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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > I don't know what happened.      Home login  
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 1
I don't know what happened.Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I started hanging out with this guy that worked in the same building as me. I had a feeling he liked me, but I tried to hold back until I had ended it with this other guy that I was kinda seeing, he liked me but I just didn’t like him that way. But I still wanted to end it with him first, before anything else happened with the guy from my work building.

The first weekend we were together, we spend the whole weekend together. We then decided that we were casual dating. We weren’t yet boyfriend/girlfriend and it wasn’t too serious yet. He has a 7-year-old daughter and we agreed that I shouldn’t meet her yet until later. We both agreed that this was new to both of us. He knew that what I felt for him, I had only felt that with 1 other guy and so what I felt for him was knew and different. And he had told me that he wasn’t expecting to feel what he felt for me. He had lived with his ex girlfriend (his daughter’s mother) but that ended a year and a half ago and he just didn’t want a relationship or anything, but we both just felt really comfortable and relaxed. We both aren’t touchey feely types but we just always wanted to touch and be with each other. And he was the one that kept saying that he was thinking that he wanted more than just sex.

Whenever I’d go to the mail drop box and the bank for work, he’d sometimes come with me and also he’d just follow me and show up.
As time went by, we just felt more comfortable with each other and we almost told each other that we loved each other. He’s told me that there was a few times that he almost said it and he knows that I’ve almost said it. And he’s told me before that he has a good feeling about us. And one time I told him that I needed him and he asked me, promise? And I said of course.
Things would be fine during the week but come weekend, I wouldn’t see or hear from him. He knew I had a problem with it and I’d kinda bug him about it. He has told me that he has his daughter every other weekend. But I don’t understand why on the weekends that he didn’t have her, he’d spend any time with me. And he has told me that he is horrible at communication, but still sending a text or call isn’t that hard.

Well things with my job started to get really horrible and I just couldn’t take it anymore and I had decided to quit. The night before I was going to quit he texted me that he loved me. I didn’t get it until the next morning and I texted him back saying that I loved him too. Things were fine between us and I went to see him at work on Friday, we went to lunch and everything was fine. We had kinda talked about the future a little, such as him coming with me to my best friends wedding in Sept. we had talked about it before so it wasn’t anything knew. I dropped him off at work and he said to kiss him before he left, which I did.
He was going to come over later that night if he didn’t have his daughter, but he ended up having her. And I texted him saying that I missed him and he texted back saying he missed me and we talked about wii a little bit and that was it.

I haven’t heard from him in a week and 4 days. I’ve tried to text him, call him, email him and nothing.
So I called him on Monday and I said that I apologize for anything wrong I’ve done, I don’t know what it was but I’m sorry and I wish him the best of luck in life.

But I don’t want to end the relationship, I really like him, I love him and I want to be with him. I don’t know how else to get him to talk to me to figure out what happened, short of going to his work and bugging him.
I’m just really confused on what happened.

I wrote a letter to him just about how I’ve been feeling and confused and I mailed it out to him today. It just said everything that I didn't say in the phone call that I left him on Monday.

I’m having a really hard time not thinking about him and just trying to move on.
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 2
I don't know what happened.
Posted: 4/2/2008 8:03:48 PM
About 2 months, but only dating for about a month and a half.
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 3
I don't know what happened.
Posted: 4/2/2008 8:19:40 PM
OP, things seem to have moved very quickly. Also you seemed to have tried to get away from the relationship. I'd not send anymore letters as it could be interpreted wrong. I'd let the relationship go. And if he does get back in contact with you I'd tell him you need time to sort thing out.
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 4
I don't know what happened.
Posted: 4/2/2008 8:23:33 PM
He was never in love with her. The only reason why they first got together cause she was pregnant with the daughter and he felt that it was his duty to be with her and be a family.
But he couldn't take it anymore and they ended the relationship. She's now pregnant with some other guys kid.
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 5
hmmmm You need to read this Becca
Posted: 4/2/2008 10:15:27 PM
It won't let me message you.
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 6
I don't know what happened.
Posted: 4/3/2008 3:52:29 AM

At this point, best to leave things right where they are - don't initiate any more contact. If there's something real there, he'll return in his own time. If he doesn't return, it wasn't as real for him as it was for you.

Work with the behavior, not so much the "why" behind the behavior. Focusing on the "why" is going to keep you tied up in knots. You've made a good effort to communicate with him and he is not responsive to your efforts. That much you know. Anything pertinent to his former relationship is only as useful as giving you an idea of what his priorities are - nothing more than that.

Meanwhile, learn this from the experience: it moved much too fast to the intimate level, IMO. Knowing a person working in the same building is not the same as really knowing a person in day to day life outside of the professional environment.

Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 7
I don't know what happened.
Posted: 4/3/2008 4:45:09 AM
Honey, this guy has "married" or at least "in a committed relationship" written all over him. Reel in your line, reset the hook and when you feel up to it, get that line back in the water. Sounds like this guy is not worth your tears.

Best of luck to you!
Joined: 1/25/2006
Msg: 8
I don't know what happened.
Posted: 4/3/2008 5:13:09 AM
Becca, This guy is too unavailable and you need to re-evaluate just what this short term relationship really was.

If you re-read your original post, you'll see that the answers are all there.
He said:
He didn't want to move fast.
He just didn’t want a relationship (or anything).

This, is all you need to know.

You said he told you that he wasn't expecting to have feelings for you. It seems he was right. He was looking for a casual fling, and he had one. You state you were upset when he didn't spend the weekend with you and you bugged him about it.

Never make someone a priority, who only makes you an option!

He clearly shows:
He wants his freedom.
Hasn't any time to spend with you.
Hasn't stated any commitment.
Has a pattern of simply not caring.

This, all in your original post.

Becca, you need to pay attention when people are speaking. It seems you only hear what you want to hear, and toss out the rest. I'm not saying any of this is your fault, per se, but this guy did state his intentions and you accepted them. The only problem here is that you changed your mind.

Best Wishes, forget this guy.
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 9
I don't know what happened.
Posted: 4/3/2008 7:38:16 AM
I just want to say thanks to you all.
Getting it off my chest and seeing what you guys all said has made me feel better.
And now I feel like I don't really care about him anymore and I can move on.

Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 10
I don't know what happened.
Posted: 4/3/2008 7:41:58 AM
Becca, move on...but walk slower this time...ok?

Joined: 9/11/2007
Msg: 11
view profile
I don't know what happened.
Posted: 4/3/2008 7:44:38 AM
"Attachment" is a huge spiritual lesson...

We all learn from it.

A rare few realize freedom, the rest suffer for lifetimes.

The truth is: Energy moves. Things and people change.

Most often it isn't as personal as we would think.

In the unconscious realm, life is more about 'luck'. When a person becomes more conscious, it is about creating....the more conscious, the more deliberate the creating

I do not know how many of you will enjoy this information, but I put it out there and maybe it will light a few sparks.

Blessings javascript:smilie('')
Joined: 9/11/2007
Msg: 12
view profile
I don't know what happened.
Posted: 4/3/2008 7:46:57 AM
Case in point

"And now I feel like I don't really care about him anymore and I can move on."

Energy moves...things change

And yes, that which is FULLY expressed moves through and completes
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 13
I don't know what happened.
Posted: 4/3/2008 8:05:17 AM
Squirrelly men deserve all the nuts.
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