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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Friends, after a break up???      Home login  
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 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 4
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Friends, after a break up???Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
A few thoughts - first, why are you meeting your ex for coffee when you're each seeing other people? It seems anyone but an ex would be more appropriate to meet casually. Did you both share the plan with your present intimate friends? If not, then I'm afraid there is a flavor of deceit and potential affair here and, yes, that is a difficult situation. I think that is why you are asking this and you know the answer to that - Stay away from anyone you're attracted to if it is not the one you are presently seeing!
By the way, if your present 'friend' is on this site, they probably know now about the situation if they've read your post here, which means you might be free soon after all. But please honor your ex's present relationship. Stay away from him and tell him why you need to do that so he also learns to respect his and your respective relationships.
Like the others said here - remember why you broke up with him and you don't have to act on your feelings - for you know already it is walking into a difficult situation emotionally. Physical attraction is great, but not worth emotional pain, is it? If you really can't stop yourself, then please do the honorable thing and have you both stop seeing your present partners before you meet with each other again. It's playing with fire and you know it if you act in any other way.
By the way, why is your profile so clearly still selling yourself if you are seeing someone?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 9
Friends, after a break up???
Posted: 3/27/2008 9:39:19 AM
If you really worry about your ability to be faithful with your new boy, then don't hang out w/ your ex...just like you wouldn't hang out w/ any other guy who's hot to you.

See? Not difficult at all! :) Its only as complicated as you make it. Of course, no one ever wants to walk away from temptation, we all want the excuse to give in...but we gotta be adults and look at the cost. If its high, then you just walk away, its that easy.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 11
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Friends, after a break up???
Posted: 3/27/2008 10:29:37 AM
It is not different than when you meet someone that is taken. You tell yourself that you are not to have those feelings for the individual and it is sort of like Pavlov's dogs, eventually your body/mind do it without bothering you with conscious thought. You will eventually feel the way you would a brother or cousin.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 13
Friends, after a break up???
Posted: 3/27/2008 3:36:21 PM
I have no desire to remain friends with an ex. I'm final with when it's over, it's over.

Can't help you out with the physical attraction and chemistry thing, never experienced it after a breakup. I don't miss them, pine after them or wish it hadn't ended. I don't end it unless I'm sure, and I don't take kindly to them trying to play the yoyo thing by trying to stay in contact. Doesn't work with me.
 smartn2sexy08
Joined: 1/6/2008
Msg: 18
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Friends, after a break up???
Posted: 3/28/2008 8:50:39 AM
I think it depends on how much feeling I have for soeone if I can remain feriends, and if it was a bad breakup. I am actually friends with most of my exes and talk and hang out with them often. But those breakups were usually because of circumstances and not arguements. I mean I tend to pick guys I would be friends with anyway, so its weird if I wouldnt be friends with them.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 23
Friends, after a break up???
Posted: 3/29/2008 9:57:00 AM
I was actually BEST friends with my ex after we broke up. Yes, we both still had that attraction (and almost acted on it several times, but didn't follow through). We both are both strange and intelligent, so what's not to like about each other? His soon-to-be-wife is also intelligent, so I have lost my friend. He's not allowed to talk to me any more. I have not been invited to the wedding. She is not NEARLY as much fun as I am.
 laudessence
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 25
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Friends, after a break up???
Posted: 3/29/2008 10:16:45 PM
There are very few ex partners that are not my friend... there was something that was attractive and respectful about that person - just becuase we found as partners it did not work it does not mean I do not enjoy knowing them.

If the relationship ended on a sour note - then feelings are heightened and hurt - then it is hard to overcome and be friends, but if they were your friend and lover, then what is the problem with just dropping one of the contacts. You have not committed anything against each other - one of you has simply stated this is not where you want to be.

No harm in this world to be pleasant and friendly to those we know... to me it is the fibre of life, just shows you are able to honour the other person in their space.

Shana
 chevygirlinal
Joined: 9/17/2006
Msg: 30
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Friends, after a break up???
Posted: 4/3/2008 8:23:01 PM
Eh...the whole "let's be friends" think has never worked for me. Personally....once you're an ex...you're an ex...it didn't work the first time...odds are it won't work again. A couple of my ex's I'm "civil" with...but most of them I have nothing do to with. I do think it's kind of weird tho if you two are seeing other people....that you're "meeting for coffee". If I was both of your significant others....I'd question that all the way. If you two are still attracted to each other I'd say that's no good....if you're supposedly with someone....why have the temptation? And if you really are that easily tempted....stay single....
 aprincelyfrog
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 32
Friends, after a break up???
Posted: 4/7/2008 7:34:43 PM
I am good friend with many of my ex's.

They were good people when I met them and just because things didn't work out between us doesn't mean they are bad people now.

I think it all depends on how honest you were with each other during the relationship and especially during the parting period. Its easy to remain friends when there was total honesty.

I have two women that I am absolutely not friends with... my ex wife and my former fiance. Both violated my trust in ways that can not be repaired (or at least I am not willing to allow them to repair it).

So... it all depends.
 tam879
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 35
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Friends, after a break up???
Posted: 5/3/2008 3:45:24 AM
Friends after a breakup? I thought that I wanted to be friends after my g/f brokeup with me and almost 6 months after that all I can only say is that, that would most definitely be impossible. Why? B/c of my feelings of anger towards her. I mean after screaming and yelling at myself for 4 or 5 months for being such an idiot in letting someone like my ex g/f slip away from me. She`s the one who brokeup with me and yet I will blame myself forever to this day. We had a good relationship no problems but I guess I just wasn`t very committing to her. I don`t know?
I remember saying to her can we still be friends and she said "I don`t think it would be realistic for us to be friends". I still was in a shock about the breakup and nothing had registered in my head about the breakup. I was so naive.
So, in short I don`t see me and my ex g/f being friends b/c of the emotions (she had mentioned that too)and I know that going by her place would most certainly not help me. I would hurt more now if I saw someone else`s car in her driveway. My sister lives close by and I find it difficult to go visiting my nephews now. To many memories and just in case we cross paths that would hurt me more. I live in the east of the city and she lives in the west. Lots of space between us now.
 deletedpost
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 37
Friends, after a break up???
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:22:23 PM
Personally, I have always considered ex's to be friends.. except for the ones that self destructed on me during the relationship or breakup.
 cowtrucker
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 44
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Friends, after a break up???
Posted: 5/18/2008 3:40:54 PM
In time the attraction fades, and as long as you didn't burn a bridge, two people who previously dated, can still remain friends. Don't rush it, just let time heal things...

CowTrucker
Chapman, Kansas
 ExecutiveBiker
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 48
Friends, after a break up???
Posted: 8/5/2008 8:44:55 AM
I am fairly close and friendly with several exes - just not physically close or intimate.
Life is indeed too short and all we have is each moment so smile smile smile!
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