Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > How do I handle this?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Miashakti
Joined: 9/11/2007
Msg: 10
view profile
History
How do I handle this?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
it would be good for your soul to befriend her, at least in this time....

You may not like her personality, but you both share a love for this man...no matter what darkness befell him...

And if you are support to one another now, it could be very healing for the both of you.

you may find that you have more in common than you imagined after all...and if not, at least you helped one another move through a difficult passage in life.

I think you will be happier if you go this route in the long run.

I hope this helps javascript:smilie('')
 mcbobly
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 12
view profile
History
How do I handle this?
Posted: 4/3/2008 6:08:21 PM
Please, I apologize for any confusion here, but state he was you EX, correct? If that is the case then why would the EX mother-in-law be asking you to make any arrangements for him at all since he was already with another woman? If he was with another women, the way I see it the mother and the gf should be making ALL the arrangements in spite of the fact he came back to you to pass away. I do not believe that is a burden you should have to be made to carry, unless you want to, but to be asked to do so when you were basically out of the picture seems awfully bothersome. I'm sorry all that had to happen and hopefully you'll be ok after a while, but I guess you might also have to find a way to "handle" the gf while all this is going on, good luck.
 sparky1 for you
Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 14
view profile
History
How do I handle this?
Posted: 4/3/2008 7:02:04 PM
OP,some things that you need to know...WHEN someone dies, they become the property of their heirs. The next of kin is the responsible party, ie: if no spouse, then it's the children. If no kids, then it is the parent(s). ALSO, you cannot just ship the body yourself !!! Shipping the body 1400 miles across interstate lines by law requires that the body be embalmed. The family in his home town needs to speak to the funeral director where he will be taken care of, and he will contact a local liscensed facility to retrieve the body, process it, and co-ordinate the transportation back , as well as coordinating everything else.
... sorry for your loss...
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 15
How do I handle this?
Posted: 4/3/2008 7:11:15 PM
Do you love his mother or have some affection for her? If so, then try to fulfill her wishes. If you do not care for her, then don't.

Also, are there children involved? If so, you might want to consider their feelings, as well. Of course, you are obligated to do nothing.
 yllwgt2001
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 16
How do I handle this?
Posted: 4/3/2008 7:21:17 PM
Do what your heart tells you, no matter what everyone is telling you.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 20
view profile
History
How do I handle this?
Posted: 4/4/2008 10:45:49 PM
Morninggirl you are indeed what I think of as an earth bond angel... Being able to love and accept someone so deeply, and to give with this kind of kindness is rare...

It sounds like your ex lost the desire to live, and therefore wanted to be near you when he passed...

It will only be a small amount of time that you have to EVER deal with this woman, so continue to hold your head high, and know that HIS MUM, knew you would do the right thing by her son...

When someone doesn't have the desire to save themself, then nobody else can save them...

Bless you for being so kind, and having such a generous spirit... I am truly sorry for your loss...
 bellazingara
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 24
view profile
History
How do I handle this?
Posted: 4/13/2008 3:43:39 PM
I think you handled it well. I've been in a similar situation-->it's not easy to do the right thing but you will feel so much better that you did in the end. I'm sorry for your loss.
 kwh56
Joined: 8/7/2007
Msg: 25
view profile
History
How do I handle this?
Posted: 4/13/2008 4:09:19 PM
You know I was in kind of a similar situation. My ex MIL had terminal cancer and called me asking if I would do a couple things for her. She told me I was the only one she knew she could trust! My first thought was not to do it but her and I talked a little bit and she assured me nobody would know but her and I. I thought about it and said yes I would do it. Although I didnt have to deal with anybody else including my ex to do it like your going to have to I feel if she trusts you that much as my ex MIL did I would do it. I would be very careful to be profession and not deal with the g/f on anything I did n have to. In the end I felt really good about being able to help my ex MIL in a time of need.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 27
view profile
History
How do I handle this?
Posted: 4/14/2008 12:16:48 AM
Thanks for the update Morninggirl... There is no doubt you are always going to love the man you knew... Sometimes people develop a death wish, and stop caring about living life...

You did your best deed for him, and the last kindness he had on earth... That is a gift that can be matched by no one...

It is ok to feel like you lost a loved one, even if he was an ex... I hope you allow yourself time for this, and then remember that which was good about him...

Good luck...
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > How do I handle this?