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Joined: 6/7/2005
Msg: 2
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Poke Me & DiePage 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I'm surprised he hasn't left you already. You sound like a control freak with major jeolousy issues.

Get over yourself.

Sounds like he's finnaly grown a backbone. Good for him.

You want someone to listen to you and do whatever you say? Get a puppy.
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 4
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Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:24:16 AM
if he starts poking others with his third leg, then you'll have a problem...
Joined: 9/9/2005
Msg: 5
Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:30:10 AM
You say you believe in Give and Take, but what you described is that you give, he takes. You also seem to be saying that what is OK for you, is definitely NOT ok for him. He broke your heart? From just what you wrote, you tried to control him, tried to dictate his work life, tried to control his friendships, broke up him and a few of his lady friends, then when he was doing everything he could to try to please you - you did something terrible to him. What was it, did you cost him his job? Sleep with someone else? Call his friends and tell them the cute little secrets that you whisper on your pillow?

Please, never offer to date me or any of my friends. You honestly need to take some time to yourself, figure out what it is that causes you to act so aggressively, and realize that in ANY relationship there is only one leader... and that while you and he are equals - there are "places." Would you like it if you were cooking dinner and he kept coming in and telling you how to do what you know so well? That's right. There can only be one master cook... but his advice is both welcome and needed, or you would no know what he likes to eat or how you can do your job better.

It is the same with men. We WANT to know what you need, what you want, and how we can do the best job possible in helping you become the best woman you can possibly be. We do NOT want you trying to dictate our jobs, trying to control our lives, or trying to nit-pick us to death. It is annoying, inappropriate, and does far more damage than good. 99.9 percent of the time you will not get what you want – or when you get it, it will be so unsatisfying that you detest it…. and probably him in the process.

If you want to be the man, then fond a man that likes that. He can do your job, you do his job. But do me and everyone else a favor - find out the jobs that you are willing to do, and he is willing to do, then write them down. Let him do his, you do yours. It is OK for you to offer help and support for his jobs, and it is OK for him to offer help and support for your jobs - but it is NOT ok for you to try to do his for him any more than him trying to do yours for you.

Take some time. Learn about yourself. Get a grip on your emotions and when you get into that next relationship… if you act with maturity and honor, it may succeed. You will also find that you are going to change the criteria that you use to chose the man… from one that “gives you want you want,” to one that “Does a damn good job of being the husband by providing for you and supporting you for honest and dedicated endeavors.”

Lastly, doing something destructive because you are not getting your way is something a five year old that needs a spanking would do, not something an adult would do.

Lastly, if you continue to seek after men that will give you want you want, then allow you to control their lives at the same time, even if you DO find the “perfect man,” I can assure you that the relationship will never last more than three years. Three years is just about enough time for him to get tired of it – or to be so broken that you detest him.

Good luck – you need it.
Joined: 9/9/2005
Msg: 7
Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:32:31 AM
So you are saying that you hoped he would give in to your demands... or else... and when he still wanted to create a relationship with you... you decided that you weren't getting what you wanted so you were going to brush him off.

Lady, seriously, you need counseling. Please get some help before you hurt someone or get hurt by someone.
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 8
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Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:40:32 AM
You're correct OP, he is a schmuck.

First of all, for him to ignore the obvious red flags and settle for someone who is immature, controlling and has no clue what a relationship is, was idiotic on his part.

He's insensitive....just look at how he turned his back on his (female) friends.

He's a doormat/ could he possibly care enough to stay with you after you did what you did?

You'd be much better off without him and try to find one of the buttheads who will abuse you, treat you like an object, cheat on you, lie to you, etc. I think they will offer you more of the drama you seem to thrive on.

But, that's JMO.

Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 10
Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:57:51 AM

The main characteristic of a sociopath is a disregard for the rights of others.

A major personality behavior trait is the violation of the rights of others.

He or she may appear friendly and considerate, but these attributes are usually superficial. They are used as a way of blinding the other person to the personal agenda behind the sociopath’s behaviour.

Many people with antisocial personality disorder frequently indulge in alcohol or drug use. They may use these substances heavily as a way of heightening their antisocial personality. The sociopath sometimes sees the world on his or her own terms, as a place of high drama and risky thrills. The sociopath may suffer from low self esteem, and the use of alcohol and drugs is a way to diminish these feelings.

Just kinda throwin this out there.....
Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 12
Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 11:33:18 AM
Poking as a dealbreaker?...Oy Vey!
Time to ditch this guy!!!!!!!!!!!
thank goodness you are going to drop him, I mean in this world of smokers, and abusers, snot pickers/flickers, farters, bad acne, alcoholics, drug users, etc..... a POKER!!

so... anyhow.. I am a poker...and I have to watch who I poke or touch...but most people know that I am a toucher and it is gentle now... I have it in check with strangers, I do have to observe and respect them and understand their personal space.
With co-workers and an associates, acquaintances....well they know me and it is all good...and yeah I poke...and it is a non-sexual thing, no one is offended or reads anything into it. They do it back to me and it is all good.

Yeah...ditch the dare he Poke some other woman!
Joined: 3/25/2008
Msg: 13
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Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 11:39:17 AM

I believe in "Give & Take"....

Yeah....him giving and you taking.

He use to do everything I say and anything I say in order to make me happy and not to have distrust in him.

Personally, you remind me of my first ex-wife and I'd tell you to blow it out your azz.
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 14
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Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 12:03:09 PM
Is this a serious post?
You silly girl, get a grip on reality.
I'm amazed you managed to attract any man with that selfish attitude!
Joined: 3/25/2008
Msg: 15
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Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 12:07:15 PM

I NEVER touched ANYONE at work. Or ever will!!!

Actually....I wouldn't want a psychopath like you near me much less touching me.

One guy tried to rub some sun tan lotion on my arm... and I pulled away. Who needs sun tan lotion indoors?

Sounds like bullsh!t to me. How long have you been having these delusions?

Sounds like people at work needs to grow up!

Based on the age listed on your profile.......that would be YOU. Only twenty years old and you're already a ball-breaking, self-righteous, neurotic witch?
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 16
Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 12:28:02 PM
Just notice what you say:

He use to do everything I say and anything I say in order to make me happy and not to have distrust in him. He also lost a couple of "girl" friends because of me.

This tells me that not only you are a manipulator that want only your way, but that you are also very jealous.

I told him to stop, and he refuses cause he thinks I should get over myself and not to worry.

He is right. And he told you that he doesn't cheat. Some people are just like that, they touch. That is his choice.

He says I don't need respecting anymore after what I've done. "You've done worser things to me, so I've had enough giving you what you want"
That broke my heart.

I don't think there is give an take in this relationship, It is more do as I say or else. So if I was that guy, I would have dumped you a while back.
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 17
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Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 12:33:59 PM
Holy shit! what a ball breaking ****! The only advice I can offer is this:

Do NOT breed, we already have more than enough psychos on the planet.
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 18
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Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 12:54:08 PM
The forums continue to be wonderful entertainment!
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 19
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Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 12:54:30 PM
"I'm surprised he hasn't left you already. You sound like a control freak with major jeolousy issues."

I second that. Who cares if you don't like him "poking" other women? You don't own him. It is not your place to tell him what to do. The 4ussy might be good enough to keep him wanting you around but at some point the cost in his self-respect will be too high and he will tell you to hit the road unless you manage to blackmail him into staying around somehow. And even then you might be able to keep his body around but you can't keep his heart. My advise to him would be to run, fast.
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 20
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Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:32:43 PM
It really sounds like to me that you find it hard to trust boyfriends, and you are pushing him, and testing him to see if he will leave, because what he is doing is NOT wrong.

However, no-one has infinite patience, or infinite love. If you keep pushing hard enough and long enough, he will be forced to leave. Even if not for himself, for the sake of any kids that will come along. If that happens, he will have to take the kids with him, because kids need someone to love them, and love means trust.

Choose now: No trust, and no love. Or trust, and love. Trusting others definitely means you will get hurt. But not getting hurt only happens when you close your heart to love. Love means accepting good and bad, happiness and pain.

This is a lesson many people only learn in their 50s. I would hope that you change now, so that you get 30 more years of love in your life.
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 22
Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:44:26 PM
I presume he is poking women at work with his finger.

I further presume that YOU think this is a come-on of some sort.

From this I conclude that you two have a very, very strange sex life, control issues notwithstanding.

[I bet your next post is about him combing his hair the wrong way. Doesn't he know that to please you, he must comb it to the LEFT?! Men are idiots.]
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 23
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Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:47:46 PM
I'll Help you on this:

""""o now I'm confused. Wheather I should move on. I still love him, but not how he treats me anymore.
I believe in "Give & Take", but he's not giving me anything anymore. He's says he given me too much before, and now I should give him everything.
I think not. Give and take works on both ends. I'm not just gonna sit back and let him do everything and I get nothing in return.""""

Give and take is great, but I didn't read one word about you doing a damn thing! So, If there is nothing to take, there is nothing to give. You are both even. Not too bad considering how childish you are being..
 ~blue eyes~
Joined: 11/16/2006
Msg: 24
Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:51:18 PM
Well OP I see you haven't tried to get any help since your last thread, but what has me amazed is that he stayed with you.
You do something wrong and he has to pay for it even more?

You really do need to seek some help, badly, so you can go on and try to lead a healthy life.
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 26
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Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:11:47 PM
In another post, you have said:

"ALL strippers, hookers, and the like can be shot and pissed on then burned in hell! There's no need for them, society is good without them, they cause no good to families and they are just a big bore and it's ridiculous how some men pertray women as nothing but sex objects. But if there were no women acting like this, then all will be good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

All these exlamation marks indicate that you are being "triggered" by this aspect of life. This means that it is an exaggeration. Most women can handle the fact that strippers exist in this world.

You are indicating that you don't trust YOURSELF enough to be able to attract and keep a man without going to extreme measures to "keep him faithful."

>>>But a man isn't being faithful if you are forcing him to be. <<<

If you take away all his choice in the matter, then that isn't him being faithful to you--that just means you have given him no opportunity to be unfaithful.

You cannot stop someone from cheating by preventing them from contacting women altogether, or getting rid of all flirting, or strippers, or hookers.

Even if somehow you were able to do these things, you can never be absolutely sure that he isn't cheating unless you were to put a chastity belt on him. And, of course, that would be to totally humiliate him.

And that is what you are doing now, verbally. You are putting a verbal chastity belt on him. It will humiliate him every time you do it--even if you do it by "mistake."

The worst thing anyone can experience with someone they care about is to be accused of something they did not do.

Every single moment he WAS faithful to you, and you implied he wasn't, or accused him, or checked on him, is insulting his faithfulness to you. So you are essentially punishing him emotionally for any goodness that he happens to do.

This means there is absolutely no benefit for any man to being faithful with you.

No man will ever like having this done to him unless he is looking for a dominatrix.

There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries and being with someone who respects you. There is EVERYthing wrong with over-reacting to the things that bother you. You will draw to you the very experiences that you are so afraid of.

You sound like you or someone you are very close to (perhaps a parent) has been cheated on before. If you are hyper-vigilant with every new man in your life about this, then you are telling him that you EXPECT the past to be repeated, and he has to then "pay" for the sins of another, by being put into a verbal jail cell with you. Having been assumed to be "guilty" just because he is a man.

Doing this makes your relationships about fear, not love.

Try to shift the balance to being more about the LOVE that you DO have, and not about your fears and insecurities.

Try to see that you can be worthy of a person who doesn't cheat on you---EVEN if you don't constantly check on him, and worry about his faithfulness. Even without "testing" his loyalty. Nobody likes being put through "tests." You will make every guy cringe if you try to test them.

Love isn't all about faithfulness anyway, it is simply about LOVE, and acceptance and being comfortable together. Try to focus on that, or you will slowly tighten your grip on each and every relationship you have with a man until he suffocates.

If any subsequent man is with you, and you have not shown any signs of jealousy, or "checking" behavior with him, and he then shows an obvious sign that he is cheating--by obvious, I mean you catch him actually cheating--not by implication (like touching, looking, ect.), then you have a right to protect your boundaries by leaving him. But certainly don't punish him by staying with him and making his life miserable! Because if he is miserable, then you are miserable, and you will have no love in your life.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 27
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Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:13:49 PM
Op: Although tempted to, I won't e- slap you verbally regarding your opening post. I've read your profile, and I humbly suggest that you go to Alonon, or Adult Children of Alcoholics... I think it will help you to see life with a more healthy view.

Your attitude [I think] comes from your childhood and upbringing. Until you look within, you will always feel that most folks in your life aren't giving you what you want or need ... cause you'll always need something more.

Google "Adult Children of Alcoholics", find a chapter near you and go... It may help you in the future and, you really have nothing to lose by going except perhaps your sub-concious sense of inflated intitlement. At the very least.. the book
"Co-Dependant No More" will shed some light on your insecurities and your angst filled relationships.

Good luck.
Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 28
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Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 9:15:09 PM
People calm down!!! This is a person who asked for honest feedback and I am seeing a lot of criticism instead. When I was her age, I did a lot of really [u]stupid [/u] things with my relationships and I didn't have the courage to ask for help.

Dear Melissa
I hope that the things that I say will not offend you in any way. I believe in your message that you have actually raised three issues. The poking thing is actually the easiest thing to dismiss. You are correct. It is entirely inappropriate for him to be "poking" anyone (man or woman) in the workplace. One of these days, someone will poke him with a sexual harassment suit and snap it off at the hilt.

The second thing has to do with forgiving yourself. I have reached a wise old age so I only screw up on days with a "Y" in them. There are very few people who don't make mistakes and you probably don't want to be remembered as "Saint Melissa". You made a mistake. Do you think you will do it again? When you were a child, you probably made mistakes on spelling tests. Do you punish yourself for spelling kat?
You learned how to do it right and carried on. Same thing with your behavior. You learn how to do it right and carry on.

The last thing - should you continue on in your relationship? When I was your age, sex, love and pain were three powerful narcotics. I made a lot of bad decisions while under their influence. It is a choice that you and your partner must discuss. On my profile, I described a concept called the "Prisoner's Dilemma". Your relationship is a really good example of how relationships break down because of it. The two of you started off on equal footing treating each other fairly etc. You did something. While it was going on, I imagine you "won" while your boyfriend was hurt. Now he will hurt you no matter how you act. In time the two of you will just keep hurting each other.

Based on this model of behavior, you need to either quit (move on) or experience some event that will reset your relationship back to the point where you are nice to each other again. You need to seriously discuss this with your boyfriend. Perhaps you could get a friend to act as a mediator. There are a number of women on this thread that in other areas have given really good advice. I am sure that once they have stopped their ranting they could give you better advice. I have come to value their opinions and I am sure that they would be a better help when they calmed down.
Joined: 9/9/2005
Msg: 29
Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 9:40:53 PM
Hello Melissa

I am going to say this as nicely as I can as soon as I post this. This is copied from an abuse site.

Posted from

The Tension-Building Stage: The angry person becomes increasingly controlling during this period, which may take days, weeks, or even years to evolve and progress. Limits are imposed on the partner. For example, the abuser may decide what clothes look "right" on the partner, or what image is portrayed. They may try to define whom the partner may or may not speak with and about what, etc. The control is insidious and progressive. As tension and control increase, the partner attempts to accommodate the abuser in order to keep peace, to please the abuser, or for some similar reason. Despite actions the partner takes, the abuser becomes increasingly remote, contemptuous, critical, preoccupied, or otherwise on edge. The tension and control increase until culminating in the abuse stage.

The Abuse Stage: A major verbal, emotional or physically abusive incident occurs that was instigated by the abuser. A trivial event is often used to trigger the main event. The abuser actively looks for excuses to blow up over, and may set their partner up in a no-win situation. One angry man found reason to verbally abuse his girlfriend and destroy her property because he did not like the size of the pot she was boiling eggs in. Needless to say, the pot had nothing to do with anything. This opportunist had simply received a nod from a former lover, decided to change girlfriends, and wanted an out. The victim is often left feeling hurt - and confused.

The Remorse Stage: Once the blows are delivered, the abuser is calmed. Having blown off steam and regaining composure, the abusive person is full of apologies and promises never to do "it" again - if the partner distances. The more distanced the victim, the more intensely the abuser pursues...and pursues...and pursues. The abuser can be so charming and complimentary, the codependent victim's heart breaks. There is a compelling need to believe their abuser's promises and pleas and take them back. The more codependent and insecure the partner, the more vulnerable they are to the partner's attentive remorse. Abusers during this phase are wonderful! A "normal" person is unlikely to be so compelling and persistent in winning over their partner's love - because they have no reason to be.

As the relationship progresses, the abuse cycle typically escalates in intensity and in the temporal contiguity of its negative aspects. The abuse lasts longer and becomes more pronounced, while the loving remorse dwindles.

The abuser loves a good challenge. The goal is to win the victim back, at any price. At a distance, the partner is perceived as emotionally "safe." The harder the abuser has to work to win back his or her victim, the more the victim is appreciated. Once the relationship resumes, the abuser's mistrust prompts their poor recall of any tender feelings. Their fear inevitably powers the resumption of the abuse cycle.

Now. I married a lady that was the "perfect girl." She made sure that she always had her "dating face" on and we would have a wonderful time. She was sweet, demure, easy to talk to, easy to like... and then we got married.

I was married to her for seven years. Some may say I had none, others might say I was stupid. But in reality, I was determined that I could make the relationship work and that tomorrow, always tomorrow, she would calm down and start acting normal. There were days where she would, and those were nice, sweet and wonderful. We had some really great times. We also had some really nasty times.

Do you know what it is like to go to work wearing a turtleneck because your wife of five years tried to choke you to death the night before? That is before she called the ambulance and police. She knew that she had to cover her tracks so she would call them, break down in to sobs and claim that I had beat her. Most of the time it did not work as the police were smart enough and had seen it enough to not believe her. Once it did.

I came home, she was sitting in front of a space heater with a blanket around her feet. It was smoking. I pulled the plug on the heater and she screamed and came after me. She nearly killed me. The neighbors called the police. They came, saw the fight and decided that "I" was going to go to jail. (I wonder if they didn't do it on purpose to wake me up) The judge heard my story the next morning and he told me to get out while I was alive.

I tried to divorce her. She accused me of every vile thing she could think of because she had lost control... and losing control was just TOO much for her. She HAD to have revenge, the nastier the better. It almost cost me my freedom. But the judge wasn't buying it. He dismissed the charges, gave me split custody of the kids and I was going to live happily ever after... right?

Not on your life.
She immediately started to try to find someone that would kill me. I have to say it was God helping me, because the person she tried to hire was a friend of mine that I had not seen in years. He played it off and then came to tell me. After some sleepless nights and a full blown investigation by the state police, I was told that she was serious, it was going to be hard to catch her, and I should strongly consider relocating and not telling her where I was going.

I tried to get the kids but the laws in that state strongly favored the female. I went broke and was unable to keep fighting. After the death threats and the warnings I ended up moving. I didn't get to see my kids for a long time because as soon as I moved, she left as well. It took years to find them again.

I remember walking down the street when we were first dating. I saw a lady on the side of the street that was nice looking. She slapped me for looking and really loudly said "What're you looking at?" It embarrassed me at the time. Now, I would know how to deal with it, but I was a wet behind the ears 18 year old and had no idea how to deal with someone that was acting so psychotic.

The man (child) you are abusing needs help to recover from you. He also needs a restraining order. I truly pray that you do not have kids with him. He does not deserve to be treated like you are treating him.

I have my guess that you were either seriously abused, or were spoiled rotten and given everything you screamed for. It could be anything else... but in the case of my ex it was sexual abuse - bad, violent abuse. She could not form relationships at all, and honestly thought that control was love. I still feel sorry for her... from a distance. The last I heard she had married a man who is in prison - and has a really pretty daughter that kills animals for the fun and attention of it.


Please get some help.
No one deserves to be treated like you are treating him. He has done nothing wrong, and you are drawing him into your possessive abusive life. If he really cares about you, he will give you enough to let you seriously damage him because he does not know what you are capable of. He has his eyes closed because he cares, and it is sad that you intend to use that to destroy him.

You are an abuser. You need help. It is sad that you will have to do something to phycically hurt him before the police can get involved... but whenthey do I seriouly pray that htey force HIM into councelling to help him heal from the abuse and damage you are doing to him.

You are an abuser. You hurt people to please yourself.
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 32
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Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/1/2008 7:59:42 AM
Is it just me, or does anyone else think the OP & PerfectGentlemenNo1 would make a great couple?
 ~blue eyes~
Joined: 11/16/2006
Msg: 33
Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/1/2008 9:17:34 AM
^^^^^^ lol ^^^^^

"People calm down!!! This is a person who asked for honest feedback and I am seeing a lot of criticism instead. When I was her age, I did a lot of really [u]stupid [/u] things with my relationships and I didn't have the courage to ask for help. "

She has asked for advise before and argued with all of it, take a look at her history.
Yes she needs help and everyone (ok not everyone but a lot of people) told her she needed to seek professional help, because she wasn't going to find what she needed here. She believes that she is right and that she is the absolute final word on it. Her way or no way. Yes she's young but I have known plenty of young people that had it rough growing up, and acted nothing even close to the way the OP acts. You make your own decisions and choices in life, having a screwed up childhood is not an excuse.

"Your relationship is a really good example of how relationships break down because of it. The two of you started off on equal footing treating each other fairly etc."

No it didn't he just did and acted like she told him to and now he has decided that he can't do it anymore. Hell he lost some friends because of her. Do you know what they did to piss her off? They were guys.

vvvvvvv I noticed it too and had a little giggle over it. lol
Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 34
Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/1/2008 9:38:57 AM

PORK ME & DIE.................

Just wasn't sure if it was just my computer or my brain or my old lady eyesight again!
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