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 hoopsmom
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 3
Widowed and looking for long-term relationshipPage 1 of 1    
I would have to totally agree with tpot here. I feel the baggage that comes with a divorcee would far outweigh any baggage of a widower. Often with a divorcee comes bitterness and resentment. With a widower, he is moving on for a complete different reason. And as far as the calling out the name, heck I am sure most of us are guilty of that in some respect.

I am a very close friend to a widower and when he talks about his wife it's so refreshing to hear him speak of her in a kind, loving way vs. a divorcee who can't stand his ex, etc. He loved his wife dearly, but knows he has to move on. If I were to date him, I think I would feel more trust and security knowing that he just didn't fall out of love with her, or he found a newer model, or he was a victim of deceit. Of course, this is my opinion.......

She's right -- you are meeting the wrong kind of woman so far. Do hang in there and don't give up. There is a plan for all of us. Best of luck
 flowerchyld
Joined: 11/5/2006
Msg: 5
Widowed and looking for long-term relationship
Posted: 3/18/2008 4:44:31 PM
I agree with all the posts above for the reasons they stated....
 funloving57
Joined: 2/26/2008
Msg: 7
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widowed and looking for long tem relationship
Posted: 3/21/2008 5:37:48 AM
I don't get it either. I lost my husband of 27 years 5 years ago, and after having a great relationship with him, it makes me want to do it again! I think some people can't relate to what we have gone through, and maybe think we are still hung up on our deceased spouses. And too, maybe they think they might say something or just don't know what to say. Anyway, you POFers need to realize that we are just trying to move on and need that special someone in our lives to help us do that.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 10
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widowed and looking for long tem relationship
Posted: 4/2/2008 8:43:57 AM
I don't understand it unless it was fairly recent. Obviously, those are not the kind of women you want in your life so they are doing you a favor by backing out right away.

That said, I *do* make it a point *not* to mention any former relationships, even in a positive light, in my profile or initial contacts with people. It's a slight turn-off for me when a guy is mentioning his past partners either in his profile or initial emails. Maybe this is what's happening. I want to get to know the person, just them, and not their former partners. I'd hold off mentioning anything about it until at least after the third email exchange and only if there's reason to bring it up. It will come up eventually, it's not like you're hiding it, but bringing up past relationships is a mild turn-off.
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