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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?      Home login  
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 LoneWolfEnters
Joined: 8/17/2007
Msg: 1
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
The question really is in the subject but it is a little more complex than that. I've been into meeting people from the internet for 20 years now (yes, since the old 300 baud Compusuck days) and its only recently, over the last 5 or so years that I've noticed that people can restrict who contacts them. In the past it was pretty wide open, almost like the "Wild West of Dating". Then came psycho blocking, which we can all agree is a GOOD THING! Yes, everyone attracts their fair share of psychos or belligerent people who just don't know how to take a frelling hint and they need to be blocked but this is different.

Nowadays I've noticed some disturbing patterns in some of the changes. From just blocking those types in the paragraph above to blocking what appears to be almost 90 percent of anyone who might be interested in them. What I see are these "mail restrictions" on peoples profiles that sometimes number up to 10 or more!!! Age restrictions, whether they want intimate, hang out, dating or long-term relationships, no smoking, no drugs, married people and on and on. It seems we're able to block anyone except for air-breathers and people with disabilities but I wouldn't be surprised to see it happen. (Yeah, that is a joke. Almost.)

Now I know we all have our "types" of person that we're looking for. The type of person you like is probably completely different from the person even your best friend would choose. Qualities you're looking for in a person, qualities you have to offer that person and things you're willing and not willing to put up with. For example ex-smokers are usually (not always but the majority of them) can't handle being around cigarette smoke. Understandable since smoking is an addiction and being around it would be like handing a rock and pipe to an ex-crackhead. Types, we all have our types...

Here is the crux of the matter though. We may have our certain "types" but I've learned some important things over the years, which is why I've posted this question. In almost all relationships we never find 100 percent of the qualities we're looking for in one single person. Even our most loving relationships, where you may feel that you're connected on mental, emotional and physical levels there are still differences there. Sometimes our differences compliment each other and sometimes they don't but we never really know till we meet and are fully engaged in each other. Some non-complimentary differences can be handled too. One good example I can make is with one of my own personal habits. For now I smoke tobacco. Sure, its all natural and sure I plan to quit one day for reasons I already know, but its there as a habit. Something I've always listed on my profiles honestly and up front, along with other stats or habits and such. These are the things we are supposed to do on our profiles to "put ourselves out there". Also in the past though I've dated or had relationships mostly with non-smokers. Some didn't mind it and I would be able to smoke around them but some DID mind it. So as the considerate man that I am I wouldn't smoke around them. I would either go into the bathroom or step outside which they found acceptable. I would even go to the extent of making sure to stand downwind of them outside when smoking so that it wouldn't go in their direction, which they found sweet and touching. My point here is that these women would not have usually dated a smoker but since there weren't any restrictions on emailing or contacting, we we're able to contact each other and enjoy the times we spent together.

So back to the original question, do you think that having too many restrictions hinders our dating possibilities? Do you sometimes look at a persons profile with a lot of restrictions and go "Get Real!"? Do you see a lot of people you would love to contact except for one small thing restricting you? I guess a question I would ask of those who have a LOT of restrictions on their profile would be, if you're not willing to compromise from the beginning do you really think that you'll be able to find a relationship that will work? So please, pipe in on this and let everyone know what your opinions are.
 hacmapky
Joined: 6/6/2007
Msg: 2
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 3/29/2008 4:19:12 AM
Excellent question. Personally, I've left my profile wide open so that I can be contacted for whatever reason. Maybe there is an interest listed that someone has a comment to share with me. Then again, maybe not. I like finding profiles that share something common, but then I am disappointed to scroll down and find restrictions that prevent me from initiating contact. Granted, we're not talking do or die here, but it wouldn't hurt to loosen things up in the world of restrictions and filters. Onward and upward fellow fish.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 3
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 3/29/2008 4:40:42 AM
Well Lone, since you state that you've been online since the early days (300 baud modem) then surely you must also know that the average IQ of people online has taken a dramatic decline in the last 20 yrs. Now every Bozo who can find someone to turn the computer on for them is online looking for love. I say that we need to increase our restrictions, not lower them! How annoying is it when you're trying to pay your bills, or check stock prices, or read the news and some idiot keeps messaging you; when you tell them that you're busy...they tell you if you don't wanna have cybersex with them then you should get off the cybersex machine?!!!! (Which is all a computer is to many people)

I think that restrictions may decrease the NUMBER of people you're talking to, but that they're not people you would want to talk to anyway! Try to concentrate more on the quality of the people you're talking to...and not the quantity!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 4
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 3/29/2008 7:28:34 AM
Yes I do, however I think the people that most are trying to narrow out of their search is intentional.

Some don't care if if narrows their search, and some aren't aware it does to a large extent.
 northeast25
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 5
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 3/29/2008 7:48:38 AM
People are entitled to have any type or amount of dealbreakers / requirements on their profile even if these requirements / dealbreakers are unrealistic or very rigid such as having a very small age range. However they could be missing out on a good match because of that. Also when I was looking for a date, I would usually avoid any woman who had a long list of requirements / dealbreakers even if I matched every thing she was looking for. If a person is that picky about they might date, then they could be very picky about other things. People who are very picky are often hard to please. They have to find something wrong with almost anything.
 jf468
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 6
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 3/29/2008 9:01:33 AM
Yes it does. I don't think a person should talk to someone who is the complete opposite of what they are looking for. However there is no harm to talking to someone who may be somewhat different than your usual type. Worse case scenario is that there is no connection and you move on.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 7
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 3/29/2008 9:26:52 AM
^^^ Very well put, str8ahd.

If a man wants to meet a woman 40-50, I have no right to tell him he has to talk to me at 39. He doesn't care about 39! If he did, he'd NOT have that restriction. If he wants a blonde that's under 5'5", that's his choice. No matter how much I think he'd like me, I'd be annoying to message the guy and try to convince him otherwise.

If I want athletic - I don't want someone who isn't in shape to tell me I should make an exception. If I like 25-45 for an age window, I don't care if you're a young 50, or a mature 20 year old. If I did, I'd mention it. Not rocket science.

I agree that those who place restrictions do so because they choose to and others should respect it...and I also notice those who do don't care as much as everyone else seems to.
 ~breathlesshush~
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 8
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 3/29/2008 9:36:25 AM
I love it when someone contacts me that I wouldn't be able to contact, due to their restrictions...

I have restrictions on my profile, but mostly the usual: must not be looking for, HO, IE, do drugs, etc..

But I also have an age restriction...and this is because I was being contacted by a LOT of guys over 50, with whom I just don't feel compatible with..nor am I generally attracted to them, it's personal preference I suppose.

Now, one of the things I DON'T have is a distance requirement..some of my best online friends live half-way around the world..I have made friends from Alabama, Australia, and even a wonderful guy who lives in Dubai (didn't meet him on POF though). Clearly these are not people I will probably ever meet, but I feel as though my life has been enriched for having "known" them - as much as one can know someone online...

I did meet a fellow from Vancouver, on another site, and he actually flew in to see me (Van is about 1000 miles from me), and it was a wonderful experience...

Now if I could only convince the one from Dubai to stop by..

Perhaps I am being to picky, I don't know. I recently met a great guy from here, but once again, there's a bit of a distance factor..only a couple hours this time though. Whether or not anything will come of it remains to be seen...
 northeast25
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 9
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 3/29/2008 9:49:25 AM
Of course, there is also the "won't settle" crowd whose restrictions are so tight, nobody in the world could ever get by them all. Those people tend not to whine or complain about not getting anywhere, though, so it's still nobody else's business.


I don't completely agree with this especially the bold part. A fair amount of women will complain about not finding dates. But when I look at their profiles, they will often have a lot of restrictions or a long list of requirements that eliminate most men. The few men who do meet these requirements are often taken, unavailable, or aren't interested in these women. Like I mentioned earlier, people are entitled to have any requirements or dealbreakers they want on their profile. But when they complain about not finding dates on a forum, then I am also entitled to state that having unrealistic expectations might be a reason why they aren't getting any dates. BTW I realize what I'm saying also applies to some men as well.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 10
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 3/29/2008 9:51:26 AM
str8 & betty

Perfect,,,
I write in my profile, I'm not interested in anyone who I could be there father,, yet I do not restrict age in my mail setting, Yet some try and convince me other wise,, I don't get annoyed by that,, Because I leave the age setting open,, just in case,, a woman, let say 32, contacts me.. and I find her to be at a maturity level that I'm attracted to,, among other traits,,

What I think about the distance,, I believe that system is flawed,, even though I'm not looking for long distance,, I know of some woman who are on here who live local, But I can't contact them for that reason only,, no biggie,, that is why I leave distance open..they just may find me,,,

I do agree with preferences,, and who and what we are looking for, and for me to try and convince someone otherwise is foolish,,
 hb111
Joined: 12/6/2007
Msg: 11
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 3/29/2008 10:17:44 AM
I agree that those who place restrictions do so because they choose to and others should respect it...


People are allowed to have any type of restrictions or dealbreakers they want. However it doesn't always mean that I have to respect it. For example I wouldn't respect a dealbreaker or restriction that is based on some false stereotype or generalization.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 12
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 3/29/2008 10:28:49 AM

People are allowed to have any type of restrictions or dealbreakers they want. However it doesn't always mean that I have to respect it. For example I wouldn't respect a dealbreaker or restriction that is based on some false stereotype or generalization.

By "respect it" I mean - "don't message me and ignore/challenge it"

If it's unreasonable, that's their problem. You don't have to respect it as a person, but you really don't have a right to go around it and either convince them you're a shining example of how it's not true, or trying to get them into a verbal debate because you don't agree with it.

If you don't respect it, but silently move on to another profile, that's perfectly fine.
 hb111
Joined: 12/6/2007
Msg: 13
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 3/29/2008 10:45:38 AM
By "respect it" I mean - "don't message me and ignore/challenge it"
If it's unreasonable, that's their problem. You don't have to respect it as a person, but you really don't have a right to go around it and either convince them you're a shining example of how it's not true, or trying to get them into a verbal debate because you don't agree with it.
If you don't respect it, but silently move on to another profile, that's perfectly fine.


I wouldn't say anything to that person about their restrictions, requirements, or their dealbreakers unless they wanted a profile review or they specifically asked why they weren't having any success getting dates on the forums.
 Adam 4 Coffee
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 14
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 3/30/2008 1:31:58 AM
i totally agree with you. being able to block people who are married or phychos who won;t leave tyou alone is great but people with too many restrictions are missing out. I found this great girl not too far away but I canniot contact her becuase anyone over the age of 25 is not allowed to message her. I am 27 years old I am not some dirty old man. She is 22 years old. A 5 year diffenernce. This is BS and we mis an oppurtunity. I also have met many women who discrimminate agianst us short guys. they want a guy who is 5'10 or larger. And some of these women are my height or actually shorter. I don;t think people should be so discrimminating. I understand barring someone who smokes or does drug or is married form contacting you. But not talking to somone who is a little bit older or not talkign to someone ebcuase of their height is stupid. that;s like me blocking women who are overweight. You know people put their height on the sight but they don;t put their weight. I am an open and honest person and I think people should be honest with eachother. Theny ou see these pictures and when you meet them in person they were hiding this huge pot belly. Its just awful. And if I saw that Belly In the picturees Iw ould ahve probably been more inclined to meet the person and not turned off becuase I would ahve been expecting that.

Its like meeting someone and finding out they have a "Googie" on their face. Some kind of weird growth or blemmish that looks disgusting. We callthemt he facespace angles. When someone takes apciture from a certain angle that hides anything negative about the person. They look decent but when you see them in peson they got bad teeth, a pot belly, hairy arms, or thinning hair. I am talking about women but it could go either way.
 LoneWolfEnters
Joined: 8/17/2007
Msg: 15
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 3/30/2008 1:50:13 AM
Wow!!! What a varied amount of replies and thank you to everyone! Anyone else want to chip in on this? I did read through them all and everyone made some good points too! I will note here, this isn't about forcing people to do this or to do that. Everyone deserves the freedom of choice, its what our country is all about. I did try to reply to what each person wrote but got to a point and realized I need to get to bed, the screen is going all wiggly on me and it isn't the computer. Again thanks to everyone and I can't wait to see what else gets posted!!!

rowdysheis~ Yup, you got it! And congratulations too!!! I'm glad he didn't have too many either, just for you!

Trailsman5~ You know, those are some GREAT suggestions for restrictions! Better than what I see out there now. As for the smoking bit, some claim (and I believe them) that even when we don't smoke, it can be smelled on us by some. I say 'by some' because many people are more nasically sensitive than others. True, I can quit smoking for one night too! LOL!

hacmapky~ Thank you! Very nice comment. You know, I've felt that disappointment so much that scrolling down to the restrictions is the FIRST thing I do. If I'm one of the restricted then I don't even bother reading their profile... Its a shame I know but I would be wasting hours on here reading profiles that I wouldn't be able to act upon.

GrandmaBooBoo~ I think you named part of the problem in a nutshell about the IQ's. I can't say I agree with you on having more restrictions though. If someone is being a pest then block them but having even more restrictions will just restrict us even more imho. As for quality vs. quantity, its the qualities I'm talking about. Some I've seen have GREAT qualities but are too restrictive... Great point on the IQ's and increased accessibility though!

HDynasty81~ You know, I took a look and have to agree with V. Leigh. If you're never going to meet them but just chat or email then why would you care if they smoke? Or are an alcoholic? You won't ever smell the tobacco or have to hold their hair out of their face when they are puking so.... You are right though, it is all really an experiment but I'll tell you don't give up ok? A lot of emails end up unread/deleted and you can't take it personally or it'll get to you. Just think to yourself that if someone is going to be that rude and thoughtless then you didn't want anything to do with them anyway.

not-for-you~ See and that is a damn shame too isn't it? I do have to say, I peeked at your profile and nearly pee'd myself (yes, I said pee'd) laughing when I saw your "Email Restrictions". If anyone reads down this far I suggest that you take a look at her profile because that last part is a great laugh!!! Nice one!

almondcookie, V. Leigh and gary5252~ Very well said, all of you!

Lola and her Honey~ I can understand having the "must haves" but really, don't you think there is a rational limit? I mean above its mentioned that one saw a profile where she wouldn't date anyone over a year older than she is and to be honest, imo that is just too extreme on the age thing...

dar~ Now THAT I can understand and it does go along with what GrandmaBooBoo said too about people with low IQ's except on the rude end of things. If someone is going to email you then they should be considerate enough to READ the profile first.

uglybetty~ Now that last part is very interesting. I wonder if people are aware of how much it limits it? Be interesting to know just how many are kicked back eh?

northeast25~ Again, well said and I agree. I find it a total turnoff, even if the restrictions don't apply to me at all if there are a lot of them. As for your second post, after re-reading it I think you might be right. The biggest complaint I hear though is "Oh how hard it is to meet a nice guy!" and you know what, I feel like telling them to peel open their eyes, look in front of them and stop dating guys with such good lines of crap about how cool they are. I've played tearful shoulder for too many friends in the past on this one when, if they had gone out with their second choice they probably wouldn't have gotten their heart broken... And no, in those cases I wasn't the second choice, I was in the "friend zone". LOL!

strangerstill and life of leisure~ ROFLMAOPMGO!!! You both forgot about turning into a six pack of beer and a pizza in the morning though!!!

cg789~ Exactly!!! You may have a long list of requirements but you don't block out those who don't fit exactly. You appraise them by their letters maybe? :)

steelcowboy59~ Yes, we are looking for the right person but that right person might just slip under the radar because of us being too picky don't you think?

jf468~ Applause applause applause!!!

str8ahd~ That last sentence I have to agree with but for the upper portion, I'll refer you to uglybetty's post above about people maybe not knowing how much it really restricts them. As for having the right to tell someone what to do, I agree. No one has the right to tell others what to do but I posted this for peoples opinions on the question, not to force or appear to force anyone to do anything... Well, except think maybe... ;-)

breathlesshush~ I took a look at yours and besides getting a great laugh (thankyouverymuch!), it wasn't too restrictive. You're looking for dating, leaving it open to the long termers and don't want anyone too much older or younger in your opinion (nice age range by the way) and no druggies of one night stands. Not too bad at all...

rdcnorm~ Well said.
 northeast25
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 16
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 3/30/2008 11:41:38 AM
northeast, what are some examples of unrealistic expectations?


Having a long list of strict requirements that very few people would match. Wanting your potential date to have things that you don't have.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 17
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 3/30/2008 11:45:47 AM
I do really hope my date doesn't have a pecker,,
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 18
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 4/2/2008 5:00:09 AM
mustlove
Isn't it true though, we have already been filtered, just by the fact, the first thing the programmer might have done is make this a free site,, if it wasn't some of us might be purged,, just a thought
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 19
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/25/2010 6:48:01 AM
So back to the original question, do you think that having too many restrictions hinders our dating possibilities?

Sure. I've been contacted by a lot of women whose mail restrictions obviously excluded me, so how could that not be the case? For example, If I'm over her age limit and she contacts me, (which has happened more than once), then obviously she would have welcomed me contacting her. I can't be the only guy who was auto-excluded that would have interested her and it's unlikely she found all of those guys and contacted them.

Do you sometimes look at a persons profile with a lot of restrictions and go "Get Real!"?

That's only one of many things that come to mind when I look at a person's mail restrictions. I've read profiles written by women that I would contact, but decided to pass on because I thought their mail restrictions screamed ``I'm really this stupid!!!,'' even though I wasn't excluded by the restrictions.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/25/2010 9:12:12 AM
certainly it does, but seeing a raft of restrictions never set off any alarm bells for me. the worst i could say is that the woman had an unrealistic expectation about the amount of work she was gonna have to put in to find someone. there's no way to avoid sifting through that stack of mostly junk emails, unless she's willing to do the virtually unthinkable and contact men first.
 leanco
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/26/2010 8:00:19 AM

do you think that having too many restrictions hinders our dating possibilities? Do you sometimes look at a persons profile with a lot of restrictions and go "Get Real!"? Do you see a lot of people you would love to contact except for one small thing restricting you?

Your question seems to imply that having restrictions is a hindrance. But is it really?

It's only a hindrance if you are the one being filtered out. The person putting up the restrictions may find them working perfectly well.

Sure, I have had times when I wish I could have made contact with someone if only their restrictions would allow it, but I never see that as a bad thing. Lost opportunities do not equate to missed opportunities. In fact, sometimes lost opportunities are a blessing in disguise. Whatever the restrictions are and no matter how seemingly unrealistic they may be, why would I care or let them bother me? I simply move on to someone else who doesn't box me out. I put up some restrictions myself and these restrictions may have killed off a chance or two of a potential good match, but they've probably also saved me time and efforts from those who more than likely are not a match at all.

Like everything else in life, it's seeking the fine balance between cost and benefits.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 22
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/26/2010 3:27:18 PM
So is this about not restricting yourself so you can meet more people? If so I think that's a great idea...if you're complaining about what others are doing, it's a waste of time. Who cares what others do - unless of course you're worrying about being restricted - and in that case I can see why it would bother you.

If people want to put restriction on their messages - that's their choice. If it limits them from meeting more people, that's their problem. I'm sure they're aware of it.

There are people who I won't meet because I fall within a restriction they have. I really don't see why I should lose sleep over this.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 23
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/26/2010 4:45:54 PM
The majority of people on POF have far too many restrictions, that's why we are HERE ! Seeking attention from strangers and challenging them to ego-fueling keyboard debates in the battle of the sexes, falsely thinking there is something to gain by trying to bash others into the ground with our pent-up passionate rhetoric.

Self-limiting restrictions both overt and covert, conscious and unconscious are also embedded in our minds so deeply that we can usually rule out most humans from being worthy of our love. There is an evolutionary hard-wired fault-seeking locus in our brain that can "Blink" and usually find enough real or projected imperfections in any human who dares to communicate with us.

Others that have put more energy into tolerance and helping friendly imperfect humans they find IRL usually can find an acceptable partner to share the many joys of being in PERSON ! Real partners who can tolerate our own imperfections, so we don't have to TRY so very hard to convince ourselves and anonymous POFers online that we are practically PERFECT in every way... S
 The Ogre of POF
Joined: 6/5/2010
Msg: 24
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/26/2010 5:24:18 PM

The majority of people on POF have far too many restrictions, that's why we are HERE ! Seeking attention from strangers and challenging them to ego-fueling keyboard debates in the battle of the sexes, falsely thinking there is something to gain by trying to bash others into the ground with our pent-up passionate rhetoric.

Self-limiting restrictions both overt and covert, conscious and unconscious are also embedded in our minds so deeply that we can usually rule out most humans from being worthy of our love. There is an evolutionary hard-wired fault-seeking locus in our brain that can "Blink" and usually find enough real or projected imperfections in any human who dares to communicate with us.

Others that have put more energy into tolerance and helping friendly imperfect humans they find IRL usually can find an acceptable partner to share the many joys of being in PERSON ! Real partners who can tolerate our own imperfections, so we don't have to TRY so very hard to convince ourselves and anonymous POFers online that we are practically PERFECT in every way... S


That is the biggest line I've heard all week. To say that we are hard wired to find things wrong with people is ludicrous. Think about it, how do we ever find ourselves so innocently and openly accepting of that first love? If we we're hard wired to find things wrong with others then we'd never be so open when we are young.

The urge to find things wrong with people comes from making a choice to be consciously jaded by life's experiences. It's when people let go of the past they can open up and innocently accept others. Perhaps if they're weren't so many people choosing a mysogonistic attitude that then they'd being to find the good in others and look beyond the minor imperfections.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 25
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/26/2010 5:43:52 PM
Not a choice, the "Blink center" exists at birth to keep babies from falling over edges and getting hurt. It was tested with babies on a glass table with a big fake hole.

"Blink center" term I adapted from the book "Blink"s theory the brain makes snap judgements within seconds of new visual stimuli such as a new person's appearance. There is an evolution-derived locus in the brain that kept us alive in the jungle. When we saw a tiger or stranger we had to act fast or we may have been eaten or speared. The tiger threat or stranger gets instantly sized up. Fast acters stayed alive.

Today this locus is critical while driving in traffic, making many otherwise mild-mannered humans sometimes spout epithets, to the consternation of their passengers/companions. But in normal social situations it is still operating, instantly sizing up potential threats and possible sexual partners.

Many singles keep the bar so high, so many restrictions that few humans other than movie stars and POTUS can measure up. "Blink center" scratches people off nearly instantly, even before we can ponder whether they may reject us, we reject them first, or relegate them to a non-threatening ego-massaging role as just another "friend".

For those seeking long-term SO relationships, keeping a tolerant open mind and gradually getting to know someone over time at group activities may yield the best results. An open mind requires expending energy to balance the "Blink center" defaults with much more tolerance, learned facts and observed behaviors of the potential mate. S
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