the feeling is just there or it isn't and that goes for women as well as men.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 70
How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 8/21/2008 11:40:33 PM
~OT~ Hmmm. I don't think my exhusband truly ever fell in love with me, or anyone else for that matter. I'm certain today that I wasn't in-love enough to be married to him for as long as we were, but that is ancient history now. Since him? I fell in love the very same moment "he" did, maybe moment number 5, or close to that. It was magical. I don't expect that to happen again, but you never know.
 Westlin
Joined: 1/3/2006
Msg: 80
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How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 8/23/2008 2:25:37 PM
One date, evidently--from several experiences I have had. Of course, some of those also fall out of love very quickly! Love? Nah--lust, yep! LOL
 wisguyingb
Joined: 1/5/2008
Msg: 81
How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 8/23/2008 3:35:38 PM
I've never been in love myself. And to top that I've only had one relationship that lasted around 9 months. Love should not have a "time period" in which the man has to determine he is in love with a woman. I think the man should take his time and get to know the person that he is dating. Find out if they are interested in the same things etc. Common goals and interest's make for a healthy relationship. On another note the men have to figure out if this woman will be unfaithful to him or if she is a gold digger. If she cannot handle that after 6 months he is unsure that he loves her, well then my advise to all the women is to move on.
 Hawkdream
Joined: 11/27/2005
Msg: 85
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How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 8/23/2008 4:40:02 PM
If we aren't spending plenty of time in each other's presence, I'd expect it to take a lot longer (several months, if not a year), to get to know each other enough to be in love with the real, unique person, instead of an illusion we've created for ourself of what we want them to be. If we ARE spending lots of face-time together, it's still going to take several months, for the same reason. I want to know how a person handles difficult situations and difficult people, whether they do the moral thing when nobody's looking. I think we have more control over the love part than we have over the lust, but since we're grownups, we can control how we handle that, as well.
I don't want to love an illusion. I want to love a man, and I want to know he knows what he's getting into, lol, with me, as well. I don't understand how on earth someone can be "in love" with someone whom they know precious little about, other than the packaging. I sure HOPE a man doesn't just fall in love with my packaging, because there's a heck of a lot more to me than the shell I'm walking around in.
 yna6
Joined: 1/21/2007
Msg: 90
How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 8/24/2008 5:10:41 PM
well I've seen all kinds of answers on here...but NOT the right one! the real answer is 3.7 seconds from the get-go! This allows the "wow, I'd do her" typw thoughts to get through the mind, and actually settle on some serious thinking, after the jaw is placed firmly back nto position and the eyes screwed back into their sockets.
Hope that helped!
 We_Design_Our_Lives
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 92
How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 8/25/2008 4:07:56 PM
>> When we were together he treated me lovingly, but I became quite paranoid when we were apart, feeling unloved. So eventually I gave up and caled it quits.

Maybe you confused him...maybe he DID feel love for you but just felt it wasn't the same degree as what you thought it should be so he felt frustrated...guilty.

Ever talk to him about it?....in depth?
 choppy1931
Joined: 8/8/2006
Msg: 96
How long does it take men to fall in love?
Posted: 8/30/2008 5:54:44 AM
You can't decide to fall in love, you can hold back from falling in love though.
I think that was more of what happened, nothing to do with you.
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