|shut off...Page 1 of 2 (1, 2)|
|maybe he didn't want to be with a chick who was the type of chick to fall apart after a 3 month relationship goes down the tubes... he'll always love you, but just can't deal with the fact that you were absolutely clingy and codependent, to the point that a post like this has even been created.|
Posted: 4/4/2008 6:19:12 PM
|Embrace the 3 months you had together. You both enjoyed each other but for whatever reason it is not happening. That does not mean you are not worthy of a man's love. It just means it was the wrong man. I know it hurts, we all have been there and we all will be there again. But you need to stand up brush yourself off and start living again. Good luck, it is not easy but it can be done.|
Posted: 4/4/2008 6:24:57 PM
|Call a psychic. NOW! |
Posted: 4/4/2008 6:38:14 PM
|It is very painful to break upwhile you are in that "honeymoon" stage. This is the first stage of love and it is pretty intense emotionally. To have it end suddenly is like going cold turkey off an addicting high.|
What was the reason? If you can share that, then it will tell us what kind of man he was and help you. Otherwise...we can just sit here and commiserate....which is not productive at all. You have to go through a grieving process, but if there is some light shed on the subject then we can help you find a thread of a trail to lead you out of this blinding darkness.
Posted: 4/6/2008 2:45:58 PM
what the .... am i supposed to do now?
You cry, have sleepless nights, don't eat... In the beginning, you have more bad days than good days. As time goes, you start having more good days than bad days. You might even find yourself a bit ticked off once the hurt wears off. Somewhere along the way, you'll find acceptance that for whatever reason (stated or otherwise), he made a different choice from you wanted to happen.
No matter what any of our opinions are (which in effect are theories based on individual perceptions and similar experiences), the only person who can speak to his choice is him. You might never really know the why. The why could be as simple as something in his life he viewed to be hurtful to you in the long-term, or maybe as simple as he wasn't ready. Maybe his last words were his way of telling you he loved you enough to walk away rather than hurt you in the future. All manner of possibilities, but that doesn't change the fact that he ended the relationship. Possibilities and whys don't change the fact that right now it hurts.
What you do now is continue to live your life. You'll never "get over" those last words completely as it's like an unfinished sentence. Yet you can complete that sentence by living your life to the fullest anyway.
Too fresh a deep hurt for you right now to simply comply with everyone else's expectations of what you should do and how quickly you should do "it". Cry your tears, yet dry your eyes afterwards. Can't sleep? Go to bed anyway. Not hungry? Eat anyway.
Posted: 4/6/2008 2:58:48 PM
Get related to 'what is'
He loves you
You love him
You are not together
You know nothing about tomorrow ( not even 10 minutes from now)
and life is essentially good
Posted: 4/6/2008 3:00:02 PM
Sometimes, I just love 'tough love'
It has it's place!!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 11:35:22 AM
Msg: 1 -- what the .... am i supposed to do now?
When I have this situation imposed on me, I simply DO as your Subject Title suggests; I "SHUT OFF", at least until I can recover from the shock. But then, I have had much practice at this, so it may not be as easy for you as it is for me. Most say that emotions don't come with an ON/OFF switch, but for my own personal well-being I have constructed one for myself. I shut off, or shut down, emotionally and completely, and go about my daily routine as if nothing happened.
Now, I know that disconnecting my emotions for too long is not healthy, so I reconnect to them to assess my feelings about the situation every week or two, and if the pain is too great, I disconnect again.
WARNING: Do NOT DATE or otherwise try to romantically engage the opposite sex if you use this method. You are NOT ready for another relationship as long as you choose to be disconnected from your emotions. This disconnection process is STRICTLY to deal with the PAIN. As LONG as the pain PERSISTS, any attempt at romantic engagement is PURE CRUELTY, both to yourself and your intended.
I do NOT recommend this procedure, BUT, it works for me. I use it because it's an easy way out. If you choose to do likewise, do so with CAUTION.
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:16:14 PM
Msg: 16 has what I consider valid advice:
it is better that it ended now. you won't say what the reason is. but, i personally wouldn't believe it if he told me "i love you, i always will..." if he did, why is he breaking up with you.
This is PRECISELY the point that PUZZLES me. I mean, Woman, come on, HE SAYS "i love you, i always will...", and THEN he MYSTERIOUSLY PULLS THE PLUG? Wow, he can NOT have been THAT seriously COMMITTED to you and have done THAT, UNLESS you SURPRISED him with something he could not deal with, and you chose not to post that.
Msg: 16 continues on to say:
you are not the first person to suffer heartache and you will not be the last. life does go on and everyone has been hurt in one form or another. that is the way it is when two people are trying to find the "right" person. sometimes it works and sometimes one person feels it more that the other. it is a tough break ... but, a fact of life. take this experience and learn what you can from it. as time goes on you will feel better.
Now, she may not have meant what I mean, but I quoted her to make this point:
Romantically, in the dating world, UNTIL and UNLESS you have met the RIGHT PERSON for YOU, you are in a WORLD of ROMANTIC $HIT!!!!
SLEAZEBALLS, WHORES, GIGOLOS, USERS, ABUSERS, ALL ABOUND, MALE or FEMALE, to RIP YOUR HEART OUT for ALL you have to offer and give NOTHING in return.
Now, this may be EXTREMELY difficult for you to read now, but if you are TRULY diligent in your search for TRUE LOVE, you must SURVIVE SEVERE PAIN to get it. BUT, you MUST ALSO believe that it IS ATTAINABLE.
I am BORDERLINE suicidal. THIS VERY THIN line of HOPE is the ONLY thing keeping me alive. I sincerely hope you are stronger than I in the maintenance of this hope.
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:55:40 PM
Msg: 20 -- I push men away, no one seems to "get" me.
I have a point of curiosity. Bear in mind the possibility of US getting together is rather miniscule, considering the very RAW BARRIER of DISTANCE. But I read THIS rather puzzling description on your profile:
I have been single for almost 4 years and need a part-time companion.
and I would like to have an explanation. And my request has NOTHING to do with YOU personally. I have seen this BARRIER line on MANY **LOCAL** profiles.
My point being, I am ACTIVELY PURSUING a Long-Term LifeTime relationship -- FULL TIME!!!! Bear in mind, I want a FULL-TIME relationship, physically, emotionally, philosphically, psychologically, metaphysichally, TOTALLY. Question to be posed is this, quite simply:
Wanting what I wish, and seeing your profile AS POSED, IN MY LOCAL AREA, would it be worth my while to even bother to approach you? PLEASE READ MY **ENTIRE** **PROFILE** BEFORE YOU RESPOND TO THIS QUESTION, as I TRULY want to know whether or not my efforts would be worthwhile.
If your response is negative, that would ASSURREDLY and BENEFICIALLY **NARROW** my EXPECTED range, and for THIS reason ALONE, a POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE response to THIS question would DEEPLY be APPRECIATED.
Oh, and if possible, PLEASE PUBLICALLY POST your response, not only to help me, but ALSO to help those with SIMILAR difficulties. If you choose to disparage me and my desires, I am QUITE open to that. ALL I want is an OPENLY HONEST response, REGARDLESS of how harsh it may be. Thank you for WHATEVER you may post in response to this request.